9/11
9/11
America
America
Children
Children
Church
Church
Dad
Dad
Drunk
Drunk
family
family
Friends
Friends
God
God
Hungry
Hungry
Ironic
Ironic
Jesus
Jesus
Love
Love
Muslim
Muslim
oh my god
oh my god
Party
Party
pregnant
pregnant
Sorry
Sorry
The Game
The Game
Ugly
Ugly
yams
yams
Grandpa
Grandpa
Abortion
Abortion
Best
Best
Birds
Birds
California
California
Cool
Cool
Couch
Couch
Death
Death
Dish
Dish
Free
Free
Game
Game
Genius
Genius
Good
Good
History
History
Home
Home
House
House
How To
How To
Kids
Kids
Live
Live
Ohio
Ohio
Parenthood
Parenthood
Patient
Patient
Pictures
Pictures
Skull
Skull
Spirit
Spirit
Stuff
Stuff
Turkey
Turkey
Voice
Voice
Catholic
Catholic
Wife
Wife
Nursing
Nursing
Toast
Toast
Brilliant
Brilliant
Grand
Grand
Russian
Russian
Victorian
Victorian
Chair
Chair
Hell
Hell
Nonsense
Nonsense
Reason
Reason
Bacon
Bacon
Running
Running
Mom
Mom
All The
All The
Back
Back
Been
Been
boy
boy
how
how
feet
feet
got
got
planned parenthood
planned parenthood
idea
idea
another
another
her
her
Dog
Dog
sat
sat
marathon
marathon
table
table
horror
horror
mini
mini
once
once
pearl
pearl
eisenhower
eisenhower
bread
bread
bone
bone
rock
rock
who
who
him
him
can
can
catholic church
catholic church
one
one
green
green
down
down
priest
priest
passion
passion
may
may
man
man
open
open
name
name
parkinsons
parkinsons
three
three
day
day
why
why
will
will
she
she
potatoes
potatoes
holiday
holiday
them
them
all
all
mankind
mankind
face
face
make
make
they
they
staple
staple
thing
thing
moment
moment
you
you
story
story
green beans
green beans
inside
inside
now
now
the spirit
the spirit
ala
ala
beat
beat
feces
feces
birth
birth
times
times
five
five
still
still
made
made
munch
munch
for
for
share
share
hen
hen
fainting
fainting
scrambled eggs
scrambled eggs
cane
cane
last holiday
last holiday
rotten
rotten
tears
tears
edvard munch
edvard munch
history of
history of
stand
stand
administration
administration
civil
civil
candied yams
candied yams
look
look
my family
my family
blizzards
blizzards
this
this
the best
the best
why not
why not
the room
the room
get
get
of course
of course
mashed potatoes
mashed potatoes
laughing
laughing
really
really
calm down
calm down
high
high
mustache
mustache
joke
joke
like
like
toddler
toddler
country
country
cooking
cooking
when you
when you
my god
my god
youre
youre
father
father
eat
eat
calm
calm
full
full
pictures with
pictures with
room
room
hand
hand
just
just
anything
anything
then
then
finally
finally
hit
hit
because
because
eventually
eventually
thankful
thankful
everyone
everyone
my mom
my mom
regular
regular
horrible
horrible
oh my
oh my
coming
coming
dramatic
dramatic
lethal
lethal
went
went
hefty
hefty
steady
steady
no way
no way
grandmother
grandmother
leaving
leaving
i can
i can
shitty
shitty
stuffed
stuffed
eat it
eat it
rambling
rambling
figure out
figure out
im so sorry
im so sorry
stand by
stand by
shes
shes
shed
shed
pretty
pretty
authentic
authentic
attention
attention
uncle
uncle
except
except
stare
stare
talking
talking
lovely
lovely
their
their
ever
ever
ooh
ooh
ill
ill
spite
spite
sink
sink
aunt
aunt
partake
partake
refuse
refuse
recall
recall
shriek
shriek
gasp
gasp
were
were
justify
justify
there
there
in spite of
in spite of
fainting couch
fainting couch
spectacle
spectacle
firstly
firstly
look back
 look back
no
 no
traditional
 traditional
reactions
 reactions
sit down
 sit down
dinner
 dinner
see
 see
things
 things
hands
 hands
way
 way
need
 need
come
 come
ready
 ready
want
 want
said
 said
much
 much
around
 around
