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just-a-sideblog: thefingerfuckingfemalefury: naniyou: naniyou: forthegothicheroine: sylvysparrow: cindehella: lord-kitschener: arealliveghost: stillvisions: maybenotboring: and at no point has anyone thought “maybe we should not build a giant flammable goat this year” They tried fireproofing. And armed guards. And fences, and cameras
 Sadly the wikipedia page has been cut down by super srs folks to remove all the awesome Keystone cops tales of the goat’s history (emphasis added by me) 1966 Stig GavlĂ©n came up with the idea of a giant goat made out of straw. But it turned out that GavlĂ©n organisation did not have enough funding for the goat. Then Harry Ström, who at that time was the chairman of the Södra Kungsgatan Ideella Förening (a non-profit society), decided to pay the whole cost for the goat out of his own pocket. The goat stood until midnight of New Year’s Eve, when it went up in flames. The perpetrator, who was from Hofors,GĂ€strikland, was found and convicted of vandalism. The first goat was insured and Ström got all his money back. 1967 Nothing happened. 1968 The goat survived. A fence was built around the goat. Previously it was popular for children to play hide-and-seek inside and around the goat. There was also a rumor that one night a couple had sex inside the goat. In subsequent years the inside of the goat was protected by a chicken-wire net. 1969 The goat was burnt down on New Year’s Eve. 1970 The goat was burnt down only six hours after it was assembled. Two very drunk teenagers were connected with the crime. With help from several financial contributors the goat was reassembled out of lake reed. 1971 The Southern Merchants got tired of their goats being burned and stopped building the goat. The Natural Science Club (Naturvetenskapliga Föreningen:NF) from the School of Vasa (Vasaskolan) took over.  1972 The goat collapsed because of sabotage. 1973 N/A 1974 Burnt. 1975 N/A 1976 Hit by a car. 1977 N/A 1978 Again, the goat was kicked to pieces. 1979 The goat was burnt even before it was erected. A new one was built and fireproofed. It was destroyed and broken into pieces. 1980 Burnt down on Christmas Eve. 1981 Nothing happened. 1982 Burnt down on Lucia (13 December). 1983 The legs were destroyed. 1984 Burnt down on 12 December, the night before Lucia. 1985 The 12.5 metre (41 ft) tall goat of the Natural Science Club was featured in the Guinness Book of Records for the first time. Even though the goat was enclosed by a 2 metres (6.6 ft) high metal fence, guarded by Securitas and even soldiers from the GĂ€vle I 14 Infantry Regiment, it was burnt down in January. 1986 The merchants of GĂ€vle decided they were willing to build the goat once again. From 1986 on two goats were built, the Southern Merchants’ and the School of Vasa’s. The big goat burnt down the night before Christmas Eve. 1987 A heavily fireproofed goat was built. It got burnt down a week before Christmas.[21] 1988 Nothing happened to the goat, but gamblers were for the first time able to gamble on the fate of the goat with English bookmakers. 1989 Again, the goat burnt down before it was assembled. Financial contributions from the public were raised to rebuild a goat that was burnt down in January. In March 1990 another goat was built, this time for the shooting of a Swedish motion picture called Black Jack. 1990 Nothing happened. The goat was guarded by many volunteers. 1991 The goat was joined by an advertising sled, that turned out to be illegally built. On the morning of Christmas Eve the goat was burnt down. It was later rebuilt to be taken to Stockholm as a part of a protest campaign against the closing of the I 14 Infantry Regiment. 1992 The goat was burnt down eight days after it was built. The Natural Science Club’s goat burnt down the same night. The Southern Merchants’ goat was rebuilt, but burned down on 20 December. The perpetrator of the three attacks was caught and sent to jail. The Goat Committee was founded in 1992. 1993 Once more the goat was featured in the Guinness Book of Records, the School of Vasa’s goat measured 14.9 metres (49 ft). The goat was guarded by taxis and the Swedish Home Guard. Nothing happened. 1994 Nothing happened. The goat followed the Swedish national hockey team to Italy for the World Championship in hockey. 1995 A Norwegian was arrested for attempting to burn down the goat. Burnt down on the morning of Christmas Day. Rebuilt to be standing before the 550th anniversary of GĂ€vle county. 1996 The first time the goat was guarded by webcams, nothing happened. 1997 Damaged by fireworks. The Natural Science Club’s goat was attacked too, but survived with minor damage. 1998 Burnt down on 11 December, even though there was a major blizzard. Was rebuilt. 1999 Burnt down only a couple of hours after it was erected. Rebuilt again before Lucia. The Natural Science Club’s goat was burnt down as well. 2000 Burnt down a couple of days before New Year’s Eve. The Natural Science Club’s goat got tossed in the GĂ€vle river. 2001 Goat set on fire on 23 December by Lawrence Jones, a 51-year-old visitor from Cleveland, Ohio, who spent 18 days in jail and was subsequently convicted and ordered to pay 100,000 Swedish kronor in damages. The court confiscated Jones’s cigarette lighter with the argument that he clearly was not able to handle it. Jones stated in court that he was no “goat burner”, and believed that he was taking part in a completely legal goat-burning tradition. After Jones was released from jail he went straight back to the US without paying his fine. As of 2006 it was still unpaid. The Natural Science Club’s goat was also burnt down. 2002 A 22 year old from Stockholm tried to set the Southern Merchants’ goat on fire, but failed, the goat receiving only minor damage. On Lucia the goat was guarded by Swedish radio and TV personality Gert Fylking. 2003 Burnt down on 12 December. 2004 Burnt 21 December, only three days before Christmas Eve. The fire brigade quickly arrived on the scene, but the goat could not be saved. No new goat was built. 2005 Burnt by unknown vandals reportedly dressed as Santa and the gingerbread man, by shooting a flaming arrow at the goat at 21:00 on 3 December. Reconstructed on 5 December. The hunt for the arsonist responsible for the goat-burning in 2005 was featured on the weekly Swedish live broadcast TV3’s “Most Wanted“ (”Efterlyst”) on 8 December. 2006 On the night of 15 December at 03:00, someone tried to set fire to the goat by dousing the right front leg in petrol (gasoline). The red ribbon on that leg was slightly burned and fell off. The lower part of the right leg was scorched, but the rest of the goat failed to light. The leg was repaired that morning. The Natural Science Club’s goat was burned at about 00:40 on 20 December; the vandals were not seen and got away. On the night of 25 December, a drunken man managed to climb up on the goat. Before the police arrived on the scene the man climbed down and disappeared. He did not try to set fire to the goat. The Southern Merchants’ goat survived New Year’s Eve and was taken down on 2 January. It is now stored in a secret location. 2007 The Natural Science Club’s goat was toppled on 13 December and was burned on the night of 24 December. The Southern Merchants’ goat survived. 2008 10,000 people turned out for the inauguration of one of the goats. No back-up goat was built to replace the main goat should the worst happen, nor was the goat treated with flame repellent (Anna Östman, spokesperson of the Goat-committee said the repellent made it look ugly in the previous years, like a brown terrier). On 16 December the Natural Science Club’s Goat was vandalised and later removed. On 26 December there was an attempt to burn down the Southern Merchants’ Goat but patriotic passers-by managed to extinguish the fire. The following day the goat finally succumbed to the flames ignited by an unknown assailant at 03:50 CET. 2009 A person attempted to set the Southern Merchants’ goat on fire the night of 7 December. An unsuccessful attempt was made to throw the Natural Science Club’s goat into the river the weekend of 11 December. The culprit then tried, again without success, to set the goat on fire. Someone stole the Natural Science Club’s goat utilizing a truck the night of 14 December.[36] On the night of 23 December before 04:00 the South Merchant goat was set on fire and was burned to the frame, even though it had a thick layer of snow on its back.[37] The goat had two online webcams which were put out of service by aDoS attack, instigated by computer hackers just before the burning.[38] 2010 On the night of 2 December, arsonists made an unsuccessful attempt to burn the Natural Science Club’s goat.[39] On 17 December, a Swedish news site reported that one of the guards tasked with protecting the Southern Merchants’ goat had been offered payment to leave his post so that the goat could be stolen via helicopter and transported to Stockholm. Both goats survived and were dismantled and returned to storage in early January 2011. 