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Comfortable, Dude, and Dumb: Insomnia Adventures u/Oceanundertow Be me, sleep deprived DM, half an hour ago Get startled by phone ringing It's one of my players Me: "Dude, it's midnight, you good?" Friend: "Yeah yeah, sorry if I woke you. Could I ask for a favor?" OhGodHeKilledSomeone.gif Me: "Uh, sure? Shoot." Friend: "My daughter can't sleep, could you tell a quick story over speakerphone? She loves listening to the recordings of our sessions before bed, but I left my laptop at the office so I can't play them." NaniTheFuck.mp3 Me: "She listens to us to fall asleep?" Friend: "Yeah, but she really likes your plot and NPC acting bits. She calls you 'dumb dumb mister. Guess Dungeon Master is a bit hard for a preschooler." Me: "Wow...well, if it will help her sleep, then sure." Friend: "Thank you! Okay, give me a sec to head back to her room." (pause) "Okay, you're on speaker." Me: "Hey, [daughters name], it's uncle Anon." Daughter: (Happy gasp) "Dumb dumb Mister!" I'veNeverBeenHappierToBeCalledADumbDumb.jpg Me: "You ready for a story about...(DM IMPROV SKILLS ENGAGE)..the time your daddy and his friends went deep into a cursed temple to save a frost dragon egg?" Daughter: (Incomprehensible happy squealing noises) I then proceed to spend nearly 20 min spitballing a story over the phone for the most fascinated little girl until she eventually fell asleep. Friend thanks me for the help and says he'll see me on game night. Lay down in bed, actually feel content and comfortable for once. I should have thanked him I am the dumb dumb mister. positive-memes:Bed time stories
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9gag, Alive, and Apparently: I'm a therapist and keep this poster in my waiting room, apparently it's saved a few lives I DON'T LIKE THE PHRASE "A CRY FOR HELP" I JUST DON'T LIKE HOW IT SOUNDS. WHEN SOMEBODY SAYS TO ME. "IM THINKING ABOUT SUICIDE, I HAVE A PLAN: I JUST NEED A REASON NOT TO DO IT THE LAST THING I SEE IS HELPLESSNESS. I THINK: YOUR DEPRESSION HAS BEEN BEATING YOU UP FOR YEARS IT'S CALLED YOu UGLY, AND STUPID, AND PATHETIC, AND A FAILURE FOR SO LONG THAT YOU'VE FORGOTTEN THAT IT'S WRONG. YoU DON'T SEE ANY GOOD IN YOURSELF, AND YOU DON'T HAVE ANY HOPE BUT STILL, HERE YOU ARE: YOU'VE COME OVER TO ME, BANGED ON MY DOOR, AND SAID, "HEY! STAYING ALIVE IS REALLY HARD RIGHT NOW JUST GIVE ME SOMETHING TO FIGHT WITH! I DON'T CARE IF IT'S A STICK! GIVE ME A STICK ANDI CAN STAY ALIVE! HOW IS THAT HELPLESS? I THINK THAT'S INCREDIBLE. YOU'RE LIKE A MARINE: TRAPPED FOR YEARS BEHIND ENEMY LINES, YOUR GUN HAS BEEN TAKEN AWAY, YOU'RE OUT OF AMMO, YOU'RE MALNOURISHED, AND YOU'VE PROBABLY CALUGHT SOME KIND OF JUNGLE VIRUS THAT'S MAKING YoU HALLUCINATE GIANT SPIDERS AND YOU'RE STILL JUST GOING, "GIVE ME A STICK I'M NOT DYING OUT HERE "A CRY FOR HELP" MAKES IT SOUND LIKE IM SUPPOSED TO TAKE PITY ON YOu, BUT YOU DON'T NEED MY PITY THIS ISN'T PATHETIC. THIS IS THE WILL TO SURVIVE. THIS IS HOW HUMANS LIVED LONG ENOLIGH TO BECOME THE DOMINANT SPECIES WITH NO HOPE, RUNNING ON NOTHING, YOU'RE READY TO CUT THROUGH A HUNDRED MILES OF HOSTILE JUuNGLE WITH NOTHING BLIT A STICK, IF THAT'S WHAT IT TAKES TO GET TO SAFETY ALL IM DOING IS HANDING OUT STICKS YOU'RE THE ONE STAYING ALIVE VIA 9GAG.COM
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Alive, Apparently, and Come Over: I'm a therapist and keep this poster in my waiting room, apparently it's saved a few lives I DONT LIKE THE PHRASE "A CRY FOR HELP"ェJuST DONT LKE HOW IT SOuNDS, WHEN SOMEBODY SAYS TO ME, "I'M THINKING ABOUT SUICIDE, I HAVE A PLAN: I JUST NEED A REASON NOT TO DOITTHE LAST THING I SEE IS HELPLESSNESS. I THINK: YOUR DEPRESSION HAS BEEN BEATING YOU UP FOR YEARS. IT'S CALLED YOU UGLY, AND STUPID, AND PATHETIC, AND A FAILURE, FOR SO LONG THAT YOU'VE FORGOTTEN THAT IT'S WRONG. YOU DON'T SEE ANY GOOD IN YOURSELF, AND YOu DON'T HAVE ANY HOPE. BUT STILL, HERE YOu ARE: YOU'VE COME OVER TO ME, BANGED ON MY DOOR, AND SAID, "HEY! STAYING ALIVE IS REALLY HARD RIGHT NOW! JUST GIVE ME SOMETHING TO FIGHT WITHI I DON'T CARE IF IT'S A STICK! GIVE ME A STICK AND I CAN STAY ALIVE!" HOW IS THAT HELPLESS? I THINK THAT'S INCREDIBLE. YOU'RE LIKE A MARINE: TRAPPED FOR YEARS BEHIND ENEMY LINES, YOUR GUN HAS BEEN TAKEN AWAY, YOU'RE OUT OF AMMO, YOU'RE MALNOURISHED, AND YOU'VE PROBABLY CAIGHT SOME KIND OF JUNGLE VIRUS THAT'S MAKING YOU HALLLICINATE GIANT SPIDERS AND YOU'RE STILL JUST GOING, "GIVE ME A STICK. I'M NOT DYING OUT HERE." "A CRY FOR HELP" MAKES IT SOND LIKE I'M SuppOSED TO AKE PITY ON YOu, BUT YOU DON'T NEED MY PITY THIS ISNT PATHETIC. THIS IS THE WILL TO SURVIVE. THIS IS HOW HUMANS LIVED LONG ENOIGH TO BECOME THE DOMINANT SPECIES. WITH NO HOPE, RUNNING ON NOTHING, YOU'RE READY