the best way to
 the best way to
trying to figure out
 trying to figure out
bag
 bag
gets
 gets
eggs
 eggs
foil
 foil
kill
 kill
meats
 meats
close
 close
bobby
 bobby
beans
 beans
again
 again
choke
 choke
a toast
 a toast
my face
 my face
kicking
 kicking
carving
 carving
aunt sue
 aunt sue
there is
 there is
backyard
 backyard
watching
 watching
she wants
 she wants
my sister
 my sister
the party
 the party
the family
 the family
go upstairs
 go upstairs
pretty much
 pretty much
rock steady
 rock steady
on the floor
 on the floor
appreciative
 appreciative
nursing home
 nursing home
marshmallows
 marshmallows
brilliant idea
 brilliant idea
not coming back
 not coming back
at-this-point
at-this-point
out
out
over
over
point
point
hiding
hiding
sister
sister
campfire
campfire
sobbing
sobbing
Laughing At
Laughing At
Hefty Bag
Hefty Bag
Looks Cool
Looks Cool
That Would Be Lovely
That Would Be Lovely
Size
Size
Reveal
Reveal
Beers
Beers
Gasping
Gasping
And
And
Trapped
Trapped
Flying
Flying
Other
Other
I Am
I Am
Expressions
Expressions
Hip
Hip
So Sorry
So Sorry
When
When
Its A
Its A
Going To Hell
Going To Hell
That
That
Behavior
Behavior
But
But
Not
Not
Cut
Cut
Last
Last
Where
Where
Serving
Serving
You Are
You Are
Grandfather
Grandfather
Getting Drunk
Getting Drunk
Center Of Attention
Center Of Attention
Taste
Taste
Bag Of
Bag Of
The
The
The History Of
The History Of
A Good
A Good
Basement
Basement
From
From
I Refuse
I Refuse
Instructions
Instructions
Cliff
Cliff
Roof
Roof
Make You
Make You
Your
Your
Trying
Trying
Its
Its
Starts
Starts
Has Been
Has Been
Delayed
Delayed
That Way
That Way
Bittersweet
Bittersweet
Ate
Ate
Very
Very
Pick
Pick
Deciding
Deciding
I Had
I Had
Sit
Sit
Becoming
Becoming
Seasons
Seasons
Falls
Falls
Mouths
Mouths
While
While
Im So
Im So
Looks
Looks
After
After
Nods
Nods
Pulls
Pulls
Wash
Wash
For Him
For Him
Adults
Adults
Sue
Sue
Watched
Watched
Thats
Thats
Was
Was
With
With
The Dinner
The Dinner
Slams
Slams
Be Civil
Be Civil
To Mom
To Mom
Getting Up
Getting Up
Comes
Comes
Are
Are
Have
Have
Figure
Figure
Attacking
Attacking
Conspiracies
Conspiracies
Going
Going
Its Not
Its Not
If You
If You
Taking
Taking
Shared
Shared
Threw
Threw
Had
Had
Tries
Tries
Begins
Begins
Who Is
Who Is
Goes
Goes
Also
Also
Put
Put
Floor
Floor
Gave
Gave
Kindly
Kindly
Aforementioned
Aforementioned
That Would Be
That Would Be
The Floor
The Floor
Keep
Keep
Desserts
Desserts
Only
Only
About
About
Does
Does
Between
Between
Since
Since
Plenty
Plenty
Center
Center
Has
Has
Groups
Groups
Before
Before
Being
Being
Most
Most
A Boy
A Boy
Begin
Begin
Good Thing
Good Thing
Internal
Internal
Must
Must
One Thing
One Thing
Poultry
Poultry
Shortly
Shortly
Taking Over
Taking Over
Theres
Theres
She Was Pretty
She Was Pretty
A Good Thing
A Good Thing
Decide
Decide
Wants
Wants
Best Way
Best Way
Avoid
Avoid
Telling
Telling
Dressed
Dressed
Involved
Involved
Getting
Getting
Committed
Committed
Started
Started
Rolls
Rolls
Along
Along
Brings
Brings
Even
Even
His
His
Some
Some
Amuse
Amuse
Himself
Himself
Course
Course
Destroying
Destroying
Planned
Planned
It Was
It Was
Utter
Utter
Bit
Bit
Drafted
Drafted
Heavily
Heavily
Less
Less
Manner
Manner
Roughly
Roughly
Smoked
Smoked
Upstairs
Upstairs
If She
If She
And Now
And Now
And Stuff
And Stuff
And There
And There
Any
Any
Attending
Attending
Becuase
Becuase
But Dad
But Dad
But Thats
But Thats
Can I
Can I
Coming Back
Coming Back
Coming Down
Coming Down
Cooked
Cooked
Day Of The
Day Of The
Dinner Rolls
Dinner Rolls
Dinners Ready
Dinners Ready
Everyone Goes
