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Amazon, Drunk, and Internet: old man bangers @FindusPancake My mum was teaching first holy communion class, and a kid asked her "How many communions do vou have to do before you've eaten a whole Jesus?" 24/3/18, 8:48 am 10K Retweets 35.1K Likes sindri42: xanderbot13: gannayev: spiletta42: ragnell: danbensen: exxos-von-steamboldt: ralfmaximus: moogloogle: ralfmaximus: tobaeus: ralfmaximus: nyxetoile: antibutch: thats a valid question A communion wafer, according to the internet, is about .25g. Jesus was a healthy young man, who worked manual labor and walked everywhere. The average male in Biblical times was 5′1″ and about 110 pounds so call it 50kg or 50,000 grams. So 200,000 wafers to make up a whole Jesus. At one wafer a week that’s 3846 to eat a whole Jesus at weekly communion. If you went to Mass daily you could do it in under 550 years. 1000 communion wafers from Amazon costs $15, so acquiring a Jesus load would set you back about $3000 But that’s just the body. Jesus also bade his followers to drink his blood. How much of that Jesus communion wafer supply needs to be replaced with communion wine to account for his blood, and how much of that would need to be consumed to have drunk all his blood as well? The human body contains roughly 5 liters of blood. Communion wine costs about $66 for a case of 12 x 750 ml bottles (9000 ml). So half a case is 4500 ml, or close enough if Jesus was on the small side which is reasonable given what we know of the times. Thus, Jesus’ blood would be about 6 bottles of communion wine, costing $33. How much of his weight was his blood, now? We can bring down the wafer count. Osnap what an excellent question. Water has a specific gravity of 1.0 and weighs 1kg/liter. Wine has a specific gravity if 1.5 thus weighs 1.5kg per liter. 4.5L of wine would weigh 6.75kg or about 15 pounds. Reducing the wafer load by 6.75kg yields 43.25kg so call it 161,000 wafers or $2450 and change. @danbensen Full Metal Eucharist The Unholy Union of Catholic Tumblr and Math Tumblr This is one of those posts I will absolutely email to every pastor I know. @garpfloyd If you just buy a sack of wafers, that’s just bread. To get the transubstatntiation going you need to have a priest perform the full ritual over them. By which I mean an entire Mass for every like, plateful? If you cut out the songs and use pretty short readings you could probably get one churned out every half-hour or so…

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Christmas, Dad, and Drinking: Judy Brown I've done something ingenious to wind up my Dad (which is basically my favourite holiday pastime). It begins ike this Judy Brown Some of you out there may recall that in 2016 Iplayed an excellent Christmas prank on my long-suffering Dad. It worked a treat. Judy Brown @mcjude 7h Replying to @mcjude Last year I decided to play the long game & didn't tamper with the confectionary: spooked by the year before, he would not touch a single Ferrero Rocher (which was great because he usually inhales them at 750mph) so there were Ferreros aplenty for the rest of us. I bided my Judy Brown @mcjude 7h And so, yesterday, home for Christmas and with the devil at my elbow, I embarked on my most audacious sprout prank yet. Judy Brown @mcjude-7h While he was out I dipped the sprouts in chocolate, rolled them in chopped hazelnuts, and did all I could to replicate the iconic Ferrerro. Judy Brown @mcjude 7h l re-wrapped and (this is crucial) re- sealed the box with its original tape and a tiny dab of glue. Then secreted it amongst a bag of tasty gifts from my Aunt and retired to watch from afar Judy Brown @mcjude 7h Last night he viewed them with suspiciorn when they came out the bag... but I was out all day, how could I have tampered with them? He abstained and they sat in the kitchen all night. Judy Brown @mcjude 7h This bright Christmas morning we were gathered round the tree, drinking tea and opening presents. Dad eyed the box. He quite likes a post-brekkie Ferrero. He approached. I hovered in the kitchen, careful not to spook him. Judy Brown @mcjude 7h And Lo! He opened. He EXAMINED. He unwrapped. He examined FURTHER Fears allayed, he popped the whole thing in his mouth. His face played a symphony of emotions: satisfaction, triumph, realisation, horror, disgust. Judy Brown @mcjude 7h I am still chuckling. I will all day long.I know his retribution will be swift and terrible, but no Christmas gift could be greater than this: seeing my Dad, despite his efforts to avoid it, unwittingly eat a raw sprout. Merry Christmas, one and all 9193 t457 9644 72,816 notes Playing the Long Game