2011 The inauguration of the goat took place on 27 November. The fire-fighters of GĂ€vle sprayed the goat with water to create a coating of ice in the hope of protecting it from arson. The goat was burnt down in the early morning of 2 December. 2012 The inauguration of the goat took place on 2 December. It was burnt just ten days later in the hours before midnight of 12 December, one day before Lucia. 2013 As in 2006 and 2007, the straw used to build the goat has been soaked in anti-flammable liquid to prevent it from burning in the event of an arson attack. The inauguration ceremony took place on 1 December. But despite the anti-flammable liquids the goat was burnt down on the early morning of December 21. Any history of plots involving a DDoS attack on the security cameras, a plot to steal it with a helicopter and flaming arrows shot by people dressed as Santa and the Gingerbread man is just plain hilarious in my book. I’m laughing so much about this goat. obviously if you build something big enough people are going to have sex in it and burn it down. obviously what the fuck is going on in sweden how will the saga continue this year fascinating The saga of the goat is the best part of the season. For those curious about 2015â€Čs goat: It’s that time of year again 2016: Burned within hours of being built 2017: Survived 2018: Nothing yet
 WILL THE GOAT LIVE THIS YEAR Best tumblr meme : Swedish Christmas Goat Burned Down for 27th Time a EXPAND just-a-sideblog: thefingerfuckingfemalefury: naniyou: naniyou: forthegothicheroine: sylvysparrow: cindehella: lord-kitschener: arealliveghost: stillvisions: maybenotboring: and at no point has anyone thought “maybe we should not build a giant flammable goat this year” They tried fireproofing. And armed guards. And fences, and cameras
 Sadly the wikipedia page has been cut down by super srs folks to remove all the awesome Keystone cops tales of the goat’s history (emphasis added by me) 1966 Stig GavlĂ©n came up with the idea of a giant goat made out of straw. But it turned out that GavlĂ©n organisation did not have enough funding for the goat. Then Harry Ström, who at that time was the chairman of the Södra Kungsgatan Ideella Förening (a non-profit society), decided to pay the whole cost for the goat out of his own pocket. The goat stood until midnight of New Year’s Eve, when it went up in flames. The perpetrator, who was from Hofors,GĂ€strikland, was found and convicted of vandalism. The first goat was insured and Ström got all his money back. 1967 Nothing happened. 1968 The goat survived. A fence was built around the goat. Previously it was popular for children to play hide-and-seek inside and around the goat. There was also a rumor that one night a couple had sex inside the goat. In subsequent years the inside of the goat was protected by a chicken-wire net. 1969 The goat was burnt down on New Year’s Eve. 1970 The goat was burnt down only six hours after it was assembled. Two very drunk teenagers were connected with the crime. With help from several financial contributors the goat was reassembled out of lake reed. 1971 The Southern Merchants got tired of their goats being burned and stopped building the goat. The Natural Science Club (Naturvetenskapliga Föreningen:NF) from the School of Vasa (Vasaskolan) took over.  1972 The goat collapsed because of sabotage. 1973 N/A 1974 Burnt. 1975 N/A 1976 Hit by a car. 1977 N/A 1978 Again, the goat was kicked to pieces. 1979 The goat was burnt even before it was erected. A new one was built and fireproofed. It was destroyed and broken into pieces. 1980 Burnt down on Christmas Eve. 1981 Nothing happened. 1982 Burnt down on Lucia (13 December). 1983 The legs were destroyed. 1984 Burnt down on 12 December, the night before Lucia. 1985 The 12.5 metre (41 ft) tall goat of the Natural Science Club was featured in the Guinness Book of Records for the first time. Even though the goat was enclosed by a 2 metres (6.6 ft) high metal fence, guarded by Securitas and even soldiers from the GĂ€vle I 14 Infantry Regiment, it was burnt down in January. 1986 The merchants of GĂ€vle decided they were willing to build the goat once again. From 1986 on two goats were built, the Southern Merchants’ and the School of Vasa’s. The big goat burnt down the night before Christmas Eve. 1987 A heavily fireproofed goat was built. It got burnt down a week before Christmas.[21] 1988 Nothing happened to the goat, but gamblers were for the first time able to gamble on the fate of the goat with English bookmakers. 1989 Again, the goat burnt down before it was assembled. Financial contributions from the public were raised to rebuild a goat that was burnt down in January. In March 1990 another goat was built, this time for the shooting of a Swedish motion picture called Black Jack. 1990 Nothing happened. The goat was guarded by many volunteers. 1991 The goat was joined by an advertising sled, that turned out to be illegally built. On the morning of Christmas Eve the goat was burnt down. It was later rebuilt to be taken to Stockholm as a part of a protest campaign against the closing of the I 14 Infantry Regiment. 1992 The goat was burnt down eight days after it was built. The Natural Science Club’s goat burnt down the same night. The Southern Merchants’ goat was rebuilt, but burned down on 20 December. The perpetrator of the three attacks was caught and sent to jail. The Goat Committee was founded in 1992. 1993 Once more the goat was featured in the Guinness Book of Records, the School of Vasa’s goat measured 14.9 metres (49 ft). The goat was guarded by taxis and the Swedish Home Guard. Nothing happened. 1994 Nothing happened. The goat followed the Swedish national hockey team to Italy for the World Championship in hockey. 1995 A Norwegian was arrested for attempting to burn down the goat. Burnt down on the morning of Christmas Day. Rebuilt to be standing before the 550th anniversary of GĂ€vle county. 1996 The first time the goat was guarded by webcams, nothing happened. 1997 Damaged by fireworks. The Natural Science Club’s goat was attacked too, but survived with minor damage. 1998 Burnt down on 11 December, even though there was a major blizzard. Was rebuilt. 1999 Burnt down only a couple of hours after it was erected. Rebuilt again before Lucia. The Natural Science Club’s goat was burnt down as well. 2000 Burnt down a couple of days before New Year’s Eve. The Natural Science Club’s goat got tossed in the GĂ€vle river. 2001 Goat set on fire on 23 December by Lawrence Jones, a 51-year-old visitor from Cleveland, Ohio, who spent 18 days in jail and was subsequently convicted and ordered to pay 100,000 Swedish kronor in damages. The court confiscated Jones’s cigarette lighter with the argument that he clearly was not able to handle it. Jones stated in court that he was no “goat burner”, and believed that he was taking part in a completely legal goat-burning tradition. After Jones was released from jail he went straight back to the US without paying his fine. As of 2006 it was still unpaid. The Natural Science Club’s goat was also burnt down. 2002 A 22 year old from Stockholm tried to set the Southern Merchants’ goat on fire, but failed, the goat receiving only minor damage. On Lucia the goat was guarded by Swedish radio and TV personality Gert Fylking. 2003 Burnt down on 12 December. 2004 Burnt 21 December, only three days before Christmas Eve. The fire brigade quickly arrived on the scene, but the goat could not be saved. No new goat was built. 2005 Burnt by unknown vandals reportedly dressed as Santa and the gingerbread man, by shooting a flaming arrow at the goat at 21:00 on 3 December. Reconstructed on 5 December. The hunt for the arsonist responsible for the goat-burning in 2005 was featured on the weekly Swedish live broadcast TV3’s “Most Wanted“ (”Efterlyst”) on 8 December. 2006 On the night of 15 December at 03:00, someone tried to set fire to the goat by dousing the right front leg in petrol (gasoline). The red ribbon on that leg was slightly burned and fell off. The lower part of the right leg was scorched, but the rest of the goat failed to light. The leg was repaired that morning. The Natural Science Club’s goat was burned at about 00:40 on 20 December; the vandals were not seen and got away. On the night of 25 December, a drunken man managed to climb up on the goat. Before the police arrived on the scene the man climbed down and disappeared. He did not try to set fire to the goat. The Southern Merchants’ goat survived New Year’s Eve and was taken down on 2 January. It is now stored in a secret location. 2007 The Natural Science Club’s goat was toppled on 13 December and was burned on the night of 24 December. The Southern Merchants’ goat survived. 