Ass, Beautiful, and Butt: did you know?
 did-you-kno.tumblr.com
 During a battle in 603 BC, Chinese warrior
 Xiong Yiliao stepped out between the armies
 and started juggling 9 balls. The opposing
 troops were so amazed that all 500 of them
 turned and fled
 did-you-kno.tumblr.com
 didyouknowblog.com
 facebook.com/didyouknowblog
optimysticals:

uovoc:

konec0:

sleepyferret:

shitfacedanon:

dat-soldier:

sonnetscrewdriver:

dat-soldier:

did-you-kno:

Source


back the fuck up

There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.
So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.
The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.
Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.


did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out

This just keeps getting better

I fucking love history.

ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok
so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire.
The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked.
On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like “shit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap
When Sima Yi comes he’s all like “yo come on in bro”
and Sima Yi is like “yeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes
wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing.
and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like “he know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave.
Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan was based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat. 
and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely just to deceive one man, and it worked.

Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river.
Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy. 
Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows.
Zhuge Liang is legend.

I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History.

optimysticals: uovoc: konec0: sleepyferret: shitfacedanon: dat-soldier: sonnetscrewdriver: dat-soldier: did-you-kno: Source back the fuck up There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up. So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him. The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off. Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes. did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out This just keeps getting better I fucking love history. ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire. The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked. On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like “shit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap When Sima Yi comes he’s all like “yo come on in bro” and Sima Yi is like “yeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing. and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like “he know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave. Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan was based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.  and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely just to deceive one man, and it worked. Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river. Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.  Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows. Zhuge Liang is legend. I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History.

