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Advice, Books, and Dallas Cowboys: generalgrievousdatingsim im reading about cowboy phrases and sayings and like 95% of them are just solid life advice generalgrievousdatingsim Things a Cowboy Should Not Do Here are some words to live by according to cowboys. Some are really good advice and all are funny cowboy sayings. Don't squat with your spurs on. Don't let your yearnings get ahead of your earnings. Don't dig for water under the outhouse. Don't go in if you don't know the way out. Don't mess with something that ain't bothering you. Never drive black cattle in the dark. Never approacha bull from the front, a horse from the rear or a fool from any direction. Never miss a good chance to shut up. Never ask how stupid someone is 'cause they'll turn around and show you. like idk how accurate these are but somehow they manage to be both peak shitposting humor and genuinely helpful suggestions generalgrievousdatingsim If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging. It's better to keep your mouth shut and look stupid than open it and prove it. If it doesn't seem to be worth the effort it probably isn't. Just 'cause trouble comes visiting doesn't mean you have to offer it a place to sit down. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back. Nature gave us all something to fall back on, and sooner or later we all land flat on it. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back into your pocket fuck self-help books and therapy, all i need to make it in life is my trusty Cowboy TipsTM ifunny.co Tap to see the meme
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Advice, Books, and Dallas Cowboys: generalgrievousdatingsim im reading about cowboy phrases and sayings and like 95% of them are just solid life advice generalgrievousdatingsim Things a Cowboy Should Not Do Here are some words to live by according to cowboys. Some are really good advice and all are funny cowboy sayings. Don't squat with your spurs on. Don't let your yearnings get ahead of your earnings. Don't dig for water under the outhouse. Don't go in if you don't know the way out. Don't mess with something that ain't bothering you. Never drive black cattle in the dark. Never approacha bull from the front, a horse from the rear or a fool from any direction. Never miss a good chance to shut up. Never ask how stupid someone is 'cause they'll turn around and show you. like idk how accurate these are but somehow they manage to be both peak shitposting humor and genuinely helpful suggestions generalgrievousdatingsim If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging. It's better to keep your mouth shut and look stupid than open it and prove it. If it doesn't seem to be worth the effort it probably isn't. Just 'cause trouble comes visiting doesn't mean you have to offer it a place to sit down. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back. Nature gave us all something to fall back on, and sooner or later we all land flat on it. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back into your pocket fuck self-help books and therapy, all i need to make it in life is my trusty Cowboy TipsTM ifunny.co Tap to see the meme
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Dad, Disney, and Life: nilesymon i wonder if magic is real, but only in a really mundane way. when i was little i could almost inerringly switch back to disney channel right as the ads ended when i was channel surfing maybe youve never accidentally crushed a ladybug underfoot. maybe your microwave popcorn never burns maybe you can spin around lots and lots of times before you get dizzy. is that magic?? honestly im not sure if these are magic or just small, invisible skills. im not sure which i like better My ankles never twist. I've always been rather active, I did track for five years (all the running events), and one time while running I stepped in a hole, lost my shoe, and landed sprawling about five feet away. I pulled my shoe on and kept running I have a coworker who somehow makes better coffee than everyone else even though the grounds come pre-measured and all you have to do is load them up and push a button. I have a friend who has inch long nails that never break. My brother can copy origami just by looking at the finished product and my mother can do the same with knots. I knew a guy who never made an error when typing Maybe we all have little magics, the kind that you don't realize you have. Just tiny things that make your life slightly better but are completely unnoticed on the outside. this is the cutest post i have ever read... Nooo I've actually shared this theory before. Like my Dad is really lucky finding parking spaces. And I've never cracked my phone even though I drop it on the time and have an average case. Like what if everybody gets one trivial part of their life that they're illogically lucky at? Non-stop fun at FUNsubstance.com Magic

Magic

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Dad, Disney, and Life: nilesymon i wonder if magic is real, but only in a really mundane way. when i was little i could almost inerringly switch back to disney channel right as the ads ended when i was channel surfing maybe youve never accidentally crushed a ladybug underfoot. maybe your microwave popcorn never burns maybe you can spin around lots and lots of times before you get dizzy. is that magic?? honestly im not sure if these are magic or just small, invisible skills. im not sure which i like better My ankles never twist. I've always been rather active, I did track for five years (all the running events), and one time while running I stepped in a hole, lost my shoe, and landed sprawling about five feet away. I pulled my shoe on and kept running I have a coworker who somehow makes better coffee than everyone else even though the grounds come pre-measured and all you have to do is load them up and push a button. I have a friend who has inch long nails that never break. My brother can copy origami just by looking at the finished product and my mother can do the same with knots. I knew a guy who never made an error when typing Maybe we all have little magics, the kind that you don't realize you have. Just tiny things that make your life slightly better but are completely unnoticed on the outside. this is the cutest post i have ever read... Nooo I've actually shared this theory before. Like my Dad is really lucky finding parking spaces. And I've never cracked my phone even though I drop it on the time and have an average case. Like what if everybody gets one trivial part of their life that they're illogically lucky at? Non-stop fun at FUNsubstance.com Daily magic

