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apparently
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Birthday
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February 27
February 27
Luck
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Mind
Mind
Only One
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Over the Hedge
Over the Hedge
Reviews
Reviews
Suffering
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Actuary
Actuary
All The
All The
Back
Back
feet
feet
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arms
deaths
deaths
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lisa
whiplash
whiplash
personal
personal
idea
idea
her
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soap
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fun
car
car
human
human
air
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insurance
insurance
act
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table
table
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rest
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carnival
horror
horror
ice
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like
like
screaming
screaming
parent
parent
problem
problem
full
full
well
well
such
such
slides
slides
unfortunately
unfortunately
february
february
perfect
perfect
the end
the end
just
just
anything
anything
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swing
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then
finally
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gingerbread man
gingerbread man
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came
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my wife
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terrified
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in the mood
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a perfect day
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flailing
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jumping
balloon animals
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combined
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aboard
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carefully
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seemed
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 tumblr blog
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 the children
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 slip n slide
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mesmerize
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Its
Its
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Traumatized
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Trade
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The First
The First
The
The
Planning
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Not
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But
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Jeremy
Jeremy
Ice Cold
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That
That
Weight
Weight
Activity
Activity
Its A
Its A
When
When
The Ultimate
The Ultimate
Im A
Im A
Loss
Loss
Safety
Safety
Lawn
Lawn
Other
Other
And
And
Enjoy
Enjoy
Little
Little
Ultimate
Ultimate
Garden
Garden
Young
Young
Before Their
Before Their
Fun I
Fun I
Off
Off
Relieved
Relieved
Size
Size
But In The End
But In The End
Like Cannon
Like Cannon
slippery
slippery
self
self
holding-on
holding-on
merry
merry
slide
slide
point
point
over
over
out
out
in-the-air
in-the-air
the first time
 the first time
slip n slide
 slip n slide
the children
 the children
tumblr blog
 tumblr blog
naturally
 naturally
the party
 the party
clinging
 clinging
backyard
 backyard
sliding
 sliding
wheel
 wheel
horns
 horns
hyped
 hyped
climb
 climb
hose
 hose
tall
 tall
spin
 spin
pump
 pump
risk
 risk
task
 task
two
 two
so much
 so much
for the first time
 for the first time
much
 much
year
 year
left
 left
hard
 hard
wall
 wall
send
 send
presents
 presents
gift
 gift
no
 no
punch
 punch
ghastly
ghastly
fact
fact
relative
relative
too
too
began
began
irritating
irritating
there
there
line
line
were
were
labor
labor
based
based
blurry
blurry
claim
claim
sufficient
sufficient
significant
significant
garden gnomes
garden gnomes
shattered
shattered
ethan
ethan
lubricant
lubricant
keg
keg
roll
roll
novelty
novelty
merry go round
merry go round
however
however
maintain
maintain
heard
heard
ever
ever
their
their
occasionally
occasionally
rash
rash
balls
balls
wood
wood
witnessed
witnessed
followed
followed
bloodbath
bloodbath
eagerly
eagerly
weeping
weeping
seemed
seemed
carefully
carefully
slammed
slammed
as well
as well
aboard
aboard
combined
combined
i can
i can
balloon animals
balloon animals
jumping
jumping
flailing
flailing
a perfect day
a perfect day
in the mood
in the mood
terrified
terrified
myself
myself
my wife
my wife
came
came
terrifying
terrifying
slight
slight
happened
happened
and then
and then
possibility
possibility
might
might
slippery slope
slippery slope
horde
horde
swing set
swing set
end
end
because
because
gingerbread man
gingerbread man
finally
finally
then
then
swing
swing
anything
anything
just
just
the end
the end
perfect
perfect
february
february
unfortunately
unfortunately
slides
slides
such
such
well
well
full
full
problem
problem
parent
parent
screaming
screaming
like
like
done
done
stop
stop
this
this
in the end
in the end
distribution
distribution
side
side
fifteen
fifteen
customer
customer
centrifugal force
centrifugal force
href
href
product
product
damage
damage
dry
dry
central
central
slip
slip
roll up
roll up
remote
remote
fruit punch
fruit punch
street
street
shot
shot
hedge
hedge
gallon
gallon
waters
waters
child
child
birthday party
birthday party
lube
lube
san francisco bay
san francisco bay
mat
mat
theme
theme
firm
firm
eliza
eliza
gingerbread
gingerbread
for
for
drum
drum
made
made
times
times
cog
cog
what
what
ran
ran
crimson
crimson
range
range
litigation
litigation
slope
slope
scope
scope
the street
the street
post
post
unleashed
unleashed
motion
motion
grinding
grinding
now
now
sailing
sailing
call
call
yard
yard
balloon
balloon
bay
bay
clear
clear
playmates
playmates
they
they
faster
faster
first
first
all
all
them
them
the neighbors
the neighbors
did
did
vat
vat