ass
ass
beautiful
beautiful
butt
butt
Clothes
Clothes
crazy
crazy
definitely
definitely
Drinking
Drinking
Facebook
Facebook
Fucking
Fucking
head
head
Love
Love
period
period
Saw
Saw
shit
shit
Soldiers
Soldiers
Streets
Streets
Target
Target
tbh
tbh
trap
trap
tumblr
tumblr
wikipedia
wikipedia
China
China
Army
Army
Blog
Blog
Chinese
Chinese
facebook.com
facebook.com
Fuck
Fuck
Genius
Genius
Good
Good
History
History
Http
Http
Imgur
Imgur
The General
The General
The Real
The Real
Time
Time
Wiki
Wiki
World
World
Pull Out
Pull Out
Ancient
Ancient
Brilliant
Brilliant
Cunning
Cunning
World History
World History
Never
Never
Fight
Fight
All The
All The
Back
Back
Been
Been
In World
In World
Blank
Blank
media
media
gate
gate
idea
idea
another
another
legend
legend
warrior
warrior
super
super
looking
looking
tea
tea
com
com
teeth
teeth
data
data
class
class
who
who
river
river
him
him
source
source
top
top
bastard
bastard
one
one
img
img
battles
battles
png
png
the gates
the gates
sam
sam
the gate
the gate
play
play
survival
survival
hide
hide
city
city
etc
etc
man
man
open
open
build a
build a
three
three
org
org
day
day
wikipedia org
wikipedia org
soldier
soldier
the streets
the streets
the enemy
the enemy
will
will
think
think
dat
dat
romance
romance
did
did
them
them
all
all
the situation
the situation
picture
picture
huge
huge
they
they
thing
thing
alt
alt
like crazy
like crazy
you
you
story
story
src
src
real
real
person
person
general
general
gates
gates
three kingdoms
three kingdoms
post
post
build
build
the city
the city
what
what
juggling
juggling
for
for
calligraphy
calligraphy
breaking
breaking
enemy
enemy
option
option
nah
nah
lose
lose
meteorologist
meteorologist
handle
handle
href
href
the horde
the horde
scenario
scenario
environment
environment
using
using
side
side
more
more
winning
winning
bro
bro
this
this
traps
traps
did you know
did you know
seriously
seriously
couple
couple
i know
i know
like
like
men
men
this is
this is
i like
i like
full
full
well
well
guys
guys
amazed
amazed
i know that
i know that
turn
turn
just
just
enough
enough
then
then
accurate
accurate
battle
battle
outside
outside
impossible
impossible
eventually
eventually
reputation
reputation
horde
horde
subtlety
subtlety
wait
wait
sneaky
sneaky
and then
and then
tmblr
tmblr
mention
mention
let's
let's
opponent
opponent
sitting
sitting
no way
no way
anyone
anyone
i think
i think
chilling
chilling
the fuck
the fuck
kinda
kinda
entered
entered
screwed
screwed
invited
invited
dumber
dumber
heads
heads
i would
i would
tactician
tactician
balls
balls
pretty
pretty
literally
literally
sweat
sweat
obvious
obvious
extraordinaire
extraordinaire
maybe
maybe
their
their
ton
ton
however
however
cautious
cautious
specifically
specifically
come on
come on
thus
thus
base
base
recall
recall
essentially
essentially
deceive
deceive
based
based
actual
actual
promptly
promptly
were
were
there
there
wipe
wipe
began
began
logical
logical
fact
fact
orig
orig
dismantle
dismantle
whose
whose
capable
capable
over it
 over it
no
 no
see
 see
hours
 hours
better
 better
way
 way
come
 come
know
 know
place
 place
later
 later
said
 said
much
 much
around
 around
else
 else
two
 two
gets
 gets
large
 large
panic
 panic
small
 small
one man
 one man
decided
 decided
fuck up
 fuck up
the river
 the river
come on in
 come on in
tumblr blog
 tumblr blog
pretty much
 pretty much
brilliant idea
 brilliant idea
back the fuck up
 back the fuck up
won
won
out
out
over
over
natural
natural
nah-man
nah-man
A Trap
A Trap
Fucking Love
Fucking Love
I Fucking Love
I Fucking Love
Like Seriously
Like Seriously
Calmly
Calmly
Off
Off
Fuck Ton
Fuck Ton
Cautious Person
Cautious Person
Arrows
Arrows
Flat
Flat
Leave
Leave
And
And
Other
Other
You Know
You Know
Here
Here
I Love This Post
I Love This Post
Height
Height
Both
Both
When
When
A Lot
A Lot
Number
Number
This Post
This Post
Simply
Simply
Sail
Sail
I Love
I Love
I Love This
I Love This
Pretty Good
Pretty Good
That
That
Love This Post
Love This Post
But
But
Not
Not
Plan
Plan
Where
Where
Fucked
Fucked
When He
When He
Learning
Learning
He Knows
He Knows
Real Genius
Real Genius
Drinking Tea
Drinking Tea
Getting Better
Getting Better
The
The
Tactical
Tactical
Long
Long
Sent
Sent
From
From
Imgur Com
Imgur Com
Basically
Basically
Points
Points
Go Back
Go Back
Were Screwed
Were Screwed
When Said
When Said
He Gets It
He Gets It
Plans
Plans
Sweep
Sweep
Post It
Post It
Take
Take
Sits
Sits
Kind
Kind
During
During
Gotta
Gotta
Ÿ˜˜
Ÿ˜˜
Ÿ˜…
Ÿ˜…
Pull
Pull
One Time
One Time
The Shit
The Shit
Kind Of
Kind Of
Without
Without
The Fact That
The Fact That
While
While
I Imgur Com
I Imgur Com
Start
Start
About To
About To
After
After
OK
OK
Fights
Fights
Situation
Situation
Turned
Turned
Armed To The Teeth
Armed To The Teeth
Had To
Had To
Invite
Invite
Was
Was
With
With
Takes
Takes
Half
Half
Foggy
Foggy
Firing
Firing
Comes
Comes
Have
Have
Figure
Figure
Appears
Appears
Rival
Rival
Going
Going
Geniuses
Geniuses
Had
Had
And That
And That
