Based Lubricant 5 5 Drum Passion Lubes 3051 customer reviews 78 answered questions About the product The Ultimate Lube Keg Best Value Lube Pump Included xxBackyard Carnival of Death By James O Thach on February 27 2014 Size 55 Gallon I'm a risk analyst for a major insurance firm so when my wife and I were planning a birthday party for our seven-year-old Crispin my mind naturally turned to liabilities We'd settled on the theme of a backyard carnival complete with a swing set a trampoline merry-go-round and a giant Slip n Slide So I carefully inspected the equipment for safety It all seemed sound We have a home on a bluff overlooking the ocean As it happened on the day of the party our neighbors were trimming their fichus trees We heard the sound of their wood chipper buzzing occasionally from the other side of our tall hedge It was a little irritating but not disruptive The party started off wonderfully A clown we'd hired made balloon animals Crispin eagerly opened his presents and all the children enjoyed cake and fruit punch The weather was mild the skies clear It seemed a perfect day Then we brought out the Slip n Slide The problem with water slides is what we in the trade call distributed water deficiency zones or in layman's terms dry spots If a child hits one of these it can put the brakes on the fun and send them sliding down a path of medical claims--contusions concussions lacerations abrasions whiplash back rash and disc impaction And that's just for starters From there it's a slippery slope toward major litigation To avoid even the remote possibility of such injuries I invested in this 55 gallon drum of water soluble personal lubricant--the idea being that the children could enjoy the slide in complete safety then wash off in the hose before their parents came to retrieve them With that in mind I dipped each child into the vat before allowing them to cue up for the slide The Slip n Slide itself performed admirably as did the lubricant That in fact was the problem Due to the slight downhill gradient of our yard the children built up so much speed that they skidded across the lawn and into a retaining wall at the other end of our property with sufficient force that I had to put an end to the activity I endeavored to roll up the mat--no easy task as the lawn surrounding the slide was itself now lubricated and I struggled to maintain my footing When I looked up from my labor I grasped for the first time the scope of the liabilities I had unleashed-a horde of extremely well-lubricated seven-year-olds hyped up on sugar and desperate for fun I saw young Eliza Gimmelman climb onto the trampoline She began jumping but the pad soon became so slick that she lost all control Her wild flailing unfortunately fell into harmonic synchronization with the motion of the springs propelling her ever higher until she soared above the trampoline's safety enclosure over the hedge and into the neighbor's yard There came a ghastly grinding sound and I could tell from the crimson plume that followed it would be a total loss Twins Jeremy and Mason Lafferty were on the swing set Having attained the swings' full range of motion they were apparently having difficulty holding on At that point the swings became human catapults Mason separated on the backswing arcing over the roof of our home toward the street beyond I surmised from the screeching tires car horns and screams of horror that he was also unrecoverable A terrified Jeremy soon lost his grip as well sailing forward over the bluff and plummeting 300 feet down into the ice-cold shark-infested waters of the San Francisco Bay An open claim but not promising The rest of the children were clinging to the merry-go-round Having just witnessed the violent deaths of at least two of their playmates they were no longer in the mood for fun However the lubricant had dripped from their glistening bodies into the central cog allowing it to spin far faster than it was designed to and this likely combined with other factors--their relative weight distribution the slight incline of the ground--caused their motion to become self-sustaining and the centrifugal force built upon itself until they became a blurry screaming disk of human suffering Then they began to fly off like cannon balls Martin Duckworth was the first to go causing significant structural damage to our greenhouse Lisa Aurelio shattered a line of ceramic garden gnomes and Ethan Green slammed into our Audi Q7 so hard it had to be written off--as tragically did he Several other children left what looked like gingerbread man indentations in the siding of our home It was terrifying When the wheel finally came to a stop there was only one child aboard As luck would have it it was our own beloved Crispin huddled in the center of the merry-go-round weeping My wife ran to him and hugged him with all the might of a relieved traumatized parent A little too hard as it turned out Lubricated as he was he shot from her arms like a wet bar of soap up fifteen feet in the air landed on the trampoline and then soared in a half-gainer over the hedge into the wood chipper Since then I've asked myself a thousand times is there anything I could have done differently? But in the end no actuary table could have predicted this bloodbath I can only conclude that this was an act of God And that to me is truly terrifying Because we're not covered for that <p><a href=httpsnovelty-gift-ideastumblrcompost166887400578passion-lubes class=tumblr_blog>novelty-gift-ideas<a><p><blockquote><p><b><a href=httpsnovelty-gift-ideascompassion-lubes> Passion Lubes <a><b><br><p><blockquote> Meme