Daily magic

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Disney, Life, and Tumblr: nilesymon i wonder if magic is real, but only in a really mundane way. when i was little i could almost inerringly switch back to disney channel right as the ads ended when i was channel surfing. maybe youve never accidentally crushed a ladybug underfoot. maybe your microwave popcorn never burns. maybe you can spin around lots and lots of times before you get dizzy. is that magic?? honestly im not sure if these are magic or just small, invisible skills. im not sure which i like better. akai-kaede Deactivated My ankles never twist. I've always been rather active, I did track for five years all the running events), and one time while running I stepped in a hole, lost my shoe, and landed sprawling about five feet away. I pulled my shoe on and kept running. I have a coworker who somehow makes better coffee than everyone else even though the grounds come pre-measured and all you have to do is load them up and push a button. I have a friend who has inch long nails that never break. My brother can copy origami just by looking at the finished product and my mother can do the same with knots. I knew a guy who never made an error when typing. Maybe we all have little magics, the kind that you don't realize you have. Just tiny things that make your life slightly better but are completely unnoticed on the outside. <p>Do you believe in magic? [x-post /r/Tumblr] via /r/wholesomememes <a href="http://ift.tt/2jsNs3H">http://ift.tt/2jsNs3H</a></p>

Do you believe in magic? [x-post /r/Tumblr] via /r/wholesomememes http://ift.tt/2jsNs3H

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Bad, Boner, and Boo: 3 GUYS CONFESS THE BAFFLİNG THINGS THEY DID-WITH THEIR DICKS Towel Tried to see how many full size bath towels I could It was 4 and my dick almost snapped so I would not recommend, I'm average at 6 inches too so it's not ike I have a huge one either 2. Woah Sucked my own dick. You know that feeing after you finish to some questionable porn? That times 1000. 3. Getting To First Place Used it as雥gearshift and made car noises and pretended that I was racing. 4. Bad Stand Up Not me, but my gf loves to hold it like a microphone and tap it while saying Is this thing on? And proceeding into a whole bad joke stand up routine. This is haw about half of her bj attermpts end 5. Peek-a-Boo I'm uncircumcised. I used to kind of roll my foreskin nward until my entire penis was hidden. Then I'd let go and let it pop back out again. Shit was wild. 6. Limbering Up Did stretching exercises with it as a teen to sco if it pump from the kitchen for vacuum seal containers One time after I boned my girlfriend, I walked out to get a glass of water. As I passed my couch my cat swats at me and grazes my sack So I bopped him on top his head with my hailf-chub that My buddy in the sixth grade told me his story Everyone remembers how fun it is to put glue on your hand, and peel it ofr? He mutiplied the fun by putting it on his dick. And then, to multiply that fun by 10x he used superglue. Long story short, he had to have his mom poke holes in the peehole just so he could take a leak. He said it shot in multiple streams 10. Poor Teddy During one particularly heated masturbation session 14-year-old me decided to stick his dick in a hole in the rear end of his beloved childhood teddy bear to see if he could simulate having sex with something It didn't feel good or bad, and afterwards I oould never look it in the face again. 11. Puppet Master After we were done and it was in a relaxed state, had an ex that thought it was hilarious to shake it as if it were head banging and say "righteous!" in a voice that I guess was supposed to be that of my penis. When I was about 10 I put acetone on my junk. Seems weird. Made sense though as I wanted to remove the smiley face painted on with nail polish. 11 out of 10 would NOT recommend 13. Bro Stuff Gone Way Too Far A few years ago my best fiend had those giant holes n the lobes of his ears. He said it "made him look cool. Another friend thought I couldn't fit my penis through it ear hole and we bet 50 bucks. Put that image in your head 14. Hot Dog Time My girfriend at the time said she was hungry late at night and I asked if she wanted a hot dog. Went to the fridge, put my dick in a bun, put mustard on it, and walked bare assed back to my room and said, here ya go. She thought it was hilarious. I'm just glad my roommates didn't happen to come downstairs and see me putting mustard on my dick luminated by the gentle glow of the open fridge Whenaver I gat out of the shower with a semi chub I sometimes make it swing left and right so it slaps my hips and makes a noise. ng Stuck I fucked a bottle onca and my dick got stuck, had to So when I was a kid I had always heard masturbation referred to as "whacking off so the first time I tried t I literally just slapped my penis. Not hard just soft ittle taps. It actually worked but I'm glad I figured out 18. Timbeeeeeerrrrri I like to watch it fall like ล tree after an erection l fucked a full jar of strawberry jam. My housemates all skipped town very quickly after graduation, leaving me to clean the apartment, One of them left the jar of jam, and I was like, fuck it! 20. Fit Everything You Can my He has his foreskin, so one day we decided to stick an R4 cartridge ffor pirating Nintendo DS games) into t. Then the GBA cartridge (for same) lengthwise Then widthwise (t was a bit of a stretch lo took pictures Back Guarantee Put it in a kettle. Then got really depressed and questioned my life choices. Then later I was in the store I originally bought the kettle and saw there was a sign saying it had a fault and they were being recalled in, so I took it back, got the money and bought Assassin's Creed 2. 22. The Writer Typed. You have to keep rubbing it so it's heavy enough, then squat over the keyboard. Here- Naver mind. I was gonna type a sentence that way but I'm too lazy to boner 23. Pew Pew I'm uncircuncised and when I was younger I used to fill up my foreskin with water when I was in the bath and would shoot it out like a water gun Most of them are weird, but some are actually fun to play with!
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