own
own
she
she
disc
disc
gradient
gradient
day
day
beyond
beyond
set
set
fly
fly
open
open
man
man
passion
passion
cannon
cannon
bar
bar
fruit
fruit
force
force
mason
mason
wet
wet
easy
easy
down
down
green
green
tires
tires
major
major
total
total
beloved
beloved
sound
sound
one
one
san
san
james
james
can
can
clown
clown
him
him
ideas
ideas
medical
medical
pad
pad
questions
questions
class
class
seven
seven
speed
speed
com
com
audi q7
audi q7
ice
ice
horror
horror
carnival
carnival
rest
rest
table
table
act
act
insurance
insurance
air
air
human
human
car
car
fun
fun
soap
soap
her
her
idea
idea
personal
personal
whiplash
whiplash
lisa
lisa
deaths
deaths
arms
arms
feet
feet
Back
Back
All The
All The
Actuary
Actuary
Suffering
Suffering
Reviews
Reviews
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Based Lubricant 5 5 Drum Passion Lubes 3051 customer reviews 78 answered questions About the product The Ultimate Lube Keg Best Value Lube Pump Included xxBackyard Carnival of Death By James O Thach on February 27 2014 Size 55 Gallon I'm a risk analyst for a major insurance firm so when my wife and I were planning a birthday party for our seven-year-old Crispin my mind naturally turned to liabilities We'd settled on the theme of a backyard carnival complete with a swing set a trampoline merry-go-round and a giant Slip n Slide So I carefully inspected the equipment for safety It all seemed sound We have a home on a bluff overlooking the ocean As it happened on the day of the party our neighbors were trimming their fichus trees We heard the sound of their wood chipper buzzing occasionally from the other side of our tall hedge It was a little irritating but not disruptive The party started off wonderfully A clown we'd hired made balloon animals Crispin eagerly opened his presents and all the children enjoyed cake and fruit punch The weather was mild the skies clear It seemed a perfect day Then we brought out the Slip n Slide The problem with water slides is what we in the trade call distributed water deficiency zones or in layman's terms dry spots If a child hits one of these it can put the brakes on the fun and send them sliding down a path of medical claims--contusions concussions lacerations abrasions whiplash back rash and disc impaction And that's just for starters From there it's a slippery slope toward major litigation To avoid even the remote possibility of such injuries I invested in this 55 gallon drum of water soluble personal lubricant--the idea being that the children could enjoy the slide in complete safety then wash off in the hose before their parents came to retrieve them With that in mind I dipped each child into the vat before allowing them to cue up for the slide The Slip n Slide itself performed admirably as did the lubricant That in fact was the problem Due to the slight downhill gradient of our yard the children built up so much speed that they skidded across the lawn and into a retaining wall at the other end of our property with sufficient force that I had to put an end to the activity I endeavored to roll up the mat--no easy task as the lawn surrounding the slide was itself now lubricated and I struggled to maintain my footing When I looked up from my labor I grasped for the first time the scope of the liabilities I had unleashed-a horde of extremely well-lubricated seven-year-olds hyped up on sugar and desperate for fun I saw young Eliza Gimmelman climb onto the trampoline She began jumping but the pad soon became so slick that she lost all control Her wild flailing unfortunately fell into harmonic synchronization with the motion of the springs propelling her ever higher until she soared above the trampoline's safety enclosure over the hedge and into the neighbor's yard There came a ghastly grinding sound and I could tell from the crimson plume that followed it would be a total loss Twins Jeremy and Mason Lafferty were on the swing set Having attained the swings' full range of motion they were apparently having difficulty holding on At that point the swings became human catapults Mason separated on the backswing arcing over the roof of our home toward the street beyond I surmised from the screeching tires car horns and screams of horror that he was also unrecoverable A terrified Jeremy soon lost his grip as well sailing forward over the bluff and plummeting 300 feet down into the ice-cold shark-infested waters of the San Francisco Bay An open claim but not promising The rest of the children were clinging to the merry-go-round Having just witnessed the violent deaths of at least two of their playmates they were no longer in the mood for fun However the lubricant had dripped from their glistening bodies into the central cog allowing it to spin far faster than it was designed to and this likely combined with other factors--their relative weight distribution the slight incline of the ground--caused their motion to become self-sustaining and the centrifugal force built upon itself until they became a blurry screaming disk of human suffering Then they began to fly off like cannon balls Martin Duckworth was the first to go causing significant structural damage to our greenhouse Lisa Aurelio shattered a line of ceramic garden gnomes and Ethan Green slammed into our Audi Q7 so hard it had to be written off--as tragically did he Several other children left what looked like gingerbread man indentations in the siding of our home It was terrifying When the wheel finally came to a stop there was only one child aboard As luck would have it it was our own beloved Crispin huddled in the center of the merry-go-round weeping My wife ran to him and hugged him with all the might of a relieved traumatized parent A little too hard as it turned out Lubricated as he was he shot from her arms like a wet bar of soap up fifteen feet in the air landed on the trampoline and then soared in a half-gainer over the hedge into the wood chipper Since then I've asked myself a thousand times is there anything I could have done differently? But in the end no actuary table could have predicted this bloodbath I can only conclude that this was an act of God And that to me is truly terrifying Because we're not covered for that novelty-gift-ideas Passion Lubes Meme

found @ 22 likes ON 2019-03-03