Today I fucked up by sneezing while wiping my ass today-ifuckedup This whole sequence of events took place in less than 10 seconds Reflexes fuck you There's a short but in this case crucial moment between wiping your ass and dropping the paper in the toilet bowl As I was wiping my ass I sneezed A slimy drop of snot landed on my upper lip and instinctively I put the paper I was holding on my nose to wipe it off My body's way of saying WTF bro you put shit on your nose was instant puking which landed on my hands and in my lap Now I'm standing up screaming out my disgust with pants around my ankles shit on my face and puke all over Wife comes banging on the door wondering what's wrong My instant thought is she must never know In my stress I reach for the door to ensure it's locked so that she can't make any rescue attempts Of course I trip fall face first on the door This doesn't calm my wife but leaves vomit all over the door and a hurting nose which I instinctively grab to acknowledge the pain It's all a mess like taken from a xxx-rated version of Faulty Towers Been spending the last half hour showering cleaning the bathroom and making up half ass explanations to my wife I still smell the shit in my nose 20+ Funny Tumblr Posts Show Why Everyone Loves Tumblr Episode #184 Meme

found ON 2019-09-13 17:52:55 BY ME.ME

source: pinterest