Apparently, Ass, and Bad: bibliotecaria-d:
ebonykain:

karacat:

othersideofforty:

erinnightwalker:

ripped-up-jeans-and-glitter:

erinnightwalker:


acaffeinejunkie:

erinnightwalker:

erinnightwalker:

geostatonary:

sixpenceee:

“A house I pass on the way to work has this sculpture in its yard. Its about 8 feet tall.”
(Source)

“HELLO NEIGHBOR STEVE, I WOULD LIKE TO INVITE YOU TO BARBEQUE ON THE EVE OF THE BLOOD MOON.  I FEEL WE GOT OFF TO A BAD START.”
“NEIGHBOR STEVE, DO YOU NOT WISH TO PARTAKE OF THE UNCLEAN FLESH-MEATS OF PIGS AND THE POLLUTED ESSENCES OF TOMATO?  PERHAPS YOU ARE A CAROLINA STYLE MAN, NEIGHBOR STEVE?”
 “PUT THE GUN AWAY NEIGHBOR STEVE, YOU KNOW I SHALL ONLY RISE AGAIN WITH THE DAWNING OF THE MOON.  WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH THIS MANY TIMES.”
“LOOK AT THIS PICTURE MY SON DREW OF YOU AND CHILD TIMMY, YOUR SON.  ARE THEY NOT THE PICTURE OF PACT-MATES?  THIS COULD BE YOU AND ME, NEIGHBOR STEVE.”
“YOU MISSED THE UNHOLY NEXUS OF POWER THAT IS THE KEY TO MY CORPOREAL FORM, NEIGHBOR STEVE.  YOU WILL NEED TO RELOAD NOW, SO I WILL GO INSIDE TO MY HELL-WIFE AND PUT YOU DOWN AS A SOLID ‘MAYBE’.“

I have the feeling that the families get along great except for Steve. Like, the wives are baking (questionable) brownies together, the kids are playing together, Antler Guy occasionally takes Son and Timmy to school (no car, just carries them in huge swinging strides through a nexus of ungoldly sights in a swirling netherworld shortcut. Sometimes they stop for McDonalds). Hell-wife gave them a potted Audrey Jr., Steve’s wife (who I now christen Sharon) gave them a begonia.
One time Steve tries throwing holy water but all Antler Guy does is thank him, saying that no, Antler Guy isn’t Catholic but it’s the thought that counts, he is so kind to water his creeping deathshade vines regardless.
For Christmas Antler Guy gives Steve a case of ammunition. To be funny/sarcastically mean Steve gets Antler Guy the world’s most hideous Christmas sweater, singing light-up reindeer included. He immediately regrets it because not only does Antler Guy love it and wears it for several months, it will never need batteries because Antler Guy powers it with his own eldritch aura.
When they come back from a holiday to Hawaii, Steve is horrified to find out Sharon bought them matching Hawaiian shirts. He is even more horrified that his wife means it that if he doesn’t wear it he will forever sleep on the couch.

I want to expand on this, since I see it’s still passing around and the ideas have grown in my brainmeats.
What drives Steve up the wall and down the other side is how… normal… everyone treats the Abominations. (Yes, that is their last name. No, it is not a joke. Son was asked his last name for the standardized testing at school, had a quick conference with Timmy, and decided that Son Abomination sounded good, “Since my dad calls your dad the Abomination anyway and we can paint it on your mailbox just like the Henderson’s did theirs!”. Antler Guy agreed and did a lovely rendition of it for the mailbox, with only a few glyphs of soul-rending terror added to keep up to snuff.)
The Great Plant Exchange went beautifully, though the Audrey Jr. (named Aubergine for the lovely shade of purple poison that drips from her fangs) is on a diet at the moment. She was in cahoots with the cat and the dog to get into the good people food and ate two frozen turkeys all herself. Now she’s restricted to the hallway table to answer the phone and the door. (Steve actually likes her, and keeps slipping her hotdogs when Sharon isn’t looking. Their door-to-door salesman rates have dropped dramatically since she changed abodes.) Hell-wife has almost gotten the begonia to bloom and say it’s first words.
The homeowner’s association just loves the Abominations. All paperwork stamped and dotted, in on time and in triplicate. Antler Guy likes filing, says it reminds him of his old job. There is a resident who spent 20 years as a lawyer and they have long, animated conversations about all sorts of things that make Steve swear to never need legal counsel.
Hell-wife joined the PTA and spearheaded a committee to fundraise in the fall with a haunted house. It was a county-wide hit, though the claims that a particularly rowdy group had been deliberately lost in a timeslip to the Outer Doors Of Chaos was firmly rebuffed. Most young people nowadays, it was agreed, just couldn’t appreciate flute music.
Antler Guy really does try to connect with Steve. The surprise birthday party was perhaps a bit much, given that most participants do not have the ability to suddenly materialize in front of the guest of honor to give them a hug. Sharon assured them that Steve normally screams on his birthday, and the remains of the cake were heartily enjoyed by all. (A plate was saved for Steve once he came down from the treehouse.)
After the Hawaii trip (which was a present for his birthday) and the Matching Shirt Ultimatum (which was Sharon’s attempt at patching things up with Antler Guy, he really was sad about the birthday screaming), Steve finally grabs his courage in both hands (plus the shotgun, which let’s face it is about as useful as a teddybear at the moment but it does comfort him) and confronts Antler Guy, about why such a group of……Abominations could possibly come to his quiet slice of suburban bliss.
“……BUT NEIGHBOR STEVE, WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN HERE.”
“No no no, I read it in a book! Don’t you have to be invited or something?!”
“WELL YES, TO THE HUMAN WORLD. BUT THIS IS NOT THE HUMAN WORLD AS YOUR THREE-DIMENSIONAL BRAIN PERCEIVES IT.”
“What the hell does that mean?!!”
“DID YOU NOT KNOW, NEIGHBOR STEVE? LEGALLY SPEAKING, ALL OF THE VASTNESS OF HUMAN SUBURBIA IS, IN FACT, A PART OF HELL.”
“……..”
“THE FLAMINGOES ARE THE BOUNDARY MARKERS. IT WAS DECIDED THAT THE FLAMING SKULLS WERE TOO KITSCHY FOR MODERN TIMES.”

Reblogging cause I kind of want more of this….


