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Aladdin, Candy, and Children: Toy Story: Andy's Parents Are Divorcing You never see the Dad They are moving (to a smaller house no less The Mom's wedding ring is off in the shot where she picks up the Burz box -Andy is introverted and emotionally attached to inanimate, masculine figures -They get a puppy (surprisingly common for divorcees) None of the babies in "Rugrats" actually exist, but they are all instead figments of Angelica's imagination, as result of her parent's negligence. Chuckie died with his mother, which explains how much of a nervous wreck his father is. Tommy was a stillborn baby, which explains why his father, Stu, was always in the basement making toys for the son he never had. Finally, the DeVilles had an abortion To compensate for not knowing the sex of the baby, Angelica invented twins in her head, one boy, one girl Willy Wonka knew those children would die in his factory, After Augustus gets sucked up the shoot, they all hop on board the boat through the tunnel of doom. The boat doesn't have two extra vacant seats thoughh Iit was designed with prior knowledge that they would lose two participants before that point. Later they drive a creanm spewing car with only four seats. Did they have another car waiting in the garage in case the others made it? Of course not. Willy Wonka uses children to make candy There's a scene in "Aladdin where Genie calls Aladdin's clothes 0 3rd century. However, as we all know, the Genie was locked inside a lamp for the past 10,000 years, meaning that there is no way he could have known what the 3rd century was like.This means that Aladdin actually takes place in the FUTURE, in at least 10,300 AD. The movie itself is set in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, one where only some Arabic culture has survived. The things called "magic" are actually just some of the technological marvels left behind by the previous civilization. These include flying carpets and genetically engineered parrots which can comprehend human speech instead of just mimicking it How else could the Genie do impressions of ancient, long-dead celebrities like Groucho Marx, Jack Nicholson, etc? Courage the Cowardly Dog is actually a normal dog and he sees the world through a dog's eyes. All the villains in the show are just normal people, but to a little dog they seem scary. They don't actually live in the middle of Nowhere, but since his owners are too old to take him outside for walks, he only knows what's around his immediate property, and everything beyond that is nothing because he's never seen it. Game begins with curtain opening shadows on Blocks bolted to more shadows on skyline Exit stage right; end of set Platforms hanging La from roof, sticking out through slots in backdrop running via hidden machines behind set Super Mario Bros. 3 never happened It was all just a stage show. A play Mario was never once in any real danger You were merely the audience lolzandtrollz: Oh No, My Poor Childhood Memories

lolzandtrollz: Oh No, My Poor Childhood Memories

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Bad, Love, and Tumblr: bpd-iazuli: when ur splitting really bad and u try to cut everyone off but they all know what you’re trying to do and they try to love and support u

bpd-iazuli: when ur splitting really bad and u try to cut everyone off but they all know what you’re trying to do and they try to love and ...

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Be Like, Being Weird, and Bitch: theonlylivingboyinnewyork Being in a room with straight people talking about straight things is so exhausting pokemontrainerpav What the hell are 'straight things'? theonlylivingboyinnewyork Marriages and mortgages and families and opposite sex attraction talk and talking about sex openly without being made to feel like you are making people uncomfortable and hearing straight people talk about how hard dating is for them and hearing straight people talk about how they are such victims and their lives are shit when what this really means is they aren't married at age 22 and sexist crap that drives me crazy like traditional weddings and how great religion is and how the world is so lovely and kind and great because people don't know what it's like to be a minority and how straight people are like "this person is so lovely" when you know they are homophobic or listening to straight people say things are "gay" or talk about people who dress unconventionally (ie. men who wear dresses) as being weird or doing impressions of gay people or asking "why don't you have a boyfriend?" judgementally as if it is just that easy or getting annoyed at you when you complain about how hard your life is because it's easy for them cause they are straight and wouldn't know the first thing about it or having to come out to people all the time cause they just assume you're straight and getting weird looks like "tmi" or "you don't look gay" or "I don't care what you do in the bedroom" or having to hear straight people talk about really cute straight couples or really great romantic films or books about straight people or just watching people live super conventional lives and do really sexist old fashioned things just because no one is brave enough to question or think about anything.. and worst of all knowing that if you were to say or talk about anything gay everyone would get uncomfortable and not join in on the conversation and wish you had said nothing... and then people will be like "you hardly said anything", "you're so quiet", "you don't talk much", "are you shy", "you're boring". No bitch I'm gay and I don't relate to nor am I really interested in any of the shit that you have been yelling to my face for the last hour. theonlylivingboyinnewyork I live for the number of straight people that don't understand why this was written in this way It's exhausting reading this right? Well that's what's it's like for us gay people to have to listen to straight people's opinions on things over and over and over straight people things