Playing the Long Game

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Baby, It's Cold Outside, Bad, and Birthday: emilysidhe Baby It's Cold Outside discourse is the same as Macbeth discourse dont-spoop-yourself Explain? emilysidhe OK, so one of the big debates in Macbeth involves the scene in which Lady Macbeth talks Macbeth into killing King Duncan. People debate strenuously over whether it's a scene of Lady M pressuring her reluctant husband into it, or whether it's a scene of her sensing, due to their emotional intimacy, that this murder is something her husband secretly wants and has partially internally decided to do, and is arguing him into it in order to help him give himself permission to do it, in the same way that people see their loved ones wavering over the dessert menu and jump in with things like, "Go on, get the cheesecake, it's your birthday!" Readers and scholars disagree strenuously about this - we even studied an incident in college in which two 18th century illustrators attended the same performance and happened to draw the scene the day after, producing two images that advanced opposite interpretations even though they'd seen the exact same actors do the exact same performance. It's a big deal In the same way, the Baby, It's Cold Outside discourse is about whether this is a song about sexual harassment, or whether it's a woman singing about how she wishes she could spend the night with the guy she just had an excellent date with if only the neighbors wouldn't talk, and him responding, "Stay, baby, it's cold out! No one could expect you to go home in this!" ms-demeanor I really don't know (baby stab his side) King Duncan's a bro (baby cut through his hide) I like him a lot (That decrepit old sot?) This plan ain't so great (But what a king you'd make!) The guards might worry (Darling, do it in a hurry!) His sons will rush the door (So knock them on the floor.) I'm not such a knave (Bash his head with a stave) But l'd be a good king (Now you're starting to think) The dukes might all talk (But their chatter means naught) Say, love, what do you mean (You'd make such a king) I simply must go (baby cut through his hide) There's a war on you know (baby cut through his hide) But what of his wife? (And what of his life?) It feels like bad luck (But that don't mean much) l've got a bad premonition (And l've got a mission) But that's just superstition (My love, you're a vision) The witches said l'd rule (If they lied they were cruel) So babv let's stab Stab his siiiide! I figure someone mightve posted this before, but its still appropriate for Christmas.

I figure someone mightve posted this before, but its still appropriate for Christmas.

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7/11, Bigfoot, and Food: bassiter Top 5 Gas Stations To Die At 5. Shell Shells range from well-kept to shady as hell, so dying here is an iffy bet, but at least it has variety. Usually pretty busy, so your body will probably be discovered quickly therefore taking all the mystery out of it. Conventional, but some people might like it. 4. Chevron -n Basically just like a less popular Shell, so you have a better chance of kicking the bucket here. The blue hues make for soothing colors to stare at as your ghost lingers there for all eternity. 3. Quik Trip High quality gas station with endless drinks and snacks. Seat yourself under the soda fountains and drown in sticky disgusting sugar. Excellent place if you want to get up to some poltergeist hijinks in your afterlife. Some go to heaven, some go to 7/11. Shady enough to feel like you might die any moment, but with a slushee selection that'll knock your socks off. Perfect place to die if you want to exist in a almost-but-not-quite liminal space. 5. Circle K As soon as you pull up to Circle K, you've already accepted your death. Anyone there is a possible death threat, and everyone there is doing something otherworldly. Extremely possible that all employees are extraterrestrial. Circle K is the ultimate liminal space gas station and the most likely spot to catch Bigfoot out of the woods. Who wouldn't wanna die there? thes3nator i but how could you forget Buc-ee's? 6. Buc-ee's With a row of gas pumps that seem to stretch out into infinity (with impressive parking to boot as well.) Buc-ees is without a doubt the best spot to die for extroverts looking to connect with other un-mortals from all walks of life. As far as luminal spaces go, Buc-ee's is not a strong contender as its clean bathrooms, wide variety of merchandise, and home-cooked southern food provide too welcoming an environment for wayward spirits. That said, the sheer numbers of people coming from diverse geographic locations provide a plethora of different belief systems and thus an excellent opportunity for possession. This is extremely handy if you need to possess religious adherents to get you to pray for your soul and thus set you free to the afterlife of your preference Source: donkamatic 2,840 notes Catch my lifeless corpse outside the circle K