Since you asked nicely ^_^
Antler Guy, as one may have noticed, is a calm sort of fellow. In the face of human atrocities he displays a curious Zen sort of state of mind. Timmy asks Son if he’d ever seen his dad angry, and Son hasn’t. (When asked, Timmy says that yeah his dad gets mad, but it’s like the Fitz-Simmon’s chihuahua down the street- mostly high-pitched noise and occasionally TV remote chewing. Sharon replaces the poor thing every 3 months or so.) When pressed (gently, at the monthly book club, and with many cups of tea and at least one daiquiri), Hellwife admits that this comes from serving many years at his old job.
After the revelation of the nature of his neighborhood, Steve has not been overtly mean to Antler Guy. Not yet in the realm of friends, but vastly better than before. No more holy water, no more shotgun blasts. (Still the occasional jumpscare, but Antler Guy really can’t help that part.) They even occasionally share news over the fence as Antler Guy trains the creeping deathshade vines in proper oral hygiene, and Steve waters his lawn (and occasionally slips a goldfish cracker to a deathshade vine that looks particularly adorable. Aubergine has trained him well.)
Which is how Antler Guy learns about the peeping tom that’s been plaguing the adjacent streets. Apparently the pervert has been getting bolder, and rattling doors. He almost broke into one apartment, whose occupants were a single mother and her daughter, Mildred. Millie, a shy girl who is a great horror fan and firm friends with Timmy and Son, had missed school because of it.
Steve knew because Sharon had told him, on her way to deliver a tuna casserole and a double batch of brownies to the pair. (Sharon has been dubbed the unoffical mob boss of the Mother’s Mafia. She is quite pleased with this title.) He tells her to wait, confers briefly with Aubergine, and sends her along with, “Only as a loan, you know, but Auby wants to stretch her roots and she’d probably like getting all ribboned and curled anyway. Little girls still do that, right?” She has strict orders to bite anyone that makes Millie or her mother cry. (Steve is dubbed the official neighborhood marshmallow for this. The bookclub buys him a jar of marshmallow fluff in commemoration.)
He turns to look at Antler Guy, and freezes, much as a chihuahua will when faced with a hungry hellhound.
“You….you alright there buddy?”



“Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “

“Uh, yeah, I guess not. Did you, uh, know you’re kinda fuzzing at the edges, there?”



“Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “

“Right. Um. Well.” 
Steven makes a very ungraceful exit when space starts bending around Antler Guy’s still, unmoving form.
When Steve sees a shadowy form in his back yard when he gets up to pee that night, there’s no hesitation. He grabs the shotgun from the cabinet and peeks out the back door window.
Just in time to see a nebulous form of soul-wrenching terror engulf the man reaching for the door handle. A sliver of moonlight reveals a very familiar eyesocket. After a moment (and a sincere prayer of thanks that he had already peed, cause otherwise he’d have done it then and there) Steve opens the door. The nebulous form freezes, reality bending around the edges.
“Nice night for it, huh?”


“…..Y̮̮͍͔͇͙͙̟̐͌͛̓̏͞͡Eͩͭͮ̓̍ͯ̀ͧ͏̵̴̛̺̠̱͕̕ͅS͈̹̮̟̳̪̩̘͍̤̲̻͈̱̳̽̋́ͩ̃͋̎ͩ̈͆̀͘͢͢͟ͅ.̧̢͈̭̝̥̦͚͍̇ͫ̃̓͆̿̇ͪ͊ͧ̃͛͌͜͢

“

“Guy won’t scare anymore litttle girls, will he?”



“Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “

“Good. G’night then. Oh, and if Hellwife has an extra Audrey Jr. that needs a home, let me know. Millie likes Aubergine a lot but Augy’s just too big for the apartment. Dunno if they come in miniatures though.”


“
I̴̛̟̭͉̮̜̩̬̮̣̘̰͚̩͙̟̳͔̜̙͑̂̆̆͗͒̀ 
͖̖̰͉̥͖͔̙̤̺͍̳͈̹͙̣̞̇̇ͤ͒̅̈́͆̽ͧ́̚̚̕͘W̶̶̱͈̞͖̼̟̣̮̌͂͒̈́͑͌͒͋̍ͮ͗̈ͣ̓ͤ͘͟I̴̶̞̥̩͇̔ͩͦ̇̉̾ͣͬ̀̀̒͒ͧ͛͌͛͆̚͘͢ͅͅL̠̟͕̠̟̪̰̻ͯ͂͊ͥ̍̏͋̐ͬ̉̆̈̀͠L̸̞̭͔̮ͦ͑̉ͮͩ́ͬͨͣ͘͜.̴͈͎̮͇͓͖̱̻̣͊͊ͤͩ͊̑͗͞
 
̸̡̩̖̞̩̻̩̪̭͙̳͚͇̟̺͖̑͊ͫ̀͆ͨ̉̔̓̂̓̋T̷̷̟͉̟̻̻̪̞̰̯̻͈̣̰̬̻̾͐́ͭ̓̅́͡H͇̬̪̩̬̝̣͍͈͇ͯ͛̏͌ͮͧͭͦ͟͜A̴̴̤͕͈̤̮̞̱̯͔͕̙͔͖̰̬̰͈̠ͥ̏ͥ̍̽ͧ̀͝N͗̓͋̃̈̑̀̅ͣ̽̒̂̄ͯͩͤ͏̢͢͏͈̯͎̪͇̟̠͔̯͓͓̰̠̱̠̳͕̳͝K̢̓ͧ͛͛ͣ̄̓̓ͯ̍̈̈́̌͂̔͟҉̛̘̥̖̤̦̻̳͙͟
 
̢̢̻̥̹̣̞͉̘͇͚͍̖̯̘͚͔̗̩͓͐ͮ͂͂̀̚͘͠Y̜̞͇̳̗̬͎̰̙̜̩̪͎̞̙̠̔͂̌̃́̀O͇̺̲͙͍̬̳̘͈̱̜̝͔̖̊ͥ̿ͫͤͫͫͩ͋̓̃ͦ̈̄͢͟Ū̢͖̲̦̠̤͎̙͉̦͖̖͓͍̺̺ͪͯ͐͆͆ͭͯ͗ͦ̄̅̌̈̃̾ͭ̋ͧ͢͢͠͡.̶̸̞͓̞̹̗̻̣͈͕̠̬̦ͫ̆ͤͬͨͦ͒͂ͨ̿ͩͪ͘͞.ͧ͛̒̂̂͗ͨ̌͆ͥͭ͒̉͘͜͏̙͖̰̝̙̲͓̙͕͍̥̳̩́͠.̶̷̮͎̱̼̬͖̰͎͚͙̥̓͋͋ͦ̓̓ͯ͆͛̏ͫ̅ͯ.̨̧̙̤̳̮̺̙͖̞͔̗͎͍̑̆ͮ͐ͩͦ̌̽̾̏͘͠.̹̖͕̮͕̞̰͍͚͖̌ͪ̃̐̐̌̌̅̉͑ͧͪͪͬ̓͐́͛̿͘͞ ….NEIGHBOR STEVE.”

“Anytime.”
There are no more peeping reports. Millie brings back Aubergine and spends an entire afternoon teaching Steve the particulars of Augy’s new “hairstyle” (a gravity-defying mass of teased tendrils, ribbons, and barrettes) in between games of tag and hide-and-seek with Timmy and Son.
When Antler Guy and Hellwife present her and her mother Beatrice with a tiny Audrey Jr. (”pOOr ThinG Is a ruNT And wOn’T geT MorE Than A FooT taLL, BEa, aNd NeeDS a New FRiEnD”, assures Hellwife), both mother and child burst out crying. Millie names it Bella, after Bella Lugosi, and shows it to the excited group of boys (Steve and Augy included).


IT GOT SO MUCH BETTER!!!!

