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Anaconda, Animals, and Be Like: if i were a zookeeper my intrusive thoughts would be wild pumpkinvictor brain: slap that penguin. right across his little blubbery tummy. it'll jiggle. me: no??? that's mean??? brain: polar bear, then pumpkinvictor brain: the lons just got fed raw meat brain: steal it and eat it in front of them me:.. pumpkinvictor ttle-king-smashmouth AS A ZOOKEEPERI CAN CONFIRM THIS IS 100% A REAL STRUGGLE rowan i want you to know that this is the best possible reply i could have received I work with animals and this is true for me. No, I cannot eat sea stars out the touch tank no matter HOW good you think the cronch will be, brain. sometimes you wonder what was going through the head of the first human to eat something really weird and then you see this post and stop wondering harinezumiko This 100% was me at the zoo. Don't touch Melon, he's mean. Okay, but I have to touch Bob to make him get his stupid emu head out of my shirt, so what if I also touch Melon until he likes it? Sephiroth is angery because he has one wing and sometimes attacks people? I want to pet him also. Also he won't get off the rock I have to clean anyway, surely a little pets on the good side will be fine. Martha and Stewart are assholes that tag-team while the pond is filling? I bet I could CUDDLE THEM The female deer will excitedly nuzzle you in the stomach for feeding them. This is fine, because they don't have antlers. The male deer is locked up while we're putting out food because he will gouge you to death with his little nubby asymmetrical homs, because he thinks the females are doing it. The entire monkey enclosure will eat your fingers for a single fruit loop. They also have the smallest arms and can reach through holes they ve made in the tarp on the gate to their enclosure. Do not hold hands with the monkeys. (2nd gen old man monkey will also pee on the keepers that don't give him fruit loops. He is a jerk) The rehabilitated bear that still sits like she's on a couch because she did that when she was living in a crack house? Yes, she looks chill. Yes, she looks The Softest. No, do not pet her back through the fence. No, do not go into the corridor and try to offer treats for pets. Big Mac does not know he will break your ribs, but YOU know he will break your ribs. Do not enter Big Mac's enclosure no matter how much he chuffs and displays his belly and rubs on the cage and looks sad. Yes, he genuinely wants pets. Yes, Pinkie is deliberately getting pets where he can see it as a sign of dominance even though she's a housecat and he could eat her in approximately one bite. The turtle is mean. Period. He is an old man and he does not like you. He does not like the parrot getting fries and he does not like that he is in a kiddie pool to warm up because his enclosure lost power, and he does not like you behind him preparing food for the owls and raptors. Petting him will not help this. He will rock back and forth and mean mug you forever because he is a grumpy old man. All of the rabbits need more handling on principle. They don't know you and they äre very distressed that you're täking their poop away. They can learn, a little, kind of. The guinea pig is insane and will not leam. Do not pet the guinea pig. this post is gathering some highly blessed zoo stories i love it! thank you as biologist, can confirm brain: that frog is very small me: well spotted, brain brain: put smol frog in mouth me: no! brain: that lynx.. .Jooks so fluffy me: it does brain: we should pet it. me: it's awake and angry so no. brain: baaaaby bunny. me: yup brain: baby bunny goes in pocket me: nooo it doesn't. Ah-I read the one about the sea star crunch and I immediately thought of if I ate one, what goo would come out. Would it be like a mozzarella stick? The texture seems to fit right. What if someone served someone a sea star instead of a mozzarella stick in the shape of a sea star? Would they eat t? Would IilI eat it? What if I knew it was a sea star? Would I STILL eat i? I kinda just want mozzarella sticks but now they could all be sea star limbs so I have to be careful... Source: snowquee.. Wanimal Bintrusive thoughts 8200 98,700 notes Intrusive Thoughts
Animals, Bad, and Bones: <p><a href="https://osberend.tumblr.com/post/154339311017/iopele-suspendnodisbelief-naamahdarling" class="tumblr_blog">osberend</a>:</p><blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://iopele.tumblr.com/post/139458660302">iopele</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://suspendnodisbelief.tumblr.com/post/135039695690">suspendnodisbelief</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://naamahdarling.tumblr.com/post/134398266796">naamahdarling</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://optimysticals.tumblr.com/post/134385780223">optimysticals</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://youwantmuchmore.tumblr.com/post/127279952598">youwantmuchmore</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://thebestoftumbling.tumblr.com/post/123303726099">thebestoftumbling</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p> golden eagle having a relaxing time <br/></p> </blockquote> <p>This is the world’s largest flying Engine of Murder marveling at the fact that it can actually have its tummy rubbed.