Being Alone, Boner, and Do a Barrel Roll: People Can't Handle The
 Way Morrissey Describes A
 Boner In His Novel
 A bulbous salutation to you all.
 posted on Sept. 24, 2015, at 9:52 a.m
 Alan White
 BuzzFeed News Reporter, UK
 So, during a sex scene in Morrissey's
 recently published novel List of the
 Lost, this happens.
 Eliza's breasts barrel-rolled across Ezra's
 howling mouth and the pained frenzy of
 his bulbous salutation extenuating his
 excitement as it smacked its way into
 every muscle of Eliza's body except for
 the otherwise central zone."
 03
thebibliosphere:

doebarnes:

mugsandpugs:

jottingprosaist:

shredsandpatches:

hedwig-dordt:

naznomad:

martingoresangst:

Thats the weirdest erotic sentence i’ve read all month

this fucking post singlehandedly ruined my life

You don’t really appreciate how fucking great fan fic is when it comes to writing sex untill you stop to recognise how Serious Literary Stars fail at writing sex.

DO A BARREL ROLL



#in all my years of reading fic i have never encountered a sentence this terrible #did he just say that his dick smacked EVERY MUSCLE in her body except you know her vagina? #like I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE CHEEK I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE SHOULDER I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE CALF #what is your dick doing?? #how do you think sex works morrissey??


Forget what his dick is doing, what are her breasts doing? How do a pair of fat sacks attached to a ribcage barrel-roll anywhere? Let alone across a man’s mouth and then his wanger immediately after? Sir, why is your mouth so dong-adjacent? Is your weiner detachable, is that it? Do you have your joystick clutched in your hand so that you can score a sweet schlong-to-titty-roll immediately after a kiss and then proceed to beat your banana all over her body in the world’s most failed attempt at erotic massage??? HOW DO YOU THINK SEX WORKS???

… guys
….. Are the sex scenes in My Immortal better than this?“HE PUT HIS THINGY IN MY YOU-KNOW-WHAT AND WE HAD SEX.”
… I mean. Comparatively…

Like, in My Immortal, it’s at least implied he knows where he’s supposed to put it. It’s very simplistic, Ikea-style sex (insert tab A into slot B) but that’s better than this vague, useless composition of random, nonsensical placement and movement of body parts.

So yes, the sex in My Immortal is, in this sense, better.


@goddessemily   was it this post?

thebibliosphere: doebarnes: mugsandpugs: jottingprosaist: shredsandpatches: hedwig-dordt: naznomad: martingoresangst: Thats the weirdest erotic sentence i’ve read all month this fucking post singlehandedly ruined my life You don’t really appreciate how fucking great fan fic is when it comes to writing sex untill you stop to recognise how Serious Literary Stars fail at writing sex. DO A BARREL ROLL #in all my years of reading fic i have never encountered a sentence this terrible #did he just say that his dick smacked EVERY MUSCLE in her body except you know her vagina? #like I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE CHEEK I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE SHOULDER I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE CALF #what is your dick doing?? #how do you think sex works morrissey?? Forget what his dick is doing, what are her breasts doing? How do a pair of fat sacks attached to a ribcage barrel-roll anywhere? Let alone across a man’s mouth and then his wanger immediately after? Sir, why is your mouth so dong-adjacent? Is your weiner detachable, is that it? Do you have your joystick clutched in your hand so that you can score a sweet schlong-to-titty-roll immediately after a kiss and then proceed to beat your banana all over her body in the world’s most failed attempt at erotic massage??? HOW DO YOU THINK SEX WORKS??? … guys ….. Are the sex scenes in My Immortal better than this?“HE PUT HIS THINGY IN MY YOU-KNOW-WHAT AND WE HAD SEX.” … I mean. Comparatively… Like, in My Immortal, it’s at least implied he knows where he’s supposed to put it. It’s very simplistic, Ikea-style sex (insert tab A into slot B) but that’s better than this vague, useless composition of random, nonsensical placement and movement of body parts. So yes, the sex in My Immortal is, in this sense, better. @goddessemily   was it this post?