Everyone Goes
Explains
Explains
For The
For The
Have A
Have A
Her Man
Her Man
His Best
His Best
I Make
I Make
Ill See
Ill See
Icant
Icant
If I
If I
In The
In The
Indoors
Indoors
Into
Into
Is A
Is A
It Comes
It Comes
Its Genius
Its Genius
Leaving The Country
Leaving The Country
Like A
Like A
Longer
Longer
Make It
Make It
Muslim Friends
Muslim Friends
My Aunt
My Aunt
Not All
Not All
Organs
Organs
Over Him
Over Him
Over That
Over That
Passed
Passed
Pearl Clutching
Pearl Clutching
Plenty Of Room
Plenty Of Room
Plenty Of
Plenty Of
Realizes
Realizes
Six
Six
All Around
All Around
Along With
Along With
Another Story
Another Story
Game Hen
Game Hen
Hip Bone
Hip Bone
Your
Your
Grate
Grate
The
The
Deployment
Deployment
Other
Other
And
And
tell them
 tell them
gets
 gets
two
 two
else
 else
else
 else
two
 two
gets
 gets
tell them
 tell them
And
And
Other
Other
Deployment
Deployment
The
The
Grate
Grate
Your
Your
Hip Bone
Hip Bone
Game Hen
Game Hen
Another Story
Another Story
Along With
Along With
All Around
All Around
Six
Six
Realizes
Realizes
Plenty Of
Plenty Of
Plenty Of Room
Plenty Of Room
Pearl Clutching
Pearl Clutching
Passed
Passed
Over That
Over That
Over Him
Over Him
Organs
Organs
Not All
Not All
My Aunt
My Aunt
Muslim Friends
Muslim Friends
Make It
Make It
Longer
Longer
Like A
Like A
Leaving The Country
Leaving The Country
Its Genius
Its Genius
It Comes
It Comes
Is A
Is A
Into
Into
Indoors
Indoors
In The
In The
If I
If I
Icant
Icant
Ill See
Ill See
I Make
I Make
His Best
His Best
Her Man
Her Man
Have A
Have A
For The
For The
Explains
Explains
Everyone Goes
Everyone Goes
Dinners Ready
Dinners Ready
Dinner Rolls
Dinner Rolls
Day Of The
Day Of The
Cooked
Cooked
Coming Down
Coming Down
Coming Back
Coming Back
Can I
Can I
But Thats
But Thats
But Dad
But Dad
Becuase
Becuase
Attending
Attending
Any
Any
And There
And There
And Stuff
And Stuff
And Now
And Now
If She
If She
Upstairs
Upstairs
Smoked
Smoked
Roughly
Roughly
Manner
Manner
Less
Less
Heavily
Heavily
Drafted
Drafted
Bit
Bit
Utter
Utter
It Was
It Was
Planned
Planned
Destroying
Destroying
Course
Course
Himself
Himself
Amuse
Amuse
Some
Some
His
His
Even
Even
Brings
Brings
Along
Along
Rolls
Rolls
Started
Started
Committed
Committed
Getting
Getting
Involved
Involved
Dressed
Dressed
Telling
Telling
Avoid
Avoid
Best Way
Best Way
Wants
Wants
Decide
Decide
A Good Thing
A Good Thing
She Was Pretty
She Was Pretty
Theres
Theres
Taking Over
Taking Over
Shortly
Shortly
Poultry
Poultry
One Thing
One Thing
Must
Must
Internal
Internal
Good Thing
Good Thing
Begin
Begin
A Boy
A Boy
Most
Most
Being
Being
Before
Before
Groups
Groups
Has
Has
Center
Center
Plenty
Plenty
Since
Since
Between
Between
Does
Does
About
About
Only
Only
Desserts
Desserts
Keep
Keep
The Floor
The Floor
That Would Be
That Would Be
Aforementioned
Aforementioned
Kindly
Kindly
Gave
Gave
Floor
Floor
Put
Put
Also
Also
Goes
Goes
Who Is
Who Is
Begins
Begins
Tries
Tries
Had
Had
Threw
Threw
Shared
Shared
Taking
Taking
If You
If You
Its Not
Its Not
Going
Going
Conspiracies
Conspiracies
Attacking
Attacking
Figure
Figure
Have
Have
Are
Are
Comes
Comes
Getting Up
Getting Up
To Mom
To Mom
Be Civil
Be Civil
Slams
Slams
The Dinner
The Dinner
With
With
Was
Was
Thats
Thats
Watched
Watched
Sue
Sue
Adults
Adults
For Him
For Him
Wash
Wash
Pulls
Pulls
Nods
Nods
After
After
Looks
Looks
Im So
Im So
While
While
Mouths
Mouths
Falls
Falls
Seasons
Seasons
Becoming
Becoming
Sit
Sit
I Had
I Had
Deciding
Deciding
Pick
Pick
Very
Very
Ate
Ate
Bittersweet
Bittersweet
That Way
That Way
Delayed
Delayed