</p> </blockquote> <p>I feel like this is the next step up on “loose your fingers” roulette from petting a kittie’s tummy, but just below belly rubs for say a lion.</p> </blockquote> <p>Can someone who knows birds better than I do tell me whether this eagle is as happy as it looks?  Because I want it to be happy.  It looks so happy.  Bewildered by having a friend, but so happy.</p> </blockquote> <p>Just popping on this thread to confirm: yes, the eagle is happy about the belly rubs. Golden eagles make this sound when receiving allopreening and similar affectionate and soothing treatment from their parents and mates. It’s the “I am safe and well fed, and somebody familiar is taking good care of me” sound. Angry raptors and wounded raptors make some pretty dramatic hisses and shrieks; frightened raptors go dead silent and try to hide if they can, or fluff up big and get loud and in-your-face if hiding isn’t an option. They can easily sever a finger or break the bones of a human hand or wrist, and even with a very thick leather falconer’s gauntlet, I’ve known falconers to leave a mews (hawk house) with graphic punctures THROUGH the gauntlet into the meat of their hands and arms, just from buteos and kestrels way smaller than this eagle. A pissed off hawk will make damn sure you don’t try twice whatever you pulled that pissed her off, even if she’s been human-imprinted.</p> <p>If you’re ever unsure about an animal’s level of okayness with something that’s happening, there are three spot-check questions you can ask, to common-sense your way through it:</p> <p>1. Is the animal capable of defending itself or making a threatening or fearful display, or otherwise giving protest, and if so, is it using this ability? (e.g. dog snarling or biting, swan hissing, horse kicking or biting) <br/><br/>2. Does the animal experience an incentive-based relationship with the human? (i.e. does the animal have a reason, in the animal’s frame of reference, for being near this human? e.g. dog sharing companionship / food / shelter, hawk receiving good quality abundant food and shelter and medical care from a falconer)</p> <p>3. Is the animal a domesticated species, with at least a full century of consistent species cohabitation with humans? (Domesticated animals frequently are conditioned from birth or by selective breeding to be unbothered by human actions that upset their feral nearest relatives.)</p> <p>In this situation, YES the eagle can self-defend, YES the eagle has incentive to cooperate with and trust the human handler, and NO the eagle is not a domesticated species, meaning we can expect a high level of reactivity to distress, compared to domestic animals: if the eagle was distressed, it would be pretty visible and apparent to the viewer. These aren’t a universally applicable metric, but they’re a good start for mammal and bird interactions.</p> <p>Pair that with the knowledge that eagles reserve those chirps for calm environments, and you can be pretty secure and comfy in the knowledge that the big honkin’ birb is happy and cozy.</p> <p>Also, to anybody wondering, falconers are almost single-handedly responsible for the recovery from near-extinction of several raptor species, including and especially peregrine falcons. Most hawks only live with the falconer for a year, and most of that year is spent getting the bird in ideal condition for survival and success as a wild breeding adult. Falconers are extensively trained and dedicated wildlife conservationists, pretty much by definition, especially in the continental USA, and they make up an unspeakably important part of the overall conservation of predatory bird species. Predatory birds are an important part of every ecosystem they inhabit. Just like apiarists and their bees, the relationship between falconer and hawk is one of great benefit to the animal and the ecosystem, in exchange for a huge amount of time, effort, expense, and education on the part of the human, for very little personal benefit to that one human. It’s definitely not exploitation of the bird, and most hawks working with falconers are hawks who absolutely would not have reached adulthood without human help: the sick, the injured, and the “runts” of the nest who don’t receive adequate resources from their own parents. These are, by and large, wonderful people who are in love with the natural world and putting a lifetime of knowledge and sheer exhausting <i>work</i> into conserving it and its winged wonders.</p> </blockquote> <p>reblogged for excellent info, I’m so glad that big gorgeous birb really is as happy as it looks!</p> </blockquote> <p>Today’s bit of <a href="http://osberend.tumblr.com/post/152834355142/lately-ive-been-thinking-about-positive-and">positive activism</a>: A reminder that, although the world may contain many bad and awful things, it also contains an enormous winged predator clucking happily as a human gives it a belly rub.<br/></p> </blockquote>