2008 10,000 people turned out for the inauguration of one of the goats. No back-up goat was built to replace the main goat should the worst happen, nor was the goat treated with flame repellent (Anna Östman, spokesperson of the Goat-committee said the repellent made it look ugly in the previous years, like a brown terrier). On 16 December the Natural Science Club’s Goat was vandalised and later removed. On 26 December there was an attempt to burn down the Southern Merchants’ Goat but patriotic passers-by managed to extinguish the fire. The following day the goat finally succumbed to the flames ignited by an unknown assailant at 03:50 CET. 2009 A person attempted to set the Southern Merchants’ goat on fire the night of 7 December. An unsuccessful attempt was made to throw the Natural Science Club’s goat into the river the weekend of 11 December. The culprit then tried, again without success, to set the goat on fire. Someone stole the Natural Science Club’s goat utilizing a truck the night of 14 December.[36] On the night of 23 December before 04:00 the South Merchant goat was set on fire and was burned to the frame, even though it had a thick layer of snow on its back.[37] The goat had two online webcams which were put out of service by aDoS attack, instigated by computer hackers just before the burning.[38] 2010 On the night of 2 December, arsonists made an unsuccessful attempt to burn the Natural Science Club’s goat.[39] On 17 December, a Swedish news site reported that one of the guards tasked with protecting the Southern Merchants’ goat had been offered payment to leave his post so that the goat could be stolen via helicopter and transported to Stockholm. Both goats survived and were dismantled and returned to storage in early January 2011. 2011 The inauguration of the goat took place on 27 November. The fire-fighters of GĂ€vle sprayed the goat with water to create a coating of ice in the hope of protecting it from arson. The goat was burnt down in the early morning of 2 December. 2012 The inauguration of the goat took place on 2 December. It was burnt just ten days later in the hours before midnight of 12 December, one day before Lucia. 2013 As in 2006 and 2007, the straw used to build the goat has been soaked in anti-flammable liquid to prevent it from burning in the event of an arson attack. The inauguration ceremony took place on 1 December. But despite the anti-flammable liquids the goat was burnt down on the early morning of December 21. Any history of plots involving a DDoS attack on the security cameras, a plot to steal it with a helicopter and flaming arrows shot by people dressed as Santa and the Gingerbread man is just plain hilarious in my book. I’m laughing so much about this goat. obviously if you build something big enough people are going to have sex in it and burn it down. obviously what the fuck is going on in sweden how will the saga continue this year fascinating The saga of the goat is the best part of the season. For those curious about 2015â€Čs goat: It’s that time of year again 2016: Burned within hours of being built 2017: Survived 2018: Nothing yet
 WILL THE GOAT LIVE THIS YEAR Best tumblr meme
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novelty-gift-ideas: Passion Lubes : Based Lubricant, 5 5 Drum Passion Lubes 3,051 customer reviews 78 answered questions About the product The Ultimate Lube Keg .Best Value Lube Pump Included xxBackyard Carnival of Death By James O. Thach on February 27, 2014 Size: 55 Gallon I'm a risk analyst for a major insurance firm, so when my wife and I were planning a birthday party for our seven-year-old, Crispin, my mind naturally turned to liabilities. We'd settled on the theme of a "backyard carnival", complete with a swing set, a trampoline, merry-go-round, and a giant Slip n Slide. So I carefully inspected the equipment for safety. It all seemed sound We have a home on a bluff overlooking the ocean. As it happened, on the day of the party our neighbors were trimming their fichus trees. We heard the sound of their wood chipper buzzing occasionally from the other side of our tall hedge. It was a little irritating, but not disruptive The party started off wonderfully. A clown we'd hired made balloon animals, Crispin eagerly opened his presents, and all the children enjoyed cake and fruit punch. The weather was mild, the skies clear. It seemed a perfect day. Then we brought out the Slip n Slide. The problem with water slides is what we in the trade call "distributed water deficiency zones", or in layman's terms, dry spots. If a child hits one of these, it can put the brakes on the fun, and send them sliding down a path of medical claims--contusions, concussions, lacerations, abrasions, whiplash, back rash, and disc impaction. And that's just for starters. From there, it's a slippery slope toward major litigation To avoid even the remote possibility of such injuries, I invested in this 55 gallon drum of water soluble personal lubricant--the idea being that the children could enjoy the slide in complete safety, then wash off in the hose before their parents came to retrieve them. With that in mind, I dipped each child into the vat before allowing them to cue up for the slide. The Slip n Slide itself performed admirably, as did the lubricant. That, in fact, was the problem. Due to the slight downhill gradient of our yard, the children built up so much speed that they skidded across the lawn and into a retaining wall at the other end of our property, with sufficient force that I had to put an end to the activity I endeavored to roll up the mat--no easy task, as the lawn surrounding the slide was itself now lubricated, and I struggled to maintain my footing. When I looked up from my labor, I grasped for the first time the scope of the liabilities I had unleashed-a horde of extremely well-lubricated seven-year-olds, hyped up on sugar and desperate for fun. I saw young Eliza Gimmelman climb onto the trampoline. She began jumping, but the pad soon became so slick that she lost all control. Her wild flailing unfortunately fell into harmonic synchronization with the motion of the springs, propelling her ever higher, until she soared above the trampoline's safety enclosure, over the hedge and into the neighbor's yard. There came a ghastly grinding sound, and I could tell from the crimson plume that followed, it would be a total loss Twins Jeremy and Mason Lafferty were on the swing set. Having attained the swings' full range of motion, they were apparently having difficulty holding on. At that point, the swings became human catapults. Mason separated on the backswing, arcing over the roof of our home toward the street beyond. I surmised from the screeching tires, car horns and screams of horror that he was also unrecoverable. A terrified Jeremy soon lost his grip as well, sailing forward over the bluff, and plummeting 300 feet down into the ice-cold, shark-infested waters of the San Francisco Bay. An open claim, but not promising The rest of the children were clinging to the merry-go-round. Having just witnessed the violent deaths of at least two of their playmates, they were no longer in the mood for fun. However, the lubricant had dripped from their glistening bodies into the central cog, allowing it to spin far faster than it was designed to, and this likely combined with other factors--their relative weight distribution, the slight incline of the ground--caused their motion to become self-sustaining, and the centrifugal force built upon itself until they became a blurry, screaming disk of human suffering. Then they began to fly off like cannon balls Martin Duckworth was the first to go, causing significant structural damage to our greenhouse. Lisa Aurelio shattered a line of ceramic garden gnomes, and Ethan Green slammed into our Audi Q7 so hard it had to be written off--as, tragically, did he. Several other children left what looked like gingerbread man indentations in the siding of our home. It was terrifying. When the wheel finally came to a stop, there was only one child aboard. As luck would have it, it was our own beloved Crispin, huddled in the center of the merry-go-round, weeping. My wife ran to him and hugged him with all the might of a relieved, traumatized parent. A little too hard, as it turned out. Lubricated as he was, he shot from her arms like a wet bar of soap, up fifteen feet in the air, landed on the trampoline, and then soared, in a half-gainer, over the hedge, into the wood chipper. Since then, I've asked myself a thousand times, is there anything I could have done differently? But in the end, no actuary table could have predicted this bloodbath. I can only conclude that this was an act of God. And that, to me, is truly terrifying. Because we're not covered for that. novelty-gift-ideas: Passion Lubes

novelty-gift-ideas: Passion Lubes