Has Been
Has Been
Starts
Starts
Its
Its
Trying
Trying
Your
Your
Make You
Make You
Roof
Roof
Cliff
Cliff
Instructions
Instructions
I Refuse
I Refuse
From
From
Basement
Basement
A Good
A Good
The History Of
The History Of
The
The
Bag Of
Bag Of
Taste
Taste
Center Of Attention
Center Of Attention
Getting Drunk
Getting Drunk
Grandfather
Grandfather
You Are
You Are
Serving
Serving
Where
Where
Last
Last
Cut
Cut
Not
Not
But
But
Behavior
Behavior
That
That
Going To Hell
Going To Hell
Its A
Its A
When
When
So Sorry
So Sorry
Hip
Hip
Expressions
Expressions
I Am
I Am
Other
Other
Flying
Flying
Trapped
Trapped
And
And
Gasping
Gasping
Beers
Beers
Reveal
Reveal
Size
Size
That Would Be Lovely
That Would Be Lovely
Looks Cool
Looks Cool
Hefty Bag
Hefty Bag
Laughing At
Laughing At
sobbing
sobbing
campfire
campfire
sister
sister
hiding
hiding
point
point
over
over
out
out
at-this-point
at-this-point
not coming back
 not coming back
brilliant idea
 brilliant idea
marshmallows
 marshmallows
nursing home
 nursing home
appreciative
 appreciative
on the floor
 on the floor
rock steady
 rock steady
pretty much
 pretty much
go upstairs
 go upstairs
the family
 the family
the party
 the party
my sister
 my sister
she wants
 she wants
watching
 watching
backyard
 backyard
there is
 there is
aunt sue
 aunt sue
carving
 carving
kicking
 kicking
my face
 my face
a toast
 a toast
choke
 choke
again
 again
beans
 beans
bobby
 bobby
close
 close
meats
 meats
kill
 kill
foil
 foil
eggs
 eggs
gets
 gets
bag
 bag
trying to figure out
 trying to figure out
the best way to
 the best way to
around
 around
much
 much
said
 said
want
 want
ready
 ready
come
 come
need
 need
way
 way
hands
 hands
things
 things
see
 see
dinner
 dinner
sit down
 sit down
reactions
 reactions
traditional
 traditional
no
 no
look back
 look back
firstly
firstly
spectacle
spectacle
fainting couch
fainting couch
in spite of
in spite of
there
there
justify
justify
were
were
gasp
gasp
shriek
shriek
recall
recall
refuse
refuse
partake
partake
aunt
aunt
sink
sink
spite
spite
ill
ill
ooh
ooh
ever
ever
their
their
lovely
lovely
talking
talking
stare
stare
except
except
uncle
uncle
attention
attention
authentic
authentic
pretty
pretty
shed
shed
shes
shes
stand by
stand by
im so sorry
im so sorry
figure out
figure out
rambling
rambling
eat it
eat it
stuffed
stuffed
shitty
shitty
i can
i can
leaving
leaving
grandmother
grandmother
no way
no way
steady
steady
hefty
hefty
went
went
lethal
lethal
dramatic
dramatic
coming
coming
oh my
oh my
horrible
horrible
regular
regular
my mom
my mom
everyone
everyone
thankful
thankful
eventually
eventually
because
because
hit
hit
finally
finally
then
then
anything
anything
just
just
hand
hand
room
room
pictures with
pictures with
full
full
calm
calm
eat
eat
father
father
youre
youre
my god
my god
when you
when you
cooking
cooking
country
country
toddler
toddler
like
like
joke
joke
mustache
mustache
high
high
calm down
calm down
really
really
laughing
laughing
mashed potatoes
mashed potatoes
of course
of course
get
get
the room
the room
why not
why not
the best
the best
this
this
blizzards
blizzards
my family
my family
look
look
candied yams
candied yams
civil
civil
administration
administration
stand
stand
history of
history of
edvard munch
edvard munch
tears
tears
rotten
rotten
last holiday
last holiday
cane
cane
scrambled eggs
scrambled eggs
fainting
fainting
hen
hen
share
share
for
for
munch
munch
made
made
still
still
five
five
times
times
birth
birth
feces
feces
beat
beat
ala
ala
the spirit
the spirit
