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Animals, Deer, and Fucking: I HAVE TINY CRUSTACEANS STUCK IN MY GILLS! I'M HUNGRY FOR SEA BUGS! WHITETIP SHARK CLEANER WRASSE I NEED SOMEONE TO CARRY MY POLLEN TO OTHER FLOWERS I NEED NECTAR TO EAT! TICKSEED FLOWERS BUCKEYE BUTTERFLY l'M LOOKING FOR A BIG MEAL, BUT I NEED HELP FINDING A DEER I WANT TO EAT VENISON, BUT I'M TOO SMALL TO HUNT DEER! COMMON RAVEN COYOTE I NEED SOMEONE TO KEEP ANTS FROM EATING MY EGGS! I WANT A HOME WITH A BODYGUARD AND FREE ANT DELIVERY INCLUDED! COLOMBIAN LESSERBLACK TARANTULA DOTTED HUMMING FROG M. TILLERY - CYANEUS.COM /w/Av[ paramud: personal-scientist: draconym: themaishi: draconym: Mutualistic pairs for an “Odd Couples” Valentine’s program at my work. (Why do so many of my big work projects revolve around Valentine’s programs?) Also, by “sea bugs,” I obviously meant “gnathiid isopod larvae.” The himan one is not as good as the rest If you mean the mutualism between humans and honeyguides, I respectfully disagree. Human/honeyguide mutualism is one of the most sophisticated interspecies relationships in the animal kingdom. While humans have domesticated many other animals for their labor, the honeyguide remains entirely wild while electing to partner up with humans. Both humans and honeyguides have each developed specific calls to signal to one another that they are on the hunt, and these calls greatly increase the likelihood of success. According to this paper: The production of this sound increased the probability of being guided by a honeyguide from about 33 to 66% and the overall probability of thus finding a bees’ nest from 17 to 54%, as compared with other animal or human sounds of similar amplitude. That’s fucking bonkers, you guys!!! There are people out there who over the course of human history have created a sound to communicate with birds, and the birds themselves have a Human Call they use to communicate with us. There is no other wild animal you can just make noises at and immediately communicate that you want it to come help you!!! What’s more, many scientists consider this relationship more exploitative on the honeyguide’s end than on our end! That’s unprecedented!! These birds have essentially negotiated a trade deal with humanity!!!! This is the stuff of fantasy movies, except it’s real. Here’s an article from The Guardian about the broader implications of this kind of relationship with wild animals. It’s a good read: Apart from with our gut bacteria, we humans don’t really have any mutualistic relationships with other creatures. There is no special tune that we can sing to magically attract nearby hedgehogs into our gardens to feast on slugs. There will never be a special wink that fishermen can offer otters, encouraging them to catch fish that we might then de-bone for them, in return for some of the catch. The world is poorer for this. OKAY BUT the noise we make at honeyguides is one of my favorite noises there is, and if y’all haven’t heard the “BRRR-HM?” call that hunters use to summon honeyguides you are SERIOUSLY missing out. There’s an audio clip on the Audobon Society’s article about them [link] @metalpaca
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Amazon, America, and Driving: Jason Hickel @jasonhickel This story is a real bombshell. Reporter Ryan Grim reveals that one of the biggest culprits of Amazon destruction is a US company, Blackstone, whose CEO is close friends with Trump and bankrolls the US Senate leader Republican Mitch McConnell A Top Financier of Trump and McConnell Is a Driving Force Behind Amazo... Steve Schwarzman is the CEO of the Blackstone Group, which partially owns a Brazilian firm that is helping transform the Amazon from jungle to ... theintercept.com 3:27 AM Aug 28, 2019 Twitter Web App 6.5K Likes 6K Retweets spaceconveyor: feelingbluepolitics: feelingbluepolitics: catbirdseat4u: ➣  Go HERE for the dirt   — There’s plenty. Highest recommendation. https://theintercept.com/2019/08/27/amazon-rainforest-fire-blackstone/ “The companies have wrested control of land, deforested it, and helped build a controversial highway to their new terminal in the one-time jungle, all to facilitate the cultivation and export of grain and soybeans.” “Schwarzman, a founder of Blackstone, owns roughly a fifth of the company, making him one of the world’s richest men. In 2018, he was paid at least $568 million, which was, in fact, a drop from the $786 million he made the year before. He has been generous toward McConnell and [t]rump with that wealth. In 2016, he gave $2.5 million to the Senate Leadership Fund, McConnell’s Super PAC and put Jim Breyer, McConnell’s billionaire brother-in-law, on the board of Blackstone. Two years later, Schwarzman kicked in $8 million to McConnell’s Super PAC.  “Blackstone employees have given well over $10 million to McConnell and his Super PAC over the years, making them the biggest source of direct financing over McConnell’s career. McConnell’s Senate campaign declined to comment. “Schwarzman is a close friend and adviser to [t]rump, and served as the chair of his Strategic and Policy Forum until it fell apart in the wake of the Charlottesville neo-Nazi rally, in which [t]rump famously praised 'very fine people, on both sides.’ In December 2017, as the final details of the GOP tax cut were being ironed out, Schwarzman hosted a $100,000-a-plate fundraiser for [t]rump. Some of [trump’s] dinner companions complained about the tax bill, and days later, [t]rump slashed the top percentage rate in the final package from 39.6 to 37.  …"Bolsonaro has plans to pave significantly more roads in the Amazon that have otherwise been impassable much of the year, a project made feasible by international financing. …"Of course, Hidrovias is also involved in paving B.R.-163 and other development projects in the region. Those projects, such as the paving of the highway, have additional indirect — though entirely predictable — consequences, as they spur side roads that make previously difficult-to-reach areas of the Amazon accessible for mining, logging, or further deforestation. …"A Blackstone spokesperson noted that the fund only owns 9.3 percent* of Hidrovias. But that ignores the 55.8 percent of Hidrovias that is owned by Pátria Investimentos. On Hidrovias’s website, Pátria is described as a company ‘in partnership with Blackstone,’ and it is known in the financial industry to be a Blackstone company.” *Pay no attention to claimed percentages of ownership. What goes on behind ownership curtains is fluidly incestuous. For example, from April 2019: Blackstone Transfers 35% Stake in Brazil’s Alphaville Urbanismo to Pátria (em português) “Blackstone transferred its 35% stake in Brazilian real estate developer Alphaville Urbanismo to its partner Pátria Investimentos. Blackstone and Pátria originally invested R$1.4b in June 2013 for a 70% stake in the company. The two firms formed a partnership in 2010 and Blackstone retains a 40% stake in Pátria.” —– Keep in mind, It’s not like this graft flows directly, or just one way. Trump USDA is paying millions to a shady Brazilian meatpacking company under DOJ, SEC investigation Brazil Subsidiary Hoovers Up $62 Million In Trump Trade War Aid Intended For Farmers Every American farmer who has lost their Chinese market for soybeans – all of them – should be wondering how it was that trump “woke up” one morning with his idea of a trade war with China. Had his close friend Schwartzman told trump the Brazilian road and terminal were ready? There is no question that the Amazon rainforest is burning right now to open new farm land in order to meet China’s soybean market. I wanted Blackstone to get fucked prior to this, now…now I want them to SUFFER.
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Bad, Children, and Facebook: did you know? did-you-kno.tumblr.com Michael the gorilla was taught sign language by Koko, the first signing gorilla. He began signing "Squash meat gorilla. Mouth tooth Cry sharp-noise loud. Bad think-trouble look- face. Cut/neck lip (girl) hole." Researchers believed this was a description of the poaching death of his mother. did-you-kno.tumblr.com didyouknowblog.com Cohen Gi n facebook.com/didyouknowblog death-limes: venipede: osteophagy: endcetaceanexploitation: Washoe was a chimp who was taught sign language. One of Washoe’s caretakers was pregnant and missed work for many weeks after she miscarried. Roger Fouts recounts the following situation: “People who should be there for her and aren’t are often given the cold shoulder—her way of informing them that she’s miffed at them. Washoe greeted Kat [the caretaker] in just this way when she finally returned to work with the chimps. Kat made her apologies to Washoe, then decided to tell her the truth, signing “MY BABY DIED.” Washoe stared at her, then looked down. She finally peered into Kat’s eyes again and carefully signed “CRY”, touching her cheek and drawing her finger down the path a tear would make on a human (Chimpanzees don’t shed tears). Kat later remarked that one sign told her more about Washoe and her mental capabilities than all her longer, grammatically perfect sentences.“ [23] Washoe herself lost two children; one baby died shortly after birth of a heart defect, the other baby, Sequoyah, died of a staph infection at two months of age. more about Washoe: after the death of her children, researchers were determined to have Washoe raise a baby and brought in a ten month chimpanzee named Loulis. one of the caretakers went to Washoe’s enclosure and signed “i have a baby for you.” Washoe became incredibly excited, yelling and swaying from side to side, signing “baby” over and over again. then she signed “my baby.” the caretaker came back with Loulis, and Washoe’s excitement disappeared entirely. she refused to pick Loulis up, instead signing “baby” apathetically; it was clear that the baby she thought she was getting was going to be Sequoyah. eventually Washoe did approach Loulis, and by the next day the two had bonded and from then on she was utterly devoted to him. *information shamelessly paraphrased from When Elephants Weep by Jeffrey Masson. Even more interestingly, after Washoe and Loulis bonded, she started teaching him American Sign Language the same way that human parents teach their children language. It only took Loulis eight days to learn his first sign from Washoe, and aside from the seven that his human handlers learned around him, he learned to speak in ASL just as fluently as Washoe and was able to communicate with humans in the same way she could. now if y'all don’t think this is the tightest shit you can get outta my face