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novelty-gift-ideas: Passion Lubes : Based Lubricant, 5 5 Drum Passion Lubes 3,051 customer reviews 78 answered questions About the product The Ultimate Lube Keg .Best Value Lube Pump Included xxBackyard Carnival of Death By James O. Thach on February 27, 2014 Size: 55 Gallon I'm a risk analyst for a major insurance firm, so when my wife and I were planning a birthday party for our seven-year-old, Crispin, my mind naturally turned to liabilities. We'd settled on the theme of a "backyard carnival", complete with a swing set, a trampoline, merry-go-round, and a giant Slip n Slide. So I carefully inspected the equipment for safety. It all seemed sound We have a home on a bluff overlooking the ocean. As it happened, on the day of the party our neighbors were trimming their fichus trees. We heard the sound of their wood chipper buzzing occasionally from the other side of our tall hedge. It was a little irritating, but not disruptive The party started off wonderfully. A clown we'd hired made balloon animals, Crispin eagerly opened his presents, and all the children enjoyed cake and fruit punch. The weather was mild, the skies clear. It seemed a perfect day. Then we brought out the Slip n Slide. The problem with water slides is what we in the trade call "distributed water deficiency zones", or in layman's terms, dry spots. If a child hits one of these, it can put the brakes on the fun, and send them sliding down a path of medical claims--contusions, concussions, lacerations, abrasions, whiplash, back rash, and disc impaction. And that's just for starters. From there, it's a slippery slope toward major litigation To avoid even the remote possibility of such injuries, I invested in this 55 gallon drum of water soluble personal lubricant--the idea being that the children could enjoy the slide in complete safety, then wash off in the hose before their parents came to retrieve them. With that in mind, I dipped each child into the vat before allowing them to cue up for the slide. The Slip n Slide itself performed admirably, as did the lubricant. That, in fact, was the problem. Due to the slight downhill gradient of our yard, the children built up so much speed that they skidded across the lawn and into a retaining wall at the other end of our property, with sufficient force that I had to put an end to the activity I endeavored to roll up the mat--no easy task, as the lawn surrounding the slide was itself now lubricated, and I struggled to maintain my footing. When I looked up from my labor, I grasped for the first time the scope of the liabilities I had unleashed-a horde of extremely well-lubricated seven-year-olds, hyped up on sugar and desperate for fun. I saw young Eliza Gimmelman climb onto the trampoline. She began jumping, but the pad soon became so slick that she lost all control. Her wild flailing unfortunately fell into harmonic synchronization with the motion of the springs, propelling her ever higher, until she soared above the trampoline's safety enclosure, over the hedge and into the neighbor's yard. There came a ghastly grinding sound, and I could tell from the crimson plume that followed, it would be a total loss Twins Jeremy and Mason Lafferty were on the swing set. Having attained the swings' full range of motion, they were apparently having difficulty holding on. At that point, the swings became human catapults. Mason separated on the backswing, arcing over the roof of our home toward the street beyond. I surmised from the screeching tires, car horns and screams of horror that he was also unrecoverable. A terrified Jeremy soon lost his grip as well, sailing forward over the bluff, and plummeting 300 feet down into the ice-cold, shark-infested waters of the San Francisco Bay. An open claim, but not promising The rest of the children were clinging to the merry-go-round. Having just witnessed the violent deaths of at least two of their playmates, they were no longer in the mood for fun. However, the lubricant had dripped from their glistening bodies into the central cog, allowing it to spin far faster than it was designed to, and this likely combined with other factors--their relative weight distribution, the slight incline of the ground--caused their motion to become self-sustaining, and the centrifugal force built upon itself until they became a blurry, screaming disk of human suffering. Then they began to fly off like cannon balls Martin Duckworth was the first to go, causing significant structural damage to our greenhouse. Lisa Aurelio shattered a line of ceramic garden gnomes, and Ethan Green slammed into our Audi Q7 so hard it had to be written off--as, tragically, did he. Several other children left what looked like gingerbread man indentations in the siding of our home. It was terrifying. When the wheel finally came to a stop, there was only one child aboard. As luck would have it, it was our own beloved Crispin, huddled in the center of the merry-go-round, weeping. My wife ran to him and hugged him with all the might of a relieved, traumatized parent. A little too hard, as it turned out. Lubricated as he was, he shot from her arms like a wet bar of soap, up fifteen feet in the air, landed on the trampoline, and then soared, in a half-gainer, over the hedge, into the wood chipper. Since then, I've asked myself a thousand times, is there anything I could have done differently? But in the end, no actuary table could have predicted this bloodbath. I can only conclude that this was an act of God. And that, to me, is truly terrifying. Because we're not covered for that. novelty-gift-ideas: Passion Lubes

novelty-gift-ideas: Passion Lubes

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<p><a href="https://novelty-gift-ideas.tumblr.com/post/166887400578/passion-lubes" class="tumblr_blog">novelty-gift-ideas</a>:</p><blockquote><p><b><a href="https://novelty-gift-ideas.com/passion-lubes/"> Passion Lubes </a></b><br/></p></blockquote>: Based Lubricant, 5 5 Drum Passion Lubes 3,051 customer reviews 78 answered questions About the product The Ultimate Lube Keg .Best Value Lube Pump Included xxBackyard Carnival of Death By James O. Thach on February 27, 2014 Size: 55 Gallon I'm a risk analyst for a major insurance firm, so when my wife and I were planning a birthday party for our seven-year-old, Crispin, my mind naturally turned to liabilities. We'd settled on the theme of a "backyard carnival", complete with a swing set, a trampoline, merry-go-round, and a giant Slip n Slide. So I carefully inspected the equipment for safety. It all seemed sound We have a home on a bluff overlooking the ocean. As it happened, on the day of the party our neighbors were trimming their fichus trees. We heard the sound of their wood chipper buzzing occasionally from the other side of our tall hedge. It was a little irritating, but not disruptive The party started off wonderfully. A clown we'd hired made balloon animals, Crispin eagerly opened his presents, and all the children enjoyed cake and fruit punch. The weather was mild, the skies clear. It seemed a perfect day. Then we brought out the Slip n Slide. The problem with water slides is what we in the trade call "distributed water deficiency zones", or in layman's terms, dry spots. If a child hits one of these, it can put the brakes on the fun, and send them sliding down a path of medical claims--contusions, concussions, lacerations, abrasions, whiplash, back rash, and disc impaction. And that's just for starters. From there, it's a slippery slope toward major litigation To avoid even the remote possibility of such injuries, I invested in this 55 gallon drum of water soluble personal lubricant--the idea being that the children could enjoy the slide in complete safety, then wash off in the hose before their parents came to retrieve them. With that in mind, I dipped each child into the vat before allowing them to cue up for the slide. The Slip n Slide itself performed admirably, as did the lubricant. That, in fact, was the problem. Due to the slight downhill gradient of our yard, the children built up so much speed that they skidded across the lawn and into a retaining wall at the other end of our property, with sufficient force that I had to put an end to the activity I endeavored to roll up the mat--no easy task, as the lawn surrounding the slide was itself now lubricated, and I struggled to maintain my footing. When I looked up from my labor, I grasped for the first time the scope of the liabilities I had unleashed-a horde of extremely well-lubricated seven-year-olds, hyped up on sugar and desperate for fun. I saw young Eliza Gimmelman climb onto the trampoline. She began jumping, but the pad soon became so slick that she lost all control. Her wild flailing unfortunately fell into harmonic synchronization with the motion of the springs, propelling her ever higher, until she soared above the trampoline's safety enclosure, over the hedge and into the neighbor's yard. There came a ghastly grinding sound, and I could tell from the crimson plume that followed, it would be a total loss Twins Jeremy and Mason Lafferty were on the swing set. Having attained the swings' full