Life in a subdivision partly populated with eldritch and possibly magical (officially classified as “extra-dimensional”, for even when faced with the physics-defying nature of their new co-habitating citizens the government cannot bring itself to acknowledge them as “magic wielding hell-beasts”, as some high-ranking staff members initially suggested) goes on fairly normally. 
Sure, there are a few hiccoughs. The creeping deathshade vines get a stern talking to about appropriate afternoon snacks (”NOT the Fitz-Simmon’s chihuahua, I don’t care how much he has it coming or what he excreted where, now spit it out!”), Aubergine sheds all her leaves at once and snowballs the house (but does helps sweep up afterwards), and moonrise is a good time to watch the night-gaunts fly by (but on moondark it’s best to stay inside, no matter how prettily they glow. They’re somewhat similar to fireflies, and don’t always check to see if their partner glows as well. It wouldn’t be as much of a problem if they didn’t dive mid-coitus and drop just above the ground.)
While the neighborhood in general is accepting of the Abominations, when things get to be a bit much they tend to come to Steve. Since meeting Beatrice and Millie (and the formation of the Terrifying Triad known as Millie, Son, and Timmy) Steve is the adult human male most comfortable dealing with Antler Guy on the whole street. (Sharon as U.M.B. is widely held to have, well, steel-whatever-the-hell-she-wants, and Timmy is known to run over to Antler Guy and ask for rides through “that wobbly grey place, you know, the one with the REALLY BIG alligators?”. Still, the courtesies must be observed.)
So when a writhing sparking ball of snarling terror and teeth takes up residence in the Manzo’s tool-shed, and when Animal Control refuses to come (the street is banned due to a run-in with the deathshade vines), Steve is called. Having heard the description, Steve brings Antler Guy.
When they get there, Mr. Manzo is forcibly holding the door shut. Unholy yowling is coming from inside. At a gesture from Antler Guy, Mr. Manzo leaps away, and the doors blast open.
A 150 pound ball of whimpering, flaming something hits Steve and knocks him on his ass. The whimpering, flaming something proceeds to slobber all over Steve, his shirt, his pants, and a decent portion of grass in between distressed yelps.
“GACK!”
“NEIGHBOR STEVE, ARE YOU IN DISTRESS?”
“GAAACKLEARGHSPLUH- DOWN boy, HEEL, that’s a good- Antler Guy, what is this?!”
“I BELIEVE IT IS A HELLHOUND, NEIGHBOR STEVE.”
“Good grief, I didn’t know they came this big and…..and….. Guy?”
“YES NEIGHBOR STEVE?”
“Is he supposed to be…..skinless?”
“YES NEIGHBOR STEVE. THIS VARIETY WAS BRED TO BE LAP DOGS. THEIR FLAME IS MOSTLY WITHOUT HEAT, AND THEY HAVE NO SKIN FOR THOSE WHO ARE ALLERGIC.”
“…….laPDOG?!”
“YES NEIGHBOR STEVE.” Antler Guy lays a hand on the hellhound, who tries to burrow further into Steve with little success. “HE APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN RECENTLY WEANED. IT WILL TAKE TIME FOR HIM TO GROW TO HIS FULL SIZE.”
“……”
“THE SMALL BREEDS GROW MORE SLOWLY.”
A vile hissing emanates from the shed. (Mr. Manzo has long since fled for the safety of his kitchen.) As Steve attempts to calm the frantic hell-puppy, Antler Guy investigates. He reaches one long hand in behind the riding lawnmower and….. winces.
“NEIGHBOR STEVE?”
“Yeah- I’m right here, uh, doggie, not going anywhere- Guy?”
“I APPEAR TO HAVE AN…. ATTACHMENT.”
Steve is awed at the tiny ball of white fluff attached to one long, thin finger. He didn’t know that Antler Guy’s fingers COULD be bitten, much less by a tiny kitten.
Which is how Steve and Sharon got Clifford (”Aww c’mon Sharon, how could I pass that one up?”), and Antler Guy and Hellwife get Fluffy (”NEIGHBOR STEVE ASSURES ME IT IS A TRADITIONAL TITLE.”)


This might be the most amazing thing that ever crossed my tumblr dash


OMIGOSH I’m in love.


I LOVE EVERY BIT OF THIS

This is like the stoplight post. It is Tumblr legend, and I feel I must reblog it for those fortunate few who get to experience it for the first time.

