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Alive, Bane, and Beautiful: friend-called-boxcar who was the fool who was tasked with naming the galax y and the only adjective they could think of was skazuhira-miller scientist: (gazing up at space) scientist: sure is a milky boy freshfriedtrash NO YOU DONT UNDERSTAND MERS ARE THE SHITTEST EVER AT ASTRONO NAMING THINGS I KID YOU NOT When it came time to name the two theoretical particle types that might be dark matter THEY INTENTIONALLY CHOSE THE NAMES SO THAT THE ACRONYMS WOULD SPELL "WIMPS" AND MACHOS I SHIT YOU NOT THEY ARE FUCKING TERRIBLE AT NAMING ANYTHING braincoins I just listened to a talk by Neil deGrasse Tyson himself LAST NIGHT and he went on about this more than once m walking down the street and I'm like pretty rock... and some Geologist is like 'actually that's anorthosite feldspar and I'm like 'Nevermind, I don't want it anymore. Any biologists in the audience? [some clapping] Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. The most important molecule in the human body, what did you name it? It has NINE SYLLABLES and it's so long that even YOU GUYS abbreviate it as DNA'! But astrophysicists and astronomers? No, man, we call it like we see it. Star made of neutrons? NEUTRON STAR. Small white star? WHITE DWARF You know that big red spot on Jupiter? Know what we cal " lled it? JUPITER'S RED SPOT the-scarlet-spider okay i'm glad you mentioned the biologist nonsense bc their naming methods are the bane of my existence gallusrostromegalus I see your astrophysicists-are-shit-at-names and raise you Marine-Biologists-Are-Fucking-Maniacs See this beautiful creature? It's a carnivorous deep-sea sponge that lives off of Easter Island and never sees the light of day, as it's about 9000 feet down. Those delicate-looking orbs are covered in millions of tiny hooked spines, which latch onto anything unfortunate enough to bump into it, and hold it in place as it is digested alive by the sponge's skin. Amazing, beautiful and profoundly creepy. They could have given it so many cool names. Could have drawn on mythology (I think Scylla would have been an appropriate reference), the region it was found in, the textured skin, PHAGOCYTOSIS, anything! You wanna know what they called it? PING-PONG TREE SPONGE. Good job, marine biologists. Source: friend-called-boxcar Scientific nomenclature is sh#te but sometimes funny.
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America, Asian, and Confused: gardentechgodgnostic: katjohnadams: localgays: updatepls: supermegafoxyawesomehotnot: cosima-wants-the-d-elphine: story time. the look in your eyes is what gets me. “so i return to my body.. from the other plane of existence.. in which i scream” DEAD “Story time. I have this one white friend. And - [mocking] I have this one white friend, I’m not racist. And like - where was I even going with this? [laughs] She’s not even my friend, she’s just someone I know. Okay, whatever, ‘kay, so this one white person that I know - [under breath] (I know a lot, my entire town is white.) Anyway, um, one day, she comes up to me, and she’s like, “Jenny, what are you?” and, you know, that’s like white person talk for like, [sarcastic mocking] “what FUCKING country do you come from? Like obviously you’re not from here.”  And I’m like, “um, I’m Chinese.” And she’s like “What? You’re Chinese?” And I’m like, “Yeah, I don’t know why that’s so much of a surprise.” And she’s like “Well, I thought you said you were Asian.” And - [deep breath] [pause] there was a moment, a good minute and a half, where I left my body and ascended onto another plane, and I screamed into the abyss of that plane [pause] because she did not know that Asian and Chinese are… I, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t even… you know, whatever. So, return to my body, from the [pause] other plane of existence in which I scream. A lot. And I tell her: “You know, China, China, you see, the country that I’m from, is a part of Asia.” And she’s like, “Where’s Asia?” [whispers] She asked me. Where Asia is. And I say, “Well, Asia consists of, you know..” and I list the different Asian countries and she’s like “Whaat?” And I’m like [sarcastically] it’s, it’s this thing, you know, that you learn about in like third grade geography. It’s a continent! And she’s like “A continent?” And I’m like “Yes.” And she goes, “so it’s not a country?” I’m like, “No.” And she’s like “What’s the difference?” And I’m like [deep breath] “America, you see, has like North, Central, South, so like, take somewhere from Canada; they are North American but they’re also Canadian…” And she’s like “I don’t understand.” And I’m like “It’s okay, just know that I am both Asian AND Chinese” and you know what, she is still confused to this day, and I [pause] am still on the other plane of existence, screaming, as I tell this story to you. So you can come join me, on the separate plane of existence.” I WILL ALWAYS REBLOG THIS SHIT BECAUSE IT IS TOO REAL, TOO TRUE. I’m actually crying
