Hacker Scripts Based on a true story xoox OK so our build engineer has left for another company The dude was literally living inside the terminal You know that type of a guy who loves Vim creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown I fsomething- anything requires more than 90 seconds of his time he writes a script to automate that xxoc So we're sitting here looking through his uhm legacy xxx You're gonna love this ooc smack-my-bitch-upsh -sends a text message late at work to his wife apparently Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings randomly Runs inside a cron-job The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login xxox kumar-assholesh - scans the inbox for emails from Kumar a DBA at our clients Looks for keywords like help trouble sorry etc If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup Then sends a reply no worries mate be careful next time xxx hangoversh - another cron-job that is set to specific dates Sends automated emails like not feeling wellgonna work from home etc Adds a random reason from another predefined array of strings Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 845am xoox and the oscar goes to fucking-coffee sh this one waits exatly 17 seconds then opens a telnet session to our coffee-machine we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network runs linux and has a TCP socket up and running and sends something like sys brewTurns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits another 24 seconds before pouring it into a cup The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk xoxx holy sht I'm keeping those I found this on an old Git account Meme

found @ 33 likes ON 2019-04-09 15:02:43 BY ME.ME