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rubitrightintomyeyes: theonion: Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed. “I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.” “I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.” Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on. In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix. Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful. “I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.” “There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.” Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time. “It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.” While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower. “I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath & Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.” “I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added. At press time, a visibly perplexed Ferris had seen the rock sitting in Milstein’s trashcan and then looked in the shower to see another rock sitting in its place. : rubitrightintomyeyes: theonion: Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed. “I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.” “I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.” Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on. In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix. Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful. “I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.” “There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.” Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time. “It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.” While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower. “I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath & Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.” “I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added. At press time, a visibly perplexed Ferris had seen the rock sitting in Milstein’s trashcan and then looked in the shower to see another rock sitting in its place.

rubitrightintomyeyes: theonion: Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full...

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Welcome to tinder the newest text based RPG: Today 19 AM Choose your own adventure: match on tinder, you choose to... A Ghost him, proving his fear of the paranormal to be well founded. B. Set up a date but never follow through and just kind of talik for 2: months C.Have a deep and meaningful conversation D. Do tinder things E. Explore the cave for clues Today 9.20 AM Ya know usually l'd pick B because that's how it tends to go most of time but I'm feelin GOOD and LUCKY today so i You explore the cave. You find a tarch and light it. It's raining outside. You then choose to A Leave the cave and walk outsi de. B. Delve deeper into the cave C Check to see what else is in the entrance I love to delve. B You delve deeper into the cave as the light dissapears behind you. You come across a fork in the cave an you A Go left towards the sound of water B. Go right towards a faint light Today 124 PM I'm feeling kinda perched, A You enter a cavem with a waterfall flowing into a crystal clear pool. You then.. A Get into the water B. Try to climb up the waterfall C Look around In the cavem D. Go beck Today 3 29 PM B Today 0 PM You go to the waterfall, grab a rock to climb but it's slippery and you fall into the weter.. A You swim to share B. Dive down and explore C Drown Teday 8.58 PM B! You talke a gulp of air and dive down You reach the bottom of the pool and see a lava tube that looks like it loads to a place to breath, a glittering sword and a treasure chest. You choose to.. A Go in the tube and explore some more B. Grab the sword C. Try to open the chest D. Ascend to the top of the pool Stitch It! You enter the tube and find a new cavern filed with air with a single sliver of moonlight cutting throigh the center of the cavern that connects to the outside. You . A Check out the discarded journal sitting besides the moonlight sliver B. Stand inside of the sliver C Attempt to figure aut if there is a code in the stalagtites on the ceiling Today 9:33 PM HAHAHA this is getting wild ummm A You open the joumal and can see nates scrawled all over but the darkest says beware the light. On the next page is a code number but you can't make it out in the low light A Throw somath ing into the maonlight and see what happens B. Grab the joumal and go back to the previous cavern C. Toss the joumal aside and look at those stalagtites D. Try to get your wet torch to light somehow C You study the stalagtites, they dont meen anything, what did you cxpect? You pick the journal back up and... See above A B. D Today 10 4 PM You grab a rock and throw it into the moonlight beam, it catches fire lighting up the carven before it disintegrates away. Having sean this you... A Throw all the rocks you can in the beam to watch the fireworkss B.Put the end of your torch in the maonlught beam C. Go back in the upper cavern B! You light the torch! You can now see cvarything cloarly. You now. A Take the journal back out and try) to read it again B. Look around the cavern to see if you missed anything C Stick your hand in the moon beam to see if it's hat Honestly...c You stick your hand in the moon beam... Surprise it's hot. Having learned that the fite setting thing is hot you then.. A Take the journal back out and try to read it again B. Look around the cavern to see if you missed anything C. Stick your hand in the moon beam again, and science Stitch It! НАНАН can I do C and then A Your hand burns more and you can't feel your fingers anymore considering the magic fire thing this makes sense and you record it for scientific rigor. You take the journal back out and read it under the Iight You read the code that was written in it and the code is. A Sabrina's number B. 1234567890 IM INTRUIGED NOW A!! You mamorize the number then dive back into the water and approch the chest at the bottom of the lake and put in a tencdigit code. That code is.. Welcome to tinder the newest text based RPG