Width
Width
I Imgur
I Imgur
Goes
Goes
Also
Also
Put
Put
Did I
Did I
Sima Yi
Sima Yi
Equivalent
Equivalent
Img Src
Img Src
A Href
A Href
Https
Https
Boats
Boats
Which
Which
Only
Only
About
About
Does
Does
Tumblr Com
Tumblr Com
Between
Between
Advantage
Advantage
Since
Since
Has
Has
Lot
Lot
Resources
Resources
Before
Before
Meant
Meant
Being
Being
Most
Most
Against
Against
En Wikipedia Org
En Wikipedia Org
Inline
Inline
Kno
Kno
Lateralization
Lateralization
Is Just
Is Just
I Fucking
I Fucking
A Fuck
A Fuck
Within
Within
Leading
Leading
Showing Up
Showing Up
Getting
Getting
Started
Started
Knows
Knows
His
His
Clearly
Clearly
Recognized
Recognized
Destroying
Destroying
Environmentally
Environmentally
Long Period
Long Period
Armed
Armed
It Was
It Was
Bluff
Bluff
Less
Less
Worked
Worked
Zhuge Liang
Zhuge Liang
A Long
A Long
A Lot Of
A Lot Of
A Pretty Good
A Pretty Good
All Over It
All Over It
Ancient China
Ancient China
Ancient Chinese
Ancient Chinese
And Basically
And Basically
And More
And More
And Then He
And Then He
Any
Any
Anyone Else
Anyone Else
Arrive
Arrive
Bluffing
Bluffing
Breaking A Sweat
Breaking A Sweat
Cunning Plan
Cunning Plan
Did He Just
Did He Just
Entirely
Entirely
Facebooking
Facebooking
Generalizations
Generalizations
He Has
He Has
He Started
He Started
Http En Wikipedia Org Wiki
Http En Wikipedia Org Wiki
Huging
Huging
I Loves This Post
I Loves This Post
In The
In The
Is Not
Is Not
It Just Keeps Getting Better
It Just Keeps Getting Better
It Was A
It Was A
Just Maybe
Just Maybe
Know That
Know That
Like 10
Like 10
Love This
Love This
Maybe Just Maybe
Maybe Just Maybe
Men And
Men And
Misses
Misses
Out Of
Out Of
Periodization
Periodization
Realizes
Realizes
Written
Written
Manning And
Manning And
A Couple
A Couple
A Couple Of
A Couple Of
Across
Across
All Over
All Over
Anciently
Anciently
Ancientness
Ancientness
Another Story
Another Story
Defend
Defend
Riverly
Riverly
Xiong
Xiong
Bastardize
Bastardize
Builded
Builded
Charged
Charged
Civilian
Civilian
Civilianize
Civilianize
Cunningness
Cunningness
Defendable
Defendable
Deliberation
Deliberation
Entire
Entire
Facing
Facing
Fleetly
Fleetly
Fleetness
Fleetness
Gating
Gating
Generality
Generality
In All Likelihood
In All Likelihood
Invitee
Invitee
Laterality
Laterality
Liang
Liang
Mentionable
Mentionable
Panically
Panically
Sima
Sima
Sweated
Sweated
Sweepingly
Sweepingly
Your
Your
The
The
And
And
Sick Cunt
Sick Cunt
Simly
Simly
avery
 avery
bony
bony
willie
willie
cun
cun
traits
traits
traits
traits
cun
cun
willie
willie
bony
bony
avery
 avery
Simly
Simly
Sick Cunt
Sick Cunt
And
And
The
The
Your
Your
Sweepingly
Sweepingly
Sweated
Sweated
Sima
Sima
Panically
Panically
Mentionable
Mentionable
Liang
Liang
Laterality
Laterality
Invitee
Invitee
In All Likelihood
In All Likelihood
Generality
Generality
Gating
Gating
Fleetness
Fleetness
Fleetly
Fleetly
Facing
Facing
Entire
Entire
Deliberation
Deliberation
Defendable
Defendable
Cunningness
Cunningness
Civilianize
Civilianize
Civilian
Civilian
Charged
Charged
Builded
Builded
Bastardize
Bastardize
Xiong
Xiong
Riverly
Riverly
Defend
Defend
Another Story
Another Story
Ancientness
Ancientness
Anciently
Anciently
All Over
All Over
Across
Across
A Couple Of
A Couple Of
A Couple
A Couple
Manning And
Manning And
Written
Written
Realizes
Realizes
Periodization
Periodization
Out Of
Out Of
Misses
Misses
Men And
Men And
Maybe Just Maybe
Maybe Just Maybe
Love This
Love This
Like 10
Like 10
Know That
Know That
Just Maybe
Just Maybe
It Was A
It Was A
It Just Keeps Getting Better
It Just Keeps Getting Better
Is Not
Is Not
In The
In The
I Loves This Post
I Loves This Post
Huging
Huging
Http En Wikipedia Org Wiki
Http En Wikipedia Org Wiki
He Started
He Started
He Has
He Has
Generalizations
Generalizations
Facebooking
Facebooking
Entirely
Entirely
Did He Just
Did He Just
Cunning Plan
Cunning Plan
Breaking A Sweat
Breaking A Sweat
Bluffing
Bluffing
Arrive
Arrive
Anyone Else
Anyone Else
Any
Any
And Then He
And Then He
And More
And More
And Basically
And Basically
Ancient Chinese
Ancient Chinese
Ancient China
Ancient China
All Over It
All Over It
A Pretty Good
A Pretty Good
A Lot Of
A Lot Of
A Long
A Long
Zhuge Liang
Zhuge Liang
Worked
Worked
Less
Less
Bluff
Bluff
It Was
It Was
Armed
Armed
Long Period
Long Period
Environmentally
Environmentally
Destroying
Destroying
Recognized
Recognized
Clearly
Clearly
His
His
Knows
Knows
Started
Started
Getting
Getting
Showing Up
Showing Up
Leading
Leading
Within
Within
A Fuck
A Fuck
I Fucking
I Fucking
Is Just
Is Just
Lateralization
Lateralization
Kno
Kno
Inline
Inline
En Wikipedia Org
En Wikipedia Org
Against
Against
Most
Most
Being
Being
Meant
Meant
Before
Before
Resources
Resources
Lot
Lot
Has
Has
Since
Since
Advantage
Advantage
Between
Between
Tumblr Com
Tumblr Com
Does
Does
About
About
Only
Only
Which
Which
Boats
Boats
Https
Https
A Href
A Href
Img Src
Img Src
Equivalent
Equivalent
Sima Yi
Sima Yi
Did I
Did I
Put
Put
Also
Also
Goes
Goes
I Imgur
I Imgur
Width
Width