range of motion, they were apparently having difficulty holding on. At that point, the swings became human catapults. Mason separated on the backswing, arcing over the roof of our home toward the street beyond. I surmised from the screeching tires, car horns and screams of horror that he was also unrecoverable. A terrified Jeremy soon lost his grip as well, sailing forward over the bluff, and plummeting 300 feet down into the ice-cold, shark-infested waters of the San Francisco Bay. An open claim, but not promising The rest of the children were clinging to the merry-go-round. Having just witnessed the violent deaths of at least two of their playmates, they were no longer in the mood for fun. However, the lubricant had dripped from their glistening bodies into the central cog, allowing it to spin far faster than it was designed to, and this likely combined with other factors--their relative weight distribution, the slight incline of the ground--caused their motion to become self-sustaining, and the centrifugal force built upon itself until they became a blurry, screaming disk of human suffering. Then they began to fly off like cannon balls Martin Duckworth was the first to go, causing significant structural damage to our greenhouse. Lisa Aurelio shattered a line of ceramic garden gnomes, and Ethan Green slammed into our Audi Q7 so hard it had to be written off--as, tragically, did he. Several other children left what looked like gingerbread man indentations in the siding of our home. It was terrifying. When the wheel finally came to a stop, there was only one child aboard. As luck would have it, it was our own beloved Crispin, huddled in the center of the merry-go-round, weeping. My wife ran to him and hugged him with all the might of a relieved, traumatized parent. A little too hard, as it turned out. Lubricated as he was, he shot from her arms like a wet bar of soap, up fifteen feet in the air, landed on the trampoline, and then soared, in a half-gainer, over the hedge, into the wood chipper. Since then, I've asked myself a thousand times, is there anything I could have done differently? But in the end, no actuary table could have predicted this bloodbath. I can only conclude that this was an act of God. And that, to me, is truly terrifying. Because we're not covered for that. <p><a href="https://novelty-gift-ideas.tumblr.com/post/166887400578/passion-lubes" class="tumblr_blog">novelty-gift-ideas</a>:</p><blockquote><p><b><a href="https://novelty-gift-ideas.com/passion-lubes/"> Passion Lubes </a></b><br/></p></blockquote>

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novelty-gift-ideas: Passion Lubes : Based Lubricant, 5 5 Drum Passion Lubes 3,051 customer reviews 78 answered questions About the product The Ultimate Lube Keg .Best Value Lube Pump Included xxBackyard Carnival of Death By James O. Thach on February 27, 2014 Size: 55 Gallon I'm a risk analyst for a major insurance firm, so when my wife and I were planning a birthday party for our seven-year-old, Crispin, my mind naturally turned to liabilities. We'd settled on the theme of a "backyard carnival", complete with a swing set, a trampoline, merry-go-round, and a giant Slip n Slide. So I carefully inspected the equipment for safety. It all seemed sound We have a home on a bluff overlooking the ocean. As it happened, on the day of the party our neighbors were trimming their fichus trees. We heard the sound of their wood chipper buzzing occasionally from the other side of our tall hedge. It was a little irritating, but not disruptive The party started off wonderfully. A clown we'd hired made balloon animals, Crispin eagerly opened his presents, and all the children enjoyed cake and fruit punch. The weather was mild, the skies clear. It seemed a perfect day. Then we brought out the Slip n Slide. The problem with water slides is what we in the trade call "distributed water deficiency zones", or in layman's terms, dry spots. If a child hits one of these, it can put the brakes on the fun, and send them sliding down a path of medical claims--contusions, concussions, lacerations, abrasions, whiplash, back rash, and disc impaction. And that's just for starters. From there, it's a slippery slope toward major litigation To avoid even the remote possibility of such injuries, I invested in this 55 gallon drum of water soluble personal lubricant--the idea being that the children could enjoy the slide in complete safety, then wash off in the hose before their parents came to retrieve them. With that in mind, I dipped each child into the vat before allowing them to cue up for the slide. The Slip n Slide itself performed admirably, as did the lubricant. That, in fact, was the problem. Due to the slight downhill gradient of our yard, the children built up so much speed that they skidded across the lawn and into a retaining wall at the other end of our property, with sufficient force that I had to put an end to the activity I endeavored to roll up the mat--no easy task, as the lawn surrounding the slide was itself now lubricated, and I struggled to maintain my footing. When I looked up from my labor, I grasped for the first time the scope of the liabilities I had unleashed-a horde of extremely well-lubricated seven-year-olds, hyped up on sugar and desperate for fun. I saw young Eliza Gimmelman climb onto the trampoline. She began jumping, but the pad soon became so slick that she lost all control. Her wild flailing unfortunately fell into harmonic synchronization with the motion of the springs, propelling her ever higher, until she soared above the trampoline's safety enclosure, over the hedge and into the neighbor's yard. There came a ghastly grinding sound, and I could tell from the crimson plume that followed, it would be a total loss Twins Jeremy and Mason Lafferty were on the swing set. Having attained the swings' full range of motion, they were apparently having difficulty holding on. At that point, the swings became human catapults. Mason separated on the backswing, arcing over the roof of our home toward the street beyond. I surmised from the screeching tires, car horns and screams of horror that he was also unrecoverable. A terrified Jeremy soon lost his grip as well, sailing forward over the bluff, and plummeting 300 feet down into the ice-cold, shark-infested waters of the San Francisco Bay. An open claim, but not promising The rest of the children were clinging to the merry-go-round. Having just witnessed the violent deaths of at least two of their playmates, they were no longer in the mood for fun. However, the lubricant had dripped from their glistening bodies into the central cog, allowing it to spin far faster than it was designed to, and this likely combined with other factors--their relative weight distribution, the slight incline of the ground--caused their motion to become self-sustaining, and the centrifugal force built upon itself until they became a blurry, screaming disk of human suffering. Then they began to fly off like cannon balls Martin Duckworth was the first to go, causing significant structural damage to our greenhouse. Lisa Aurelio shattered a line of ceramic garden gnomes, and Ethan Green slammed into our Audi Q7 so hard it had to be written off--as, tragically, did he. Several other children left what looked like gingerbread man indentations in the siding of our home. It was terrifying. When the wheel finally came to a stop, there was only one child aboard. As luck would have it, it was our own beloved Crispin, huddled in the center of the merry-go-round, weeping. My wife ran to him and hugged him with all the might of a relieved, traumatized parent. A little too hard, as it turned out. Lubricated as he was, he shot from her arms like a wet bar of soap, up fifteen feet in the air, landed on the trampoline, and then soared, in a half-gainer, over the hedge, into the wood chipper. Since then, I've asked myself a thousand times, is there anything I could have done differently? But in the end, no actuary table could have predicted this bloodbath. I can only conclude that this was an act of God. And that, to me, is truly terrifying. Because we're not covered for that. novelty-gift-ideas: Passion Lubes

novelty-gift-ideas: Passion Lubes

