Top Ten Reasons I Most Likely Blew My Chances To Win The 2016 Mommy of the Year Award:
1. I yelled today. Six times. By 8:00 am. Over nonsense which included, but wasn’t limited to, an accidentally spilled cup of chocolate milk, a five-yea…r-old’s tantrum triggered by a minor wardrobe mafunction, and a pile of steaming hot dog shit strategically left right in the path of my bare feet.
2. I forgot to go fods shopping again, so the closest thing to fruit the kids ate with their breakfast today were the fruit loops in their cereal bowls.
3. Dinner came from a box. A blue box. That had the words Kraft, macaroni and cheese on it.
4. I yelled again. Louder than before. At 9:12 am. And this time it included the dramatic bonus of spit flying from my mouth as I roared each syllable.
5. I completely lost my patience and began mumbling obscenities under my breath over the stupid zipper on Camryn’s jacket getting stuck yet again. Sad, but true, a jammed zipper sent me tumbling head first over the edge into the abyss of insanity.
6. I denied the kids’ request to listen to the Kidz Bop version of “Boyfriend” on the way to school because just the mere thought of those not-so-talented kids whining through my car speakers brought on waves of nausea.
7. I also denied the kids next request to listen to the non-Kidz Bop version of “Boyfriend” on the way to school because the mere thought of Justin Bieber’s whiny voice made me queasy as well.
8. I failed miserably at trying to conquer the fancy side braid Olivia wanted so desperately in her hair and sent her
through the school doors with a basic, boring, run of the mill ponytail instead.
9. I forgot to wish Camryn good luck on her Social Studies test when I dropped her at school which means I will fall victim to a severe case of mommy guilt if she happens to forgets some of the seven continents and fails.
10. I will without a doubt make at least 7 (but probably more) of the same mistakes again tomorrow, get knocked on my ass by numerous tidal waves of mommy guilt and once again be sucked into the black hole that is feeling like I royally suck at this whole motherhood thing.
found @ 496 likes ON 2016-09-10 15:17:14 BY ME.ME