now
now
inside
inside
green beans
green beans
story
story
you
you
moment
moment
thing
thing
staple
staple
they
they
make
make
face
face
mankind
mankind
all
all
them
them
holiday
holiday
potatoes
potatoes
she
she
will
will
why
why
day
day
three
three
parkinsons
parkinsons
name
name
open
open
man
man
may
may
passion
passion
priest
priest
down
down
green
green
one
one
catholic church
catholic church
can
can
him
him
who
who
rock
rock
bone
bone
bread
bread
eisenhower
eisenhower
pearl
pearl
once
once
mini
mini
horror
horror
table
table
marathon
marathon
sat
sat
Dog
Dog
her
her
another
another
idea
idea
planned parenthood
planned parenthood
got
got
feet
feet
how
how
boy
boy
Been
Been
Back
Back
All The
All The
Mom
Mom
Running
Running
Bacon
Bacon
Reason
Reason
Nonsense
Nonsense
Hell
Hell
Chair
Chair
Victorian
Victorian
Russian
Russian
Grand
Grand
Brilliant
Brilliant
Toast
Toast
Nursing
Nursing
Wife
Wife
Catholic
Catholic
Voice
Voice
Turkey
Turkey
Stuff
Stuff
Spirit
Spirit
Skull
Skull
Pictures
Pictures
Patient
Patient
Parenthood
Parenthood
Ohio
Ohio
Live
Live
Kids
Kids
How To
How To
House
House
Home
Home
History
History
Good
Good
Genius
Genius
Game
Game
Free
Free
Dish
Dish
Death
Death
Couch
Couch
Cool
Cool
California
California
Birds
Birds
Best
Best
Abortion
Abortion
Grandpa
Grandpa
yams
yams
Ugly
Ugly
The Game
The Game
Sorry
Sorry
pregnant
pregnant
Party
Party
oh my god
oh my god
Muslim
Muslim
Love
Love
Jesus
Jesus
Ironic
Ironic
Hungry
Hungry
God
God
Friends
Friends
family
family
Drunk
Drunk
Dad
Dad
Church
Church
Children
Children
America
America
9/11
9/11

The Turkey Story So it's 2001 and my family drives from fu California and like three blizzards to get to Ohio for into a nursing home and it's their last holiday in that house So its a bit bittersweet but ultimately a good thing Since it's their last holiday there the family pulls out all the stops when it comes to dinner all the Russian desserts come out as does the Lethal Bacon Mashed Potatoes and the horrible candied yams with the mini marshmallows dish because not all expressions of love are even if they are si In the spirit of going alout Uncle Bobby smokes a Turkey Uncle Bobby started cooking as a boy foil-wrapped potatoes into a campfire and has been ad- dicted since and now has a hand-made smokehouse in the backyard where he makes various cured meats and other delights He seasons the turkey in the traditional manner but he and grandpa have a shared passion for SO Game Hen seasoned that way for them Then Bobby has a Brilliant Idea He realizes that he can stuff the turkey once it has been smoked with regular stuffing and there is still plenty of room for him to put the game hen inside THAT and stuff the game hen be- cuase why not? He confers with Mom and she explains how to cut open the turkey so there's dramatic reveal as the stuffing and game hen come out It's Genius Except of course that my Aunt Sue is attending Uncle Cliff s after her So the day of the dinner tensions are running a bit high between the marathon cooking the kids al being trapped indoors due to aforementioned blizzards and Uncle Cliff deciding that the best way to amuse himself is by hiding from the adults in the basement getting drunk and rambling about how various ethic groups were destroying America Being that I had close Muslim friends that were leaving the country becuase of 911 1 was near tears from this nonsense and ready to n roughly five times my size Sue for some reason keeps coming down and defending him or telling us we're rotten