Welcome to tinder the newest text based RPG

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leoismybookcrush: highklaushargreeves: my-analogical-romance: magicallygrimmwiccan: jackdrawsgames: luidilovins: phruxx: stynalane: dxisybuchanan: everythingcanadian: ariaste: wildhaunt: everkings: kid-communism: combatbooty: 1) they expensive bruh 2) none of us kno the dif btwn a fucking diamond and some fancy ass glass ur capitalist rock hierarchy has no control over us 3) mostly mined with slave labor 4) we get excited when our date buys us an appetizer, we don’t even comprehend people buying us rocks that would force us into debt for ten years 5) They aren’t actually that rare and the price is artificially inflated.  Pro tip from a former Jared’s salesperson: You want a sparkly white rock that will look like a diamond to the untrained eye and will literally cost the price of a nice dinner for two? Created white sapphire. They’re lab grown and cost *pennies* to make, so you can get a 1 or 2 carat white sapphire for like… $30-80 probably. You can get one as huge as you like, perfectly clear, perfectly flawless. And no one will ever be able to tell the difference except a professional appraiser. Also, sapphires are the second-hardest gemstone (right after diamonds) so they are very durable! Very unlikely that they’ll chip or crack. Get that bitch set in sterling silver and you are GOOD TO GO. Whole thing should cost you less than $200 unless you get a fancy band with a lot of extra stones. Of course, created sapphires come in every color of the rainbow, so if you want something more exciting than plain white, you TOTALLY CAN.  Created sapphires and silver: The poor Millennial’s engagement ring.  THANK YOU EX-JARED’S BASED GOD.  engagement rings: HACKED Get a ring from an antique store. They’re usually less than $100, you know they hold up over time, no one else will have one like it, and it comes with the bonus of being haunted by the spirit of some old woman named Edith probably. thanks edith Tiger’s eye: $47 bucks on etsy. Propose to your elderich horror with a ring she deserves. Rose quarts rose ring? 43 bucks. Symbol of love. Looks like a ring pop. Win-win. Druzy quartz 40 bucks. Cant pick a color? Go with all of them. Neat texture. Snowflake obsidian? 20 bucks. Made from the fires of the Earth’s molten core. Pretty dope conversation starter. Jade 15-30 bucks. Literally has a history of inner peace and spiritual awakening. Good gentle reminder not to kill your spouse. SO PRETTY @theotheralya Could give me a rock u found on the floor and thought I’d like and I would genuinely be ecstatic The ring I got Cas. Oak and a teeny tiny fern leaf. My dad proposed to my mom with a Ring Pop on April Fool’s Day : The Economist -Follow Economist TheEconomist Why aren't millennials buying diamonds? econ.st/294G6yf leoismybookcrush: highklaushargreeves: my-analogical-romance: magicallygrimmwiccan: jackdrawsgames: luidilovins: phruxx: stynalane: dxisybuchanan: everythingcanadian: ariaste: wildhaunt: everkings: kid-communism: combatbooty: 1) they expensive bruh 2) none of us kno the dif btwn a fucking diamond and some fancy ass glass ur capitalist rock hierarchy has no control over us 3) mostly mined with slave labor 4) we get excited when our date buys us an appetizer, we don’t even comprehend people buying us rocks that would force us into debt for ten years 5) They aren’t actually that rare and the price is artificially inflated.  Pro tip from a former Jared’s salesperson: You want a sparkly white rock that will look like a diamond to the untrained eye and will literally cost the price of a nice dinner for two? Created white sapphire. They’re lab grown and cost *pennies* to make, so you can get a 1 or 2 carat white sapphire for like… $30-80 probably. You can get one as huge as you like, perfectly clear, perfectly flawless. And no one will ever be able to tell the difference except a professional appraiser. Also, sapphires are the second-hardest gemstone (right after diamonds) so they are very durable! Very unlikely that they’ll chip or crack. Get that bitch set in sterling silver and you are GOOD TO GO. Whole thing should cost you less than $200 unless you get a fancy band with a lot of extra stones. Of course, created sapphires come in every color of the rainbow, so if you want something more exciting than plain white, you TOTALLY CAN.  Created sapphires and silver: The poor Millennial’s engagement ring.  