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Clock, Countdown, and Future: spOtlessmiind tiptreecrossing ngmyWayevery vickified: If a clock could count down to the moment you meet your soul mate, would you want to know? lol yes, so then i can shave. One minute, 37 seconds My legs are shaking. Holy cow, there is no way I can do One minute, 29 secods. I glance around at the faces surrounding the room. Of this. None. course my Meeting would take place in the gross, overcrowded cafeteria. One minute, six seconds Somewhere within these four walls, someone has the exact same countdown on their wrist. They're going through the exact same pressure as me 54 seconds. Mom said I should be excited, not nervous. Yet I still find myself wiping my sweaty palms on my dress. I can't believe she talked me into wearing a dress. I mean, shouldn't my Soul Mate meet me as I normally am? All plain jeans, blah shirts, and wild brown curls? 30 seconds Something deep within me tells me to stand up. I do drawing the attention of my tablemates. They all know too They smile encouragingly up at me. I chew my lip nervously. 25 seconds That same feeling pulls me towards the center of the room. My stomach drops away from me as I take a step in that direction. 20 seconds I continue in that direction. With each step the tempo of my heart picks up. 19. Faster 18. Quicker 17. More rapid. 16. It's racing. Oh my god this is it. The moment my life changes forever My eyes search frantically around the cafeteria, searching for someone who looks as nervous as me. For someone who's heading towards their future with no sense of direction like me. 10 seconds The feeling directs me slightly to the left. I turn to accomodate 5. My heart has given up entirely 4. I stop walking 3. Just waiting left. 2. Everything is about to change. 1. Deep breath. 0000 d 00 h 00 m 00 s Count down

Count down

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Apparently, Bad, and Fake: Patrick S. Tomlinson @stealthygeek Had a lot of Trump voters trying to "introduce" themselves to me the last few days as if they're an alien species making first contact. 1/ 6/20/17, 6:14 PM 36 Retweets 86 Likes Patrick S. Tomlinson @stealthyge... 1h v Replying to @stealthygeek Apparently being told directly and unequivocally that they're not good people has made a lot of them feel the need to justify themselves. 2/ 04 42 Patrick S. Tomlinson @stealthy... .59m v Well I have bad news for y'all. This "liberal bubble' you've all been trivjed into believing is bullshit. It doesn't exist. We know you. 3/ 4 52 Patrick S. Tomlinson @stealthy... 58m We ALL know dozens of Trump voters. You're not an uncontacted Amazonian tribe with mysterious customs and an uninteligible language. 4/ 5 64 Patrick S. Tomlinson @stealthy... 57m v You're our friends, coworkers, even family. We know EXACTLY who you are. And we know you watched for 18 months while and unhinged child.. .5/ 60 Patrick S. Tomlinson* @stealthy...-56m ﹀ ..spewed racism and xenophoibia, scapegiated immigrants and refugees, bragged about serial sexual assault, threatened his opponents w/...6/ 4 53 Patrick S. Tomlinson @stealthy... 55m v prison, offered to pay the legal bills of his supporters who attacked protestors. Lied every single day. We saw you watching him, 7 4 Patrick S. Tomlinson @stealthy... .54m And we saw you LOVING him for it. We heard you brag about how he was going to take YOUR country back for people just like you. 8/ V55 Patrick S. Tomlinson* @stealthy...-53m We saw. We heard. And then we watched you vote for him. Saw you celebrate as this nightmare YOU caused got underway at full speed. 9/ 4 52 Patrick S. Tomlinson @stealthy... 52m v We saw you parrot "FAKE NEWS!" whenever the media did its damned job of reporting true things about him. Saw you lie about crowd size. 10/ 6 Patrick S. Tomlinson @stealthy... .50m We already know very well who you are We've been watching the whole time. We don't need an introduction from you. We need an apology. 11/ 2 5 51 Patrick S. Tomlinson * @stealthy... .50m Your actions these last 18 months were not the actions of good citizens, or even good people. They were the actions of bullies. 12/ 4 Patrick S. Tomlinson * @stealthy...-48m ﹀ Want to talk to me? Start by accepting responsibility for the consequences of your actions. Conservatives are suppposedly big on that. 13/ 5 4 52 Patrick S. Tomlinson * @stealthy... .47m Then we can move forward. Then you can start to rebuild your reputations. Then you can be a good person again Not before quasi-normalcy: tbridge: chartier: Trump voters, the bullshit “liberal bubble,” and accountability. I’m just gonna put this here, for my cousins, and for my other family. We don’t hate Trump supporters because we don’t know what they’re really like; we hate Trump supporters because we know exactly what they’re really like.
