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It’s the end of a decade. I’m close to 100 profiles. Here are my favorites from the last 6 years of making them.: niftyshadesofjake niftyshadesofjake .... ...... Jake, 27 Jake, 27 O less than a mile away O less than a mile away We may fight, but please don't try and solve the argument with regular soda. It won't take racial inequality to get me down on one knee. I prefer diet; we both know you are all the sugar I need. niftyshadesofjake University of Southern California niftyshadesofjake Scottsdale, Arizona USC CLASS OF 2022 3,401 FRESHME 0% ganted Ethically granted admission APPLICATIO Jake, 29 Jake 28 O less than a mile away less than a mile away I'm not a celebrity. I don't have $500,000 to help I'm having trouble picking a costume. Want to help? my future children become trojans at USC. I am a gentlemen. I have $50 for dinner to ethically boost my chances of getting a trojan into you. Swipe left if you are a fan of ghosting. Swipe right if you are a fan of getting boned. niftyshadesofjake Scottsdale, Arizona niftyshadesofjake Scottsdale, Arizona .. let 6'0" A Caded in 5'6" 5'0" your cave of wonders POLICE DEPT. 4'6" (480) 627-9186 4'0" Yes Please Jake Arredondo 3'6" Jake, 29 Jake, 29 O less than a mile away O less than a mile away Tired of guys lying about their height? Here is government proof I am at least 6ft. I promise that it will take more than a few rubs for anything to come out of my magic lamp. For our first date, you cook our dinner, and I will cook the meth. niftyshadesofjake niftyshadesofjake Scottsdale, Arizona You ok Jake, 29 Still Single O less than a mile away Jake, 27 As a born-again virgin (3-month dry spell). I can relate to the current bachelor. I was feeling 22, but really I am 27 and should probably start taking dating seriously. Swipe right. I too am willing to wait on putting the Pin the V, until I am sure about you and me. Swipe right to fill the blank space in my heart. If you aren't looking for a love story, baby just swipe left. This is the first one I had ever created (bad quality). This joke took 1,000+ hours to máke. niftyshadesofjake et niftyshadesofjake Hmargemadders.com Make America Accessible Again Jake, 24 Jake, 29 O less than a mile away About Jake I am 50% hispanic, so our love could very well be separated by Trump's wall. This is why I am proud to announce my new company, Largeladders.com If we are to go on a date you must wear sandals. No socks. I am pro house elf slavery and i cannot risk gving my elf his freedom. Furthermore, ifu need me to drive, I will have dobby pull me on my scooter and you may ride pigty-back style I do this for the envronment. Bring your nice flip flops if you want me to pay for dinner Political oppression might keep us down, but with my new ladder company, I will have a way to climb right back into your arms. It’s the end of a decade. I’m close to 100 profiles. Here are my favorites from the last 6 years of making them.

It’s the end of a decade. I’m close to 100 profiles. Here are my favorites from the last 6 years of making them.

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A full story for “If Tinder had a year in review like Spotify does.”: niftyshadesofjake niftyshadesofjake Scottsdale, Arizona Scottsdale, Arizona Dating Apps Premium 2019 WRAPPED You have spent some serious time being single. Here is how much time you have spent on dating apps over the last 5 years. Let's hope you are single due to your personality, because the alternative is you are ugly. Top Dates Sarah S. Top Lies You Told Girls Your cat is cute 69,617 mins I love The Office I'm only talking to you I rarely drink You aren't like the other girls Laura T. Samantha R. Melissa R. 103,648 mins Stephanie M. 53,011 107,107 Top Hair Color Minutes on Dates mins 118,659 mins mins 3,600 Brunette 2017 2019 2018 2016 2015 niftyshadesofjake niftyshadesofjake Scottsdale, Arizona Scottsdale, Arizona In perfect harmony You were pretty desperate. USC CLASS OF 2022 You discovered 304 new girls this year. But you really didn't vibe with anyone. 3,401 0% anted You didn't swipe right on one specific type of girl. Below is what you look for most in a match. Ethically FRESHME admission APPLICATIO You created 38 new profile pictures, watched 4 girls report you for being inappropriate, and spent 65 hours debating if you should give up on dating and get a dog. Jake, 29 O less than a mile away I'm not a celebrity. I don't have $500,000 to help my future children become trojans at USC. I am a gentlemen. I have $50 for dinner to ethically boost my chances of getting a trojan into you. Has a pulse and will give you attention. Cute Face Jake, 29 O less than a mile away Little Waist As a born-again virgin (3-month dry spell), I can relate to the current bachelor. Big Behind Swipe right. I too am willing to wait on putting the Pin the V, until I am sure about you and me. Good Personality Jake 28 O less than a mile away Ladies, if I can do this to Leo, imagine what I can do to you. : A full story for “If Tinder had a year in review like Spotify does.”