found @ 26 likes ON 2018-05-26 07:35:30 BY ME.ME

source: tumblr

Animals
Animals

Animals

apparently
apparently

apparently

Birthday
Birthday

Birthday

Bodies
Bodies

Bodies

Children
Children

Children

Desperate
Desperate

Desperate

God
God

God

Martin
Martin

Martin

Mood
Mood

Mood

Parents
Parents

Parents

Party
Party

Party

Saw
Saw

Saw

Slick
Slick

Slick

Soon...
Soon...

Soon...

tumblr
tumblr

tumblr

Control
Control

Control

Lost
Lost

Lost

Shark
Shark

Shark

Twins
Twins

Twins

Audi
Audi

Audi

Best
Best

Best

Blog
Blog

Blog

Cake
Cake

Cake

Death
Death

Death

Giant
Giant

Giant

Home
Home

Home

Neighbors
Neighbors

Neighbors

Ocean
Ocean

Ocean

San Francisco
San Francisco

San Francisco

Sugar
Sugar

Sugar

The Weather
The Weather

The Weather

Time
Time

Time

Trampoline
Trampoline

Trampoline

Trees
Trees

Trees

Water
Water

Water

Weather
Weather

Weather

Wild
Wild

Wild

Wife
Wife

Wife

Downhill
Downhill

Downhill

Cold
Cold

Cold

Mild
Mild

Mild

Old
Old

Old

Violent
Violent

Violent

February 27
February 27

February 27

Luck
Luck

Luck

Mind
Mind

Mind

Only One
Only One

Only One

Over the Hedge
Over the Hedge

Over the Hedge

Reviews
Reviews

Reviews

Suffering
Suffering

Suffering

Actuary
Actuary

Actuary

All The
All The

All The

Back
Back

Back

feet
feet

feet

arms
arms

arms

deaths
deaths

deaths

lisa
lisa

lisa

whiplash
whiplash

whiplash

personal
personal

personal

idea
idea

idea

her
her

her

soap
soap

soap

fun
fun

fun

car
car

car

human
human

human

air
air

air

insurance
insurance

insurance

act
act

act

table
table

table

rest
rest

rest

carnival
carnival

carnival

horror
horror

horror

ice
ice

ice

audi q7
audi q7

audi q7

com
com

com

speed
speed

speed

seven
seven

seven

class
class

class

questions
questions

questions

pad
pad

pad

medical
medical

medical

ideas
ideas

ideas

him
him

him

clown
clown

clown

can
can

can

james
james

james

san
san

san

one
one

one

sound
sound

sound

beloved
beloved

beloved

total
total

total

major
major

major

tires
tires

tires

green
green

green

down
down

down

easy
easy

easy

wet
wet

wet

mason
mason

mason

force
force

force

fruit
fruit

fruit

bar
bar

bar

cannon
cannon

cannon

passion
passion

passion

man
man

man

open
open

open

fly
fly

fly

set
set

set

beyond
beyond

beyond

day
day

day

gradient
gradient

gradient

disc
disc

disc

she
she

she

own
own

own

vat
vat

vat

did
did

did

the neighbors
the neighbors

the neighbors

them
them

them

all
all

all

first
first

first

faster
faster

faster

they
they

they

playmates
playmates

playmates

clear
clear

clear

bay
bay

bay

balloon
balloon

balloon

yard
yard

yard

call
call

call

sailing
sailing

sailing

now
now

now

grinding
grinding

grinding

motion
motion

motion

unleashed
unleashed

unleashed

post
post

post

the street
the street

the street

scope
scope

scope

slope
slope

slope

litigation
litigation

litigation

range
range

range

crimson
crimson

crimson

ran
ran

ran

what
what

what

cog
cog

cog

times
times

times

made
made

made

drum
drum

drum

for
for

for

gingerbread
gingerbread

gingerbread

eliza
eliza

eliza

firm
firm

firm

theme
theme

theme

mat
mat

mat

san francisco bay
san francisco bay

san francisco bay

lube
lube

lube

birthday party
birthday party

birthday party

child
child

child

waters
waters

waters

gallon
gallon

gallon

hedge
hedge

hedge

shot
shot

shot

street
street

street

fruit punch
fruit punch

fruit punch

remote
remote

remote

roll up
roll up

roll up

slip
slip

slip

central
central

central

dry
dry

dry

damage
damage

damage

product
product

product