Being alone
Being alone
boner
boner
do a barrel roll
do a barrel roll
FAIL
FAIL
Fucking
Fucking
IKEA
IKEA
Life
Life
Massage
Massage
News
News
Sex
Sex
tumblr
tumblr
Lost
Lost
Appreciate
Appreciate
Banana
Banana
Barrel Roll
Barrel Roll
Blog
Blog
Buzzfeed
Buzzfeed
Dick
Dick
Http
Http
Kiss
Kiss
Mean
Mean
Stars
Stars
Tagged
Tagged
Vagina
Vagina
What Is
What Is
White
White
World
World
Fat
Fat
Morrissey
Morrissey
Never
Never
Sept
Sept
how
how
her
her
yes
yes
random
random
com
com
my immortal
my immortal
class
class
can
can
list
list
immortal
immortal
man
man
hedwig
hedwig
don
don
breasts
breasts
why
why
reading
reading
score
score
think
think
muscle
muscle
did
did
all
all
the world
the world
you
you
sir
sir
scene
scene
erotic
erotic
post
post
works
works
beat
beat
a&m
a&m
what
what
zone
zone
for
for
dong
dong
central
central
handle
handle
weiner
weiner
href
href
body parts
body parts
calf
calf
erotic massage
erotic massage
read
read
this
this
really
really
what are
what are
stop
stop
list of
list of
sweet
sweet
great
great
like
like
serious
serious
people
people
do you
do you
guys
guys
fan
fan
immediately
immediately
style
style
sex scene
sex scene
hand
hand
just
just
then
then
sex scenes
sex scenes
titty
titty
excitement
excitement
salutation
salutation
nonsensical
nonsensical
and then
and then
tmblr
tmblr
useless
useless
ruined
ruined
news reporter
news reporter
ribcage
ribcage
vague
vague
adjacent
adjacent
except
except
terrible
terrible
slot
slot
schlong
schlong
roll
roll
sacks
sacks
otherwise
otherwise
smack
smack
posted
posted
a boner
a boner
novel
novel
you know what
you know what
scenes
scenes
my life
 my life
better
 better
mouth
 mouth
way
 way
know
 know
month
 month
say
 say
years
 years
in the world
 in the world
tab
 tab
alan
 alan
cheek
 cheek
proceed
 proceed
the way
 the way
writing
 writing
howling
 howling
placement
 placement
tumblr blog
 tumblr blog
cant handle
 cant handle
better than this
 better than this
over
over
Movement
Movement
Except You
Except You
Pained
Pained
Parts
Parts
Forget
Forget
And
And
You Know
You Know
Body
Body
Barrel
Barrel
Cant
Cant
It Do
It Do
When
When
Weirdest
Weirdest
This Post
This Post
That
That
Shoulder
Shoulder
Insert
Insert
Failed
Failed
But
But
Where
Where
Had Sex
Had Sex
He Knows
He Knows
The
The
You Think
You Think
Your
Your
Literary
Literary
I Have
I Have
Its
Its
Every
Every
Failed Attempt
Failed Attempt
During
During
Imma
Imma
Thingy
Thingy
Very
Very
Attached
Attached
After
After
Reporter
Reporter
Pair
Pair
Fic
Fic
At Least
At Least
Know What
Know What
In My
In My
Thats
Thats
Was
Was
Let
Let
Frenzy
Frenzy
Comes
Comes
Are
Are
Have
Have
Sense
Sense
Barrell Roll
Barrell Roll
A Barrel Roll
A Barrel Roll
Had
Had
How Do
How Do
I Mean
I Mean
How Do You
How Do You
Put
Put
Doing A Barrel Roll
Doing A Barrel Roll
Do A Barrel
Do A Barrel
Do You Think
Do You Think
Put It
Put It
But That
But That
A Href
A Href
Say That
Say That
Https
Https
Tumblr Com
Tumblr Com
Composition
Composition
Most
Most
A Sentence
A Sentence
At 9
At 9
Smacked
Smacked
We Had Sex
We Had Sex
To You
To You
Know Her
Know Her
Doing
Doing
Happens
Happens
Sentence
Sentence
Than
Than
Knows
Knows
His
His
Joystick
Joystick
Simplistic
Simplistic
Supposed To
Supposed To
A Man
A Man
A Sweet
A Sweet
B But
B But
Dick Smacked
Dick Smacked
Did He Just
Did He Just
Do You Have
Do You Have
For The
For The
In The
In The
Into
Into
Is That It
Is That It
Is That
Is That
It Comes
It Comes
It It
It It
Across
Across
All Over
All Over
Anywhere
Anywhere
Attempt
Attempt
Bulbous
Bulbous
Except For
Except For
Extenuating
Extenuating
Implied
Implied
In All
In All
Least
Least
Let Alone
Let Alone
don
don
love me
 love me
ignore me
 ignore me
did
did
Han Solo
Han Solo
Know Someone
Know Someone
imgflip
imgflip
It Alls
It Alls
Hes Right
Hes Right
Life
Life