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Community, Fanta, and Friends: The Thing About Ghost Stories," 2019 HUGO AWARD Sor achieventt Soence Fiction and Fanta BeRelate Wark Aedre of Cur Own arlketion for 1ransformacive Wcks OA Kelsh Workde a 2019 HUGO AWARD or achievennent (Science Fiction and Faritasy a project of the Organization for Transformative Works Dubiln 2019: An Irish eridcon Best Related Work Archive of Our Own infiniteviking: doughtier: transformativeworks: AO3 won the 2019 Hugo Award for Best Related Work! Here’s the speech given by Naomi Novik when the award was accepted: All fanwork, from fanfic to vids to fanart to podfic, centers the idea that art happens not in isolation but in community. And that is true of the AO3 itself. We’re up here accepting, but only on behalf of literally thousands of volunteers and millions of users, all of whom have come together and built this thriving home for fandom, a nonprofit and non-commercial community space built entirely by volunteer labor and user donations, on the principle that we needed a place of our own that was not out to exploit its users but to serve them. Even if I listed every founder, every builder, every tireless support staff member and translator and tag wrangler, if I named every last donor, all our hard work and contributions would mean nothing without the work of the fan creators who share their work freely with other fans, and the fans who read their stories and view their art and comment and share bookmarks and give kudos to encourage them and nourish the community in their turn. This Hugo will be joining the traveling exhibition that goes to each Worldcon, because it belongs to all of us. I would like to ask that we raise the lights and for all of you who feel a part of our community stand up for a moment and share in this with us. [Tweet by J.Rho Oh my god, the real Hugo Award *was* the friends we made along the way!] HUZZAH~~

infiniteviking: doughtier: transformativeworks: AO3 won the 2019 Hugo Award for Best Related Work! Here’s the speech given by Naomi Novik ...

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Bodies , Definitely, and Family: Humans are adorable. Supporting evidence: 1. Humans say 'ow', even if they haven't actually been hurt. It's just a thing they say when they think they might have been hurt, but aren't sure yet. 2. Humans collect shiny things and decorate their bodies and nests with them. The shinier the better, although each individual has a unique taste for style and colouring 3. Humans are not an aquatic or even amphibious species, but they flock to bodies of water simply to play in it. They can't even hold their breath all that long; they just love to splash! 4. When night falls and the sky goes dark, humans become drowsy and begin to cocoon themselves in soft, fluffy bedding. 5. Some humans spend time in each other's nests! Just for fun! It's not their nest, they're just visiting each other. 6. Some humans use pigments and dyes to make their bodies flashy and colourful! They even attach shiny dangly bits to their cartalidgous membranes! 7. Humans are very clever, and sometimes adopt creatures from other species into their family units. They don't seem to notice the obvious differences, and often raise them alongside their own young! 8. If a human sees another creature in distress, they can commonly be observed trying to help! Even at their own risk, most humans are deeply compassionate creatures! 9. If a human hears a particularity catchy sound or tune, it will often mimic it, even to the point of annoying themselves! 10. Sneezes are entirely involuntary, and completely adorable. Especially when the human in question becomes frustrated 11. Humans love treats!!! Some more than others. Many humans will save these treats specifically for a later date when they are in need of comfort or reassurance. IE, pickles, pop tarts, Popsicles, etc 12. They're learning to travel in space!! They can't get very far, but they're trying!!! So far, they've made it to the end of their yard, and have found rocks Definitely not new, but every time this shows up I feel a little better

Definitely not new, but every time this shows up I feel a little better

