Hollywood Hire Me I Fixec the New Mummy Movie Without Even Watching a Trailer Tom Cruise and Young Hot Blonde™ Enter the Crypt Tom in the Lead Because He Is the Manly Protector Their Flashlight Beams Eventually Illuminate a Sarcophagus Carved in the Likeness of a Beautiful Princess Tom Cruise Approaches the Sarcophagus Moves to Open It Young Hot Blonde Don't Do the Thing Tom Cruise I'm Going to Do the Thing Shoves Sarcophagus Open They Cough as Dust Fills the Air Just as It Begins to Clear Brendan Frasier Shoots Upright Drawing His Gun and Immediately Shooting Tom Cruise in the Head 1 Thought I Told Evy Not to Put Me Down for Mummification He Mutters as He Looks at His Surroundings He Is Inexplicably Not Decomposed or Mummified Just Vaguely Wrapped in Chamin Glances at a Now Very Dead Tom Cruise Oops Young Hot Blondes How How Did This Happen? Brendan Frasier Well It's a Long Story I'lI Have to Start at the Beginning Then They Just Replay the Entirety of 'The Mummy 1999 After Credits Scene Young Hot Blonde That Still Doesn't Explain How You Ended Up Alive in a Sarcophagus in the Year 2017 Brendan Frasier Oh Yeah No Fucking Clue Source Aw-Hawkeye-No