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Fall, Lgbt, and Love: shiraglassman: the-aila-test:  Does It Pass The Aila Test? We all know the rules of The Bechdel Test. In recent years, fans of more feminist-friendly films have included their own character tests, like The Mako Mori Test, The Furiosa Test, The Sexy Lamp Test, the list goes on. While these are all helpful (though comical) tools feminists have used to criticize media narratives, very few of them seem to empower or apply when viewing Indigenous and Aboriginal women in media narratives / storytelling. As a Native woman, I’ve experienced disappointment and heartache from the way Native women were represented on film, television, cartoons, and other forms of media. From stereotypical “Indian princesses” to the distressing amount of physical and sexual violence in live action period pieces, it felt that a Native woman was not a character you were meant to love and root for. She was never a character you were supposed to relate to or want to be. In almost every role she’s in, she cannot exist without being a prop for another character’s story, and if she has a “happy ending,” it’s usually in the arms of a white colonist or settler. I’ve created the Aila Test to bring my own concerns to the table when feminists criticize media. Not only should these issues be analyzed and addressed, but content creators who write about Indigenous / Aboriginal women should consider writing characters who pass this test. We need them now, more than ever. To pass the Aila Test, your film / animation / comic book / novel / etc, must abide by these three important rules: 1. Is she an Indigenous / Aboriginal woman who is a main character… 2. Who  DOES NOT fall in love with a white man… 3. And DOES NOT end up raped or murdered at any point in the story. Do you know characters that pass the Aila Test? Please submit them to this page! I found one! It’s only sixteen pages long, but “Né łe” by Darcie Little Badger is a short sci-fi romance between two Native American women…. in space… surrounded by forty-one puppies. It’s part of an LGBT Native collection called Love Beyond Body, Space, and Time and I reviewed just the story by itself here.

shiraglassman: the-aila-test:  Does It Pass The Aila Test? We all know the rules of The Bechdel Test. In recent years, fans of more femini...

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Batman, Beautiful, and College: I'm about to have a fun afternoon. So my trainer's bf cheated on her, She broke up with him, He's holding her stuff hostage until she agrees to t Which she refuses. alk with Ain She trains; for free mind you; three college linebackers, a college wrestler, two martial artists, a bodly builder, and... wait for it... .a Navy seal. We're gonna go get her shit for her This should make for an interesting story. So everyone who commented on this being like the avengers, you are absolutely right, That's what all of us had in our heads as we were rolling over to dude's house. But I very proud to say, this ended without Arrival: Arrival: So the super friends all jumped into one of the linebacker's explorer and headed over to dude's house. Ok the squad: you all know me, but the other martial artist is a little wirey hapkido guy, the linebackers are all giants (an estimated combined weight of I'd say 750-800lbs), the wrestler looks like an escaped gorilla, then the navy seal looks ike your average guy b him is unsettling. Really unsettling. Unfortunately, the body builder had to work. Anyway, we send the Hapkido guy and the wrestler to the door first and dude answers, screams at them, and then slams the door in their face. Then the giant linebackers head over and they ring the door bell again, Lo and behold, he was much more polite, but still denied access. Finally, me and the seal join the fray. I casually make my way towards the front of the group, but the seal decides to CLIMB THE BANISTER. We all just turned and started at hirm completely shocked when dude answers the door, He looks at this ut about THE SANISTER, We all just turned and started at him completely shocked when dude answers the door, fie looks at this weird threatening individuals and one guy perched on his banister like batman, te was like "FINE. Go take what you're looking group Retrieval: So we're all walking through the house