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Being Alone, Beard, and Braids: Dwarven Hair Customs Much Like Orcs and Elves, Dwarves have many rules and customs in regards to their hair. Unlike Elves, who believe the act of cutting their hair is shameful, or Orcs who only maintain their hair until battle (an orcish answer to throwing down the gauntlet), a Dwarf will cut or restyle their hair at certain turning points during their life, such as reaching adulthood, marriage, a major victory loss (but not limited to) or on the battlefield, and death. Youth (50 and below) Simple, Free Ribbons -Beard hasn't come in fully No beads -No braids Usually or in a ponytail are popular with the kids worn loose Adulthood (51-200) (loose) Braids allowed Hair is very long if unmarried Beads can be earned -Improper entírely loose at this point ín life to wear hair AURUstETFe Old Age (200+ -Worn up, if long enough if short, ribbons, horsehair, wool, will be used to emulate longer hair etc Important note: the hair of a dwarf can be cut, but the beard gets left alone. Every dwarf grows a beard. If a dwarfling's beard hasnt come in by the time theyre 51, they remain a dwarfling until they grow one <Marriage Anewly married dwarf will cut off their hair in the back to signify commitment. Couples are disallowed from dívorce until both parties have regrown their hair to their shoulders (usually about 2 months). A married dwarf will cap their braids. 00 Victory This celebratory haircstyle is characterised by excessive decoration and braids, to be worn for 2 weeks, upon which the dwarf will add another bead to their everyday attire. < Battlefield Loss/Death of Loved One a Signified by an entirely clipped head of hair, when'a major loss is suffered in life, it's unlucky giving up some of your pride. not to pay it due respect by Death and Burial> A dwarf passingov must have their hair covered so that no beasts or demons see their life experiences. They to be allowed before the gods over into the afterlife on the journey may are said to uncover themselves AubuSE2fe filibusterfrog:dwarven hair customs

filibusterfrog:dwarven hair customs

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Bitch, Click, and Dating: guiltlessdeviant: aaliyahbreaux: big-mood-energy: aaliyahbreaux: girldont: flyandfamousblackgirls: drdrunkpigeon-phd: abstractandedgyname: libertarirynn: paradise-dream222: flyandfamousblackgirls: Shae Scott: “This is why I don’t date ugly guys..” I’ve dated an ugly guy before and he was just a WASTE of my time. He didn’t get cocky, but he should’ve been a lil more appreciative of me. Seeing that no other girl would even look at him before I did. Holy fuck y’all are conceited. Those men are dodging bullets. Hey, my boyfriend may not be conventionally attractive or the most attractive in the world but it’s almost as if when your personalities really click they become so attractive to you! But obviously, yall can’t do that as you need a personality to begin with. This bitch fully is under the impression that she should date an attractive boring guy rather than an ugly boring guy, as if looks are the only defining things in relationships. How about, date an ugly [fun, interesting, caring, sex god] guy vs a hot [boring, simple, arrogant, sexually incompetent] guy. Maybe all the ugly you’ve dated have been ugly on the inside too, must be if they date such a wretched creature as yourself, but news flash lady! Everyone is different for fuck sake !!!! So when guys say women are too tall, too dark, too fat, hair not long enough, hair too “nappy”, her teeth, because she has tattoos or weave, because she wears makeup or they don’t wanna date her because she’s trans….Thats ok. But women are obligated to accept any man as he is? Interesting…yall are proving her point. Imagine openly saying you don’t find your SO physically attractive, that’s embarrassing for yourself and the person you’re with. studies show no matter how old men get typically they are most attracted to women in their twenties whereas women are most attracted to men around their age. and yet, women are seen as being superficial and shallow for just wanting to be with someone attractive… yes, basing whether or not you date somebody on their looks is shallow. it’s the definition of shallow, in fact. shallow is dating some entirely for their looks. dating someone you find attractive is just how attration works Ugly. You need to be attracted to the person you date. That’s just logic. Don’t settle for someone you’re not attracted to. The issue here is not just saying “you should someone you find attractive”, the issue is saying “don’t date ugly guys” as though that’s some sort of objective classification and acting like you’re literally better than people because you’re more physically attractive and they should be thanking the gods if you even grace them with your presence. That’s the conceited bullshit. Also for most people attraction has to be more than physical. Physical can be a part of it but there are plenty of hot assholes.