bibliotecaria-d: ebonykain: karacat: othersideofforty: erinnightwalker: ripped-up-jeans-and-glitter: erinnightwalker: acaffeinejunkie: erinnightwalker: erinnightwalker: geostatonary: sixpenceee: “A house I pass on the way to work has this sculpture in its yard. Its about 8 feet tall.” (Source) “HELLO NEIGHBOR STEVE, I WOULD LIKE TO INVITE YOU TO BARBEQUE ON THE EVE OF THE BLOOD MOON.  I FEEL WE GOT OFF TO A BAD START.” “NEIGHBOR STEVE, DO YOU NOT WISH TO PARTAKE OF THE UNCLEAN FLESH-MEATS OF PIGS AND THE POLLUTED ESSENCES OF TOMATO?  PERHAPS YOU ARE A CAROLINA STYLE MAN, NEIGHBOR STEVE?” “PUT THE GUN AWAY NEIGHBOR STEVE, YOU KNOW I SHALL ONLY RISE AGAIN WITH THE DAWNING OF THE MOON.  WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH THIS MANY TIMES.” “LOOK AT THIS PICTURE MY SON DREW OF YOU AND CHILD TIMMY, YOUR SON.  ARE THEY NOT THE PICTURE OF PACT-MATES?  THIS COULD BE YOU AND ME, NEIGHBOR STEVE.” “YOU MISSED THE UNHOLY NEXUS OF POWER THAT IS THE KEY TO MY CORPOREAL FORM, NEIGHBOR STEVE.  YOU WILL NEED TO RELOAD NOW, SO I WILL GO INSIDE TO MY HELL-WIFE AND PUT YOU DOWN AS A SOLID ‘MAYBE’.“ I have the feeling that the families get along great except for Steve. Like, the wives are baking (questionable) brownies together, the kids are playing together, Antler Guy occasionally takes Son and Timmy to school (no car, just carries them in huge swinging strides through a nexus of ungoldly sights in a swirling netherworld shortcut. Sometimes they stop for McDonalds). Hell-wife gave them a potted Audrey Jr., Steve’s wife (who I now christen Sharon) gave them a begonia. One time Steve tries throwing holy water but all Antler Guy does is thank him, saying that no, Antler Guy isn’t Catholic but it’s the thought that counts, he is so kind to water his creeping deathshade vines regardless. For Christmas Antler Guy gives Steve a case of ammunition. To be funny/sarcastically mean Steve gets Antler Guy the world’s most hideous Christmas sweater, singing light-up reindeer included. He immediately regrets it because not only does Antler Guy love it and wears it for several months, it will never need batteries because Antler Guy powers it with his own eldritch aura. When they come back from a holiday to Hawaii, Steve is horrified to find out Sharon bought them matching Hawaiian shirts. He is even more horrified that his wife means it that if he doesn’t wear it he will forever sleep on the couch. I want to expand on this, since I see it’s still passing around and the ideas have grown in my brainmeats. What drives Steve up the wall and down the other side is how… normal… everyone treats the Abominations. (Yes, that is their last name. No, it is not a joke. Son was asked his last name for the standardized testing at school, had a quick conference with Timmy, and decided that Son Abomination sounded good, “Since my dad calls your dad the Abomination anyway and we can paint it on your mailbox just like the Henderson’s did theirs!”. Antler Guy agreed and did a lovely rendition of it for the mailbox, with only a few glyphs of soul-rending terror added to keep up to snuff.) The Great Plant Exchange went beautifully, though the Audrey Jr. (named Aubergine for the lovely shade of purple poison that drips from her fangs) is on a diet at the moment. She was in cahoots with the cat and the dog to get into the good people food and ate two frozen turkeys all herself. Now she’s restricted to the hallway table to answer the phone and the door. (Steve actually likes her, and keeps slipping her hotdogs when Sharon isn’t looking. Their door-to-door salesman rates have dropped dramatically since she changed abodes.) Hell-wife has almost gotten the begonia to bloom and say it’s first words. The homeowner’s association just loves the Abominations. All paperwork stamped and dotted, in on time and in triplicate. Antler Guy likes filing, says it reminds him of his old job. There is a resident who spent 20 years as a lawyer and they have long, animated conversations about all sorts of things that make Steve swear to never need legal counsel. Hell-wife joined the PTA and spearheaded a committee to fundraise in the fall with a haunted house. It was a county-wide hit, though the claims that a particularly rowdy group had been deliberately lost in a timeslip to the Outer Doors Of Chaos was firmly rebuffed. Most young people nowadays, it was agreed, just couldn’t appreciate flute music. Antler Guy really does try to connect with Steve. The surprise birthday party was perhaps a bit much, given that most participants do not have the ability to suddenly materialize in front of the guest of honor to give them a hug. Sharon assured them that Steve normally screams on his birthday, and the remains of the cake were heartily enjoyed by all. (A plate was saved for Steve once he came down from the treehouse.) After the Hawaii trip (which was a present for his birthday) and the Matching Shirt Ultimatum (which was Sharon’s attempt at patching things up with Antler Guy, he really was sad about the birthday screaming), Steve finally grabs his courage in both hands (plus the shotgun, which let’s face it is about as useful as a teddybear at the moment but it does comfort him) and confronts Antler Guy, about why such a group of……Abominations could possibly come to his quiet slice of suburban bliss. “……BUT NEIGHBOR STEVE, WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN HERE.” “No no no, I read it in a book! Don’t you have to be invited or something?!” “WELL YES, TO THE HUMAN WORLD. BUT THIS IS NOT THE HUMAN WORLD AS YOUR THREE-DIMENSIONAL BRAIN PERCEIVES IT.” “What the hell does that mean?!!” “DID YOU NOT KNOW, NEIGHBOR STEVE? LEGALLY SPEAKING, ALL OF THE VASTNESS OF HUMAN SUBURBIA IS, IN FACT, A PART OF HELL.” “……..” “THE FLAMINGOES ARE THE BOUNDARY MARKERS. IT WAS DECIDED THAT THE FLAMING SKULLS WERE TOO KITSCHY FOR MODERN TIMES.” Reblogging cause I kind of want more of this…. Since you asked nicely ^_^ Antler Guy, as one may have noticed, is a calm sort of fellow. In the face of human atrocities he displays a curious Zen sort of state of mind. Timmy asks Son if he’d ever seen his dad angry, and Son hasn’t. (When asked, Timmy says that yeah his dad gets mad, but it’s like the Fitz-Simmon’s chihuahua down the street- mostly high-pitched noise and occasionally TV remote chewing. Sharon replaces the poor thing every 3 months or so.) When pressed (gently, at the monthly book club, and with many cups of tea and at least one daiquiri), Hellwife admits that this comes from serving many years at his old job. After the revelation of the nature of his neighborhood, Steve has not been overtly mean to Antler Guy. Not yet in the realm of friends, but vastly better than before. No more holy water, no more shotgun blasts. (Still the occasional jumpscare, but Antler Guy really can’t help that part.) They even occasionally share news over the fence as Antler Guy trains the creeping deathshade vines in proper oral hygiene, and Steve waters his lawn (and occasionally slips a goldfish cracker to a deathshade vine that looks particularly adorable. Aubergine has trained him well.) Which is how Antler Guy learns about the peeping tom that’s been plaguing the adjacent streets. Apparently the pervert has been getting bolder, and rattling doors. He almost broke into one apartment, whose occupants were a single mother and her daughter, Mildred. Millie, a shy girl who is a great horror fan and firm friends with Timmy and Son, had missed school because of it. Steve knew because