a tale of trees and espionage okay story time my professor lovely man married to our TA 52 about as So studies trees it was about three hours into our social sciences course last lecture before exams everyone was frazzled and exhausted so he told us about his most excitingin-depth research to date to cheer us up the few of us who actually showed up were like ok sir im sure its fascinating but in our minds we were totally like its trees what is exciting about trees You might be wondering the same thing-the acorns? the leaves? the roots? BUT NO IMMA FUCKIN TELL YA ANYWAY we settle in he had a few pictures loaded up from his field work we were chuckling at this point 'hehehe field work' i giggled to my frend its trees and began to tell his tale it's long imma warn you but god just read it theres an species of tree called the cucumber treeMagnolia in our region there's only-280 that are registered by the government yadda yadda yadda my prof thought that was tragic i know but also strange because when he was writing his thesis about local trees years ago he kept coming across cucumber trees in really random places we're talking like etc IMPOSSIBLE because according to tree very strictly protected by the govenment and thus super legai to possess transport collect buy or sell any part of a living or dead member of a listed species if it originates from sources essentially the govt takes control over g the trees and anyone who independently raises them is breaking the law i kno so he'd ask people do you have a permit for these trees? and they were like uh no it's just a tree someone sold mei think it looks nice are you gonna arrest me? so he'd be like nah nah nah just tell me who sold it to you eventually monthsyears later someone did and turns out it was like this underground sort-of illegal tree dealing club i know so my prof went got a bit of funding from the government who were getting pissed at independent cucumber tree numbers and THIS IS WHERE IT GETS INTO THE GOOD SHIT I STS he infitrates the tree trafficking organization he buys a cucumber tree from an independent nursery raises it for months ensures he gets noticed by the traffickers and then INFILTRATES it and convinces its leader to LET HIM JOIN he has to pay like a steep entrance fee which he does and it blows my mind that the government of my country paid money to illegal tree dealers but then he is given full access to records and maps because they think he's one of them not now this part blows my mind because the tree lords don't even have to try very hard to find cucumber trees because government agents MARK THE TREES AND DISTINCTLY TAG THEM SAYING THIS IS ENDANGERED DO NOT hangs out with the members so much that he figures out their hit spots these are where the trees are relatively secluded and unguarded he writes all this shit and numbers down for BUT THATS NOT ENOUGH BECAUSE THE GOVT SAYS HES WASTING THEIR FUNDING IF HE DOESNT HAVE PROOF and they are willing to take LEGAL ACTION for misuse of funding my prof doesn't have the money nore time nor power to take them to court which would also blow his cover so my prof literally STAKES OUT a copse of cucumber trees at a recognized wildlife reserve for DAYS he camps there and watches the trees is about to give up he's going off an unreliable rumor from the traffickers that a harvester would be going there within the next week finally this guy comes and takes the cucumber tree seeds from the CLEARLY MARKED trees by the government and my prof takes pictures we are shown these pictures most of us are speechless at this point dozens of candid shots of a man my grandpa's age with a grocery store bag garden shears and a ladder clipping away the illegal seeds and then going on his way so my prof has the proof he's been undercover for months now at this point he writes up his report gives it to the government who is likeoh shit helps them draft up a new LESS COMPLETELY FUCKING OBVious way of marking e wouldn't damage them further etc and then never retuns to the tree traffickers he'd given them a fake name address so that way there was a full minute of stunned silence from us students at this point during which he grew more and more nervous again he's a muffin and all of us students are just like whoa we asked him what happened to the remaining illegal cucumber trees & if he turned the tree dealers in to the government and that is when he smiles a little bit and shows us the last few pictures because here's the kicker he never turned the smugglers in he burned all the data he collected defied the government pressuring him to turn them in and the only reason he's not incarcerated is because his work is so prominent in certain circles now & universities love him that there would be an uproar if he got arrested he's like a fucking anti-hero and then he tells us ill never forget it's the most inspirational green-thumb thing in the world it may be illegal' but those who risk their liberty to-save the world- should never be reprimanded no matter what we are all stunned some of us are considering dendrology as a field we'd now be interested in pursuing he clicks his slide one final time before we leave our last lecture and since he had an asthma attack lil muffin he didn't attend our exam so and there on the slides the last picture? THERE HE IS in his own backyard with his equally lovely TA wife both grinning GROWN ILLEGAL CUCUMBER TREE 72767 Tree espionage Meme

found @ 23 likes ON 2019-02-26 23:15:02 BY ME.ME