I almost died today Here is the true story So Iwas derping in my backyard today picking up dog crap The whole time my dog was just sitting there watching me enjoying the sight So I go to the small section in between my trampoline and my fence Now if any of you haven't seen my trampoline it is really old and there are these black foam things on the bars that used to hold up a net but they are mostly destroyed now So I walk in the narrow space and I get completely covered by the hugest web I've ever felt All over my face all over my chest and shoulders I freak out but I realize that there is no worries I see no spider and it would have to be a big ass spider to concoct such a glorious web Well sure enough in the middle of my struggle to break free I look up and slowly ever so slowly I see the huge black-brown mass of a spider about the size of my fist crawl out of some old decaying foam protectors I stare at it it stares back I look closely for any threads connecting us and there glinting back at me with sunlight is one strand of spider web connecting the hulk spider to my face It realizes the fact at the same time as me and thinks Yes! This boy's eye sockets will make excellent breeding holes for my eggs!! and starts a full on crawling sprint towards me I freak out and begin to struggle even more and more to release myself from this web It reaches the halfway mark and sees me begin to escape so it goes for gold The Hail Mary play A daring leap straight for the head Time slows down This thing has all legs extended blocking out the sun A sure death for me My left arm breaks free from the web This could be my chance! A quick and decisive left cross reaches the spider JUST in time knocking the behemoth against the fence It looks dazed begins to squirm around on the ground preparing for a counteroffensive I don't give it a chance I take the poop shovel in both my hands shout a battle cry of pure victorious slaughter and smash my enemy into a crumpled pile each strike emanating a loud crunch of the monster's bodyI emerge the survivor in this battle Thank you video games for my improved reaction time lest I fall victim to fate Unlike Comment Share 3 hours ago you should probably go to TheMetaPicturecom epicjohndoe This Man Should Write A Novel Meme

found @ 31 likes ON 2019-01-12 20:54:59 BY ME.ME