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novelty-gift-ideas: Passion Lubes : Based Lubricant, 5 5 Drum Passion Lubes 3,051 customer reviews 78 answered questions About the product The Ultimate Lube Keg .Best Value Lube Pump Included xxBackyard Carnival of Death By James O. Thach on February 27, 2014 Size: 55 Gallon I'm a risk analyst for a major insurance firm, so when my wife and I were planning a birthday party for our seven-year-old, Crispin, my mind naturally turned to liabilities. We'd settled on the theme of a "backyard carnival", complete with a swing set, a trampoline, merry-go-round, and a giant Slip n Slide. So I carefully inspected the equipment for safety. It all seemed sound We have a home on a bluff overlooking the ocean. As it happened, on the day of the party our neighbors were trimming their fichus trees. We heard the sound of their wood chipper buzzing occasionally from the other side of our tall hedge. It was a little irritating, but not disruptive The party started off wonderfully. A clown we'd hired made balloon animals, Crispin eagerly opened his presents, and all the children enjoyed cake and fruit punch. The weather was mild, the skies clear. It seemed a perfect day. Then we brought out the Slip n Slide. The problem with water slides is what we in the trade call "distributed water deficiency zones", or in layman's terms, dry spots. If a child hits one of these, it can put the brakes on the fun, and send them sliding down a path of medical claims--contusions, concussions, lacerations, abrasions, whiplash, back rash, and disc impaction. And that's just for starters. From there, it's a slippery slope toward major litigation To avoid even the remote possibility of such injuries, I invested in this 55 gallon drum of water soluble personal lubricant--the idea being that the children could enjoy the slide in complete safety, then wash off in the hose before their parents came to retrieve them. With that in mind, I dipped each child into the vat before allowing them to cue up for the slide. The Slip n Slide itself performed admirably, as did the lubricant. That, in fact, was the problem. Due to the slight downhill gradient of our yard, the children built up so much speed that they skidded across the lawn and into a retaining wall at the other end of our property, with sufficient force that I had to put an end to the activity I endeavored to roll up the mat--no easy task, as the lawn surrounding the slide was itself now lubricated, and I struggled to maintain my footing. When I looked up from my labor, I grasped for the first time the scope of the liabilities I had unleashed-a horde of extremely well-lubricated seven-year-olds, hyped up on sugar and desperate for fun. I saw young Eliza Gimmelman climb onto the trampoline. She began jumping, but the pad soon became so slick that she lost all control. Her wild flailing unfortunately fell into harmonic synchronization with the motion of the springs, propelling her ever higher, until she soared above the trampoline's safety enclosure, over the hedge and into the neighbor's yard. There came a ghastly grinding sound, and I could tell from the crimson plume that followed, it would be a total loss Twins Jeremy and Mason Lafferty were on the swing set. Having attained the swings' full range of motion, they were apparently having difficulty holding on. At that point, the swings became human catapults. Mason separated on the backswing, arcing over the roof of our home toward the street beyond. I surmised from the screeching tires, car horns and screams of horror that he was also unrecoverable. A terrified Jeremy soon lost his grip as well, sailing forward over the bluff, and plummeting 300 feet down into the ice-cold, shark-infested waters of the San Francisco Bay. An open claim, but not promising The rest of the children were clinging to the merry-go-round. Having just witnessed the violent deaths of at least two of their playmates, they were no longer in the mood for fun. However, the lubricant had dripped from their glistening bodies into the central cog, allowing it to spin far faster than it was designed to, and this likely combined with other factors--their relative weight distribution, the slight incline of the ground--caused their motion to become self-sustaining, and the centrifugal force built upon itself until they became a blurry, screaming disk of human suffering. Then they began to fly off like cannon balls Martin Duckworth was the first to go, causing significant structural damage to our greenhouse. Lisa Aurelio shattered a line of ceramic garden gnomes, and Ethan Green slammed into our Audi Q7 so hard it had to be written off--as, tragically, did he. Several other children left what looked like gingerbread man indentations in the siding of our home. It was terrifying. When the wheel finally came to a stop, there was only one child aboard. As luck would have it, it was our own beloved Crispin, huddled in the center of the merry-go-round, weeping. My wife ran to him and hugged him with all the might of a relieved, traumatized parent. A little too hard, as it turned out. Lubricated as he was, he shot from her arms like a wet bar of soap, up fifteen feet in the air, landed on the trampoline, and then soared, in a half-gainer, over the hedge, into the wood chipper. Since then, I've asked myself a thousand times, is there anything I could have done differently? But in the end, no actuary table could have predicted this bloodbath. I can only conclude that this was an act of God. And that, to me, is truly terrifying. Because we're not covered for that. novelty-gift-ideas: Passion Lubes

novelty-gift-ideas: Passion Lubes

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<p><a href="https://novelty-gift-ideas.tumblr.com/post/166887400578/passion-lubes" class="tumblr_blog">novelty-gift-ideas</a>:</p><blockquote><p><b><a href="https://novelty-gift-ideas.com/passion-lubes/"> Passion Lubes </a></b><br/></p></blockquote>: Based Lubricant, 5 5 Drum Passion Lubes 3,051 customer reviews 78 answered questions About the product The Ultimate Lube Keg .Best Value Lube Pump Included xxBackyard Carnival of Death By James O. Thach on February 27, 2014 Size: 55 Gallon I'm a risk analyst for a major insurance firm, so when my wife and I were planning a birthday party for our seven-year-old, Crispin, my mind naturally turned to liabilities. We'd settled on the theme of a "backyard carnival", complete with a swing set, a trampoline, merry-go-round, and a giant Slip n Slide. So I carefully inspected the equipment for safety. It all seemed sound We have a home on a bluff overlooking the ocean. As it happened, on the day of the party our neighbors were trimming their fichus trees. We heard the sound of their wood chipper buzzing occasionally from the other side of our tall hedge. It was a little irritating, but not disruptive The party started off wonderfully. A clown we'd hired made balloon animals, Crispin eagerly opened his presents, and all the children enjoyed cake and fruit punch. The weather was mild, the skies clear. It seemed a perfect day. Then we brought out the Slip n Slide. The problem with water slides is what we in the trade call "distributed water deficiency zones", or in layman's terms, dry spots. If a child hits one of these, it can put the brakes on the fun, and send them sliding down a path of medical claims--contusions, concussions, lacerations, abrasions, whiplash, back rash, and disc impaction. And that's just for starters. From there, it's a slippery slope toward major litigation To avoid even the remote possibility of such injuries, I invested in this 55 gallon drum of water soluble personal lubricant--the idea being that the children could enjoy the slide in complete safety, then wash off in the hose before their parents came to retrieve them. With that in mind, I dipped each child into the vat before allowing them to cue up for the slide. The Slip n Slide itself performed admirably, as did the lubricant. That, in fact, was the problem. Due to the slight downhill gradient of our yard, the children built up so much speed that they skidded across the lawn and into a retaining wall at the other end of our property, with sufficient force that I had to put an end to the activity I endeavored to roll up the mat--no easy task, as the lawn surrounding the slide was itself now lubricated, and I struggled to maintain my footing. When I looked up from my labor, I grasped for the first time the scope of the liabilities I had unleashed-a horde of extremely well-lubricated seven-year-olds, hyped up on sugar and desperate for fun. I saw young Eliza Gimmelman climb onto the trampoline. She began jumping, but the pad soon became so slick that she lost all control. Her wild flailing unfortunately fell into harmonic synchronization with the motion of the springs, propelling her ever higher, until she soared above the trampoline's safety enclosure, over the hedge and into the neighbor's yard. There came a ghastly grinding sound, and I could tell from the crimson plume that followed, it would be a total loss Twins Jeremy and Mason Lafferty were on the swing set. Having attained the swings' full range of motion, they were apparently having difficulty holding on. At that point, the swings became human catapults. Mason separated on the backswing, arcing over the roof of our home toward the street beyond. I surmised from the screeching tires, car horns and screams of horror that he was also unrecoverable. A terrified Jeremy soon lost his grip as well, sailing forward over the bluff, and plummeting 300 feet down into the ice-cold, shark-infested waters of the San Francisco Bay. An open