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Blade, God, and Love: no INVADER5, FRIEND! JUST POPPED Out co BOBBOW MY BROCHER'S AX JARNBJORn FOR A BIC. no one 15 Anyone in JOTUNHEIM WITHOUT A BLADE, RIGHT? ...AnD I BACHER DOUBT THEY'D HAVE LEC mE KEEP HEIMDALL'S 5WORD. BIGHT on cue. WHAT HO, CICIZENS! HOW CAN YOUR KING SERVE HIS PEOPLE THIS FINE, BLUSTERY DAY? WE SAW THE BIFROST, "YOUR MAJESTY." WE FEARED IT MAY BE AN ATTACK FROM SOME...ASGARDIAN INVADER. RRG--THE SWORD THAT KILLED KING LAUFEY you'D BE CLOSE I KILLED LAUFEY THE SWORD HELPED. HADN'T YOu HEARD? I'm A HERO now. HERE'S A SECRET ABOUT JOTUNHEIM-- THERE'S MAGIC in THE AIR SNRRT BUT CHE AVERAGE DenIZEn 1sn't WHAT YOU'D CALL...ADEPT. MY TRIBE WILL RESPECT YOUR BLOOD CLAIM TO THE THRONE BUT SURRENDER THE IMPLING HE IS A NUISANCE WITH A CHILD'S MIND AND NO TASTE FOR BATTLE HE'LL COOK FASTER THAN ANY GOAT. 15 CHAC WHO I Am TO BE KING OF? A PACK OF CANNIBALS? IT'S NOT CANNIBALISM IF HE'S NOT ONE OF US. OF COURSE "not onE OF US." GODS, BUT I Am CIRED OF "HAVE AT HEARING CHAT. VERY WELL THEN THAT I5, IF I WAS FIGHTING FAIR. THERE'S onLY onE THING THESE GIANTS RESPECT. I'm GOING TO NEED TO GET A LITTLE BIGGER. XY DNX YB XY PYSR THEE." I'm COMPLETELY DOOMED, OF COURSE NO, YOUR MAJESTY! LIKE AN AVENGER. (YOu KnoW THE ONE.) DRBF! WHAC ARE YOU DOING?! I'm CASTINGA SPELL CO SAVE uS, you SUICIDAL SnoW monKEy! PLEASE, NO MORE! NO MORE BLOOD! NO. THIS OutComE WAS not ENTIRELY EXPECTED. SO BE IT! TO THE END OF KINGS!!! THE WAR IS OVER. HRRGMPH. WE'LL SEE THERE IS ALWAYS ANOTHER WAR. HE'S RIGHT, in HI5 5TONE BRAINED WAY AND I WAS WBONG. noT EVERYONE I15 BORN 5MALL WELL. THAT WAS EXCITiNG. PERHAPS NEXT Time, I SHOULD BORROW MJOLNIR. I IMAGINE I'LL BE WORTHY enouGH Any DAY now CHANК УOu FOR THE RESCUE, DRBF, MAKER-OF-Fun NUISANCE-OF JOCUNHEIM. 50mE OF U5 ARE BORN GIANTS. I HAVE An unusuAL PROPOSICION FOR YOu THIS I5 THE SCORY OF THE TIME AFCER THE WAR. OF HOW THE SMALLEST OF THE GIANTS CAME TO SIT AT THE RIGHT HAND OF THE THRONE.... ...AnD A SCORY OF THE OUTCAST WHO WOULD SIT UPON IT. A NEW KIND OF KING. A NEW KIND OF GOD. ONE WHO BULES nOt BY THE BLADE GRUMBLE AS YOU LIKE, SICKLE, BUT THE SMALL ONE IS ANOINTED. AND PROTECTED BESIDES SRRF FOR NOW But BY THE SHIELD. TO BE CONTINUED IN KI why-i-love-comics: War of the Realms: Omega #1 - “Born Small” (2019)written by Daniel Kibblesmithart by Oscar Bazaldua & David Curiel

why-i-love-comics: War of the Realms: Omega #1 - “Born Small” (2019)written by Daniel Kibblesmithart by Oscar Bazaldua

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Energy, Money, and Skinny: Good old days... MEN WOULDN'T LOOK AT ME WHENI WAS SKINNY but... Since I Gained 10 Pounds This New, Easy Way I Have All the Dates I Want NOW there's no necd t ain an ounce before. Here's a new, easy treatment that is giving thousands attractive flesh-in just a few weceks! u wwith this new veast discovery in little tablets, you can get far greater tonle re- sults-regain health, and also put on pounds of firm Not only are thousands quickly gaining beauty- bringing pounds, but also elear skin, freedom from indigestion and constipation, new pep. Concentrated 7 times amazing new product, Ironized Yeast, is This made from specially cultured brewers ale yeast imported from Europe-the richest yeast known whieh ro ulcentrated 7 times But that is not all! This super-rich yeast is iron- ized with 3 speclal kinds of iron which strengthen the blood, add energy. u take Ironized Yeast tab- lets. watch Bat chest develop, skinny limbs round out attractively. Skin clears to beauty, new health comes-you're an entirely new person. Results guaranteed No matter how skinny and weak you may be, or how long you have been that way, this marvelous hort weeks as it has thousands. It you are not delighted with the results of the very first pack age, your money will be instantly refunded. Special FREE offer! To start you building up your health right away, we make this absolutely FREE offer. Purchase a h s on the hox and mail it to us with a clin ping of this paragraph. We will send you a fasci- Redy well-known authority. Remember, re- sults are guaranteed with the very first package- OT money 98Atianta, Co Ironized Yeast Co., Inc., Dept. Pd y prafeeimalodel THE META PICTURE srsfunny: Things Were So Different Back Then