THANK YOU EX-JARED’S BASED GOD.  engagement rings: HACKED Get a ring from an antique store. They’re usually less than $100, you know they hold up over time, no one else will have one like it, and it comes with the bonus of being haunted by the spirit of some old woman named Edith probably. thanks edith Tiger’s eye: $47 bucks on etsy. Propose to your elderich horror with a ring she deserves. Rose quarts rose ring? 43 bucks. Symbol of love. Looks like a ring pop. Win-win. Druzy quartz 40 bucks. Cant pick a color? Go with all of them. Neat texture. Snowflake obsidian? 20 bucks. Made from the fires of the Earth’s molten core. Pretty dope conversation starter. Jade 15-30 bucks. Literally has a history of inner peace and spiritual awakening. Good gentle reminder not to kill your spouse. SO PRETTY @theotheralya Could give me a rock u found on the floor and thought I’d like and I would genuinely be ecstatic The ring I got Cas. Oak and a teeny tiny fern leaf. My dad proposed to my mom with a Ring Pop on April Fool’s Day
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peter-pantomime: comparativelysuperlative: prokopetz: thesparkofrevolution: blacktyranitar: thesparkofrevolution: jakovu: dama3: tastefullyoffensive: Babylonian era problems. (photo via tbc34) old school hate mail Imagine how pissed you have to be to engrave a rock Ok but there was this guy called Ea-nasir who was a total crook and would actually cheat people ought of good copper and sell them shit instead. The amount of correspondences complaining to and about this guy are HILARIOUS. Are you telling me we know about a specific guy who lived 5000 years ago, by name, because he was a huge asshole More like 4000 years ago but yes. Ea-nasir and his dodgy business deals. And we haven’t even touched on the true hilarity of the situation yet. Consider two additional facts: He wasn’t just into copper trading. There are letters complaining about Ea-nasir’s business practices with respect to everything from kitchenwares to real estate speculation to second-hand clothing. The guy was everywhere. The majority of the surviving correspondences regarding Ea-nasir were recovered from one particular room in a building that is believed to have been Ea-nasir’s own house. Like, these are clay tablets. They’re bulky, fragile, and difficult to store. They typically weren’t kept long-term unless they contained financial records or other vital information (which is why we have huge reams of financial data about ancient Babylon in spite of how little we know about the actual culture: most of the surviving tablets are commercial inventories, bills of sale, etc.). But this guy, this Ea-nasir, he kept all of his angry letters - hundreds of them - and meticulously filed and preserved them in a dedicated room in his house. What kind of guy does that? [ source ] Okay, but imagine from the other guy’s point of view. You send angry letters about how Ea-nasir shipped you half a ton of subpar copper, and then 3800 years later— History: you are without a doubt the worst business man ive ever heard of Ea-nasir: : o the Ningal ssful trading rsian Gulf Complaint about delivery of the wrong grade of copper About 1750 BC (Old Babylonian period) from Ur ME 131236 ian period) peter-pantomime: comparativelysuperlative: prokopetz: thesparkofrevolution: blacktyranitar: thesparkofrevolution: jakovu: dama3: tastefullyoffensive: Babylonian era problems. (photo via tbc34) old school hate mail Imagine how pissed you have to be to engrave a rock Ok but there was this guy called Ea-nasir who was a total crook and would actually cheat people ought of good copper and sell them shit instead. The amount of correspondences complaining to and about this guy are HILARIOUS. Are you telling me we know about a specific guy who lived 5000 years ago, by name, because he was a huge asshole More like 4000 years ago but yes. Ea-nasir and his dodgy business deals. And we haven’t even touched on the true hilarity of the situation yet. Consider two additional facts: He wasn’t just into copper trading. There are letters complaining about Ea-nasir’s business practices with respect to everything from kitchenwares to real estate speculation to second-hand clothing. The guy was everywhere. The majority of the surviving correspondences regarding Ea-nasir were recovered from one particular room in a building that is believed to have been Ea-nasir’s own house. Like, these are clay tablets. They’re bulky, fragile, and difficult to store. They typically weren’t kept long-term unless they contained financial records