gathering what we think are her things and putting them into two boxes. Mind you. We n't even tell her we were coming,t no list of items.The only one really berng productive was Hapkido, who was legitimately looking for stuff. The linebackers were just randomly picking up furniture, turning it over, and putting it back down, Just showing off how strong were, In case the numbers game wasn't enough, I guess they were letting him know they could break him if they wanted to. The seal was just shadowing dude in his own house. Walking behind him, wanted to. The seal was just shadowing dude in his own house, Walking behind him, not saying much, just being creepy. Then was causing general mischief . He said to take what I was looking for, that's what I was looking for Ahaha and the wrestler made a fricken sandwich, Because "you guys look like you have it under control, and I'm a sucker for egg salad. We were in and out in 15 Delivery: So the autobots rolled out and headed towards homegirl's spot. She was conweniently outside when we rolled up. We got out and she was like, how do you all even know each other. The truth is, we don't. She sent us all an email once and didn't blind copy us all. She vented to all of us about dude holding onto her stuff and we started emailing and that was that. We told her that we went to see her ex, "OMg what didl you say to him? delivery boys. And we gave her her boxes of Nothing. We're not messenger boys. We're delivery boys. And we gave her her boxes of stuff. She went through the first box and said that was most of her stuff. Then she got to my box and asked "Wtf is all that shit." So I explained that I took all the batteries out of his remote controls, his deodorant, the light bulb out of his master closet, every pair of dress socks that I could find, the laces out of his running shoes, and all the toilet paper in the house. The guys just looked at me and kind of nodded like they were impressed, She then. unexpectedly started CRYING and thanked us. So you have this group of meat heads all standing awkwardly with this weeping trainer, It was quiet for a second when the seal was like "So... chipoltle?" And we all got burrito bowls This is literally the most beautiful and thrilline tale, Start to fnish Sorry about the font
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Shit, Black, and Deja Vu: loreleievans lucernal: on peabodysfedora detectivewho dblaksle guys remember when Lemony Snicket filled an entire page with evers? lamp as she remembered that evening, and when she reached the electric socket she had an idea. We all know, of course, that we should never should ever, ever, e ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, s1533 ATE EVENTS ever, con ever, erer, cre, ever, c evet ever, ever ever, ever, ever, e ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever eve, evet, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, e ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, e ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever ever, evet, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, evet, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, evet, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever ever, evet, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever evet, evet, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, eves ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever,ever, ever, ever, ever, ever evet. ever, ever ever, ever, ever ever, ever ever, evet ever, ever, ever, ever ever, ever, ever, ever, ever ever, veCerever, ever v ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever ever THE REPTILE ROOM ever, ever fiddle around in any way with clectric devices. Never. There are two reasons for this. One is that you can get electrocuted, which is not only deadly but very unpleasant, and the other is that you are not Violet Baudelaire, one of the few people in the world who know how to handle such things. And even Violet was very careful and nervous as she unplugged the lamp I do Who cares about the page filled with evers? Lemony Snicket just made two whole pages black. He don't give a shit And that time he repeated an entire passage about deja vu to give the reader deja vu Yep What a series of unnecessary events did you just Yes, I believe they did just say that Lemony Snicket, everyone.