Sharon had told him, on her way to deliver a tuna casserole and a double batch of brownies to the pair. (Sharon has been dubbed the unoffical mob boss of the Mother’s Mafia. She is quite pleased with this title.) He tells her to wait, confers briefly with Aubergine, and sends her along with, “Only as a loan, you know, but Auby wants to stretch her roots and she’d probably like getting all ribboned and curled anyway. Little girls still do that, right?” She has strict orders to bite anyone that makes Millie or her mother cry. (Steve is dubbed the official neighborhood marshmallow for this. The bookclub buys him a jar of marshmallow fluff in commemoration.) He turns to look at Antler Guy, and freezes, much as a chihuahua will when faced with a hungry hellhound. “You….you alright there buddy?” “Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “ “Uh, yeah, I guess not. Did you, uh, know you’re kinda fuzzing at the edges, there?” “Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “ “Right. Um. Well.” Steven makes a very ungraceful exit when space starts bending around Antler Guy’s still, unmoving form. When Steve sees a shadowy form in his back yard when he gets up to pee that night, there’s no hesitation. He grabs the shotgun from the cabinet and peeks out the back door window. Just in time to see a nebulous form of soul-wrenching terror engulf the man reaching for the door handle. A sliver of moonlight reveals a very familiar eyesocket. After a moment (and a sincere prayer of thanks that he had already peed, cause otherwise he’d have done it then and there) Steve opens the door. The nebulous form freezes, reality bending around the edges. “Nice night for it, huh?” “…..Y̮̮͍͔͇͙͙̟̐͌͛̓̏͞͡Eͩͭͮ̓̍ͯ̀ͧ͏̵̴̛̺̠̱͕̕ͅS͈̹̮̟̳̪̩̘͍̤̲̻͈̱̳̽̋́ͩ̃͋̎ͩ̈͆̀͘͢͢͟ͅ.̧̢͈̭̝̥̦͚͍̇ͫ̃̓͆̿̇ͪ͊ͧ̃͛͌͜͢ “ “Guy won’t scare anymore litttle girls, will he?” “Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “ “Good. G’night then. Oh, and if Hellwife has an extra Audrey Jr. that needs a home, let me know. Millie likes Aubergine a lot but Augy’s just too big for the apartment. Dunno if they come in miniatures though.” “ I̴̛̟̭͉̮̜̩̬̮̣̘̰͚̩͙̟̳͔̜̙͑̂̆̆͗͒̀ ͖̖̰͉̥͖͔̙̤̺͍̳͈̹͙̣̞̇̇ͤ͒̅̈́͆̽ͧ́̚̚̕͘W̶̶̱͈̞͖̼̟̣̮̌͂͒̈́͑͌͒͋̍ͮ͗̈ͣ̓ͤ͘͟I̴̶̞̥̩͇̔ͩͦ̇̉̾ͣͬ̀̀̒͒ͧ͛͌͛͆̚͘͢ͅͅL̠̟͕̠̟̪̰̻ͯ͂͊ͥ̍̏͋̐ͬ̉̆̈̀͠L̸̞̭͔̮ͦ͑̉ͮͩ́ͬͨͣ͘͜.̴͈͎̮͇͓͖̱̻̣͊͊ͤͩ͊̑͗͞ ̸̡̩̖̞̩̻̩̪̭͙̳͚͇̟̺͖̑͊ͫ̀͆ͨ̉̔̓̂̓̋T̷̷̟͉̟̻̻̪̞̰̯̻͈̣̰̬̻̾͐́ͭ̓̅́͡H͇̬̪̩̬̝̣͍͈͇ͯ͛̏͌ͮͧͭͦ͟͜A̴̴̤͕͈̤̮̞̱̯͔͕̙͔͖̰̬̰͈̠ͥ̏ͥ̍̽ͧ̀͝N͗̓͋̃̈̑̀̅ͣ̽̒̂̄ͯͩͤ͏̢͢͏͈̯͎̪͇̟̠͔̯͓͓̰̠̱̠̳͕̳͝K̢̓ͧ͛͛ͣ̄̓̓ͯ̍̈̈́̌͂̔͟҉̛̘̥̖̤̦̻̳͙͟ ̢̢̻̥̹̣̞͉̘͇͚͍̖̯̘͚͔̗̩͓͐ͮ͂͂̀̚͘͠Y̜̞͇̳̗̬͎̰̙̜̩̪͎̞̙̠̔͂̌̃́̀O͇̺̲͙͍̬̳̘͈̱̜̝͔̖̊ͥ̿ͫͤͫͫͩ͋̓̃ͦ̈̄͢͟Ū̢͖̲̦̠̤͎̙͉̦͖̖͓͍̺̺ͪͯ͐͆͆ͭͯ͗ͦ̄̅̌̈̃̾ͭ̋ͧ͢͢͠͡.̶̸̞͓̞̹̗̻̣͈͕̠̬̦ͫ̆ͤͬͨͦ͒͂ͨ̿ͩͪ͘͞.ͧ͛̒̂̂͗ͨ̌͆ͥͭ͒̉͘͜͏̙͖̰̝̙̲͓̙͕͍̥̳̩́͠.̶̷̮͎̱̼̬͖̰͎͚͙̥̓͋͋ͦ̓̓ͯ͆͛̏ͫ̅ͯ.̨̧̙̤̳̮̺̙͖̞͔̗͎͍̑̆ͮ͐ͩͦ̌̽̾̏͘͠.̹̖͕̮͕̞̰͍͚͖̌ͪ̃̐̐̌̌̅̉͑ͧͪͪͬ̓͐́͛̿͘͞ ….NEIGHBOR STEVE.” “Anytime.” There are no more peeping reports. Millie brings back Aubergine and spends an entire afternoon teaching Steve the particulars of Augy’s new “hairstyle” (a gravity-defying mass of teased tendrils, ribbons, and barrettes) in between games of tag and hide-and-seek with Timmy and Son. When Antler Guy and Hellwife present her and her mother Beatrice with a tiny Audrey Jr. (”pOOr ThinG Is a ruNT And wOn’T geT MorE Than A FooT taLL, BEa, aNd NeeDS a New FRiEnD”, assures Hellwife), both mother and child burst out crying. Millie names it Bella, after Bella Lugosi, and shows it to the excited group of boys (Steve and Augy included). IT GOT SO MUCH BETTER!!!! Life in a subdivision partly populated with eldritch and possibly magical (officially classified as “extra-dimensional”, for even when faced with the physics-defying nature of their new co-habitating citizens the government cannot bring itself to acknowledge them as “magic wielding hell-beasts”, as some high-ranking staff members initially suggested) goes on fairly normally. Sure, there are a few hiccoughs. The creeping deathshade vines get a stern talking to about appropriate afternoon snacks (”NOT the Fitz-Simmon’s chihuahua, I don’t care how much he has it coming or what he excreted where, now spit it out!”), Aubergine sheds all her leaves at once and snowballs the house (but does helps sweep up afterwards), and moonrise is a good time to watch the night-gaunts fly by (but on moondark it’s best to stay inside, no matter how prettily they glow. They’re somewhat similar to fireflies, and don’t always check to see if their partner glows as well. It wouldn’t be as much of a problem if they didn’t dive mid-coitus and drop just above the ground.) While the neighborhood in general is accepting of the Abominations, when things get to be a bit much they tend to come to Steve. Since meeting Beatrice and Millie (and the formation of the Terrifying Triad known as Millie, Son, and Timmy) Steve is the adult human male most comfortable dealing with Antler Guy on the whole street. (Sharon as U.M.B. is widely held to have, well, steel-whatever-the-hell-she-wants, and Timmy is known to run over to Antler Guy and ask for rides through “that wobbly grey place, you know, the one with the REALLY BIG alligators?”. Still, the courtesies must be observed.) So when a writhing sparking ball of snarling terror and teeth takes up residence in the Manzo’s tool-shed, and when Animal Control refuses to come (the street is banned due to a run-in with the deathshade vines), Steve is called. Having heard the description, Steve brings Antler Guy. When they get there, Mr. Manzo is forcibly holding the door shut. Unholy yowling is coming from inside. At a gesture from Antler Guy, Mr. Manzo leaps away, and the doors blast open. A 150 pound ball of whimpering, flaming something hits Steve and knocks him on his ass. The whimpering, flaming something proceeds to slobber all over Steve, his shirt, his pants, and a decent portion of grass in between distressed yelps. “GACK!” “NEIGHBOR STEVE, ARE YOU IN DISTRESS?” “GAAACKLEARGHSPLUH- DOWN boy, HEEL, that’s a good- Antler Guy, what is this?!” “I BELIEVE IT IS A HELLHOUND, NEIGHBOR STEVE.” “Good grief, I didn’t know they came this big and…..and….. Guy?” “YES NEIGHBOR STEVE?” “Is he supposed to be…..skinless?” “YES NEIGHBOR STEVE. THIS VARIETY WAS BRED TO BE LAP DOGS. THEIR FLAME IS MOSTLY WITHOUT HEAT, AND THEY HAVE NO SKIN FOR THOSE WHO ARE ALLERGIC.” “…….laPDOG?!” “YES NEIGHBOR STEVE.” Antler Guy lays a hand on the hellhound, who tries to burrow further into Steve with little success. “HE APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN RECENTLY WEANED. IT WILL TAKE TIME FOR HIM TO GROW TO HIS FULL SIZE.” “……” “THE SMALL BREEDS GROW MORE SLOWLY.” A vile hissing emanates from the shed. (Mr. Manzo has long since fled for the safety of his kitchen.) As Steve attempts to calm the frantic hell-puppy, Antler Guy investigates. He reaches one long hand in behind the riding lawnmower and….. winces. “NEIGHBOR STEVE?” “Yeah- I’m right here, uh, doggie, not going anywhere- Guy?” “I APPEAR TO HAVE AN…. ATTACHMENT.” Steve is awed at the tiny ball of white fluff attached to one long, thin finger. He didn’t know that Antler Guy’s fingers COULD be bitten, much less by a tiny kitten. Which is how Steve and Sharon got Clifford (”Aww c’mon Sharon, how could I pass that one up?”), and Antler Guy and Hellwife get Fluffy (”NEIGHBOR STEVE ASSURES ME IT IS A TRADITIONAL TITLE.”) This might be the most amazing thing that ever crossed my tumblr dash OMIGOSH I’m in love. I LOVE EVERY BIT OF THIS This is like the stoplight post. It is Tumblr legend, and I feel I must reblog it for those fortunate few who get to experience it for the first time.