And That
And That
Had
Had
Geniuses
Geniuses
Going
Going
Rival
Rival
Appears
Appears
Figure
Figure
Have
Have
Comes
Comes
Firing
Firing
Foggy
Foggy
Half
Half
Takes
Takes
With
With
Was
Was
Invite
Invite
Had To
Had To
Armed To The Teeth
Armed To The Teeth
Turned
Turned
Situation
Situation
Fights
Fights
OK
OK
After
After
About To
About To
Start
Start
I Imgur Com
I Imgur Com
While
While
The Fact That
The Fact That
Without
Without
Kind Of
Kind Of
The Shit
The Shit
One Time
One Time
Pull
Pull
Ÿ˜…
Ÿ˜…
Ÿ˜˜
Ÿ˜˜
Gotta
Gotta
During
During
Kind
Kind
Sits
Sits
Take
Take
Post It
Post It
Sweep
Sweep
Plans
Plans
He Gets It
He Gets It
When Said
When Said
Were Screwed
Were Screwed
Go Back
Go Back
Points
Points
Basically
Basically
Imgur Com
Imgur Com
From
From
Sent
Sent
Long
Long
Tactical
Tactical
The
The
Getting Better
Getting Better
Drinking Tea
Drinking Tea
Real Genius
Real Genius
He Knows
He Knows
Learning
Learning
When He
When He
Fucked
Fucked
Where
Where
Plan
Plan
Not
Not
But
But
Love This Post
Love This Post
That
That
Pretty Good
Pretty Good
I Love This
I Love This
I Love
I Love
Sail
Sail
Simply
Simply
This Post
This Post
Number
Number
A Lot
A Lot
When
When
Both
Both
Height
Height
I Love This Post
I Love This Post
Here
Here
You Know
You Know
Other
Other
And
And
Leave
Leave
Flat
Flat
Arrows
Arrows
Cautious Person
Cautious Person
Fuck Ton
Fuck Ton
Off
Off
Calmly
Calmly
Like Seriously
Like Seriously
I Fucking Love
I Fucking Love
Fucking Love
Fucking Love
A Trap
A Trap
nah-man
nah-man
natural
natural
over
over
out
out
won
won
back the fuck up
 back the fuck up
brilliant idea
 brilliant idea
pretty much
 pretty much
tumblr blog
 tumblr blog
come on in
 come on in
the river
 the river
fuck up
 fuck up
decided
 decided
one man
 one man
small
 small
panic
 panic
large
 large
gets
 gets
two
 two
else
 else
around
 around
much
 much
said
 said
later
 later
place
 place
know
 know
come
 come
way
 way
better
 better
hours
 hours
see
 see
no
 no
over it
 over it
capable
capable
whose
whose
dismantle
dismantle
orig
orig
fact
fact
logical
logical
began
began
wipe
wipe
there
there
were
were
promptly
promptly
actual
actual
based
based
deceive
deceive
essentially
essentially
recall
recall
base
base
thus
thus
come on
come on
specifically
specifically
cautious
cautious
however
however
ton
ton
their
their
maybe
maybe
extraordinaire
extraordinaire
obvious
obvious
sweat
sweat
literally
literally
pretty
pretty
balls
balls
tactician
tactician
i would
i would
heads
heads
dumber
dumber
invited
invited
screwed
screwed
entered
entered
kinda
kinda
the fuck
the fuck
chilling
chilling
i think
i think
anyone
anyone
no way
no way
sitting
sitting
opponent
opponent
let's
let's
mention
mention
tmblr
tmblr
and then
and then
sneaky
sneaky
wait
wait
subtlety
subtlety
horde
horde
reputation
reputation
eventually
eventually
impossible
impossible
outside
outside
battle
battle
accurate
accurate
then
then
enough
enough
just
just
turn
turn
i know that
i know that
amazed
amazed
guys
guys
well
well
full
full
i like
i like
this is
this is
men
men
like
like
i know
i know
couple
couple
seriously
seriously
did you know
did you know
traps
traps
this
this
bro
bro
winning
winning
more
more
side
side
using
using
environment
environment
scenario
scenario
the horde
the horde
href
href
handle
handle
meteorologist
meteorologist
lose
lose
nah
nah
option
option
enemy
enemy
breaking
breaking
calligraphy
calligraphy
for
for
juggling
juggling
what
what
the city
the city
build
build
post
post
three kingdoms
three kingdoms
gates
gates
general
general
person
person
real
real
src
src
story
story
you
you
like crazy
like crazy
alt
alt
thing
thing
they
they
huge
huge
picture
picture
the situation
the situation
all
all
them
them
did
did
romance
romance
dat
dat
think
think
will
will
the enemy
the enemy
the streets
the streets
soldier
soldier
wikipedia org
wikipedia org
day
day
org
org
three
three
build a
build a
open
open
man
man
etc
etc
city
city
hide
hide
survival
survival
play
play
the gate
the gate
sam
sam
the gates
the gates
png
png
battles
battles
img
img
one
one
bastard
bastard
top
top
source
source
him
him
river
river
who
who
class
class
data
data
teeth
teeth
com
com
tea
tea
looking
looking
super
super
warrior
warrior
legend
legend
another
another
idea
idea
gate
gate
media
media
Blank
Blank
In World
In World
Been
Been
Back
Back
All The
All The
Fight
Fight
Never
Never
World History
World History
Cunning
Cunning
Brilliant
Brilliant
Ancient
Ancient
Pull Out
Pull Out
World
World
Wiki
Wiki
Time
Time
The Real
The Real
The General
The General
Imgur
Imgur
Http
Http
History
History
Good
Good
Genius
Genius
Fuck
Fuck
facebook.com
facebook.com
Chinese
Chinese
Blog
Blog
Army
Army
China
China
wikipedia
wikipedia
tumblr
tumblr
trap
trap
tbh
tbh
Target
Target
Streets
Streets
Soldiers
Soldiers
shit
shit
Saw
Saw
period
period
Love
Love
head
head
Fucking
Fucking
Facebook
Facebook
Drinking
Drinking
definitely
definitely
crazy
crazy
Clothes
Clothes
butt
butt
beautiful
beautiful
ass
ass