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Ash, Beautiful, and Children: THE HUMAN ODYSSEY YGGDRASIL: THE WORLD TREE i Designed by Simon E. Davies Mani, God of The Moon Sol, Goddess of The Sun Dvalin Vedrfolnir and the Great Eagle Hati Sköll . Wolf Ratatosk Wolf The Squirrel Dain Odin, King Duneyr The Aesir Gods of Civilisation Valhalla Hall of the Njöror King of the Vanir ASGARD the Elves Elvish People Heimdall Watchman of the Gods Bifröst the Rainbow Bridge The Vanir: Fertility Gods ALFHEIM VANAHEIM Formation Of the stars Mortal Realm Court of Justice Níõhöggr, Ice Dragon MIDGARD The Eternal Flame Spring of Hvergelmir Midgard Ocean Surtur, King of the Fire Giants NIFELHEIM children of the mist MUSPELHEIM Jörmungandr The Midgard Serpent Realm of Fire Giants Well of Realm of Frost Giants The Norns Swans Of Urd Giants Homeland Nidavelli Land of Dwarves JOTUNHEIM Svartalfheim Realm of Lost Souls Eljudnir, Hall of the Dead HELHEIM Well of Mimir Hel, Goddess Of the Dead hedendom: Yggdrasil, the World TreeBy Simon E. Davies of Human Odyssey In the beginning of the Norse cosmos, there existed an eternal Void, known as Ginnungagap. Out of this nothingness sprang Yggdrasil, a huge Ash tree. Its newly emerging branches held two primordial worlds; Niflheim, a world of ice frost, and Muspellheim, a realm of molten fire. When a spring erupted from Nifelheim (known as Hvergelmir), it created a river which crossed the void into Muspellheim. Here, the hot air scorched the freezing river creating a new world, known as Jotunheim, land of the giants. From this bloodline of primordial beings came Odin, Vili and Ve, who despised the father of giants who ruled his people with malice and brutality. When the chance came, the brothers slew the frost giant, and from his body they created Midgard, a world of mortals. Surrounding this realm they placed a great ocean which nourished the roots of the great tree. Yggdrasil grew ever higher, forming a new realm called Asgard, which is located on the highest branch of the world tree. This was where Odin, king of the Aesir would take his people to settle a new civilisation. It was said this race of gods brought culture and technology to the world of mortals via a great causeway called Bifrost.Bifrost was a burning rainbow bridge, connecting Midgard (the world of mortals) with Asgard. This colourful overpass emerged from Himinbjörg, a mountain hall guarded over by the ever-vigilant Heimdall. This watchmen of the gods kept an eye on the mortals below, making sure no giants breached their homeland.As Yggdrasil continued to grow, a new land emerged on one of its branches called Vanaheim. It was a land full of luscious forests and wild meadows. From this primal wilderness emerged a race of gods known as the Vanir. This tribal people lived near the coast, ruled by Njörðr, a seafaring god who loved wealth and magic, a trait common among his people. A great tension broke out between the Vanir and the Aesir resulting in a long winded war. It eventually ended in a stalemate, so many of the gods sent their families as hostages to the opposing tribe to help bring them closer together. Njörðr’s son, Freyr, was placed in charge of Alfheim, homeland of the Elves. This class of god-like beings were said to be “more beautiful than the sun.”These elves were also linked to another realm far below the Earth. Legend says a tribe from Alfheim were exiled from their homeland many eons ago, and eventually sought refuge with the dwarves of the underworld. These subterranean beings had build their homes around the roots of Yggdrasil, carving a network of labyrinths, mines and forges for their empire. They called it Niðavellir, and the elves, who skin eventually became black as night, called it Svartalfar.  