claim, but not promising The rest of the children were clinging to the merry-go-round. Having just witnessed the violent deaths of at least two of their playmates, they were no longer in the mood for fun. However, the lubricant had dripped from their glistening bodies into the central cog, allowing it to spin far faster than it was designed to, and this likely combined with other factors--their relative weight distribution, the slight incline of the ground--caused their motion to become self-sustaining, and the centrifugal force built upon itself until they became a blurry, screaming disk of human suffering. Then they began to fly off like cannon balls Martin Duckworth was the first to go, causing significant structural damage to our greenhouse. Lisa Aurelio shattered a line of ceramic garden gnomes, and Ethan Green slammed into our Audi Q7 so hard it had to be written off--as, tragically, did he. Several other children left what looked like gingerbread man indentations in the siding of our home. It was terrifying. When the wheel finally came to a stop, there was only one child aboard. As luck would have it, it was our own beloved Crispin, huddled in the center of the merry-go-round, weeping. My wife ran to him and hugged him with all the might of a relieved, traumatized parent. A little too hard, as it turned out. Lubricated as he was, he shot from her arms like a wet bar of soap, up fifteen feet in the air, landed on the trampoline, and then soared, in a half-gainer, over the hedge, into the wood chipper. Since then, I've asked myself a thousand times, is there anything I could have done differently? But in the end, no actuary table could have predicted this bloodbath. I can only conclude that this was an act of God. And that, to me, is truly terrifying. Because we're not covered for that. <p><a href="https://novelty-gift-ideas.tumblr.com/post/166887400578/passion-lubes" class="tumblr_blog">novelty-gift-ideas</a>:</p><blockquote><p><b><a href="https://novelty-gift-ideas.com/passion-lubes/"> Passion Lubes </a></b><br/></p></blockquote>

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novelty-gift-ideas: Passion Lubes : Based Lubricant, 5 5 Drum Passion Lubes 3,051 customer reviews 78 answered questions About the product The Ultimate Lube Keg .Best Value Lube Pump Included xxBackyard Carnival of Death By James O. Thach on February 27, 2014 Size: 55 Gallon I'm a risk analyst for a major insurance firm, so when my wife and I were planning a birthday party for our seven-year-old, Crispin, my mind naturally turned to liabilities. We'd settled on the theme of a "backyard carnival", complete with a swing set, a trampoline, merry-go-round, and a giant Slip n Slide. So I carefully inspected the equipment for safety. It all seemed sound We have a home on a bluff overlooking the ocean. As it happened, on the day of the party our neighbors were trimming their fichus trees. We heard the sound of their wood chipper buzzing occasionally from the other side of our tall hedge. It was a little irritating, but not disruptive The party started off wonderfully. A clown we'd hired made balloon animals, Crispin eagerly opened his presents, and all the children enjoyed cake and fruit punch. The weather was mild, the skies clear. It seemed a perfect day. Then we brought out the Slip n Slide. The problem with water slides is what we in the trade call "distributed water deficiency zones", or in layman's terms, dry spots. If a child hits one of these, it can put the brakes on the fun, and send them sliding down a path of medical claims--contusions, concussions, lacerations, abrasions, whiplash, back rash, and disc impaction. And that's just for starters. From there, it's a slippery slope toward major litigation To avoid even the remote possibility of such injuries, I invested in this 55 gallon drum of water soluble personal lubricant--the idea being that the children could enjoy the slide in complete safety, then wash off in the hose before their parents came to retrieve them. With that in mind, I dipped each child into the vat before allowing them to cue up for the slide. The Slip n Slide itself performed admirably, as did the lubricant. That, in fact, was the problem. Due to the slight downhill gradient of our yard, the children built up so much speed that they skidded across the lawn and into a retaining wall at the other end of our property, with sufficient force that I had to put an end to the activity I endeavored to roll up the mat--no easy task, as the lawn surrounding the slide was itself now lubricated, and I struggled to maintain my footing. When I looked up from my labor, I grasped for the first time the scope of the liabilities I had unleashed-a horde of extremely well-lubricated seven-year-olds, hyped up on sugar and desperate for fun. I saw young Eliza Gimmelman climb onto the trampoline. She began jumping, but the pad soon became so slick that she lost all control. Her wild flailing unfortunately fell into harmonic synchronization with the motion of the springs, propelling her ever higher, until she soared above the trampoline's safety enclosure, over the hedge and into the neighbor's yard. There came a ghastly grinding sound, and I could tell from the crimson plume that followed, it would be a total loss Twins Jeremy and Mason Lafferty were on the swing set. Having attained the swings' full range of motion, they were apparently having difficulty holding on. At that point, the swings became human catapults. Mason separated on the backswing, arcing over the roof of our home toward the street beyond. I surmised from the screeching tires, car horns and screams of horror that he was also unrecoverable. A terrified Jeremy soon lost his grip as well, sailing forward over the bluff, and plummeting 300 feet down into the ice-cold, shark-infested waters of the San Francisco Bay. An open claim, but not promising The rest of the children were clinging to the merry-go-round. Having just witnessed the violent deaths of at least two of their playmates, they were no longer in the mood for fun. However, the lubricant had dripped from their glistening bodies into the central cog, allowing it to spin far faster than it was designed to, and this likely combined with other factors--their relative weight distribution, the slight incline of the ground--caused their motion to become self-sustaining, and the centrifugal force built upon itself until they became a blurry, screaming disk of human suffering. Then they began to fly off like cannon balls Martin Duckworth was the first to go, causing significant structural damage to our greenhouse. Lisa Aurelio shattered a line of ceramic garden gnomes, and Ethan Green slammed into our Audi Q7 so hard it had to be written off--as, tragically, did he. Several other children left what looked like gingerbread man indentations in the siding of our home. It was terrifying. When the wheel finally came to a stop, there was only one child aboard. As luck would have it, it was our own beloved Crispin, huddled in the center of the merry-go-round, weeping. My wife ran to him and hugged him with all the might of a relieved, traumatized parent. A little too hard, as it turned out. Lubricated as he was, he shot from her arms like a wet bar of soap, up fifteen feet in the air, landed on the trampoline, and then soared, in a half-gainer, over the hedge, into the wood chipper. Since then, I've asked myself a thousand times, is there anything I could have done differently? But in the end, no actuary table could have predicted this bloodbath. I can only conclude that this was an act of God. And that, to me, is truly terrifying. Because we're not covered for that. novelty-gift-ideas: Passion Lubes

novelty-gift-ideas: Passion Lubes

