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Ass, Books, and Christmas: Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher) Dad: Why the hell did vou put a comma there? Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is? Dad: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time Dad: Who should 1 dress up as for the movie premier? Dad: Hey are you awake? 1 know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. 1 need you to read this report. 1 can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit. Dad: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for doesn't care. 1 hate her Dad: 1 need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet. her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know 1 don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math. Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and 1 have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations. Dad: It's like you didn't read the fucking book. Dad: Okay. So this week you're reading this book 1 stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it. Dad: "puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that 1 read them* Dad: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society You aren't my son. Leave Dad: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all 1 can afford, so ... Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass. Dad:I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know Dad: Fuck the government Dad: Fuck the school board. Dad: Close the door Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and 1 hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha, DICKens. Dad:I love puns. Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes Dad: Please shut up Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird Dad: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music Dad: fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and 1 almost told her to get out. Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there Dad: Barbra Parks is fucking Queen. Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too Dad: If1 have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, 1 will kill them both. Dad: They act like 1 care what they think. Dad: I hate homework. Dad: 1 have decided to become a politician. Dad: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed. JAN VIA THISISANATATTACK "I TEACH SO MANY ALESHAS SO MANY 399a2NOTE An English teacher, uncensored
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Fail, Funny, and Word: Angry man, with the word BUS written on his face, trying to juggle peanuts, but fails because his hands are made of bread

Angry man, with the word BUS written on his face, trying to juggle peanuts, but fails because his hands are made of bread

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America, Black Lives Matter, and Butt: Molly Suzanna on Thursday When I was 19, I was driving home erratically, crying. I did a rolling stop through a red light. I was a mile away from my house. I got pulled over. There are wonderful police officers in the world. This wasn't one of them. He was of the psychotic variety, of which there are also quite a few. Demanded I sign the ticket. He was being scary. I didn't know, nor was I advised, that you can go to jail for not signing a ticket. Usually an officer just lets you go because you have to appear in court regardless of whether you sign it. When I said I didn't want to sign it (not understanding any of the aforementioned stuf), he demanded I get out of the car. My father died three days later; it's what l'd been crying about. I was 150 pounds soaking wet (at 6'2", that's pretty slight), halfway through a BA at a private school with a 4.0, and terrified to be on the side of the road in the dark with a very angry man whom I didn't know. Instead of getting out of the car, I locked the door. I was afraid. I didn't know better. He kept screaming at me to, "Stop f"ing crying! It would have been so easy to deescalate the entire situation He drug me out of the open car window and onto the ground. He kicked me in the ribs. He fractured my wrist cuffing me and picking me up by the link between the cuffs. He held his boot to the back of my head with my face on loose gravel, leaving what would later become scars. He bounced my head off the side of the car when he was putting me in, all while laughing. He called for backup and none of the other officers would touch me. One even said, on camera, "This is wrong, man. She ran a red light." I, understandably, was hysterical. Crying. Screaming. Huge bruises starting to form on my face and body. Clothing torn. High heel even broke off Do you know what I was arrested for and charged with that day? Resisting arrest. Can you imagine? Resisting arrest. Fast forward to the jail. I'd never been in trouble. Had no idea what to expect.I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't breathe. I told them he'd broken my wrist but they wouldn't believe me. They strapped me in a chair when I wouldn't calm down. Strap on your forehead. Strap on your chest. Strap on each arm and each leg. Like a beast. I remember begging for someone to scratch my nose, hysterically sobbing.I remember being in that chair for hours, topless, because l'd gotten "unruly" during the strip, cough, and squat procedure and refused to do it. So they ripped my shirt off and as I fought them, they put me in the chair. I tried to fight back against a female guard when she tried to rip my pants off. I didn't understand why I was there. I didn't understand what was happening. I didn't think I should have been arrested. I was livid. And loud Then they parked me. For five hours. In that chair. Strapped down. In front of a men's holding cell. I was literally losing my mind. It was a black man who, for five hours, while incarcerated himself, talked calmly and softly to me. Sang to me. Said every kind thing you could imagine. I finally stopped screaming and trying to head butt or kick anyone who passed. He said, "Stop, or they'll kill you. Just stop baby girl. It's ok. You'll be ok if you stop." He was an angel. Straight from God I didn't get to use the phone for a full 12 hours. No one on the planet knew where l was I was so crazy after being in that chair by the time they placed me in a holding cell that I began to bang my head off the cinderblock wall. They had to let me sit in the hall, on the ground, because l almost broke my own nose. I was muttering incoherently and rocking They mailed me a charge six months later saying they'd found a joint under the back seat of the bolted in police car and that it belonged to me. How do you hide a joint from an officer while cuffed with a broken wrist and get it underneath the bolted in backseat of a cop car? You don't. They offered me every plea in the book on the two charges, all the way down to a misdemeanor. I would not enter a plea. I went to trial on a felony. Because I knew my innocence. Because we had the money for a good attorney. Because the justice system wasn't already systemically stacked against me and my color and gender were in my favor, as my lawyer pointed out. During the trial they "lost" my videos. My attorney threatened the city with a lawsuit. The tapes magically appeared. My jury came back in four minutes with a not guilty verdict. They were crying after seeing the videos of my arrest and the videos from inside the jail, of me in that chair. My jurors all hugged me. They told me I should sue. My dad had just died. I was a college student. I was tired. The prosecutor dropped the resisting charge when I beat the possession rap; meaning I legally and literally should never have been arrested in the first place. How do you get arrested for resisting arrest? During my trial, my attorney asked him if he kicked me in the ribs repeatedly while I was already cuffed. He laughed and said, "Yes." My attorney asked, "Do you think this is funny?" He said, " do." A week later police in the same town shot an unarmed and senile very elderly black man in the face because he wouldn't come with them. There were no videos. There was no social media. You haven't heard about him. But he's dead. You won't hear his story. This arrest is still on my record. It doesn't prevent me from anything but I do have to explain felony charges when I get pulled over or apply for a job. I have never publicly told this story. tell it to you, today. And here's why: If I were a black man, I would be dead. Plain and simple. Pretty white girls don't get shot during wrongful arrests. Not any that I know of, and certainly not me. You can't deny white privilege and what it affords you. To deny it is to acknowledgeit exists, that you are privy to it. You don't see it because it exists for you. Something is very wrong in this country. There is a sickness. Black men (and sometimes women) are dying. They are being gunned down. For no discernible reason, and at an alarming rate, by white officers. micdotcom: This white woman’s shocking account of police brutality reveals the importance of the #BlackLivesMatter movementMolly Suzanna shared a story on Facebook that she had never told before: when she was 19, she ran a red light while crying, then was pulled over and forcefully removed and beaten by a police officer. She explains in the letter that she believes her situation would have been even worse had she been black — and she ends the letter with an important call to action.
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