All the beings of Yggdrasil, mortals, gods, dwarves and elves would eventually die, and their souls were destined for several realms. If the Aesir died valiantly in battle, they would find rest in Valhalla, for all others, Helheim was their inevitable destination. This dark and gloomy abode resided at the tip of Yggdrasil’s deepest root. This afterlife was ruled over by Loki’s daughter Hel, a strange being who was half black and half flesh-coloured, characterised by a gloomy, downcast appearance. There are a number of sacred creatures which live within Yggdrasil. this includes the monstrous wyrm Níðhöggr who gnaws at the roots of Nifelheim, weakening the great tree of Yggdrasil. This frost dragon was also known for eating the corpses of the Nifelheim when found guilty of murder, adultery and oath-breaking.Atop the highest branches of the world tree is perched a great eagle and his hawk companion Vedrfolnir, who sits between his eyes. The two stare deep into the Norse cosmos, perhaps representing insight and awareness. Ratatosk is a squirrel who runs up and down the world tree to carry messages between the unnamed eagle and Níðhöggr the wyrm. This mischievous critter is said to stir trouble between the all knowing eagle and the world hungry dragon.Among the branches of the Great Ash tree live four stags known as Dáinn, Dvalinn, Duneyrr and Duraþrór. These ravenous beasts eat the branches of the World Tree, perhaps representing the four seasons. When they eat too much, winter ensues, when they are full, the leaves grow thick and lush in the midst of summer.Perhaps the most important guardians of Yggdrasil are the three Norns (witches) who lives at the well Urd (below Midgard). Their names are Urd “past”, Verdani “present” and Skuld “future”. These three hags are the goddesses of fate, who spend most their time spinning the threads of life, deciding the fate of every human, animal and god. Every day the Norns will also carry water from Urd’s well, and pour it over Yggdrasil. The water from the well is of vital importance to keep the tree green and healthy. It is the Norns who foretold Ragnarok, the twilight of the Gods and the fall of Yggdrasil. It is said that Ragnarok will begin when the wolf, Fenrir, son of Loki, breaks free of his imprisonment. This will lead to a chain reaction of events including the Midgard snake Jormungandr rising from the sea and a wolf (known as Skoll) devouring the sun, and his brother Hati, eating the moon, plunging the earth into darkness. The stars will vanish from the sky. Everything will come to a head in a huge battle that draws in all the races of the nine worlds. It will conclude with Surter, king of the fire giants, setting fire to the great Yggdrasil. The nine worlds will burn, and friends and foes alike will perish, culminating with the earth sinking deep into the abyss of the sea.

hedendom: Yggdrasil, the World TreeBy Simon E. Davies of Human Odyssey In the beginning of the Norse cosmos, there existed an eternal Void,...

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80s, Anaconda, and Apparently: APPROVED Y THE OMICS DE 3 MARCH 2017 FREE EVERY FRIDAY ED SHILERANIA SUPER EDS LAD2 ON EVERYTHING YOU WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT MUSICS BO WONDER! AFRAID TO ASK 50 THINGS YoU PROBABLY DIDNT KNOW ED SSHEERAN ABOUT フ、 CHARFSLATING SINGER-SONGHRITER WEMBLEYCONQUERING SOLO ARTIST AND BARBIE DOLL OWNER? AS ED SHEERAN RELEASES NEW ALBUM WE DG OUT A HALF CENTURY OF NUGGETS SURPRISING SUPERSTAR ART BY BUTCHER BILLY WORDS B HARK BEAUNONT HE NAMES HIS GUITARS They a Keith, Nigeland the one that does battle WITH THE STARS I had Van Momison take me for oyd HE TOOK THE SWEARING OFF 'X BECAUSE A CAB DRIVER TOLD HIM TO breakfast and tell me he loved me, he told Radio X. "And I've had Eric Clapton come to my house for dinner- I've gone to his house for dinner and he tells me that he likes my music. HE MISSED THE NORTHERN LIGHTS BECAUSE HE'D BOILED HIS FOOT We all know about the scar he X' originally had the odd expletive dotted about, explicit lyrics out after a taxi driver convinced me to do it for hia daughter," Sheeran revealed. when His dad John is an art historian, his mum managed to melt the skin off his foot when he lrmogen designs jewe llery and his brother Matthew 25th birthday. They were like, Don't walk over there!' Then I just slipped," he told the Vodafone Big Top40. l couldn't walk for a couple of months... It was disgusting when they put the skin graft on. The skin has to heal over it. It was bad. ED'S CAT HAS MORE TWITTER FOLLOWERS THAN YOU AND ALL YOUR FRIENDS PUT TOGETHER In 2014, Sheeran created a Twitter account for his kitten, Graham, whonotched up 71,000 followers almost ovemight by sitting on a guitar, demanding HIS MUSIC IS A PASSION-KILLER