A full story for “If Tinder had a year in review like Spotify does.”

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ao3tagoftheday: ao3tagoftheday: ao3tagoftheday: The AO3 Tag of the Day is: I appreciate your dedication to duty Well, apparently we all want to know about bat cunnilingus, so here you go, you complete fucking perverts:A species of bat (known because of reasons as the Indian flying fox) has been observed (by researchers even more perverted than y'all) to engage in cunnilingus both before and after penetrative sex. The cunnilingus before sex usually lasts about 50 seconds, while the penetrative sex lasts only about 15 seconds. Crucially, the penetrative sex lasts longer on average when the preceding cunnilingus lasted longer. In other words, eating out your partner will get you a better fuck. Who would have thought…(Here’s the journal article reporting all this and much more, in case you for some reason need more information.)Anyway, go have fun having sex with bats or something. I’m going to bed. For those once again requesting information about bat sex, here you go. Remember to eat out your vulva/vagina owning partners, if they’re into it. Even the bats know you get better sex if you do!: i literally researched bat sex for this fic, help me, it cannot be unseen, i swear to god im not a furry ao3tagoftheday: ao3tagoftheday: ao3tagoftheday: The AO3 Tag of the Day is: I appreciate your dedication to duty Well, apparently we all want to know about bat cunnilingus, so here you go, you complete fucking perverts:A species of bat (known because of reasons as the Indian flying fox) has been observed (by researchers even more perverted than y'all) to engage in cunnilingus both before and after penetrative sex. The cunnilingus before sex usually lasts about 50 seconds, while the penetrative sex lasts only about 15 seconds. Crucially, the penetrative sex lasts longer on average when the preceding cunnilingus lasted longer. In other words, eating out your partner will get you a better fuck. Who would have thought…(Here’s the journal article reporting all this and much more, in case you for some reason need more information.)Anyway, go have fun having sex with bats or something. I’m going to bed. For those once again requesting information about bat sex, here you go. Remember to eat out your vulva/vagina owning partners, if they’re into it. Even the bats know you get better sex if you do!
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: halleregina Okay now that I've finally quit Denny's let me tell you guys about the bizarre fucking otherworld it is The music and the room temperature are controlled by corporate. Corporate plays a lot of pop covers of Disney princess songs I've never heard before. I now have a dance routine to the K-Pop sounding version of Let it Go. Our sign flickered fast and red and demonically for a week and the repairman said he couldn't find anything wrong with it. People did drug deals in, like, broad daylight in the middle of the parking lot multiple times a week. It's open 24/7. We had a backup generator none of us knew about until there was a massive storm one night and we looked out to see a tree knocked over and our lights the only thing on for miles. You could weather the apocalypse with no idea the apocalypse was even happening. Regular customers included: A man convinced the chemtrails are real who gave me six separate pieces of literature on the subject A little person named Kevin who told me "sometimes I call myself a dwarf when I'm feeling whimsical" An actual group of Neo-Nazis An actual Earth, Wind, and Fire cover band (they played for us) o Twins who came in separately on the same day and I thought they were one woman changing outfits rapidly for the longest time A Scottish landscaper who told us we "couldn't prove he doesn't know Simon Pegg" I have more these are just off the top of my head halleregina I can't believe I forgot two line cooks got into a really heated argument about whether Vin Diesel is bisexual or not I asked an elderly man if he wanted to use the AARP discount and he said "No, I'm not a socialist"
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