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Christmas, Saw, and Target: ROBIN (USA) ROBIN (U a kind of thrush very bouncy * migratory, associated with return of spring can Jump very much on ANY worm "V. V. small, round and angry * will fight anyone * associated with Christmas * sits in hedges & shouts at people BUZZARD (USA) * a friendly vulture that comes and gets you when you are dead BUZZARD (UK) * the normal generic hawk bird * pretty common, not distinctive * sits in trees sulking mostly circles overhead and waits for you to be a redtail hawk with no r dead * just a normal vulture, pretty much ed tail MAGPIE (UK) * a Fun and Jaunty Fellow * a kind of crow (but sparkly & iridescent) * associated with theft, collecting shiny things, tacky taste MAGPIE (AUSTRALIA) * a MURDERBID * a kind of shrike (aka butcherbird) * associated with MURDER and VIOLENCE elodieunderglass: sighinastorm: burningmanonacid: elodieunderglass: I felt like I needed to clarify some things before we could continue any more conversations on this godforsaken website. I’m very proud of the European Robin, I think I really captured it. ALSO A DADDY LONG LEGS is different in the UK vs USA. I learned that by arguing with some Brits because they said there was a daddy long legs on the wall, i looked and only saw an insect, argued with them all for 45 minutes until we all looked it up and saw that we were both correct. British badger:  jovial fellow, eats toast and jam.  Might invite you in for a cuppa with the Mrs.  Agricultural nuisance. American badger: pallas cat of a wolverine.  Very defensive.  Fuck immediately off.  Bonus African badger:  Silverback gorilla of mustelids.  Should be a cryptid.  Bro, don’t even.  You are nothing to him. an extremely good post addition
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Alive, Bane, and Beautiful: tyleroakley perks-of-being-chinese glenjamin-danzig who was the fool who was tasked with naming the galaxy and the only adjective they could think of was skazuhira-miller scientist: (gazing up at space) scientist: i sure is a milky boy freshfriedtrash NO YOU DONT UNDERSTAND ASTRONOMERS ARE THE SHITTIEST EVER AT NAMING THINGS I KID YOU NOT When it came time to name the two theoretical particle types that might be dark matter THEY INTENTIONALLY CHOSE THE NAMES SO THAT THE ACRONYMS WOULD SPELL "WIMPS" AND "MACHOS" I SHIT YOU NOT THEY ARE FUCKING TERRIBLE AT NAMING ANYTHING braincoins I just listened to a talk by Neil deGrasse Tyson himself LAST NIGHT and he went on about this more than once I'm walking down the street and I'm like 'ooh pretty rock... and some Geologist is like 'actually, that's anorthosite feldspar and I'm like 'Nevermind, I don't want it anymore. Any biologists in the audience? [some clappingl Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. The most important molecule in the human body, what did you name it? It has NINE SYLLABLES and it's so long that even YOU GUYS abbreviate it as DNA! But astrophysicists and astronomers? No, man, we call it like we see it. Star made of neutrons? NEUTRON STAR. Small white star? WHITE DWARF. You know that big red spot on Jupiter? Know what we called it? JUPITER'S RED SPOT the-scarlet-spider okay i'm glad you mentioned the biologist nonsense bc their naming methods are the bane of my existence gallusrostromegalus I see your astrophysicists-are-shit-at-names and raise you Marine-Biologists-Are-Fucking-Maniacs. See this beautiful creature? a carnivorous deep-sea sponge that lives off of Easter Island and never sees the light of day, as it's about 9000 feet down. Those delicate-looking orbs are covered in millions of tiny hooked spines, which latch onto anything unfortunate enough to bump into it, and hold it in place as it is digested alive skin. Amazing, beautiful and profoundly creepy. They could have given it so many cool names. Could have drawn on mythology ( think Scylla would have been an appropriate reference), the region it was found in, the textured skin, PHAGOCYTOSIS, anything! by the sponge's You wanna know what they called it? PING-PONG TREE SPONGE. Good job, marine biologists. Source: friend-called-boxcar Scientists and their naming systems
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Fucking, Tumblr, and Videos: John Mulaney The Top Part 2009 2010 <p><a href="https://transparentbeardmentality.tumblr.com/post/174003387270/libertarirynn-silvershewolf247" class="tumblr_blog">transparentbeardmentality</a>:</p><blockquote> <p><a href="https://libertarirynn.tumblr.com/post/174003023964/silvershewolf247-libertarirynn-we-all-know" class="tumblr_blog">libertarirynn</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://silvershewolf247.tumblr.com/post/174002659288/libertarirynn-we-all-know-amy-is-a-joke" class="tumblr_blog">silvershewolf247</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://libertarirynn.tumblr.com/post/174001861070/we-all-know-amy-is-a-joke-stealing-disgrace-of-a" class="tumblr_blog">libertarirynn</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>We all know Amy is a joke stealing disgrace of a “comedian” but stealing from John Mulaney is truly beyond unforgivable.</p></blockquote> <p>She really butchered the joke too.</p> </blockquote> <p>She butchers literally every joke she steals. Like if you look up “Amy Schumer joke stealing compilation“ on YouTube you’ll get several videos and every time she takes someone’s joke she fucking murders it and not in a good way. I will never forget that time she stole one of Ellen’s early jokes and used it on Ellen’s fucking show years later like she wouldn’t notice 😂</p> </blockquote> <p>Like her or not, that’s not joke stealing. It’s a very common observation that we can be exhausted, and yet wired as fuck. If you’ve been watching lots of comedians you see the commonalities between heaps of them, because they’re relating common human experience. Even YOU have most likely thought a variation of this joke. </p> </blockquote><p>I might be inclined to agree with you if this were the only example.</p><p>Spoiler alert: it’s not.</p><p><a href="https://youtu.be/4eDxjxVl8S0">https://youtu.be/4eDxjxVl8S0</a></p>