srsfunny: Things Were So Different Back Then

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Energy, Money, and Skinny: Good old days... MEN WOULDN'T LOOK AT ME WHENI WAS SKINNY but... Since I Gained 10 Pounds This New, Easy Way I Have All the Dates I Want NOW there's no necd t ain an ounce before. Here's a new, easy treatment that is giving thousands attractive flesh-in just a few weceks! u wwith this new veast discovery in little tablets, you can get far greater tonle re- sults-regain health, and also put on pounds of firm Not only are thousands quickly gaining beauty- bringing pounds, but also elear skin, freedom from indigestion and constipation, new pep. Concentrated 7 times amazing new product, Ironized Yeast, is This made from specially cultured brewers ale yeast imported from Europe-the richest yeast known whieh ro ulcentrated 7 times But that is not all! This super-rich yeast is iron- ized with 3 speclal kinds of iron which strengthen the blood, add energy. u take Ironized Yeast tab- lets. watch Bat chest develop, skinny limbs round out attractively. Skin clears to beauty, new health comes-you're an entirely new person. Results guaranteed No matter how skinny and weak you may be, or how long you have been that way, this marvelous hort weeks as it has thousands. It you are not delighted with the results of the very first pack age, your money will be instantly refunded. Special FREE offer! To start you building up your health right away, we make this absolutely FREE offer. Purchase a h s on the hox and mail it to us with a clin ping of this paragraph. We will send you a fasci- Redy well-known authority. Remember, re- sults are guaranteed with the very first package- OT money 98Atianta, Co Ironized Yeast Co., Inc., Dept. Pd y prafeeimalodel THE META PICTURE srsfunny:Things Were So Different Back Then

srsfunny:Things Were So Different Back Then

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Another One, Bad, and Barbie: er er KINDER SURPRISE 2OG KINGER SURPRISE T-1 1.17 KS GIRLS 20G KINDER SURPRISE GIRL 1.17 bizarre-transmission: findingfeather: wetwareproblem: thoughts-of-an-x-factor: ohgressfuriosa: castiel-knight-of-hell: jen-kollic: thejollity: jen-kollic: hobopoppins: manaphy: wow I didn’t know fuckin chocolate eggs were gendered OKAY LET ME TELL YOU A STORY ABOUT THE FUCKING PINK EGGS. I work at a concession stand in an ice rink. We sell a bunch of chocolate bars and snacks and shit including Kinder Surprise eggs. So one day this woman comes up to the counter with her two little kids, a girl who’s probably about 6 or 7 and a little boy, maybe 3 or 4. The mom asks what they want, the little girl points at the Kinder eggs and says “One of those!”. I asked if she wanted the white or the pink egg. She said pink. The little boy pointed to the Kinder eggs and says “One of those!”. I asked if he wanted the white or the pink egg. He said pink. HOLY SHIT IT WAS LIKE I OPENED THE GATES OF HELL. The mom absolutely FLIPPED and was like “YOU ARE NOT GETTING THE PINK EGG IT’S ONLY FOR GIRLS. YOU CAN GET THE WHITE ONE OR NOTHING AT ALL”. The little boy looked at his mom and said “But I want the same as ______ (whatever the sister’s name was)”. The mom completely ignored him and turned to me and gave me a death glare. “He can have the white egg.” I had to give a little boy a white egg when he wanted the pink so that he could be the same as his big sister and he started crying. The mom just reiterated that the pink egg was for girls and told him that boys don’t cry. And this is why we shouldn’t gender fucking chocolate eggs. This is actually a relatively new thing, originally Kinder Eggs were all white like the ones on the left. I don’t know at what point they decided to make ‘girl’s’ Kinder Eggs, but I do not like it. Holy shit do not even get me started on how moms constantly police their sons’ masculinity. I’ve seen mothers do it WAY more often than fathers. I used to work at a bakery that specialized in creating custom