Catch my lifeless corpse outside the circle K

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Children, Crime, and Definitely: IN SOME PRISONS INMATE ON INMATE WOME Y GET 5 PADS PER PERIOD SEXUAL ABUSE IS 3X MEANING THEY HAVE HIGHER THAN MEN'S TO REUSE PADS. PRISON OVER THE LAST 10 YEARS WOMEN INPRISONS HAS I 90 PERCENT ARE INCREASED 138 PERCENT SINGLE MOTHERS DUE TO THE WORSENING ECONOMIC CONDITIONS OF WOMEN AND THE INCREASED RATE OF DRUG ARRESTS. AND OFTEN LOSE CONTACT WITH THEIR CHILDREN FOREVER. THE MAJORITY OF WOMEN COMMIT ECONOMIC CRIMES 80 PERCENT EANES IN IN YOUTH ,J ETENTIONIS THAN $2000 A AT THE TIME OF ARREST SEXUALLY ABUSED hello-i-ask-questions: libertarirynn: black-girl-against-feminism: such-justice-wow: platypus-protection-syndicate: canoeboy: not-saltrat88: judo-ichidai: Abolishing prisons is a feminist issue. How ‘bout quit doing crimes that would land you in these predicaments….just sayin Millions of us everyday go to work, get paid, don’t commit crimes that would lead to our arrest. I want a source on the $2k/year income statement. Because $40/week…surely not a US centered presentation…which begs the question where in the world do each of these claims come from? I tried to reverse image search and got 2 pages of pintrest pages so yeah… Great, thanks for these in no way bias statistics tumblr user “all-cops-are-bastards-1312” I need some evidence for these claims. I think “prisons need reform” and “you shouldn’t commit crimes” aren’t mutually exclusive statements. I’m not one who believes just being in prison means you forfeit all human rights, especially when you’re imprisoned for non-violent crimes.But yeah some sources on this would be nice. It would also be nice if these “facts” weren’t overplayed on OITNB characters, instantly making it more difficult to take them seriously. And it would be even nicer if feminists would stop co-opting issues like prison reform and labeling them as “feminist issues” when nearly all men’s prisons have the same and sometimes greater problems. Also somehow rape in men’s prisons is caused by men and yet women being raped in prison still doesn’t have anything to do with women.While i definitely agree our prison systems need SERIOUS reform, “abolishing” prison is absolutely out of the question.[Not to mention, women get more lenient sentances for the exact same crime. Stop acting like women get the short end of the stick in the legal system. They don’t.] Yeah that’s an excellent point. Also it looks like Tumblr May have nuked half my response again
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Massage, Money, and Scrubs: Will you have loose skin after losing 50 pounds? Sajib Howlader, Health Adviser (2014-present) Answered 1h ago 8 If you have flaccid skin after losing weight, do not blame yourself. This is nature. Fortunately, this does not mean that you must live forever with that skin that fact there are several very effective strategies. You can use to get back the firmness in your skin and achieve the slim and toned body for which you have worked with so much effort and dedication. For yourself: * Develop muscle mass: by developing muscle, you can effectively "fill'" areas with excess skin, this will make it tense. For men lifting weights is an excellent starting point, for women doing resistance exercises such as push-ups, leg lifts and sit-ups are a good option. Try a sea salt scrub: scrubs increase blood circulation, thus stimulating the healthy production of elastic and collagen, both necessary to restore firmness to your skin. Apply the exfoliate in the shower about 3 times a week to get the best results Get a massage: just like the sea salt scrub, massages stimulate blood circulation and these can improve the health of your skin and its general elasticity. Although this is not a proven method, it will not do any harm, in fact vou will be more relaxed than ever before, Take vitamin C: if you are not eating an orange a day, it may be a good time to start with this habit. Vitamin C is essential for the production of collagen, we must obtain enough vitamin C to give our skin the ability to re-tense and shrink as before, Fill with cream: there are many creams available on the market designed to firm the skin and stimulate the production of elastin and collagen. Just make sure you do a thorough investigation to choose a reliable and good quality product. This way you avoid wasting your money. . Drinklots ofwater: staying well hydrated is vital for skin elasticity, so be sure to take Water all day, every day. You can also eat fruits and vegetables rich in water to increase your hydration, if you do not like the idea of carrying a bottle of water with you always. Wrap yourself up: there is a treatment called body wrapping that has helped many people.With this technique, a lotion is applied to thee problem area, which usually contains honey, clay, chocolate or something similar and then wrapped with a plastic. You relax for a half hour while this wrap does its job of detoxifying and cleansing your skin Although the results of this method have not been scientifically proven, many women claim to see results after just one treatment. Stay moist: the more moisturized your skin is, the easier it is to reproduce new cells. To give your skin the chance to recover, try to keep it as moist as possible. Use a cream that contains vitamin E or you can also use an oil like coconut oil, . If possible, focus on a gradual and healthy weight loss, in this way you can avoid flaccidity, because you will give your skin enough time to adjust to changes in your body. 284 Views fat-acceptance-dropout: If you have flaccid skin after losing weight, do not blame yourself. This is nature. Fortunately, this does not mean that you must live forever with that skin that fact there are several very effective strategies. You can use to get back the firmness in your skin and achieve the slim and toned body for which you have worked with so much effort and dedication. See Special - Dreaming About Your Perfect Body? For yourself: Develop muscle mass: by developing muscle, you can effectively “fill” areas with excess skin, this will make it tense. For men lifting weights is an excellent starting point, for women doing resistance exercises such as push-ups, leg lifts and sit-ups are a good option. Try a sea salt scrub: scrubs increase blood circulation, thus stimulating the healthy production of elastic and collagen, both necessary to restore firmness to your skin. Apply the exfoliate in the shower about 3 times a week to get the best results. Get a massage: just like the sea salt scrub, massages stimulate blood circulation and these can improve the health of your skin and its general elasticity. Although this is not a proven method, it will not do any harm, in fact you will be more relaxed than ever before. Take vitamin C: if you are not eating an orange a day, it may be a good time to start with this habit. Vitamin C is essential for the production of collagen, we must obtain enough vitamin C to give our skin the ability to re-tense and shrink as before. Fill with cream: there are many creams available on the market designed to firm the skin and stimulate the production of elastin and collagen. Just make sure you do a thorough investigation to choose a reliable and good quality product. This way you avoid wasting your money. Drink lots of water: staying well hydrated is vital for skin elasticity, so be sure to take Water all day, every day. You can also eat fruits and vegetables rich in water to increase your hydration, if you do not like the idea of carrying a bottle of water with you always. Wrap yourself up: there is a treatment called body wrapping that has helped many people.With this technique, a lotion is applied to the problem area, which usually contains honey, clay, chocolate or something similar and then wrapped with a plastic. You relax for a half hour while this wrap does its job of detoxifying and cleansing your skin. Although the results of this method have not been scientifically proven, many women claim to see results after just one treatment. Stay moist: the more moisturized your skin is, the easier it is to reproduce new cells. To give your skin the chance to recover, try to keep it as moist as possible. Use a cream that contains vitamin E or you can also use an oil like coconut oil. If possible, focus on a gradual and healthy weight loss, in this way you can avoid flaccidity, because you will give your skin enough time to adjust to changes in your body. Source: Sajib Howlader, Health Adviser (2014-present)

