Real niggas go in dry. Actually funny story that doesn't really need a storytime tag. One day on a weekend my parents and siblings left and I had the house to myself. I'm a teenager with sexual urges so I start fucking my dog. But that lil nigga had the nerve to bark and bite me and shit so I let him go. I walked around the house trying to find various things to put my dick in: Paper towel roll The butter The sink drain A vent in the floor Hell I even tried the vacuum. But then it occurred to me that I could use my HANDS. I thought that shit was so brilliant I should patent it. So after I realized I could use my hands to rape my self, I noticed it was drier than eating a biscuit with no juice. To remedy this I used water, but that didn't have any effect. Then I used dishwasher soap. Now don't get me wrong that shit felt good at first, but then I got all sticky. Thats when I found Jergens, our Lord and Savior. After all these recent developments, I decided to call my friend Jack so we could figure out how to patent this method. "What should we call it?" he asked. "I think it should be called, Terome-ing off." "I've got a better idea." said Jack.