hello friend we've never met chances are we never will this world is vast and complicated but i want you to read my story if you will if you don't want to its cool you can keep on scrolling if not then here it is this year 2018 has been incredibly hard for me even only a month in i lost my job i lost my home i had a minor heart attack i have crippling anxiety as well as suicidal depression and because of those things my body is failing me because I've hated myself my whole life and never bothered looking after myself i figured why bother brushing my teeth? no one wants to kiss me why shower or clean my clothes? no one wants to be around me why bother finding a job that i like? why bother having dreams or even trying to reach them? why bother being alive? you see when i was 13 i promised myself that i would end it all at the age of 28 for no specific reason just so i didn't have to deal with living anymore bullies liars heartbreak my memories of being raped etc that way i would have had a couple years to have fun and then i wouldn't have to worry about it anymore but now I'm 29 so l broke that promise to myself that 15 year promise broken because it came down to it and i realized that despite the fucked up horrible things that happened to me all the awful experiences i had endured i had still connected with people i had still found beauty in my life in all that chaos of hurt i still found people who loved me despite utterly hating myself some people still saw through that they saw me and i knew i could see in that moment that if i did leave if i kept that promise to myself that they would be hurt and that they would never recover and i would never be able to tell them how much they meant to me again those looks those simple moments saved my life those smiles and willing ears kept me from that edge and even now as i sit in my dirty disgusting apartment surrounded by the stress of moving and uncertainty of everything in the city i know no matter what i still have those people those beautiful smiles and kind words when i need them so now friend I'm also going to share those gifts with you I love you no matter what i love you i don't care what you've done i don't care who you are i don't care what you look like i don't care who knows you i don't care what they said i don't care what you did i know that it hurts i know but i still love you and ill always love you and it doesn't matter if you believe it or not its true and i can guarantee that others love you as well people you never considered do they love you and so do i so please look after yourself put yourself first and don't ever stop trying never because i didn't and i wont ever Meme