TO CLIT THROUGH A HUNDRED MILES OF HOSTILE JUNGLE WITH NOTHING BUT A STICK, IF THATS WHAT IT TAKES TO GET TO SAFETY ALL IM DOING IS HANDING OUT STICKS YOU'RE THE ONE STAYING ALIVE irondad-not-ironsad: aurora-nerin: tea-rabbits: ultimate-science-nerd: positivelyqueerace: dreamsrainandwitchythings: intp-again: muslimintp-1999-girl: asexualchristian: mentalmentalhealth: girlwhorpsalot: I needed this. Thank you to all the people who posted this so I ended up seeing it. I really needed this right now. Thank you! Yeah… Not gonna lie… I cried… We need more people like this Goddamn it stop making me feel human The therapist I wanna be. Text in the image: “I’m a therapist and keep this poster in my waiting room, apparently it’s saved a few lives.” I don’t like the phrase “a cry for help.” I just don’t like how it sounds. When somebody says to me, “I’m thinking about suicide. I have a plan: I just need a reason not to do it,” the last thing I see is helplessness. I think your depression has been beating you up for years. It’s called you ugly, and stupid, and pathetic, and a failure, for so long that you’ve forgotten that it’s wrong. You don’t see any good in yourself, and you don’t have any hope. But still here you are: you’ve come over to me, banged on my door and said, “HEY! Staying alive is REALLY HARD right now! Just give me something to fight with! I don’t care if it’s a stick! Give me a stick and I can stay alive!” How is that helpless? I think that’s incredible. You’re like a marine: trapped for years behind enemy lines. Your gun has been taken away, you’re out of ammo, you’re malnourished, and you’ve probably caught some kind of jungle virus that’s making you hallucinate giant spiders. And you’re still just going, “GIVE ME A STICK. I’M NOT DYING OUT HERE.”“A cry for help” makes it sound like I’m supposed to take pity on you, but you don’t need my pity. This isn’t pathetic. This is the will to survive. This is how humans lived long enough to become the dominant species. With NO hope, running on NOTHING, you’re ready to cut through a hundred miles of hostile jungle with nothing but a stick, if that’s what it takes to get to safety. All I’m doing is handing out sticks. You’re the one saying alive. I legit cried at this. I’ve needed to hear it put this way. Bless this post. Every time I see this post I stop to read the whole image. It always helps — even on the good days. Because it wasn’t weakness. It wasn’t shameful to seek help. It wasn’t pathetic to “cry for help”. I was looking for a stick, be that from myself or from someone else. I was trying to find a way out. I was trying to heal myself. this is fuckin incredible.  I’m sorry if I repost to many of these, but if it could be someone’s “stick” then it’s worth it
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Dude, Fafsa, and Lawyer: Can you marry me 5:01 PM I just got back from my school and they said they cannot give me any aid except for unsubsidised loans unless l have a child, get married, or turn 24, so I have to get married Yeah ok I'll marry you I need a better fafsa application too Wait seriously Would you really do it Im doing actual research on it Are we doing this It would have to happen like lightning fast cause my next semester happens pretty damn soon I don't know how fast this happens lemme check Ughhhh okay so we'd need to get a marriage license which can be up to $30 depending on where we get it, and THEN we need to file for a marriage certificate I'm an ordained minister but idk if I could file my own marriage certificate get ordained and do it Can we go to Indiana? Let me check Dude Im so excited Its possible that I can get FAFSA to pay for an entire apartment for me to go to school in Milwaukee DUDE WHAT Okay so there's no minister registration required in lllinois so Yeah I'm looking that up right now Ive heard that if one partner commits adultery, thats grounds for a quicker divorce Yeah this sample form I'm looking at says "irretrievable breakdown" of marriage Worse comes to worse we can stage a fight but I think we can just say yeah it's not working out Does it include adultery divorce ranging from $15,000 to $30,000. Most of this money is spent on legal fees. So Fuck lawyers We don't need a lawyer We don't have kids we don't have property to divide up Oh thats only for a lawyer We don't have alimony to negotiate We're just two guys being dudes. Gettin a divorce portraitofemmy: possiblestoner: marzipanandminutiae: A. imagine your otp B. dear gods this country has massive issues I’ve been looking for this post for ages listen, I’ve read enough fanfic to know that they’re not getting divorced, but it’ll take about 35k of pining to figure that out.
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