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ginger-food-lover-ed: Ed Sheeran | NME March 2017 [Ă·]: APPROVED Y THE OMICS DE 3 MARCH 2017 FREE EVERY FRIDAY ED SHILERANIA SUPER EDS LAD2 ON EVERYTHING YOU WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT MUSICS BO WONDER! AFRAID TO ASK 50 THINGS YoU PROBABLY DIDNT KNOW ED SSHEERAN ABOUT フ、 CHARFSLATING SINGER-SONGHRITER WEMBLEYCONQUERING SOLO ARTIST AND BARBIE DOLL OWNER? AS ED SHEERAN RELEASES NEW ALBUM WE DG OUT A HALF CENTURY OF NUGGETS SURPRISING SUPERSTAR ART BY BUTCHER BILLY WORDS B HARK BEAUNONT HE NAMES HIS GUITARS They a Keith, Nigeland the one that does battle WITH THE STARS I had Van Momison take me for oyd HE TOOK THE SWEARING OFF 'X BECAUSE A CAB DRIVER TOLD HIM TO breakfast and tell me he loved me, he told Radio X. "And I've had Eric Clapton come to my house for dinner- I've gone to his house for dinner and he tells me that he likes my music. HE MISSED THE NORTHERN LIGHTS BECAUSE HE'D BOILED HIS FOOT We all know about the scar he X' originally had the odd expletive dotted about, explicit lyrics out after a taxi driver convinced me to do it for hia daughter," Sheeran revealed. when His dad John is an art historian, his mum managed to melt the skin off his foot when he lrmogen designs jewe llery and his brother Matthew 25th birthday. They were like, Don't walk over there!' Then I just slipped," he told the Vodafone Big Top40. l couldn't walk for a couple of months... It was disgusting when they put the skin graft on. The skin has to heal over it. It was bad. ED'S CAT HAS MORE TWITTER FOLLOWERS THAN YOU AND ALL YOUR FRIENDS PUT TOGETHER In 2014, Sheeran created a Twitter account for his kitten, Graham, whonotched up 71,000 followers almost ovemight by sitting on a guitar, demanding HIS MUSIC IS A PASSION-KILLER FOR HIS COUSIN milk and proudly telling the worild every time he She's not tbo keen, Sheeran told Shoboy radio. She gets brought back and wooed by guys, they put me on to set the mood and she goes: 1'm not shat the bed. Follow him &GrahamShizza HIS SECOND ALBUM Purrn outloud 9onna get off to my cousin. LEAKED AND NO ONE NOTICED DRUM 'N' BASS ICON GOLDIE IS HIS FINANCIAL ADVISOR unexpectedƂy, Sheeran feared he'd blown his big comeback. Exceptno one could tell they were his songs and the leak went by virtually unnoticed. As soon as stuff started to go well," Sheeran revealed, "Goldie rang me up and goes, 'don't bea HE PREVIEWED NEW ALBUMTO HALF HE ONCE RECEIVED A HAIR CAKE FROM A FAN OF WESTEROS Game Of Thrones lot were at," he told Radio1 They allendedup back at my house. I'd never met some of them before and said: Do you want never eat the edible gifts. As Sheeran found to his cost when he cut into a cake sent to him by a fan, onty to find it was full of hair. 15 HE HAS A PLAN TO ESCAPE wWiII CLAIMING THE IRCN THRONE HIMSELF about gaining New Zealand citizenship because, been trying toget Sheeran to make a cameo appearance, following in the footsteps of Coldplay drummer Will Champion and Snow Patrol's Gary Lightbody. But schedules were against him. "Every time they shoot I'm on tour," he told The Sun. be bothered to come that far to invade HE HE HAS COLOURS FOR ALL OF HIS SONGS he's said. "You Need Me, I Don't Need You BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH WOULDN'T DANCE IN HIS VIDEO The for HE'S A SECOND COUSIN OF GORDON BURNS, PRESENTE OF '80S GAME SHOW THE KRYPTON FACTOR I only found out when I played Manchester Apollo," he told the Guardian. "That 's when I met him. I'm second cousins with about 100 people Sing' but his US agent vetoeditas, according to Sheeran, It's not right for him right now. ELTON JOHN MADE HIM RELEASE 'SING Initially the uncharacteristically upbeat HE ALMOST CHANGED HIS NAME TO REDWARD R&B track, co-written with Pharrell Williams, wasn't going to be on 'x' at all, until Elton John He ment fresh start. His choice? "Redward. Edward with an office and told him: That's your first single." HE DOESN'T ANSWER HE'SA FRESH UNKNOWN NUMBER' PHONE CALLS PRINCE FANATIC It's because he received "quite a few death threats" when he first made waves in 2011 the rap from The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air into his songs onstage, it's just a hint of his obsession with Will Smith's '90s show- he's even had a tattoo in honour ot it. Although, that said, Sheeran has had HE'S ANTI- SMARTPHONE re. travelling the world to visit countries he'd toured but never seen very much of, he ditched his iPhone and never wanted to go back to it. lenjoy life without a phone - it's a lot less hassle, he said. HE SPENT A WEEK SLEEPING ON THE CIRCLE LINE HE ONCE GOT A BARBIE DOLL FOR HIS BIRTHDAY For a week during his much talked-about homeless years in London, Sheeran would finish gigs, stay up drinking into the early hours, wait until 5am for the tube to open and then get four hours It was a gift from his brother. He definitely didnt it. not. HE WAS BORN TO SOUNDTRACK THE HOBBIT BUCKINGHAM PALACE Well, in a stone archway outsice handily fitted with a heating vent. Three years latet he'd made it inside the palace, playing to When' Sheeranwas asked to write a song for Peter The Hobbit: The Desolation Of the Queen at her Diamond Jubilee party. HE OBSESSIVELY TRACKS HIS SALES grandfather's first edition of the novel was the PETER JACKSON STRAPPED HIM TO A PLANE Sheeran leaps online to check how the publicity has affected his sales. "It's just because I've never been good at anything betore, he told The Bg at s As soon as he got the call about The Hobbit fronm Jackson, Sheeran raced from a wedding in lbiza to Wellington, New Zealand, where the director keeps his collection of WWl airplanes. "He strapped me to the front of one of them and flew me around, Sheeran told Entertainment Tonight. academic award. This is the only thing in my life that I can win at. Unless Acele's about, obviously. HE WAS DISCOVERED BY JAMIE FOXX The first of Sheeran's numerous NANDO'S MADE A SAUCE FOR HIM big breaks came when he lanced a slot on Jamie Foxx's radio show in LA. He ended up hanging out in Foxx's Hollywood mansion as the major what's believed to be a mythical Nando's black card, allowing him free food from theirrestaurants whenever he likes, the peri-peri chicken chain went one furtherand created a special 'Ed's Peri-Peri HE COULD NAIL STRICTLY teachers on tour with him for thre weeks and spent five hours a day practising for the Thinking PIZZA EXPRESS MADE HIM A TRIBUTE PIZZA For his 26th birthday, Pizza Express 1.5 billion YouTube views. HE'S CONSIDERING MAKING, AN ACOUSTIC RECORD made from Calabrese ingredients. HIS VIDEO FOR 'THE A-TEAM' COST ÂŁ20 th album titles, the next will have to be- which he's thought about making a stripped-back affair on ction HE'S TATTOO BROS WITH HARRY STYLES HE CAN FIT A LOT OF STUFF IN HIS MOUTH A video of a teenage Sheeran online Hard-nut Sheeran went for the full portrait while soft-boy S tyles just had the name done. Maltesers in his mouth before gagging. HARRY STYLES IS BLACKMAILING HIM HIS TEENAGE YEARS WERE TOUGH He has a video of a young eardrum, a squint, a stutter and a port-wine he's threatened to publish if Sheeran upsets him HE'S A GREAT DATE Heonce flew halfway around the world to spendan afternoon ROBBIE WILLIAMS WORRIES ABOUT HIM room for an agony uncle session. "He chatted to me for two hours, Sheeran told New Zealand's FVM radio station. "Really intense chatting, like, Are you OK? Are you doing any drugs? How's the stress level? How are relationships? HE WROTE A SONG AT A FUNERAL Afire Love' from 'x was dedicated to his Irish Catholic grandfather who suffered fromm Alzheimer's for 20 years before his death in 2013 Sheeran finished writing the song at his funeral. E'S BEEN IN TWO SITCOMS AND A SOAP They are: New Zealand comedy Shortland Street, US sitcom Undate able and HIS ACTING NEEDED SPECIAL HELP In the film Bridget Jones's Baby, actor Sarah Solemani wanted him to look more taken aback during their scene, so she surprised him by stripping off and dancing in her underwear HE HELPS PEOPLE HAVE SEX A cousin of mine went on a girls JORDAN FROM RIZZLE KICKS A ROLEX FOR HIS BIRTHDAY trip,"Sheeran's said. They were in a bar and a came up saying, Do you wanna come back on the radio - my name's to mine? Ive got a song Ed Sheeran.' Apparently it works for him. There's loads of ginger people who are having a lot of fun. I'm not hating on it - we're finally getting laid! HIS BODY IS HE MADE A FANTASTIC GINGERBREAD MAN AT HALLOWEEN OF HIS CAREER Almost all of Sheeran's many tattoos have some link to his career thus far. One inking marks his first single The A-Team', another his single Bloodstream'. He even has a Lego head tattoo as a nod to Lego House', but sadly no full-face portrait of Rupert Grint on his arse. Before he named his record label Gingerbread, Sheeran had dressed as the Gingerbread Man from Shrekon Halloween in 2013 HE'S WRITTEN A SONG ABOUT AN A-LIST LOVE TRIANGLE HE WAS GQ'S WORST DRESSED MAN IN 2013 I still wear skater hoodies, jeans Don't', from Sheeran's second studio albumx is alleged to be about him, Ellie Goulding and One Direction's Niall Horan. Ed himself told Fuse andskater shoes," he told the men's style mag. the song opened up a door that I probably shouldn't have opened up... I just won'tsay who it's about because... I mean everyone, everyone HE'S WORKING TO A 15-ALBUM MAXIMUM PROFIT PLAN The first five EPs, then the first album +, then 'x and now 밝 There'll be two more in this series of five albums and then five more after that, he's explained. "My benchmark for the second album was Coldplay. This album ], it's Springsteen. l do have numerical targets. I did 14 million of x' and I want to do 20 million of It's the best album I could have made so why not want to win? Why notwant to sell 20 million?" HE'S WRITTEN FOR EVERYONE AND THEIR DOG You'll be aware of his writing credits for One Direction and Taylor Swift, but Sheeran has also penned songs for The Weeknd, Jessie Ware, Rudimental, Usher, Justin Bieber, Major Lazer, Hillsry Duff, Robbie Williams, Ollty Murs. NME ginger-food-lover-ed: Ed Sheeran | NME March 2017 [Ă·]
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