or other vital information (which is why we have huge reams of financial data about ancient Babylon in spite of how little we know about the actual culture: most of the surviving tablets are commercial inventories, bills of sale, etc.). But this guy, this Ea-nasir, he kept all of his angry letters - hundreds of them - and meticulously filed and preserved them in a dedicated room in his house. What kind of guy does that? [ source ] Okay, but imagine from the other guy’s point of view. You send angry letters about how Ea-nasir shipped you half a ton of subpar copper, and then 3800 years later— History: you are without a doubt the worst business man ive ever heard of Ea-nasir:
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A Rock: 0134 %D21:58 02-UK e Today 21:28 Congratulations on matching with Tom please select your response: Cheesy pick up line 2. Interesting fact 3. an honest compliment 4. Start a text RPG 4 You leave your cabin the woods with little more than the clothes on you back a small bag and your simple steel dagger you see 3 paths in from of you: 1. The path into the woods. 2. The path down to the river 3. The path up the mountain The path follows the river until it gets to an old decrepit wooden bridge. You decide to: 1. chance crossing the bridge. 2. Continue down the path. 3. Stop to fish. & You stand in the water and stab your sword randomly into the river. The fish do not seem impressed. As you contimplate your life descisions you hear footsteps in the water behind you. run away 2. Turn around and draw your sword 3. Dive into the water Without looking you dive straight into the deeper parts of the river. It's much colder than you expected and youre swept away by the strong current. You just manage to surface and keep your head above water. 1. Swim towards the Riverbank 2. Accept your fate 1 You manage to get to the edge of the bank and grab onto a rock, you use the last of your strength to pull yourself out of the freezing river, your frostbitten limbs barely working You lay face down on the grass by the river, as you slowly loose conciousness and everything fades to black... when you wake up you hear the sound of horse shoes clopping and the sound of wooden wheels hitting rocks. When your eyes start working agian you see that your in the back of a horse drawn wagon. You see a man sat opposite you in handcuffs, with long blonde hair and a messy beard. He notices you're awake and says: "Hey you, you're finally awake. You were trying to cross the border right? Walked right into that Imperial ambush same as us and that thief over there"
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Tinder RPG: RI#01 34%1021 :58 Today 21:28 Congratulations on matching with Tom please select your response 1. Cheesy pick up line 2. Interesting fact 3. an honest compliment 4. Start a text RPG 4 You leave your cabin the woods with little more than the clothes on you back a small bag and your simple steel dagger you see 3 paths in from of you: 1. The path into the woods. 2. The path down to the river 3. The path up the mountairn 2 The path follows the river until it gets to an old decrepit wooden bridge. You decide to 1. chance crossing the bridge 2. Continue down the path 3. Stop to fish 3 You stand in the water and stab your sword randomly into the river. The fish do not seem impressed. As you contimplate your life descisions you hear footsteps in the water behind you 1. run away 2. Turn around and draw your sword 3. Dive into the water 3 Without looking you dive straight into the deeper parts of the river. It's much colder than you expected and youre swept away by the strong current. You just manage to surface and keep your head above water 1. Swim towards the Riverbank 2. Accept your fate You manage to get to the edge of the bank and grab onto a rock, you use the last of your strength to pull yourseltf out of the freezing river, your frostbitten limbs barely working You lay face down on the grass by the river, as you slowly loose conciousness and everything fades to black when you wake up you hear the sound of horse shoes clopping and the sound of wooden wheels hitting rocks When your eyes start working agian you see that your in the back of a horse drawn wagon. You see a man sat opposite you in handcuffs, with long blonde hair and a messy beard. He notices you're awake and says Hey you, you're finally awake You were trying to cross the border right? Walked right into that Imperial ambush same as us and that thief over there" Tinder RPG