href
href

href

centrifugal force
centrifugal force

centrifugal force

customer
customer

customer

fifteen
fifteen

fifteen

side
side

side

distribution
distribution

distribution

in the end
in the end

in the end

this
this

this

stop
stop

stop

done
done

done

like
like

like

screaming
screaming

screaming

parent
parent

parent

problem
problem

problem

full
full

full

well
well

well

such
such

such

slides
slides

slides

unfortunately
unfortunately

unfortunately

february
february

february

perfect
perfect

perfect

the end
the end

the end

just
just

just

anything
anything

anything

swing
swing

swing

then
then

then

finally
finally

finally

gingerbread man
gingerbread man

gingerbread man

because
because

because

end
end

end

swing set
swing set

swing set

horde
horde

horde

slippery slope
slippery slope

slippery slope

might
might

might

possibility
possibility

possibility

and then
and then

and then

happened
happened

happened

slight
slight

slight

terrifying
terrifying

terrifying

came
came

came

my wife
my wife

my wife

myself
myself

myself

terrified
terrified

terrified

in the mood
in the mood

in the mood

a perfect day
a perfect day

a perfect day

flailing
flailing

flailing

jumping
jumping

jumping

balloon animals
balloon animals

balloon animals

i can
i can

i can

combined
combined

combined

aboard
aboard

aboard

as well
as well

as well

slammed
slammed

slammed

carefully
carefully

carefully

seemed
seemed

seemed

weeping
weeping

weeping

eagerly
eagerly

eagerly

bloodbath
bloodbath

bloodbath

followed
followed

followed

witnessed
witnessed

witnessed

wood
wood

wood

balls
balls

balls

rash
rash

rash

occasionally
occasionally

occasionally

their
their

their

ever
ever

ever

heard
heard

heard

maintain
maintain

maintain

however
however

however

merry go round
merry go round

merry go round

novelty
novelty

novelty

roll
roll

roll

keg
keg

keg

lubricant
lubricant

lubricant

ethan
ethan

ethan

shattered
shattered

shattered

garden gnomes
garden gnomes

garden gnomes

significant
significant

significant

sufficient
sufficient

sufficient

claim
claim

claim

blurry
blurry

blurry

based
based

based

labor
labor

labor

were
were

were

line
line

line

there
there

there

irritating
irritating

irritating

began
began

began

too
too

too

relative
relative

relative

fact
fact

fact

ghastly
ghastly

ghastly

punch
 punch

punch

no
 no

no

gift
 gift

gift

presents
 presents

presents

send
 send

send

wall
 wall

wall

hard
 hard

hard

left
 left

left

year
 year

year

much
 much

much

for the first time
 for the first time

for the first time

so much
 so much

so much

two
 two

two

task
 task

task

risk
 risk

risk

pump
 pump

pump

spin
 spin

spin

tall
 tall

tall

hose
 hose

hose

climb
 climb

climb

hyped
 hyped

hyped

horns
 horns

horns

wheel
 wheel

wheel

sliding
 sliding

sliding

backyard
 backyard

backyard

clinging
 clinging

clinging

the party
 the party

the party

naturally
 naturally

naturally

tumblr blog
 tumblr blog

tumblr blog

the children
 the children

the children

slip n slide
 slip n slide

slip n slide

the first time
 the first time

the first time

in-the-air
in-the-air

in-the-air

out
out

out

over
over

over

point
point

point

slide
slide

slide

merry
merry

merry

holding-on
holding-on

holding-on

self
self

self

slippery
slippery

slippery

None
None

None

None
None

None

None
None

None

None
None

None

None
None

None

None
None

None

None
None

None

None
None

None

None
None

None

None
None

None

None
None

None

None
None

None

And
And

And

Other
Other

Other

Lawn
Lawn

Lawn

Safety