FOR HIS COUSIN milk and proudly telling the worild every time he She's not tbo keen, Sheeran told Shoboy radio. She gets brought back and wooed by guys, they put me on to set the mood and she goes: 1'm not shat the bed. Follow him &GrahamShizza HIS SECOND ALBUM Purrn outloud 9onna get off to my cousin. LEAKED AND NO ONE NOTICED DRUM 'N' BASS ICON GOLDIE IS HIS FINANCIAL ADVISOR unexpectedły, Sheeran feared he'd blown his big comeback. Exceptno one could tell they were his songs and the leak went by virtually unnoticed. As soon as stuff started to go well," Sheeran revealed, "Goldie rang me up and goes, 'don't bea HE PREVIEWED NEW ALBUMTO HALF HE ONCE RECEIVED A HAIR CAKE FROM A FAN OF WESTEROS Game Of Thrones lot were at," he told Radio1 They allendedup back at my house. I'd never met some of them before and said: Do you want never eat the edible gifts. As Sheeran found to his cost when he cut into a cake sent to him by a fan, onty to find it was full of hair. 15 HE HAS A PLAN TO ESCAPE wWiII CLAIMING THE IRCN THRONE HIMSELF about gaining New Zealand citizenship because, been trying toget Sheeran to make a cameo appearance, following in the footsteps of Coldplay drummer Will Champion and Snow Patrol's Gary Lightbody. But schedules were against him. "Every time they shoot I'm on tour," he told The Sun. be bothered to come that far to invade HE HE HAS COLOURS FOR ALL OF HIS SONGS he's said. "You Need Me, I Don't Need You BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH WOULDN'T DANCE IN HIS VIDEO The for HE'S A SECOND COUSIN OF GORDON BURNS, PRESENTE OF '80S GAME SHOW THE KRYPTON FACTOR I only found out when I played Manchester Apollo," he told the Guardian. "That 's when I met him. I'm second cousins with about 100 people Sing' but his US agent vetoeditas, according to Sheeran, It's not right for him right now. ELTON JOHN MADE HIM RELEASE 'SING Initially the uncharacteristically upbeat HE ALMOST CHANGED HIS NAME TO REDWARD R&B track, co-written with Pharrell Williams, wasn't going to be on 'x' at all, until Elton John He ment fresh start. His choice? "Redward. Edward with an office and told him: That's your first single." HE DOESN'T ANSWER HE'SA FRESH UNKNOWN NUMBER' PHONE CALLS PRINCE FANATIC It's because he received "quite a few death threats" when he first made waves in 2011 the rap from The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air into his songs onstage, it's just a hint of his obsession with Will Smith's '90s show- he's even had a tattoo in honour ot it. Although, that said, Sheeran has had HE'S ANTI- SMARTPHONE re. travelling the world to visit countries he'd toured but never seen very much of, he ditched his iPhone and never wanted to go back to it. lenjoy life without a phone - it's a lot less hassle, he said. HE SPENT A WEEK SLEEPING ON THE CIRCLE LINE HE ONCE GOT A BARBIE DOLL FOR HIS BIRTHDAY For a week during his much talked-about homeless years in London, Sheeran would finish gigs, stay up drinking into the early hours, wait until 5am for the tube to open and then get four hours It was a gift from his brother. He definitely didnt it. not. HE WAS BORN TO SOUNDTRACK THE HOBBIT BUCKINGHAM PALACE Well, in a stone archway outsice handily fitted with a heating vent. Three years latet he'd made it inside the palace, playing to When' Sheeranwas asked to write a song for Peter The Hobbit: The Desolation Of the Queen at her Diamond Jubilee party. HE OBSESSIVELY TRACKS HIS SALES grandfather's first edition of the novel was the PETER JACKSON STRAPPED HIM TO A PLANE Sheeran leaps online to check how the publicity has affected his sales. "It's just because I've never been good at anything betore, he told The Bg at s As soon as he got the call about The Hobbit fronm Jackson, Sheeran raced from a wedding in lbiza to Wellington, New Zealand, where the director keeps his collection of WWl airplanes. "He strapped me to the front of one of them and flew me around, Sheeran told Entertainment Tonight. academic award. This is the only thing in my life that I can win at. Unless Acele's about, obviously. HE WAS DISCOVERED BY JAMIE FOXX The first of Sheeran's numerous NANDO'S MADE A SAUCE FOR HIM big breaks came when he lanced a slot on Jamie Foxx's radio show in LA. He ended up hanging out in Foxx's