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America, Asian, and Confused: gardentechgodgnostic: katjohnadams: localgays: updatepls: supermegafoxyawesomehotnot: cosima-wants-the-d-elphine: story time. the look in your eyes is what gets me. “so i return to my body.. from the other plane of existence.. in which i scream” DEAD “Story time. I have this one white friend. And - [mocking] I have this one white friend, I’m not racist. And like - where was I even going with this? [laughs] She’s not even my friend, she’s just someone I know. Okay, whatever, ‘kay, so this one white person that I know - [under breath] (I know a lot, my entire town is white.) Anyway, um, one day, she comes up to me, and she’s like, “Jenny, what are you?” and, you know, that’s like white person talk for like, [sarcastic mocking] “what FUCKING country do you come from? Like obviously you’re not from here.”  And I’m like, “um, I’m Chinese.” And she’s like “What? You’re Chinese?” And I’m like, “Yeah, I don’t know why that’s so much of a surprise.” And she’s like “Well, I thought you said you were Asian.” And - [deep breath] [pause] there was a moment, a good minute and a half, where I left my body and ascended onto another plane, and I screamed into the abyss of that plane [pause] because she did not know that Asian and Chinese are… I, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t even… you know, whatever. So, return to my body, from the [pause] other plane of existence in which I scream. A lot. And I tell her: “You know, China, China, you see, the country that I’m from, is a part of Asia.” And she’s like, “Where’s Asia?” [whispers] She asked me. Where Asia is. And I say, “Well, Asia consists of, you know..” and I list the different Asian countries and she’s like “Whaat?” And I’m like [sarcastically] it’s, it’s this thing, you know, that you learn about in like third grade geography. It’s a continent! And she’s like “A continent?” And I’m like “Yes.” And she goes, “so it’s not a country?” I’m like, “No.” And she’s like “What’s the difference?” And I’m like [deep breath] “America, you see, has like North, Central, South, so like, take somewhere from Canada; they are North American but they’re also Canadian…” And she’s like “I don’t understand.” And I’m like “It’s okay, just know that I am both Asian AND Chinese” and you know what, she is still confused to this day, and I [pause] am still on the other plane of existence, screaming, as I tell this story to you. So you can come join me, on the separate plane of existence.” I WILL ALWAYS REBLOG THIS SHIT BECAUSE IT IS TOO REAL, TOO TRUE. I’m actually crying
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Tumblr, American, and Blog: PATRICK MULLEN-COYOY Where is Guatemala? Where in Mexico is Guatemala?" The question hangs in the air, For an answer that lies beyond your grasp. How do you tell them where Guatemala is? waiting, How can you give them a sense of a place, a feeling- a memory, really -that even you barely know? You start off easily enough: What is Guatemala? It's mixtas, it's rellenitos, it's shecas. It's tiendas selling típica and Hastily-painted souvenirs That you'll treasure for the next decade. It's chicken busses and tuk tuks Carpets made of woods Smog mixes wi Smog mixes vi crazyexmachina: Two years ago, I decided to write again. Having just returned from a trip back to Xela after nearly 9 years, it felt right. I wrote this poem through tears, posted it to Tumblr, and then let it be. One year ago, I decided to submit this poem for publication with @tiachuchapress. I rushed to edit/excise those bits and parts that didn’t stand the test of time. I clicked send, and then let it be. Today I read “Where is Guatemala?,” out loud, for the first time ever. Today I looked back on words that I have not dared read since submission, lest I discover some glaring flaw. And yet, reading today, I knew this was not a “lesser” poem from my past. It’s different, for sure, but like “Chapingolandia,” it stands for a certain moment, a certain feeling, a certain Central American mix of dust and incense in the air. And so I do not merely let it be, but celebrate this piece that I’ve nurtured for so long. This is just the beginning, and I’m so excited to share it with all of you. 💜🇬🇹

crazyexmachina: Two years ago, I decided to write again. Having just returned from a trip back to Xela after nearly 9 years, it felt right....

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