Safety

Safety

Loss
Loss

Loss

Im A
Im A

Im A

The Ultimate
The Ultimate

The Ultimate

When
When

When

Its A
Its A

Its A

Activity
Activity

Activity

Weight
Weight

Weight

That
That

That

Ice Cold
Ice Cold

Ice Cold

Jeremy
Jeremy

Jeremy

I Had To
I Had To

I Had To

But
But

But

Not
Not

Not

Planning
Planning

Planning

The
The

The

The First
The First

The First

Trade
Trade

Trade

Traumatized
Traumatized

Traumatized

From
From

From

When The
When The

When The

Value
Value

Value

Francisco
Francisco

Francisco

Roof
Roof

Roof

Its
Its

Its

First Time
First Time

First Time

Screeching
Screeching

Screeching

Plume
Plume

Plume

Wood Chipper
Wood Chipper

Wood Chipper

Higher
Higher

Higher

Gnomes
Gnomes

Gnomes

Laymans Terms
Laymans Terms

Laymans Terms

Turned Out
Turned Out

Turned Out

A Little
A Little

A Little

Holding
Holding

Holding

In Laymans Terms
In Laymans Terms

In Laymans Terms

I Had
I Had

I Had

Path
Path

Path

These
These

These

Analyst
Analyst

Analyst

Wash
Wash

Wash

Slide In
Slide In

Slide In

Hyped Up
Hyped Up

Hyped Up

Hits
Hits

Hits

Grip
Grip

Grip

Turned
Turned

Turned

Gainer
Gainer

Gainer

At Least
At Least

At Least

Had To
Had To

Had To

One Of These
One Of These

One Of These

Thats
Thats

Thats

Forward
Forward

Forward

Was
Was

Was

With
With

With

Half
Half

Half

Screams
Screams

Screams

Our
Our

Our

In A
In A

In A

Disk
Disk

Disk

Have
Have

Have

Had
Had

Had

And That
And That

And That

When I
When I

When I

Enjoyed
Enjoyed

Enjoyed

Also
Also

Also

Put
Put

Put

A Href
A Href

A Href

Https
Https

Https

Greenhouse
Greenhouse

Greenhouse

Only
Only

Only

About
About

About

Truly
Truly

Truly

Tumblr Com
Tumblr Com

Tumblr Com

Complete
Complete

Complete

Since
Since

Since

Trampolines
Trampolines

Trampolines

Property
Property

Property

Center
Center

Center

Before
Before

Before

Being
Being

Being

The Wood
The Wood

The Wood

Extremely
Extremely

Extremely

Centrifugal
Centrifugal

Centrifugal

Crispin
Crispin

Crispin

Far
Far

Far

Perfect Day
Perfect Day

Perfect Day

Injuries
Injuries

Injuries

Tell
Tell

Tell

Skies
Skies

Skies

Differently
Differently

Differently

Than
Than

Than

Avoid
Avoid

Avoid

Difficulty
Difficulty

Difficulty

Become
Become

Become

Started
Started

Started

Even
Even

Even

His
His

His

Round
Round

Round

Factors
Factors

Factors

Above
Above

Above

Promising
Promising

Promising

Could
Could

Could

It Was
It Was

It Was

Overlooking
Overlooking

Overlooking

Having
Having

Having

Fell
Fell

Fell

Bluff
Bluff

Bluff

Concussions
Concussions

Concussions

Impaction
Impaction

Impaction

Several
Several

Several

So Hard
So Hard

So Hard

Wed
Wed

Wed

A Child
A Child

A Child

About The
About The

About The

All The Children
All The Children

All The Children

Bar Of Soap
Bar Of Soap

Bar Of Soap

Blurry Screaming
Blurry Screaming

Blurry Screaming

Brakes
Brakes

Brakes

Built
Built

Built

But The
But The

But The

Buzzing
Buzzing

Buzzing

Ceramic
Ceramic

Ceramic

Chipper
Chipper

Chipper

Customer Reviews
Customer Reviews

Customer Reviews

Day Of The
Day Of The

Day Of The

Enjoy The
Enjoy The

Enjoy The

Equipment
Equipment

Equipment

Faster Than
Faster Than

Faster Than

First To
First To

First To

For The
For The

For The

Have A
Have A

Have A

Have It
Have It

Have It

Hired
Hired

Hired

In The Mood For
In The Mood For

In The Mood For

In The
In The

In The

Into
Into

Into

Invested
Invested

Invested

It All
It All

It All

It It
It It

It It

It Was A
It Was A

It Was A

Landed
Landed

Landed

Like A
Like A

Like A

Longer
Longer

Longer

My Mind
My Mind

My Mind

Of Death
Of Death

Of Death