did you know? did-you-knotumblrcom During a battle in 603 BC Chinese warrior Xiong Yiliao stepped out between the armies and started juggling 9 balls The opposing troops were so amazed that all 500 of them turned and fled did-you-knotumblrcom didyouknowblogcom facebookcomdidyouknowblog optimysticals uovoc konec0 sleepyferret shitfacedanon dat-soldier sonnetscrewdriver dat-soldier did-you-kno Source back the fuck up There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up So when said horde did arrive they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates drinking tea The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off Whoever that general was he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out This just keeps getting better I fucking love history ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang resident tactician extraordinaire and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage thus destroying large armies with a small number of men Sima Yi who kind of entered the picture later was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began So it was natural that the two would butt heads however since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources he started winning battles against the former Which y’know kinda sucked On to the actual story Zhuge Liang is all like “shit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here he WILL lose his only option for survival is not to fight And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army And then he gets this brilliant idea He basically opens all the gates sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap When Sima Yi comes he’s all like “yo come on in bro” and Sima Yi is like “yeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes wait he knows that i think he’s bluffing and so he gets it in his head that maybe just MAYBE Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of And after a long period of deliberation which is just like “he know that I know that he knows that etc” being the cautious man he is SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan was based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival if it had been anyone else there’s no way it would have worked A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat and that’s the real genius here it was a plan formed entirely just to deceive one man and it worked Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant sneaky-ass bastard in history One time his side’s army was out of arrows which pretty much meant they were screwed So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river Well that day was super foggy which Zhuge Liang had predicted Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist? So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while then he’s like ”Ok guys that’s enough” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows Zhuge Liang is legend I love this post It just keeps getting better Like seriously I would have adored learning about this in World History Meme

found @ 28 likes ON 2019-02-28 18:34:01 BY ME.ME

source: tumblr