Hacker Scripts Based on a true story build engineer has left for another company The dude was literally living inside the terminal You know Xxx OK so our that type of a guy who loves Vim creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown If something anything - requires more than 90 seconds of his time he writes a script to automate that xxx So we're sitting here looking through his uhm legacy xxx You're gonna love this xxx smack-my-bitch-upsh - sends a text message late at work to his wife apparently Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings randomly Runs inside a cron-job The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login xxx kumar-assholesh scans the inbox for emails from Kumar a DBA at our clients Looks for keywords like help trouble sorry etc If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup Then sends a reply no worries mate be careful next time xxx hangoversh another cron-job that is set to specific dates Sends automated emails like not feeling wellgonna work from home etc Adds a random reason from another predefined array of strings Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 845am xxx and the oscar goes to fucking-coffeesh - this one waits exactly 17 seconds ! then opens a telnet session to our coffee-machine we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network runs linux and has a TCP socket up and running and sends something like sys brew Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits another 24 seconds before pouring it into a cup The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk xxx holy sh*t I'm keeping those XX A true programmer Meme

found @ 35 likes ON 2019-07-21 05:43:52 BY ME.ME