Life
Life
Hes Right
Hes Right
It Alls
It Alls
imgflip
imgflip
Know Someone
Know Someone
Han Solo
Han Solo
did
did
ignore me
 ignore me
love me
 love me
don
don
Let Alone
Let Alone
Least
Least
In All
In All
Implied
Implied
Extenuating
Extenuating
Except For
Except For
Bulbous
Bulbous
Attempt
Attempt
Anywhere
Anywhere
All Over
All Over
Across
Across
It It
It It
It Comes
It Comes
Is That
Is That
Is That It
Is That It
Into
Into
In The
In The
For The
For The
Do You Have
Do You Have
Did He Just
Did He Just
Dick Smacked
Dick Smacked
B But
B But
A Sweet
A Sweet
A Man
A Man
Supposed To
Supposed To
Simplistic
Simplistic
Joystick
Joystick
His
His
Knows
Knows
Than
Than
Sentence
Sentence
Happens
Happens
Doing
Doing
Know Her
Know Her
To You
To You
We Had Sex
We Had Sex
Smacked
Smacked
At 9
At 9
A Sentence
A Sentence
Most
Most
Composition
Composition
Tumblr Com
Tumblr Com
Https
Https
Say That
Say That
A Href
A Href
But That
But That
Put It
Put It
Do You Think
Do You Think
Do A Barrel
Do A Barrel
Doing A Barrel Roll
Doing A Barrel Roll
Put
Put
How Do You
How Do You
I Mean
I Mean
How Do
How Do
Had
Had
A Barrel Roll
A Barrel Roll
Barrell Roll
Barrell Roll
Sense
Sense
Have
Have
Are
Are
Comes
Comes
Frenzy
Frenzy
Let
Let
Was
Was
Thats
Thats
In My
In My
Know What
Know What
At Least
At Least
Fic
Fic
Pair
Pair
Reporter
Reporter
After
After
Attached
Attached
Very
Very
Thingy
Thingy
Imma
Imma
During
During
Failed Attempt
Failed Attempt
Every
Every
Its
Its
I Have
I Have
Literary
Literary
Your
Your
You Think
You Think
The
The
He Knows
He Knows
Had Sex
Had Sex
Where
Where
But
But
Failed
Failed
Insert
Insert
Shoulder
Shoulder
That
That
This Post
This Post
Weirdest
Weirdest
When
When
It Do
It Do
Cant
Cant
Barrel
Barrel
Body
Body
You Know
You Know
And
And
Forget
Forget
Parts
Parts
Pained
Pained
Except You
Except You
Movement
Movement
over
over
better than this
 better than this
cant handle
 cant handle
tumblr blog
 tumblr blog
placement
 placement
howling
 howling
writing
 writing
the way
 the way
proceed
 proceed
cheek
 cheek
alan
 alan
tab
 tab
in the world
 in the world
years
 years
say
 say
month
 month
know
 know
way
 way
mouth
 mouth
better
 better
my life
 my life
scenes
scenes
you know what
you know what
novel
novel
a boner
a boner
posted
posted
smack
smack
otherwise
otherwise
sacks
sacks
roll
roll
schlong
schlong
slot
slot
terrible
terrible
except
except
adjacent
adjacent
vague
vague
ribcage
ribcage
news reporter
news reporter
ruined
ruined
useless
useless
tmblr
tmblr
and then
and then
nonsensical
nonsensical
salutation
salutation
excitement
excitement
titty
titty
sex scenes
sex scenes
then
then
just
just
hand
hand
sex scene
sex scene
style
style
immediately
immediately
fan
fan
guys
guys
do you
do you
people
people
serious
serious
like
like
great
great
sweet
sweet
list of
list of
stop
stop
what are
what are
really
really
this
this
read
read
erotic massage
erotic massage
calf
calf
body parts
body parts
href
href
weiner
weiner
handle
handle
central
central
dong
dong
for
for
zone
zone
what
what
a&m
a&m
beat
beat
works
works
post
post
erotic
erotic
scene
scene
sir
sir
you
you
the world
the world
all
all
did
did
muscle
muscle
think
think
score
score
reading
reading
why
why
breasts
breasts
don
don
hedwig
hedwig
man
man
immortal
immortal
list
list
can
can
class
class
my immortal
my immortal
com
com
random
random
yes
yes
her
her
how
how
Sept
Sept
Never
Never
Morrissey
Morrissey
Fat
Fat
World
World
White
White
What Is
What Is
Vagina
Vagina
Tagged
Tagged
Stars
Stars
Mean
Mean
Kiss
Kiss
Http
Http
Dick
Dick
Buzzfeed
Buzzfeed
Blog
Blog
Barrel Roll
Barrel Roll
Banana
Banana
Appreciate
Appreciate
Lost
Lost
tumblr
tumblr
Sex
Sex
News
News
Massage
Massage
Life
Life
IKEA
IKEA
Fucking
Fucking
FAIL
FAIL
do a barrel roll
do a barrel roll
boner
boner
Being alone
Being alone