apparently
apparently
ass
ass
Bad
Bad
Birthday
Birthday
blood moon
blood moon
chihuahua
chihuahua
Christmas
Christmas
club
club
comfortable
comfortable
Crying
Crying
Dad
Dad
Dogs
Dogs
Fall
Fall
Food
Food
Friends
Friends
Frozen
Frozen
Funny
Funny
gif
gif
Girls
Girls
Goldfish
Goldfish
huh
huh
Hungry
Hungry
Lawyer
Lawyer
Lay's
Lay's
Life
Life
Love
Love
McDonalds
McDonalds
Music
Music
News
News
Party
Party
Phone
Phone
Run
Run
Scare
Scare
School
School
shade
shade
Singing
Singing
Streets
Streets
Target
Target
tumblr
tumblr
Vine
Vine
yeah
yeah
Formation
Formation
Control
Control
Lost
Lost
Say it
Say it
Work
Work
Animal
Animal
Appreciate
Appreciate
Best
Best
Blog
Blog
Book
Book
Brain
Brain
Cake
Cake
Couch
Couch
Forever
Forever
Games
Games
Girl
Girl
Good
Good
Gravity
Gravity
Grey
Grey
Guess
Guess
Hawaii
Hawaii
Heat
Heat
Help
Help
Home
Home
House
House
Http
Http
Imgur
Imgur
Kids
Kids
Mean
Mean
Moon
Moon
Nature
Nature
Nexus
Nexus
Paint
Paint
Power
Power
Puppy
Puppy
Purple
Purple
Quiet
Quiet
Quite
Quite
Space
Space
The Fall
The Fall
Time
Time
Tool
Tool
Vines
Vines
Watch
Watch
Water
Water
What Is
What Is
White
White
World
World
Catholic
Catholic
Wife
Wife
Diet
Diet
Prayer
Prayer
Hawaiian
Hawaiian
Amazing
Amazing
Angry
Angry
Mad
Mad
Old
Old
Physics
Physics
Rowdy
Rowdy
Sad
Sad
Ability
Ability
Christmas Sweater
Christmas Sweater
Courage
Courage
Experience
Experience
Government
Government
Grief
Grief
Hell
Hell
Helps
Helps
Mind
Mind
Moonlight
Moonlight
Never
Never
Paperwork
Paperwork
Reality
Reality
Sleep
Sleep
Success
Success
The Apartment
The Apartment
Thought
Thought
Teaching
Teaching
Single
Single
Adorable
Adorable
All of The
All of The
Alright
Alright
Animated
Animated
Answer the Phone
Answer the Phone
Asks
Asks
Back
Back
Baking
Baking
Been
Been
Blank
Blank
boy
boy
boys
boys
how
how
feet
feet
got
got
eve
eve
media
media
powers
powers
mafia
mafia
bitten
bitten
answer
answer
legend
legend
ask
ask
her
her
gun
gun
Dog
Dog
blood
blood
cat
cat
job
job
yes
yes
car
car
human
human
the doors
the doors
jeans
jeans
mother
mother
steel
steel
looking
looking
roots
roots
tea
tea
table
table
horror
horror
com
com
dash
dash
teeth
teeth
tomato
tomato
realm
realm
once
once
foot
foot
suburban
suburban
boss
boss
data
data
class
class
light
light
poison
poison
zen
zen
who
who
mass
mass
pound
pound
big
big
key
key
soul
soul
ideas
ideas
him
him
marshmallow
marshmallow
source
source
can
can
treehouse
treehouse
grow
grow
tuna
tuna
doors
doors
daughter
daughter
the wall
the wall
one
one
cracker
cracker
the moon
the moon
friend
friend
img
img
snuff
snuff
down
down
group
group
case
case
tiny
tiny
skin
skin
shotgun
shotgun
grass
grass
moonrise
moonrise
clifford
clifford
flute
flute
hide
hide
cry
cry
revelation
revelation
may
may
man
man
hide and seek
hide and seek
open
open
fly
fly
haunted house
haunted house
name
name
kitten
kitten
don
don
citizens
citizens
reindeer
reindeer
adult
adult
means
means
trains
trains
aura
aura
three
three
fireflies
fireflies
triad
triad
believe
believe
why
why
carolina
carolina
mob
mob
staff
staff
will
will
flame
flame
she
she
window
window
bliss
bliss
blast
blast
names
names
pigs
pigs
own
own
did
did
holiday
holiday
fluffy
fluffy
them
them
all
all
first
first
exchange
exchange
face
face
bella
bella
terror
terror
the world
the world
picture
picture
huge
huge
steve
steve
coitus
coitus
make
make
stretch
stretch
solid
solid
they
they
pta
pta
double
double
check
check
thing
thing
a haunted house
a haunted house
moment
moment
words
words
new
new
abomination
abomination
you
you
yard
yard
peeping tom
peeping tom
suburbia
suburbia
door
door
saved
saved
modern
modern
src
src
bite
bite
shirt
shirt
inside
inside
now
now
haunted
haunted
buddy
buddy
bloom
bloom
ball
ball
the face
the face
stay
stay
general
general
extra
extra
good people
good people
post
post
the street
the street
son
son
trip
trip
bea
bea
what
what
times
times
still
still
for
for
share
share
months
months
alligators
alligators
firm
firm
shy
shy
normal
normal
last name
last name
the house
the house
you and me
you and me
birthday party
birthday party
finger
finger
child
child
association
association
glow
glow
rendition
rendition
hug
hug
waters
waters
swinging
swinging
m&b
m&b
batch
batch
street
street
remote
remote
fluff
fluff
loan
loan
handle
handle
frantic
frantic
just in time
just in time
noise
noise
aubergine
aubergine
href
href
spit
spit
look
look
the dog
the dog
side
side
read
read
more
more
this
this
connect
connect
get
get
what is this
what is this
excited
excited
really
really
high
high
stop
stop
in love
in love
done
done
surprise
surprise
come back
come back
great
great
joke
joke
broke
broke
like
like
sure
sure
screaming
screaming
tom
tom
right
right
feel
feel
this is
this is
problem
problem
guy
guy
poor
poor
always
always
kitchen
kitchen
people
people
do you
do you
new friend
new friend
calm
calm
sweater
sweater
quick
quick
curious
curious
full
full
likes
likes
well
well
find
find
such
such
suddenly
suddenly
fan
fan
drop
drop
immediately
immediately
present
present
tv remote
tv remote
style
style
thanks
thanks
acknowledge
acknowledge
probably
probably
hand
hand
leaves
leaves
just
just
skulls
skulls