children for 'attacking him becuase she Must Stand By Her Man even if her man is a hefty bag of dog feces with an ugly mustache My sister eventually boits upstairs to tattle and my grandfather limps down to the basement and brandishes his Hip Bone Cane hands rock-steady in spite of the Parkinson's slowly taking over him Firstly Cliff It may not be my roof much longer but while you are under it you will be civil or Ill beat your skull in Also dinner's ready everyone go wash up We go upstairs and sit down and do the traditional Name one thing you're thankful for as the bread gets passed around the table and things calm down a bit Bobby brings out the Turkey and everyone goes OOH becuase it's really pretty them Mom carves it open so that the stuffing spills out dramatically along with the game hen and there's an appreciative gasp all around becuase it looks cool Only Sue KEEPS gasping in utter horror before getting up and clasping her hands to her face ala Edvard Munch and shrieks OH MY GOD IT WAS PREGNANTI We all stare at Sue We all look back at the fully-dressed-cooked-and-stuffed birds that in no way had any internal organs in them or ever gave live birth Then we all looked back at Sue trying to figure out where to begin but since shed been trying to justify Cliffs behavior she was pretty much free-associating conspiracies and scandals now and just kept going IT WAS PREGNANT MY GOD WE'VE COMMITTED AN ABORTION WE'RE ALL GOING TO HELL FOR THIS I'M SO SORRY JESUS She goes into full pearl-clutching gibbering horror at this point and falls back into her chair like it's a Victorian fainting couch only it's a shitty chair from the Eisenhower administration so it collapses and she slams into the floor sobbing and kicking her feet like a toddler Everyone watched for a moment before my Mom sighs heavily and starts carving and serving the turkey while my grandmother mouths she's not coming back Cliff reactions delayed by about six beers finally notices his wife is on the floor and tries to pick her up are assisted by Dad who is saintly patient man and less immune to this jacknapery at that point I am stuffing dinner rolls into my face to keep from laughing at this grand spectacle ICANT EAT IT I REFUSE TO PARTAKE IN THIS BARBARISM Sue begins but Dad puts on his best Kindly Father voice he was heavily involved with the catholic church and even considered becoming a priest before getting drafted but that's another storyand assures Sue that she need not eat or even be in the room if she wants She nods placated by being the center of attention again and Dad goes in for the kill I wouldn't want you to go hungry Can I make you some That would be lovely Said Sue joke flying over her ng 747 I recall watching my grandmot her nearly choke to death on the green beans over that and everyone pointedly trying to avoid talking about anything poultry-related while Sue sat there and ate the most ironic scrambled eggs in the history of mankind Shortly thereafter Cliff threw up in the sink and they went home and the party got underway properly with Grandpa raising a toast to Mom and Uncle Bobby For t Turkey has been an staple since then I'll see if I can hit Uncle Bobby up for instructions but if you decide to make it 1 you HAVE to shriek OH MY GOD IT WAS PREGNANT when you carve it open or it's not authentic and won't taste as good 2 Share the pictures with me Very planned Parenthood Meme

found @ 30 likes ON 2019-02-26 08:50:39 BY ME.ME

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