Jerry Jones, talking to Cowboys fans:
“Big news: we’ve FIRED...”
“Oooooo”
“...our peanut vendor, who was awful.”
“Awwww.”
“But also, we’re moving on from Jason...”
“Oooooo”
“...the security guard, who is retiring.”
“Awwww.”
“There is no other news at this time.”
The fans: https://t.co/UVu3bcsl4a