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Advice, Brains, and Coca-Cola: Peanut butter spaceorphan18: sulkingheals: downtroddendeity: jacemp3: monkeysaysficus: audrey-hepbae: catchymemes: 10 tricks you didn’t know you could do with your food. By Blossom The internet went from showing food recipe videos to alchemy in less than a decade. There’s going to be a quick video on how to make the philosopher’s stone from tomato sauce next week.  I WANNA DRINK THE TRANSPARENT SODA leave milk out unrefrigerated in your house for 2 days Some days ago, my sibling sent me this video out of the desperate hope I could provide the catharsis of seeing it torn to pieces. It has now been coming on 72 hours, and only now have I recovered enough to be able to do much of anything but scream, “WHAT?!” and “NO!” at the screen. We had a long discussion about what in the twelve hells this video even is. A surreal, dadaist parody so obscure that our brains aren’t operating on enough levels to comprehend it? The Instagram lifehack equivalent of those terrifying procedurally-generated animated Youtube videos that farm ad revenue by playing millions of times to babies whose parents left the iPad on autoplay? A coded message designed to activate the combat programming of brainwashed cyborg sleeper agents? A post that slipped through a wormhole from an alternate dimension where the laws of reality are different? An emanation of a vast and alien chaos god? I cannot bring myself to confront the claims in this video in the order they are put forth without losing my will to live after the first one, so I will start with the least crazy and work my way up. Bananas to ripen things: More or less true. You’ll sometimes see advice to cooks to store underripe fruit in a paper bag with one piece of overripe (but not rotten) fruit to ripen it more quickly.Misrepresentations: It will probably take longer than overnight to ripen something as green as some of those tomatoes, and it doesn’t have to be a banana. Coca-cola and milk: The coke is more acidic than the milk and curdles it, resulting in solid globs of milk protein which settle out. The brown dye in the coke sticks to the milk protein globs, leaving the excess liquid more or less clear.Misrepresentations: The video has been enormously sped up, which the editing does not make clear; the reaction takes hours. Ketchup to clean metal: To my mild surprise, this is actually a thing (though you could just make a paste out of salt, flour, and vinegar and scrub with that and not get ketchup stains on everything)…Misrepresentations: …for cleaning copper and bronze. Which the jug shown in the video is not. The acid in the ketchup might take some of the tarnish off, say, aluminum, but at that point you might as well just use vinegar. Sparkling water omelet: Omelet souffles are a thing.Misrepresentations: You… literally do not need the sparkling water… you can just beat the eggs until they’re fluffy… “Warm water clears wax from fruits!”: This is a mysterious and arcane procedure called “washing.”Misrepresentations: I don’t know what the hell they even did to the video on this sequence but as a person who has washed many apples in warm water, it does not look like that and the thin layer of edible wax applied to make them look good in the grocery store does not come off that easily. Sprite to clean earrings: Again, this will take tarnish off some metals just due to the acid, but…Misrepresentations: DO YOU WANT GROSS STICKY EARRINGS AND EAR INFECTIONS? JUST USE VINEGAR WATER. Also, “dirt” is not a kind of molecule. (Incidentally, if the earrings are silver, there is a vastly better method that actually reverses the tarnish instead of removing it.) Insta-freeze bottle: This is a real thing…Misrepresentation: …which absolutely will not happen if you follow their instructions, because a) they neglect to mention an important caveat (the water needs to be purified/distilled) and b) 5 minutes is not long enough for a water bottle to supercool. If you google any of the myriad videos and articles of people doing this trick, you’ll see numbers like “3 hours in the freezer” or “40 minutes in a salted ice bath.” There is video of the trick working. Either that footage