cakes. We had this feature where we could print out any image off the computer and put it on a cake (with rice paper). One day this lady comes in and asks for an image we had of the baby Sesame Street characters. They’re all together with cake and confetti, and she asks, “Oh, well since it’s a boy, can you please change all of the little pink confettis into blue confetti? I mean, he’s a boy, you know.” Confetti. The fucking confetti. It barely covered 5% of the image. Another instance was when a lady asked me for an image of four superheroes to put on her son’s cake because her son was turning four. She admitted to not knowing any superheroes, so I offered the most obvious choice—The Fantastic Four. I pulled up a picture of them and she goes, “Oh no no, we can’t have that. Let’s do another one.” Confused, I pulled up a Justice League one with Batman, Superman, The Flash, and Wonder Woman. Again, she said no. I asked her if she needed anything specific (she didn’t know superheroes, why was she so picky?), and she just said, “Oh, it’s just that he’s a boy, you know? We can’t have a girl superhero on his cake.” I nearly lost my shit. I did temporarily lose my customer service face and ask why, women have been superheroes all the time, Wonder Woman is iconic, etc etc and she was like, “It’s just that my son has been playing with Barbie dolls lately and I really don’t want him to end up… well, you know.” This shit has got to stop. When you teach boys that certain things are only for girls, you’re limiting them and you’re teaching them that girls or “girly things” are bad. If you want gender equality as an adult, you better make DAMN sure that you’re teaching the same thing to your kids. So this woman did not want her son to turn out ‘you know’ and her plan for that was to get him a cake with spandex-clad manly men AND ONLY MEN on it? I don’t think she thought that one through too well… in sociology class we were talking about gender being assigned to objects and one of the male students started saying how forward thinking he is because he buys his daughter sports equipment and “boy toys”. I asked if he’d do the same if he had a son and he said “Of course I’d buy my son sports equipment”. I clarified “No, would you buy him dolls and other toys that are thought of as being for girls”. He turned around and didn’t answer. Parents will pat themselves on the back for letting their little girls play baseball but a little boy with a Barbie is still considered an affront to society Fuck everything. My father was one of these parents (along with several other harmful issues!), and even though I know, for an absolute fact, that his world views and ways are entirely wrong, this shit he tried to ingrain into me still effects me to this day.Parents, don’t ruin your fucking kids by treating them like this. I wonder how much of the “mothers police masculinity more” phenomenon comes back to “when a man fails at masculinity, we call him a mama’s boy and blame her for it.” A lot of it. It doesn’t really excuse it, and as someone who did a decade and a half of childcare I can tell you that for every woman who does as described above there’s one sneaking the Dora the Explorer fruit snacks because those are the ones her son loves but his father will flip his shit. Or being crushed that since he went to daycare he suddenly won’t do “girl stuff” bc the other boys will make fun of him. It’s really sad either way. But when it does manifest that way a huge amount is “I’m not raising a mama’s boy I’m raising a MAN!” And it’s gross. My nephew is 4 and we’ve NEVER gendered things with him, whenever he’s allowed a treat or a toy, we just ask him which one he wants and that’s it, sometimes he picks out cars and superhero toys, other times he wants dolls and pretty pink things, I let him choose his prize at a carnival last summer and he excitedly picked a big hot pink inflatable baseball bat that said “princess” on it, the looks we got from some people were astounding. And even if he does turn out to be “you know”, then good for him, he’ll be wholeheartedly loved and supported.
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