NewsBiscuit on Facebook Hot summer could wipe out Goth population experts warn f Like 81k While most people are enjoying the current warm weather climatologists said yesterday that a long hot summer could spell doom for one of Britain's most unusual monochrome inhabitants the Goth Search our Archives Search Subscribe to the daily email Your email Your name Goths are shy retiring creatures that thrive best in gloomy autumnal weather' said Dr James Barnett of the University of Warwick 'Drought conditions aren't an issue since they rarely wash but they are poorly equipped to deal with high temperatures as they can't take off their black jeans and duffel coats Many also suffer with restricted vision as the heat causes their sweaty greasy hair to form a lank immovable curtain they can't see beyond' Subscribe Browse Archives July 2015 More from From The Archives • Government orders inquiry into why cover- up did not work Iran conducts test of long-range tickling stick • NASA to send unmanned probe to Basildon Wimbledon Ladies' Prettiness Championship enters tense final stages Britain's Goth population identifiable by its distinctive eye markings peaked at around 90000 in the 1970s but since then has been driven out of urban habitats by more aggressive faster-breeding species like Chavs While some Goths are expected to hibernate until the weather gives everyone less to be cheerful about there are fears that some could spontaneously combust in the summer sun leaving behind only a pair of smoking 18-hole Dr Martens • Father admits he didn't actually spend summer outdoors · America remembers those fallen during viewings of 'Independence Day' · Full archive for 'From The Archives' » Conservationists have now established a sanctuary in Whitby Abbey and are seeking to lure distressed Goths there by means of artificial darkness playing Southern Death Cult records around the clock and a Tim Burton retrospective at the local Odeon News In Brief Corbyn cruising in Reds title race But some believe the project is doomed to failure This is how evolution works sadly' said Dr Richard Dawkins 'A species that cannot adapt to change and shows more interest in self-harming than in breeding is bound to die out I keep telling people but no one seems to get it Why doesn't anyone understand me?' he screamed tearfully storming upstairs to play Bauhaus records and write poetry in his Wasps to undergo PR make-over Lord Sewel criticised for coke-snorting technique room Tour de France ends in cheese for bloke who got c-bassmeow I’m just trying to raise awareness I do what I can Meme

found @ 24 likes ON 2019-12-13 17:17:09 BY ME.ME