was taken from someone else, or they knew how to do it, did it, and then deliberately lied about the time for no apparent reason. Putting a broken plate in milk for two days magically fixes it: To my immense surprise, they didn’t make this one up; the idea is that the milk protein casein can form into a plastic at high temperatures and bind to the ceramic. Googling it turned up some hobbyist potters commenting that they’d used it to salvage things that had cracked slightly in the kiln.Misrepresentations: Once again, they’ve misrepresented the method: everything I saw talking about how to do it said to boil the milk and then soak for an hour, not leave it out for two days like an offering to the pixies. And most of what I saw reported about it also said it only really works on hairline cracks, not full breaks, and doesn’t hold up long-term because the real structural damage isn’t repaired. And may leave a faint and persistent odor of boiled milk. Just use superglue. “Reveal the genetic memory of the honeycomb”: This is the kind of gibberish predicated on so many nonsensical assumptions that unpacking it would be more trouble than it’s worth. Plus, well, I can barely see anything with the low video quality, but what I can see of the vague blur doesn’t look much like a honeycomb in the first place. Suffice to say: “Honey looks like a honeycomb” isn’t even in the ballpark of what’s generally meant by “genetic memory,” what’s generally meant by “genetic memory” is also complete hooey, and fluid dynamics is weird and swirling a thick, viscous, water-soluble liquid with a layer of water on top is going to do weird things. But at least that I could potentially attribute to ignorance rather than deliberate intent to deceive, unlike… Hot coals and peanut butter This is the reason it’s taken me this long to post this. Every time I think about it my soul starts to leave my body. It’s such a mind-boggling level of bullshit that every time I’ve tried to put words around an explanation I’m quickly reduced to staring at the screen and mouthing “No” to myself in a voice of quiet despair, because I can’t even figure out where to start. Well, okay, I guess I might as well start by saying I think their… let’s say inspiration on this was articles about scientists who made diamonds out of peanut butter and carbon dioxide. …With a press that’s designed to recreate the conditions of the earth’s mantle, and which is prone to exploding. So, you know, not something you can do in your kitchen. Unless you have one hell of a kitchen. You can see the direct links to this in the nonsensical claim that this “works” because peanut butter contains carbon dioxide. (It doesn’t, particularly. It’s crushed peanuts mixed with oil. You know what would have a lot of carbon dioxide? The fire you pulled that glowing lump of charcoal out of.) It also mentions “pressure” when no particular pressure is involved, presumably because we’ve all heard about turning coal into diamond under heat and pressure. Chemically speaking, there’s very little to make that crystal out of except carbon, unless you want to posit a mass migration of all the sugar molecules in the peanut butter to the center of the coal. And “carbon crystal” = “diamond,” and do you think if it was that easy to make diamonds they’d be that expensive? I will guarantee you that crystal is a lump of quartz they covered in black crud and then peanut butter to pretend it was the charcoal. But, of course, all of that is irrelevant, because by reblogging this at all, even to performatively despair that the internet does not seem to have come all that far since the days of Infinite Chocolate, I’m playing into their hands. Lifehack clickbait has done this forever- they deliberately seed in wrong or awful advice because people will share that to say how stupid/wrong it is. They led with complete insanity to get attention, and I gave them eyeballs on the video watching this, and I’ll be giving them more from writing this. Maybe I’ll stick to the chaos god theory. It’s less depressing. @ohnofixit I apologize for being stupid enough to believe that video so reblogging the breakdown of why it was wrong. Why you shouldn’t believe everything on the internet. 
