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Work, Ice, and Dry Ice: Someone at my stepdads work put dry ice in the toilet by mistake.

Someone at my stepdads work put dry ice in the toilet by mistake.

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Apparently, Ass, and Drunk: snarling-through-our-smiles I once lost my keys at a frat house. My drunk ass had actually walked home without them, pounded on my apartment door, gotten let in by my rightfully- disgruntled roommate, and proceeded to pass out on the couch. Apparently I puked in the toilet before passing out do not remember The next morning, I schlepped back to the frat house. I stood there, right in front of the front door. This was a novel experience for me. I'd never been at a frat house in broad daylight before. A boy, presumably, of the house, asked me what I was doing. "I lost my keys in here last night, I called back. "I was seeing if I could go in and look for them?" He opened the door and gestured for me o come in. "Go wherever you want." I'd never seen a frat house post-party Derore. Wandering up the stairs a by hungover and still-drunk frat boys sandals and gym shorts, seeking out food and showers like moths to a porch light. A few of them threw puzzled glances my way. I'm sure they thought I was some post-bacchanalia hallucination. I entered one room where a boy was drunkenly watching some Old Yeller- esque movie on a tiny TV in the corner of his room from his bed. "Do you like dog movies?" he asked, voice from the fact that his face was squished against his pillow and half-buried by his blanket. I told him I did. e mumbled again, pleased, and asked what I was doing. I told him I was looking my keys. "Sorry, I haven't seen any keys around bere I didn't doubt him. Twenty minutes had passed. I'd searched just about every bedroom and nuclear- at dumn-site of a bathroom in that house. I'd given up on ever finding my keys and was prepared to beg my roommates' forgiveness and get a new set copied. As I stood there in the hallway, silently a particularly burly frat boy approached me. "You need help with something? "I lost my keys here last night and I can't find them, I've looked everywhere. "What do they look like? I'll put it into the group chat. He was already pulling out his phone. No one ever checks a group chat, I thought, but what the hell. It was worth a shot. "Um, it's just a ring of keys. The keychain is a pink plastic cat, though, like yea big. Like bright pink, you can't miss He nodded, presumably typing this description faithfully into the group chat. "Alright, I sent the message out. Good luck. e turned and left. And with that, A few moments later, I heard a distant and it was getting louder and louder, One assumes that how I felt in that moment was how Simba felt seeing the wildebeest stampede through the ravine as a horde large young men all thundered down the stairs, making a beeling for me. "Someone tell the girl!" One of them shouted, faceless in the mob. "Girl! Hey, GIRL! We found your keys, girl!!! They circled around me. I hadn't felt that old, One of them split himself off from the crowd. "Are these -"he pulled out a ring of keys from his pocket, "your keys? And lo, there was the distinctive bright millennial pink cat keychain dangling off the ring. "Yes,"I whispered. "Oh my god, yes." "EYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYY!!" The cheer went up. Turns out he found them in the bathroom upstairs. I thanked them again profusely. There was a scattered round of "no problems" and then, just suddenly as they descended, they all dispersed, like ships in the night. gatorfisch THIS is boys will be boys Nice Frathouse
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Dank, Memes, and Target: Just Threw Up In The Toilet by mlgsoundeffect MORE MEMES

Just Threw Up In The Toilet by mlgsoundeffect MORE MEMES

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You, Ejb, and When You: EJB 6523 | When you are in the toilet pushing so hard that you end up unintentionally teleported

When you are in the toilet pushing so hard that you end up unintentionally teleported

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Being Alone, Charlie, and Facebook: toddler facebook from MOMMYSHORTS.com Ava B My mom thinks I'm going down for a nap when we get home. Bwahahaha. She's hilarious. Like Comment 2 minutes ago 15 toddlers like this. 1 minute ago Like 3 Luke A FYI- I convinced my mom I don't need a nap. Now she lets me watch TV every afternoon because SHE needs a break! WIN 23 seconds ago Like 14 Write a comment... Kara G I pooped in the bath tub while taking a bath last night and my mom had to scoop it up with a cup and flush it down the toilet. LMAO! Like Comment 4 minutes ago 12 toddlers like this Lila G I hope it wasn't one of my sippy cups, sis! 3 minutes ago via mobile Like s 2 Write a comment... Owen G Forgot the teacher's name at Gymboree today so called her Mommy. What's the big deal? Isn't that every woman's name? Like Comment 10 minutes ago 21 toddlers like this. Gillian H It's the woman in my house's name. 9 minutes ago Like 5 Thomas L Mine too! 5 minutes ago Like. Write a comment... Lee P My cat really looks like it needs it's tail pulled. Repeatedly. Like Comment 18 minutes ago 34 toddlers like this. Martin D So, here's the thing. I totally know how to use the potty. But Mommy keeps giving me treats if I make it seem like a surprise when I go. Psht. Diapers for life, yo. Like Comment 30 minutes ago 47 toddlers like this. Hannah W I stopped using diapers at 15 months. 22 minutes ago Like Charlie G UNLIKE 15 minutes ago Like 32 Write a comment.. KortneyA I opened all of my mom's tampons today and watched them expand in the toilet. It was awesome. You should all try this at home. Like Comment 34 minutes ago 16 toddlers like this. Cassie S Why did mommy walk into the laundry room?! Oh no, I don't think she's ever coming back! I'm going to be in the living room alone Like Comment 45 minutes ago 1 toddler likes this. Thomas L UPDATE: She came back. Sorry for the false alarm. 44 minutes ago Write a comment... Shelley B It's fun to ask for "no bubbles" once my bubble bath is ready. Like Comment 48 minutes ago 33 toddlers like this. Lucas N Is it bedtime yet? Because that's the time I like to announce I'm ready to eat my dinner Like Comment 1 hour ago 10 toddlers like this. Mark T I'm about to pretend I need to poop on the potty so... YES. 50 minutes ago Like 1 Write a comment... Nikki S Watch, I'm gonna ask for a red popsicle and when mom gives it to me, I'm going to scream 'I SAID PURPLE' and have a fit. Like Comment 1 hour ago 44 toddlers like this. Ella B Ha. I tried that yesterday with the blue sippy cup instead of the green one. SO MUCH FUN!!!! 54 minutes ago Like 4 Daniel N LOL. Moms are so easy to piss off 24 minutes ago Like- 23 Write a comment... MOMMYSHORTS.com you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com srsfunny:If Toddlers Could Actually Post On Facebook

srsfunny:If Toddlers Could Actually Post On Facebook

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