Alive
Alive

Alive

beautiful
beautiful

beautiful

Clothes
Clothes

Clothes

Hello
Hello

Hello

Life
Life

Life

Love
Love

Love

Saw
Saw

Saw

shower
shower

shower

True
True

True

youtube.com
youtube.com

youtube.com

Lost
Lost

Lost

I Love You
I Love You

I Love You

Dirty
Dirty

Dirty

Anxiety
Anxiety

Anxiety

Connected
Connected

Connected

Cool
Cool

Cool

Depression
Depression

Depression

Heart
Heart

Heart

Home
Home

Home

Kiss
Kiss

Kiss

World
World

World

Wholesome
Wholesome

Wholesome

All That
All That

All That

Dreams
Dreams

Dreams

Living
Living

Living

Never
Never

Never

Reason
Reason

Reason

Smiles
Smiles

Smiles

All The
All The

All The

Been
Been

Been

how
how

how

simple
simple

simple

job
job

job

fun
fun

fun

heart attack
heart attack

heart attack

looking
looking

looking

teeth
teeth

teeth

stress
stress

stress

edge
edge

edge

who
who

who

can
can

can

one
one

one

friend
friend

friend

down
down

down

city
city

city

reach
reach

reach

etc
etc

etc

believe
believe

believe

why
why

why

will
will

will

did
did

did

them
them

them

all
all

all

first
first

first

they
they

they

kiss me
kiss me

kiss me

moment
moment

moment

words
words

words

you
you

you

saved
saved

saved

story
story

story

comment
comment

comment

memories
memories

memories

now
now

now

the city
the city

the city

vast
vast

vast

what
what

what

hurts
hurts

hurts

still
still

still

for
for

for

share
share

share

uncertainty
uncertainty

uncertainty

look
look

look

read
read

read

this
this

this

that happened
that happened

that happened

love you
love you

love you

clean
clean

clean

please
please

please

stop
stop

stop

couple
couple

couple

moving
moving

moving

i want you
i want you

i want you

done
done

done

i know
i know

i know

disgusting
disgusting

disgusting

broke
broke

broke

like
like

like

that moment
that moment

that moment

they said
they said

they said

always
always

always

people
people

people

i like
i like

i like

well
well

well

i know that
i know that

i know that

beauty
beauty

beauty

just
just

just

suicidal
suicidal

suicidal

everything
everything

everything

then
then

then

because
because

because

end
end

end

deal
deal

deal

broken
broken

broken

horrible
horrible

horrible

worry
worry

worry

and then
and then

and then

happened
happened

happened

heartbreak
heartbreak

heartbreak

those
those

those

in my life
in my life

in my life

came
came

came

liars
liars

liars

myself
myself

myself

surrounded
surrounded

surrounded

knew
knew

knew

i can
i can

i can

have fun
have fun

have fun

who you are
who you are

who you are

with you
with you

with you

as well
as well

as well

failing
failing

failing

my body
my body

my body

i would
i would

i would

i did
i did

i did

bothered
bothered

bothered

who knows
who knows

who knows

ever
ever

ever

matter
matter

matter

ill
ill

ill

complicated
complicated

complicated

utterly
utterly

utterly

chaos
chaos

chaos

i dont care
i dont care

i dont care

through
through

through

no
 no

no

gifts
 gifts

gifts

care
 care

care

see
 see

see

things
 things

things

my life
 my life

my life

hard
 hard

hard

way
 way

way

need
 need

need

know
 know

know

want
 want

want

month
 month

month

said
 said

said

year
 year

year

much
 much

much

anymore
 anymore

anymore

around
 around

around

years
 years

years

others
 others

others

this year
 this year

this year

dont
 dont

dont

ears
 ears

ears

hurt
 hurt

hurt

again
 again

again

promise
 promise

promise

apartment
 apartment

apartment

tell them
 tell them

tell them

still love
 still love

still love

don't care
 don't care

don't care

my-whole-life
my-whole-life

my-whole-life

still-love-you
still-love-you

still-love-you

attack
attack

attack

None
None

None

None
None

None

None
None

None

None
None

None

None
None

None

None
None

None

None
None

None

And
And

And

Kind Words
Kind Words

Kind Words

Body
Body

Body

Here
Here

Here

Age
Age

Age

When
When

When

I Still Love You
I Still Love You

I Still Love You

Hello Friend
Hello Friend

Hello Friend

Awful
Awful

Awful

Bullies
Bullies

Bullies

When I Was
When I Was

When I Was

I Love
I Love

I Love

That
That

That

I Want
I Want

I Want

Why Bother
Why Bother

Why Bother

But
But

But

Not
Not

Not

Fucked
Fucked

Fucked

Is This
Is This

Is This

You Are
You Are

You Are

Fucked Up
Fucked Up

Fucked Up

Hating
Hating

Hating

How Much
How Much

How Much

For Me
For Me

For Me

The
The

The

I Need
I Need

I Need

Youtube Comment
Youtube Comment

Youtube Comment

From
From

From

It Doesnt Matter
It Doesnt Matter

It Doesnt Matter

Doesnt Matter
Doesnt Matter

Doesnt Matter

Believe It
Believe It

Believe It

Its True
Its True

Its True

Trying
Trying

Trying

I Have
I Have

I Have

Its
Its

Its

Stop Trying
Stop Trying

Stop Trying

Finding A Job
Finding A Job

Finding A Job

Has Been
Has Been

Has Been

Kind
Kind

Kind

Crippling Anxiety
Crippling Anxiety

Crippling Anxiety

That Way
That Way

That Way

Be Able
Be Able

Be Able

I Had
I Had

I Had

Sit
Sit

Sit

Brushing
Brushing

Brushing

Always Love You
Always Love You

Always Love You

Didnt
Didnt

Didnt

Bother
Bother

Bother

Looks
Looks

Looks

After
After

After

Dont Want To
Dont Want To

Dont Want To

Met
Met

Met

No Matter What
No Matter What

No Matter What

I Dont
I Dont

I Dont

In My
In My

In My

I Sit
I Sit

I Sit

Was
Was

Was

With
With

With

Found
Found

Found

Are
Are

Are

Have
Have

Have

Raped
Raped

Raped

Going
Going

Going

If You
If You

If You

Had
Had

Had

And That
And That

And That

When I
When I

When I

I Was
I Was

I Was

Also
Also

Also

Put
Put

Put

Did I
Did I

Did I

You Did
You Did

You Did

Me Again
Me Again

Me Again

I Love You No Matter What
I Love You No Matter What

I Love You No Matter What

Keep
Keep

Keep

Guarantee
Guarantee

Guarantee

Only
Only

Only

About
About

About

Has
Has

Has

Meant
Meant

Meant

Being
Being

Being

Figured
Figured

Figured

Sit In
Sit In

Sit In

Yourself
Yourself

Yourself

Loved
Loved

Loved

Moments
Moments

Moments

Some People
Some People

Some People

Experiences
Experiences

Experiences

Chances
Chances

Chances

Tell
Tell

Tell

Hated
Hated

Hated

Wants
Wants

Wants

Finding
Finding

Finding

Promised
Promised

Promised

Realized
Realized

Realized

No One
No One

No One

Even
Even

Even

Knows
Knows

Knows

Some
Some

Some

Could
Could

Could

Having
Having

Having

found ON 2018-05-08 05:32:01 BY me.me