fat-acceptance-dropout: If you have flaccid skin after losing weight, do not blame yourself. This is nature. Fortunately, this does not mean...

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Amazon, Andrew Bogut, and Bailey Jay: old man bangers @FindusPancake My mum was teaching first holy communion class, and a kid asked her "How many communions do you have to do before you've eaten a whole Jesus?" 24/3/18, 8:48 am 10K Retweets 35.1K Likes danbensen: exxos-von-steamboldt: ralfmaximus: moogloogle: ralfmaximus: tobaeus: ralfmaximus: nyxetoile: antibutch: thats a valid question A communion wafer, according to the internet, is about .25g. Jesus was a healthy young man, who worked manual labor and walked everywhere. The average male in Biblical times was 5′1″ and about 110 pounds so call it 50kg or 50,000 grams. So 200,000 wafers to make up a whole Jesus. At one wafer a week that’s 3846 to eat a whole Jesus at weekly communion. If you went to Mass daily you could do it in under 550 years. 1000 communion wafers from Amazon costs $15, so acquiring a Jesus load would set you back about $3000 But that’s just the body. Jesus also bade his followers to drink his blood. How much of that Jesus communion wafer supply needs to be replaced with communion wine to account for his blood, and how much of that would need to be consumed to have drunk all his blood as well? The human body contains roughly 5 liters of blood. Communion wine costs about $66 for a case of 12 x 750 ml bottles (9000 ml). So half a case is 4500 ml, or close enough if Jesus was on the small side which is reasonable given what we know of the times. Thus, Jesus’ blood would be about 6 bottles of communion wine, costing $33. How much of his weight was his blood, now? We can bring down the wafer count. Osnap what an excellent question. Water has a specific gravity of 1.0 and weighs 1kg/liter. Wine has a specific gravity if 1.5 thus weighs 1.5kg per liter. 4.5L of wine would weigh 6.75kg or about 15 pounds. Reducing the wafer load by 6.75kg yields 43.25kg so call it 161,000 wafers or $2450 and change. @danbensen Full Metal Eucharist “Full Metal Eucharist” I’m absolutely screaming 😂😂😂

danbensen: exxos-von-steamboldt: ralfmaximus: moogloogle: ralfmaximus: tobaeus: ralfmaximus: nyxetoile: antibutch: thats a valid q...

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