no no
no no
whatever
whatever
the guest
the guest
though
though
then
then
snacks
snacks
finally
finally
fence
fence
glitter
glitter
hit
hit
familiar
familiar
because
because
together
together
bought
bought
everyone
everyone
hellhound
hellhound
are you
are you
afternoon
afternoon
feeling
feeling
distressed
distressed
wait
wait
might
might
sometimes
sometimes
ripped
ripped
audrey
audrey
hideous
hideous
coming
coming
tmblr
tmblr
kitschy
kitschy
those
those
went
went
terrifying
terrifying
came
came
appear
appear
i want to
i want to
writhing
writhing
away
away
seen
seen
thank
thank
shut
shut
agreed
agreed
anyone
anyone
dubbed
dubbed
hotdogs
hotdogs
useful
useful
regrets
regrets
afterwards
afterwards
knew
knew
good time
good time
glyphs
glyphs
saying
saying
fitz
fitz
let me know
let me know
hesitation
hesitation
materialize
materialize
the mailbox
the mailbox
i guess
i guess
stoplight
stoplight
fairly
fairly
engulf
engulf
noticed
noticed
kinda
kinda
as well
as well
not yet
not yet
let me
let me
missed
missed
creeping
creeping
salesman
salesman
vastly
vastly
legally
legally
invited
invited
love it
love it
sarcastically
sarcastically
i would
i would
pleased
pleased
throwing
throwing
sheds
sheds
adjacent
adjacent
nebulous
nebulous
shed
shed
decent
decent
except
except
occasionally
occasionally
talking
talking
proper
proper
lovely
lovely
their
their
faced
faced
ever
ever
heard
heard
loves
loves
matter
matter
heel
heel
netherworld
netherworld
regardless
regardless
pervert
pervert
gotten
gotten
sliver
sliver
eldritch
eldritch
nowadays
nowadays
partake
partake
corporeal
corporeal
otherwise
otherwise
cahoots
cahoots
chaos
chaos
the man
the man
honor
honor
fortunate
fortunate
perhaps
perhaps
particularly
particularly
riding
riding
distress
distress
christen
christen
were
were
gesture
gesture
cabinet
cabinet
fingers
fingers
burrow
burrow
stern
stern
there
there
modern times
modern times
overtly
overtly
too
too
fact
fact
orig
orig
further
further
triplicate
triplicate
edges
edges
whose
whose
state
state
appropriate
appropriate
vile
vile
tool shed
tool shed
through
through
almost
 almost
meeting
 meeting
yeah i guess
 yeah i guess
no
 no
/tv/
 /tv/
traditional
 traditional
called
 called
care
 care
night
 night
something
 something
see
 see
things
 things
wall
 wall
better
 better
hands
 hands
way
 way
need
 need
come
 come
know
 know
want
 want
place
 place
yet
 yet
say
 say
much
 much
anymore
 anymore
anyway
 anyway
around
 around
years
 years
for the first time
 for the first time
so much
 so much
two
 two
tag
 tag
jar
 jar
pee
 pee
gets
 gets
peed
 peed
wear
 wear
male
 male
oral
 oral
drew
 drew
thin
 thin
pass
 pass
tall
 tall
outer
 outer
wives
 wives
meats
 meats
swear
 swear
again
 again
fangs
 fangs
timmy
 timmy
small
 small
pants
 pants
deliver
 deliver
already
 already
slobber
 slobber
decided
 decided
flaming
 flaming
bending
 bending
no more
 no more
too big
 too big
freezes
 freezes
the key
 the key
magical
 magical
hygiene
 hygiene
peeping
 peeping
hallway
 hallway
the way
 the way
hissing
 hissing
mailbox
 mailbox
chewing
 chewing
in time
 in time
there is
 there is
neighbor
 neighbor
attempts
 attempts
apartment
 apartment
she wants
 she wants
on a diet
 on a diet
guess not
 guess not
batteries
 batteries
ultimatum
 ultimatum
teddybear
 teddybear
get along
 get along
horrified
 horrified
poor thing
 poor thing
classified
 classified
tumblr blog
 tumblr blog
tiny kitten
 tiny kitten
much better
 much better
oral hygiene
 oral hygiene
for christmas
 for christmas
state of mind
 state of mind
animal control
 animal control
the first time
 the first time
mother and child
 mother and child
the neighborhood
 the neighborhood
surprise birthday party
surprise birthday party
won
won
out
out
over
over
plant
plant
playing
playing
comfort
comfort
Grown
Grown
Partner
Partner
Given That
Given That
I Guess Not
I Guess Not
Sleep On The Couch
Sleep On The Couch
Size
Size
Seek
Seek
Reveals
Reveals
Young People
Young People
Off
Off
Cups
Cups
Description
Description
Young
Young
I See
I See
In The Face
In The Face
Little
Little
Guy Love
Guy Love
And
And
The Moment
The Moment
Testing
Testing
Other
Other
You Know
You Know
Lawn
Lawn
Dive
Dive
Here
Here
Safety
Safety
Wish
Wish
Height
Height
Steven
Steven
Holy Water
Holy Water
Single Mother
Single Mother
Both
Both
When
When
Expand
Expand
A Lot
A Lot
Actually
Actually
Shy Girl
Shy Girl
Standardized Testing
Standardized Testing
Holy
Holy
I Love
I Love
I Will
I Will
My Son
My Son
That
That
I Want
I Want
Dunno
Dunno
Is Coming
Is Coming
Try
Try
Picture Of
Picture Of
You Know I
You Know I
But
But
Not
Not
Last
Last
Legal
Legal
Where
Where
Is This
Is This
When He
When He
Serving
Serving
On Time
On Time
You Are
You Are
Come In
Come In
Brownies
Brownies
The Door
The Door
Know You
Know You
Book Club
Book Club
Lawnmower
Lawnmower
Jumpscare
Jumpscare
Or What
Or What
How Much
How Much
Give
Give
The
The
The First
The First
Banned
Banned
Not The
Not The
Long
Long
Conference
Conference
A Good
A Good
Reaching
Reaching
From
From
Imgur Com
Imgur Com
Right Here
Right Here
Sharon
Sharon
On The Way
On The Way
Homeowner
Homeowner
One Up
One Up
No Car
