cacen so at the bar in which I work there's an unofficial rule that all of our door staff must have names that start with D or rhyme with 'doorman' which has led to me be friending a trio of six foot four men with beards called Doorman Logan Doorman Drew and Doorman Darn now let me tell you now that Doorman Dan is the abso- lute love of my life I don't care that he's a decade older than me and has a fiance you know when someone is so extraordinary or impossible to define that they're simply referred to as 'a character? that's Doorman Dan now before I get into his personality let's describe his appearance imagine the most stereotypical Scand inavian person ever tall white-blond strong-jawed now add a heavy South Walian accent and an orange jumper that's Doorman Dan since meeting him last year I've discovered he once had a dream that he had a tattoo that said 'shit happens' on his left arsecheek so when he woke up he decided he had to fulfil the prophecy and got it tattooed on his arse by a bloke called Junkie Jeff at 9AM he forgot to call his girlfriend for three months while he was in the army and was complet unaware they had broken up until he wishe happy Christmas and she responded with what the fuck Dan accidentally married his army buddy in Vegas for thirty-six hours he saw someone beating up a guy for being gay and instead of jumping in and fighting back he decided to get absolutely bollock-naked and stand in front of the homophobe until he got freaked out and ran off he has a millionare buddy who rings him up once a month for 'mystery adventures' one of which has resulted in Doorman Dan no longer being allowed inside any John Lewis shops he is convinced the love of his life is not his fiancee but a man named Ned upon being asked who Ned is he shrugged and responded with TII know when I meet him he runs an Instagram account dedicated to his pet rabbits and refuses to let people into the bar unless they follow him his fiancee booked a wedding venue before he even proposed I don't even know if I'm invited truth be when he caught a couple having sex in our loos he didn't want to intrude so he just gently knocked on the door and asked if they'd like a snack he has created his own non-alcoholic cocktail called Doorman's Sunrise because he feels left out being the only person on the dance floor without a drink when he's patrolling the bar I could honestly write a ten-season sitcom about him cacen BIG OL UPDATE HE GOT MARRIED LAST WEEK!!!! zohbugg I need 10 seasons and a movie about the life of Doorman Dan thecheshirecass I look forward to reading more about the loving polyamorous relationship he and his wife develop with Ned when they finally meet fuckyeahdiomedes What's the instagram for the rabbits op? Source cacen 114993 notes Once upon a time there was a doorman named Dan Meme

found @ 35 likes ON 2019-02-28 18:24:24 BY ME.ME