Hollywood mansion as the major what's believed to be a mythical Nando's black card, allowing him free food from theirrestaurants whenever he likes, the peri-peri chicken chain went one furtherand created a special 'Ed's Peri-Peri HE COULD NAIL STRICTLY teachers on tour with him for thre weeks and spent five hours a day practising for the Thinking PIZZA EXPRESS MADE HIM A TRIBUTE PIZZA For his 26th birthday, Pizza Express 1.5 billion YouTube views. HE'S CONSIDERING MAKING, AN ACOUSTIC RECORD made from Calabrese ingredients. HIS VIDEO FOR 'THE A-TEAM' COST £20 th album titles, the next will have to be- which he's thought about making a stripped-back affair on ction HE'S TATTOO BROS WITH HARRY STYLES HE CAN FIT A LOT OF STUFF IN HIS MOUTH A video of a teenage Sheeran online Hard-nut Sheeran went for the full portrait while soft-boy S tyles just had the name done. Maltesers in his mouth before gagging. HARRY STYLES IS BLACKMAILING HIM HIS TEENAGE YEARS WERE TOUGH He has a video of a young eardrum, a squint, a stutter and a port-wine he's threatened to publish if Sheeran upsets him HE'S A GREAT DATE Heonce flew halfway around the world to spendan afternoon ROBBIE WILLIAMS WORRIES ABOUT HIM room for an agony uncle session. "He chatted to me for two hours, Sheeran told New Zealand's FVM radio station. "Really intense chatting, like, Are you OK? Are you doing any drugs? How's the stress level? How are relationships? HE WROTE A SONG AT A FUNERAL Afire Love' from 'x was dedicated to his Irish Catholic grandfather who suffered fromm Alzheimer's for 20 years before his death in 2013 Sheeran finished writing the song at his funeral. E'S BEEN IN TWO SITCOMS AND A SOAP They are: New Zealand comedy Shortland Street, US sitcom Undate able and HIS ACTING NEEDED SPECIAL HELP In the film Bridget Jones's Baby, actor Sarah Solemani wanted him to look more taken aback during their scene, so she surprised him by stripping off and dancing in her underwear HE HELPS PEOPLE HAVE SEX A cousin of mine went on a girls JORDAN FROM RIZZLE KICKS A ROLEX FOR HIS BIRTHDAY trip,"Sheeran's said. They were in a bar and a came up saying, Do you wanna come back on the radio - my name's to mine? Ive got a song Ed Sheeran.' Apparently it works for him. There's loads of ginger people who are having a lot of fun. I'm not hating on it - we're finally getting laid! HIS BODY IS HE MADE A FANTASTIC GINGERBREAD MAN AT HALLOWEEN OF HIS CAREER Almost all of Sheeran's many tattoos have some link to his career thus far. One inking marks his first single The A-Team', another his single Bloodstream'. He even has a Lego head tattoo as a nod to Lego House', but sadly no full-face portrait of Rupert Grint on his arse. Before he named his record label Gingerbread, Sheeran had dressed as the Gingerbread Man from Shrekon Halloween in 2013 HE'S WRITTEN A SONG ABOUT AN A-LIST LOVE TRIANGLE HE WAS GQ'S WORST DRESSED MAN IN 2013 I still wear skater hoodies, jeans Don't', from Sheeran's second studio albumx is alleged to be about him, Ellie Goulding and One Direction's Niall Horan. Ed himself told Fuse andskater shoes," he told the men's style mag. the song opened up a door that I probably shouldn't have opened up... I just won'tsay who it's about because... I mean everyone, everyone HE'S WORKING TO A 15-ALBUM MAXIMUM PROFIT PLAN The first five EPs, then the first album +, then 'x and now 밝 There'll be two more in this series of five albums and then five more after that, he's explained. "My benchmark for the second album was Coldplay. This album ], it's Springsteen. l do have numerical targets. I did 14 million of x' and I want to do 20 million of It's the best album I could have made so why not want to win? Why notwant to sell 20 million?" HE'S WRITTEN FOR EVERYONE AND THEIR DOG You'll be aware of his writing credits for One Direction and Taylor Swift, but Sheeran has also penned songs for The Weeknd, Jessie Ware, Rudimental, Usher, Justin Bieber, Major Lazer, Hillsry Duff, Robbie Williams, Ollty Murs. NME ginger-food-lover-ed: Ed Sheeran | NME March 2017 [÷]
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Club, Tumblr, and Blog: laughoutloud-club: We all know who lives here

laughoutloud-club: We all know who lives here

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