No Car
Believe It
Believe It
This Big
This Big
Back Door
Back Door
The One
The One
You Alright
You Alright
Attachment
Attachment
Your
Your
Sweep
Sweep
Millie
Millie
I Have
I Have
The Hell
The Hell
Its
Its
Post It
Post It
Part
Part
This Many
This Many
Exit
Exit
First Time
First Time
Every
Every
Behind The
Behind The
Told
Told
Take
Take
Starts
Starts
Many
Many
Slice
Slice
Has Been
Has Been
To Look
To Look
Slipping
Slipping
Kind
Kind
Needs
Needs
The Pervert
The Pervert
People Nowadays
People Nowadays
Questionable
Questionable
Really Big
Really Big
Bred
Bred
Physics Defying
Physics Defying
Few
Few
Runt
Runt
Front
Front
Ate
Ate
Pressed
Pressed
Official
Official
Cannot
Cannot
One Time
One Time
Holding
Holding
Drips
Drips
Kind Of
Kind Of
Very
Very
Sculpture
Sculpture
Doggie
Doggie
Omigosh
Omigosh
Without
Without
Filing
Filing
Accepting
Accepting
While
While
Spent
Spent
Burst
Burst
Start
Start
Looks
Looks
Attached
Attached
20 Years
20 Years
After
After
Little Girls
Little Girls
For Him
For Him
Pair
Pair
Hits
Hits
Remains
Remains
Plus
Plus
Lapdog
Lapdog
Sincere
Sincere
At Least
At Least
Possibly
Possibly
Behind
Behind
In My
In My
Plate
Plate
Rise
Rise
Invite
Invite
Was
Was
With
With
Takes
Takes
Cause
Cause
Screams
Screams
Let
Let
Reports
Reports
Comes
Comes
In A
In A
Are
Are
Have
Have
Figure
Figure
Appears
Appears
Going
Going
Form
Form
First Words
First Words
Had
Had
Tries
Tries
Width
Width
I Would Like
I Would Like
Sights
Sights
Who Is
Who Is
Goes
Goes
Enjoyed
Enjoyed
Do Not
Do Not
A Shy Girl
A Shy Girl
Put
Put
I Feel
I Feel
Forcibly
Forcibly
Gave
Gave
I Now
I Now
Litttle
Litttle
See It
See It
The Cake
The Cake
Tuna Casserole
Tuna Casserole
Swear To
Swear To
One Upped
One Upped
Not Going
Not Going
Img Src
Img Src
A Href
A Href
Https
Https
Keep
Keep
Variety
Variety
Which
Which
Shirts
Shirts
Only
Only
About
About
Does
Does
Neighborhood
Neighborhood
Rates
Rates
Committee
Committee
Tumblr Com
Tumblr Com
Between
Between
Since
Since
County
County
Has
Has
Hawaiian Shirts
Hawaiian Shirts
Mid
Mid
Lot
Lot
Ammunition
Ammunition
Counsel
Counsel
Before
Before
Most
Most
Added
Added
Beatrice
Beatrice
Carolina Style
Carolina Style
Held
Held
Inline
Inline
Must
Must
The Birthday
The Birthday
The Great
The Great
Marshmallow Fluff
Marshmallow Fluff
Bring
Bring
Changed
Changed
Wants
Wants
Than
Than
Standardized
Standardized
Dealing
Dealing
Knocks
Knocks
Speaking
Speaking
Pact
Pact
Says
Says
Getting
Getting
Given
Given
Breeds
Breeds
Wide
Wide
Known
Known
Along
Along
Brings
Brings
Even
Even
His
His
Atrocities
Atrocities
Title
Title
Some
Some
Allergic
Allergic
Vastness
Vastness
Crossed
Crossed
Above
Above
Three Dimensional
Three Dimensional
Could
Could
Flesh
Flesh
Guest
Guest
It Was
It Was
Who I
Who I
Having
Having
A Few
A Few
Begonias
Begonias
Bit
Bit
Deliberately
Deliberately
Less
Less
Mildred
Mildred
Rattling
Rattling
Reblog
Reblog
Several
Several
Sort
Sort
Strict
Strict
Supposed To
Supposed To
Tend
Tend
The Feeling
The Feeling
Triads
Triads
Unclean
Unclean
You Down
You Down
A Bad
A Bad
A New
A New
A Single
A Single
About The
About The
Admits
Admits
After The
After The
And Me
And Me
And There
And There
Are You In
Are You In
As One
As One
As Useful As
As Useful As
At School
At School
Awed
Awed
Bad Start
Bad Start
Barbeque
Barbeque
Be You
Be You
Boundary
Boundary
But It
But It
Calls
Calls
Casserole
Casserole
Could Be
Could Be
Done It
Done It
Door Shut
Door Shut
Door To Door Salesman
Door To Door Salesman
Down Boy
Down Boy
Dropped
Dropped
Even More
Even More
For The
For The
Fundraise
Fundraise
Goes On
Goes On
Goldfish Cracker
Goldfish Cracker
Hawaiians
Hawaiians
He Has
He Has
High Pitched Noise
High Pitched Noise
High Pitched
High Pitched
His Birthday
His Birthday
Holding The Door
Holding The Door
Horror Fan
Horror Fan
I Read
I Read
I See It
I See It
I Shall
I Shall
I Will Go
I Will Go
In Front Of The
In Front Of The
In On
In On
In The
In The
Into
Into
Is A
Is A
Is Not
Is Not
It Is
It Is
It Out
It Out
It Was A
It Was A
Jar Of
Jar Of
Kind Of Want
Kind Of Want
Know That
Know That
Lap
Lap
Light Up
Light Up
Lugosi
Lugosi
Many Years
Many Years
Mass Of
Mass Of
Mates
Mates
Miniatures
Miniatures
Mob Boss
Mob Boss
Monthly
Monthly
Most Amazing
Most Amazing
Most Hideous
Most Hideous
Mostly
Mostly
My Dad
My Dad
No I
No I
No Skins
No Skins
Not A Joke
Not A Joke
Not A
Not A
Not Going Anywhere
Not Going Anywhere
On A
On A
On The Couch
On The Couch
On The Way To Work
On The Way To Work
Or Something
Or Something
Portion
Portion
Reaches
Reaches
Families
Families
Time For
Time For
To Bloom
To Bloom
All Of
All Of
All Over
All Over
Along With
Along With
Antler
Antler
Anywhere
Anywhere
Daiquiri
Daiquiri
Fellow
Fellow
Firmly
Firmly
Manzo
Manzo
Similar
Similar
Suburbanize
Suburbanize
Sweep Up
Sweep Up
Bathe
Bathe
afterward
 afterward
young guy
 young guy
red coats
 red coats
elderly
 elderly
no maam
 no maam
homed
homed
comely
comely
homely
homely
brisk
brisk
ons
ons
hesitate
hesitate
proper
proper
hotness
hotness
in the house
in the house
overeating
overeating
madding
madding
noticed
noticed
a cup
a cup
red coat
red coat
saying
saying
warm
warm
messing
messing
they
they
teachers
teachers
hot chocolate