Alive, Beard, and Children: feniczoroark:

minority-cubed:

princemetalthunder:

skrill-cosby:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

oh my god these are great

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes


The last one is how I feel about all my schoolmates

I can feel the frustration

feniczoroark: minority-cubed: princemetalthunder: skrill-cosby: drucila616: How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. oh my god these are great fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes The last one is how I feel about all my schoolmates I can feel the frustration

Alive
Alive
Beard
Beard
Children
Children
Doctor
Doctor
Girls
Girls
God
God
Gucci
Gucci
Marriage
Marriage
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oh my god
Pressure
Pressure
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Taken
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Too Much
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Affect
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Blog
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Blood Pressure
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God
Girls
Girls
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Doctor
Children
Children
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Beard
Alive
Alive

feniczoroark minority-cubed princemetalthunder skrill-cosby drucila616 How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court word for word taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking placeATTORNEY What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS He said ‘Where am I Cathy?’ATTORNEY And why did that upset you?WITNESS My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS Gucci sweats and Reeboks____________________________________________ATTORNEY Are you sexually active?WITNESS No I just lie there____________________________________________ATTORNEY What is your date of birth?WITNESS July 18thATTORNEY What year?WITNESS Every year_____________________________________ATTORNEY How old is your son the one living with you?WITNESS Thirty-eight or thirty-five I can’t remember whichATTORNEY How long has he lived with you?WITNESS Forty-five years_________________________________ATTORNEY This myasthenia gravis does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS YesATTORNEY And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS I forgetATTORNEY You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY Now doctor isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY The youngest son the 20-year-old how old is he?WITNESS He’s 20 much like your IQ___________________________________________ATTORNEY Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY So the date of conception of the baby was August 8th?WITNESS YesATTORNEY And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY She had three children right?WITNESS YesATTORNEY How many were boys?WITNESS NoneATTORNEY Were there any girls?WITNESS Your Honor I think I need a different attorney Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS By deathATTORNEY And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS Take a guess___________________________________________ATTORNEY Can you describe the individual?WITNESS He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY Was this a male or a female?WITNESS Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male_____________________________________ATTORNEY Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS No this is how I dress when I go to work______________________________________ATTORNEY Doctor how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS All of them The live ones put up too much of a fight_________________________________________ATTORNEY ALL your responses MUST be oral OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS The autopsy started around 830 PMATTORNEY And Mr Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS If not he was by the time I finished____________________________________________ATTORNEY Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And lastATTORNEY Doctor before you performed the autopsy did you check for a pulse?WITNESS NoATTORNEY Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS NoATTORNEY Did you check for breathing?WITNESS NoATTORNEY So then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS NoATTORNEY How can you be so sure Doctor?WITNESS Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jarATTORNEY I see but could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?WITNESS Yes it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law oh my god these are great fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes The last one is how I feel about all my schoolmates I can feel the frustration Meme

found @ 29 likes ON 2019-05-20 19:05:33 BY ME.ME

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