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Bones, Definitely, and Dude: botanyshitposts: devipotato: botanyshitposts: nolayelde: botanyshitposts: I planted some saguaro seeds about a week ago. Who woukda thunk that such large lads start out so smol. (submitted @nolayelde) this speaks for itself when paired with a pic of the grown plant for scale: they usually live to be 150+ years old. cutting one down in Arizona, where they’re native, is a felony with a maximum 9 months in prison.  in my brief wikipedia exploration to find out how old they could be for this ask i found out that there was a dude in 1982 who was vandalizing one (which is also highly illegal) by shooting at it and then poking at it, and not only did the 500 pound arm of the cactus he was shooting at fall on top of him, but the actual trunk of the cactus then also proceeded to fall on him. he died. smited by the cactus gods for his transgressions  There was one we had in our backyard that fell on our fence and buckled the steel bar. When the guy came by to take it away he sliced into roughly foot long segments and we kept one. It was really cool in the inside, also the chlorophyll is on the inside. My mom turned the outer layer into a lampshade Sorry it’s dusty lmao no idea how to clean it i…………..idk how to react to this but this is definitely an item i wasn’t expecting  here’s another fun fact about saguaro cactuses (or cacti - both are fine!): when they die, the flesh on them erodes away and leaves these really cool wood-like structures they’re called bones. these are cactus bones ……oh
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Bones, Definitely, and Dude: botanyshitposts: devipotato: botanyshitposts: nolayelde: botanyshitposts: I planted some saguaro seeds about a week ago. Who woukda thunk that such large lads start out so smol. (submitted @nolayelde) this speaks for itself when paired with a pic of the grown plant for scale: they usually live to be 150+ years old. cutting one down in Arizona, where they’re native, is a felony with a maximum 9 months in prison.  in my brief wikipedia exploration to find out how old they could be for this ask i found out that there was a dude in 1982 who was vandalizing one (which is also highly illegal) by shooting at it and then poking at it, and not only did the 500 pound arm of the cactus he was shooting at fall on top of him, but the actual trunk of the cactus then also proceeded to fall on him. he died. smited by the cactus gods for his transgressions  There was one we had in our backyard that fell on our fence and buckled the steel bar. When the guy came by to take it away he sliced into roughly foot long segments and we kept one. It was really cool in the inside, also the chlorophyll is on the inside. My mom turned the outer layer into a lampshade Sorry it’s dusty lmao no idea how to clean it i…………..idk how to react to this but this is definitely an item i wasn’t expecting  here’s another fun fact about saguaro cactuses (or cacti - both are fine!): when they die, the flesh on them erodes away and leaves these really cool wood-like structures they’re called bones. these are cactus bones ……oh
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Alive, Animals, and Dad: Megan Monday 8:01 PM I dont think you're ready for the level of wierd shit I can message you Monday 8:36 PM I always like telling people the story of my first dog, Rusty. We called him that because when he was just a lil pup he stepped on a rusty nail and got tetanus. Unfortunately we had to amputate his leg but he was still the happiest three-legged dog you've ever seen. Not as happy as a 4 legged dog obviously but still pretty happy. One day though he stepped on a rusty nail again and we couldn't afford the medical bills so my dad had to put him down. The last night I spent with Rusty is probably my most shameful yet emotional memory of all time. I wanted to give him a goodbye treat and have something to remember him by so I decided to do our favorite tradition. I slathered up my balls with peanut butter and let hin lick it off. I just wasnt ready to let go so I did it again and again all night hoping morning would never come By the time Rusty's last morning came we went through 3 tubs of peanut butter and my balls were sore and bleeding, but it was worth it to say goodbye to my buddy We had Rusty's funeral while he was still alive, which was a little un orthodox but whatever, 1 had never been to a dog funeral before and I didnt know how they would work. My father, who was a preacher ave the eulogy and told the whole family that the Lord cares not for animals, as they are inferior species to Humans, who were created in his own likeness. Suffice it to say. Rusty was going to burn in hell for all eternity for no reason other than that he wasnt human-I guess not all dogs go to heaven. The funeral ended with a viking-style funeral pyre, which Rusty was placed on top of. I protested to my father but he insisted that he was supposed to be alive atop the pyre. His howls atop that burning pile of tires will forever be the most beautifully haunting sound I have ever heard, etched into my mind and resurfacing in my nightmares as I sleep. After the service my dad made me sweep up all the ashes because "You need to learn how to clean up after your pets Sent Her bio said please message me some weird shit
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News, Tumblr, and Blog: Flushing Zone Impact Zone dentagama1: Water pick, also known as water flosser, is a tool for flossing your teeth and gums using a jet of water, rather than conventional string floss.

dentagama1: Water pick, also known as water flosser, is a tool for flossing your teeth and gums using a jet of water, rather than convent...

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