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Lost
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Police
Police
Phone
Phone
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Jesus
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Fucking
Fire
Fire
Children
Children
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Bad

IS HE DOING IT ON PURPOSE? When a client of mine tells me that he became abusive because he lost control of himself I ask him why he didn't do something even worse For example I might say You called her a fucking whore you grabbed the phone out of her hand and whipped it across the room and then you gave her a shove and she fell down There she was at your feet where it would have been easy to kick her in the head Now you have just finished telling me that you were 'totally out of control' at that time but you didn't kick her What stopped you? And the client can always give me a reason Here are some common explanations I wouldn't want to cause her a serious njury I realized one of the children was watching I was afraid someone would call the police I could kill her ifI did that The fight was getting loud and I was afraid neighbors would hear And the most frequent response of all Jesus I wouldn 't do that I would never do something like that to her The response that I almost never heard-I remember hearing it twice in fifteen years-was I don't know These ready answers strip the cover off of my clients' loss-of-control excuse While a man is on an abusive rampage verbally or physically his mind maintains awareness of a number of questions Am I doing something that other people could find out about so it could make me look bad? Am I doing anything that could get me in legal trouble? Could I get hurt myself? Am I doing anything that I myself consider too cruel gross or violent? A critical insight seeped into me from working with my first few dozen clients An abuser almost never does anything that he himself con siders morally unacceptable He may hide what he does because he thinks other people would disagree with it but he feels justified inside I can't remember a client ever having said to me There's no way I can defend what I did It was just totally wrong He invariably has a reason that he considers good enough In short an abuser's core problem is that he has a distorted sense of right and wrong sergle i’m reading why does he do that and this last part has been ON FIRE i am hollering in my house Meme

found @ 29 likes ON 2019-03-03 02:57:03 BY ME.ME

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