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The Best Full Page Ad Ever: Dear Portsmouth, NH and Bspecially the Parking Clerk s Last June I had a walking arourn my girlfriend. I bought t puppets. We stopped in cute shops, ate a popov nice. erful day walking around in your historic downtown with wo puppets, who turned out to be gay. Just kidding, they're er and saw Black David Cross. It was dshield was a ticket. β€œWhat could ll the Then - when we returned to our car on my win this possibly be for?" I thought. I paid for three hou two-_ rs of parking (but only used you're welcome, Portsmouth), Is it a crime in Portsmouth to not use a wiyou bought? How'd you know I'd be back early? Do you have a PreCrime division? Why are your PreCops working on traffic tickets? Shouldn't they be out or'eventing Street Performers before they happen? But, no. I read the violation backed into a spot and wer 07 direction e fined $15 for being "parked in wrong What kind of a horses&eit charge is that? It's illegal to back into a spot? Before I em- barrass and not considered a part of Iran? You're probably thinking, "We you'd simply first gone to the City Clerk's Office website, clicked on City of Ports- myself, I want to make sure that Porismouth is still inside the United States ll, if before visiting Portsmouth, like everyone else - mouth Ordinances and looked in Chapter Seven - Vehicles, Trafflc and Parking. Right in section 7.316: BACK TO CURB it says, 'No vehiole shall remain backed up to the curb." Similarly, if you had gone to my website before I came to your city and clicked on Eugene's Ordinances, you'd know that Don't Steal My Money" in section 8.2 in Chapter One under "F%#k You 15 it says, "F%#k you don't steal my money." But even if I had not an official copy no area code? Am I gone to your website - it states that the online ordinances are that for the official ordinances, I have to call 610-7245. Why calling from a local payphone in 1986? But instead, I foolishly around for signs, both real and from God. I saw nothing, but I heard God's and he said, "This is f%#xing bull$&it. You need to write them a letter." voice, Lastly, as you know, New Hampshire's state motto is General John Stark's cele- brated quote, "Live Free or Die," which he famously said before attempting the first recorded self-BJ. If John Stark was alive today, he would be 287 years old - also, right after learning about cars, General Stark would then be disgusted to discover that Portsmouth doesn't even give people the freedom to back into a spot- which by your own state's twisted logic, turns my $15 ticket- into a fight to the death. With Great Disappointment In You Eugene Mirma Paid for by Eugene Mirman The Best Full Page Ad Ever
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<p><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLMiLwwDI3U" target="_blank"><strong>Web Exclusive Interview: Chris Cornell on &ldquo;Footsteps&rdquo; and Pearl Jam</strong></a></p> <p>Chris Cornell&rsquo;s performance of &ldquo;Footsteps&rdquo; with the Avett Brothers kicks off Late Night&rsquo;s Pearl Jam week tonight. &ldquo;Footsteps&rdquo; was released by Pearl Jam as the B-side to the &ldquo;Jeremy&rdquo; single in 1992, just as the band was exploding in popularity. What few people realized at the time was that the same music, but with different lyrics, had previously been released as a song called &ldquo;Times of Trouble&rdquo; on an album from the band Temple of the Dog in 1991. Temple of the Dog was a one-off studio collaboration between Cornell and the non-singing members of the band that would become Pearl Jam, who had all been friends for many years having grown up in Seattle. Temple of the Dog was inspired by the death of their mutual friend Andrew Wood, the lead singer of the Seattle band Mother Love Bone, which featured Jeff Ament and Stone Gossard in the years before Pearl Jam.</p> <p>It was during the Temple of the Dog sessions that Ament and Gossard first recorded with Eddie Vedder, who had come to Seattle to audition for the band that Pearl Jam would become. Cornell and Vedder also became lifelong friends after that meeting. As such, &ldquo;Footsteps&rdquo; is like an alternate history version of &ldquo;Times of Trouble&rdquo; from &ldquo;Temple of the Dog,&rdquo; which in some ways birthed Pearl Jam as a band.</p> <p>Check out Late Night tonight and catch Chris and the Avett Brothers performing &ldquo;Footsteps&rdquo;.Β </p>: <p><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLMiLwwDI3U" target="_blank"><strong>Web Exclusive Interview: Chris Cornell on &ldquo;Footsteps&rdquo; and Pearl Jam</strong></a></p> <p>Chris Cornell&rsquo;s performance of &ldquo;Footsteps&rdquo; with the Avett Brothers kicks off Late Night&rsquo;s Pearl Jam week tonight. &ldquo;Footsteps&rdquo; was released by Pearl Jam as the B-side to the &ldquo;Jeremy&rdquo; single in 1992, just as the band was exploding in popularity. What few people realized at the time was that the same music, but with different lyrics, had previously been released as a song called &ldquo;Times of Trouble&rdquo; on an album from the band Temple of the Dog in 1991. Temple of the Dog was a one-off studio collaboration between Cornell and the non-singing members of the band that would become Pearl Jam, who had all been friends for many years having grown up in Seattle. Temple of the Dog was inspired by the death of their mutual friend Andrew Wood, the lead singer of the Seattle band Mother Love Bone, which featured Jeff Ament and Stone Gossard in the years before Pearl Jam.</p> <p>It was during the Temple of the Dog sessions that Ament and Gossard first recorded with Eddie Vedder, who had come to Seattle to audition for the band that Pearl Jam would become. Cornell and Vedder also became lifelong friends after that meeting. As such, &ldquo;Footsteps&rdquo; is like an alternate history version of &ldquo;Times of Trouble&rdquo; from &ldquo;Temple of the Dog,&rdquo; which in some ways birthed Pearl Jam as a band.</p> <p>Check out Late Night tonight and catch Chris and the Avett Brothers performing &ldquo;Footsteps&rdquo;.Β </p>

<p><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLMiLwwDI3U" target="_blank"><strong>Web Exclusive Interview: Chris Cornell on &ldquo;Footstep...

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