People Can't Handle The Way Morrissey Describes A Boner In His Novel A bulbous salutation to you all posted on Sept 24 2015 at 952 am Alan White BuzzFeed News Reporter UK So during a sex scene in Morrissey's recently published novel List of the Lost this happens Eliza's breasts barrel-rolled across Ezra's howling mouth and the pained frenzy of his bulbous salutation extenuating his excitement as it smacked its way into every muscle of Eliza's body except for the otherwise central zone 03 thebibliosphere doebarnes mugsandpugs jottingprosaist shredsandpatches hedwig-dordt naznomad martingoresangst Thats the weirdest erotic sentence i’ve read all month this fucking post singlehandedly ruined my life You don’t really appreciate how fucking great fan fic is when it comes to writing sex untill you stop to recognise how Serious Literary Stars fail at writing sex DO A BARREL ROLL #in all my years of reading fic i have never encountered a sentence this terrible #did he just say that his dick smacked EVERY MUSCLE in her body except you know her vagina? #like I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE CHEEK I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE SHOULDER I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE CALF #what is your dick doing?? #how do you think sex works morrissey?? Forget what his dick is doing what are her breasts doing? How do a pair of fat sacks attached to a ribcage barrel-roll anywhere? Let alone across a man’s mouth and then his wanger immediately after? Sir why is your mouth so dong-adjacent? Is your weiner detachable is that it? Do you have your joystick clutched in your hand so that you can score a sweet schlong-to-titty-roll immediately after a kiss and then proceed to beat your banana all over her body in the world’s most failed attempt at erotic massage??? HOW DO YOU THINK SEX WORKS??? … guys … Are the sex scenes in My Immortal better than this?“HE PUT HIS THINGY IN MY YOU-KNOW-WHAT AND WE HAD SEX” … I mean Comparatively… Like in My Immortal it’s at least implied he knows where he’s supposed to put it It’s very simplistic Ikea-style sex insert tab A into slot B but that’s better than this vague useless composition of random nonsensical placement and movement of body parts So yes the sex in My Immortal is in this sense better @goddessemily was it this post? Meme

found @ 32 likes ON 2019-02-24 21:18:57 BY ME.ME

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