Tinder RPG

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Tinder RPG by DannyHallam MORE MEMES: RI#01 34%1021 :58 Today 21:28 Congratulations on matching with Tom please select your response 1. Cheesy pick up line 2. Interesting fact 3. an honest compliment 4. Start a text RPG 4 You leave your cabin the woods with little more than the clothes on you back a small bag and your simple steel dagger you see 3 paths in from of you: 1. The path into the woods. 2. The path down to the river 3. The path up the mountairn 2 The path follows the river until it gets to an old decrepit wooden bridge. You decide to 1. chance crossing the bridge 2. Continue down the path 3. Stop to fish 3 You stand in the water and stab your sword randomly into the river. The fish do not seem impressed. As you contimplate your life descisions you hear footsteps in the water behind you 1. run away 2. Turn around and draw your sword 3. Dive into the water 3 Without looking you dive straight into the deeper parts of the river. It's much colder than you expected and youre swept away by the strong current. You just manage to surface and keep your head above water 1. Swim towards the Riverbank 2. Accept your fate You manage to get to the edge of the bank and grab onto a rock, you use the last of your strength to pull yourseltf out of the freezing river, your frostbitten limbs barely working You lay face down on the grass by the river, as you slowly loose conciousness and everything fades to black when you wake up you hear the sound of horse shoes clopping and the sound of wooden wheels hitting rocks When your eyes start working agian you see that your in the back of a horse drawn wagon. You see a man sat opposite you in handcuffs, with long blonde hair and a messy beard. He notices you're awake and says Hey you, you're finally awake You were trying to cross the border right? Walked right into that Imperial ambush same as us and that thief over there" Tinder RPG by DannyHallam MORE MEMES

Tinder RPG by DannyHallam MORE MEMES

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Tinder RPG: RI*034% 02-UK 21:58 Today 21:28 Congratulations on matching with Tom please select your response 1. Cheesy pick up line 2. Interesting fact 3. an honest compliment 4. Start a text RPG 4 You leave your cabin the woods with little more than the clothes on you back a small bag and your simple steel dagger you see 3 paths in from of you: 1. The path into the woods. 2. The path down to the river 3. The path up the mountairn 2 The path follows the river until it gets to an old decrepit wooden bridge. You decide to 1. chance crossing the bridge 2. Continue down the path 3. Stop to fish 3 You stand in the water and stab your sword randomly into the river. The fish do not seem impressed. As you contimplate your life descisions you hear footsteps in the water behind you. 1. run away 2. Turn around and draw your sword 3. Dive into the water 3 Without looking you dive straight into the deeper parts of the river. It's much colder than you expected and youre swept away by the strong current. You just manage to surface and keep your head above water 1. Swim towards the Riverbank 2. Accept your fate You manage to get to the edge of the bank and grab onto a rock, you use the last of your strength to pull yourseltf out of the freezing river, your frostbitten limbs barely working You lay face down on the grass by the river, as you slowly loose conciousness and everything fades to black.. when you wake up you hear the sound of horse shoes clopping and the sound of wooden wheels hitting rocks. When your eyes start working agian you see that your in the back of a horse drawn wagon. You see a man sat opposite you in handcuffs, with long blonde hair and a messy beard. He notices you're awake and says Hey you, you're finaly awake You were trying to cross the border right? Walked right into that Imperial ambush same as us and that thief over there" Tinder RPG

Tinder RPG

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