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Ghost, Ghostbusters, and Scene: This is literally the scene where the slimy ghost gets sucked up into the ghost catcher n ghostbusters

This is literally the scene where the slimy ghost gets sucked up into the ghost catcher n ghostbusters

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Alive, Bruh, and Cars: robotmango it's ninety-nine degrees outside, four fuck-thousand percent humidity, and my husband was like, "i'm gonna go for a bike ride." and i was like "why. no. why don't put us on the news like that. local fool collapses on unnecessary journey don't do it." so he says he doesn't want to "hide in the house" because the sun is shining. bruh. honeybruh. "the sun is shining" does not cover it. its hot outside. its motherfucking hot as fuck outside. our outdoor plants have been crying into their hands all week. whole cars are melting into the sewer. our fucking patio umbrella developed sentience to ask me for lemonade this mornin awed-frog @robotmango, you need to work for the weather forecast this was both hilarious and so vivid it made me stand up and get some iced tea robotmango this is a great idea, thank you. here goes. my audition tape for the weather channel. dearly beloved. we are gathered here today to have a fucking funeral for the outdoors. it had a good run, with all its creeks and clouds and shit pretty great. now it's ten-thirty at night but still ninety-two asshole-sweating degrees and humid as fuck. everything is hot and slimy, like being a "borrower" that got trapped inside a bottle of shampoo and then accidentally microwaved you can see on my doppler radar that nothing is moving around out there because everything is probably dead. the only alive thing is the mosquito currently trying to drill a hole in my leg. no surprise that all the shitbag mosquitos are fine, since the thermostat of hell is always at the devil's preferred temperature. this forecast has gotten away from me a little, but in conclusion fuck the sun scarylullabies I think I've reblogged this before, but "the thermostat of hell is always at the devil's preferred temperature" is fucking poetry heywetotheotherworld but in conclusion, fuck the sun Why isnt OP on the Weather Channel yet?
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Beautiful, Blessed, and Bones: deadcatwithaflamethrower: hebic: kyraneko: balencia: kitrazzle: pissedoffweasley: wizardingheadcanon: kyraneko: elidyce: thatgirlonstage: fuckyeahdeathlyhallows: sirlestrange: #that is a human as a rat as a cup That was a long 12 years for Wormtail. Can you imagine how differently their lives would’ve gone if Ron, in trying to transfigure Scabbers, had actually transfigured him back into a human?Just take a moment to imagine McGonagall’s reaction if Peter Pettigrew had abruptly appeared in her classroom from Ronald Weasley’s rat.Take a moment. Or if Ron had fucked it up a little worse and couldn’t get ‘Scabbers’ back and McGonagall had take him to disenchant him and next thing we know there’s a naked Peter Pettigrew sitting on McGonagall’s desk and the kids in that class learn six new swear words, a hex they will never dare to use, and a fear of Minerva McGonagall’s wrath that will be with them until the day they die. Ten and twenty years later first years are being pulled aside and warned never mess around in Transfiguration seriously the last time a kid mucked something up in that class Professor McGonagall used two semi-legal hexes, took down a Death Eater and sabotaged the rise of the Dark Lord before Potter had time to get his wand out. What most of Hogwarts learned first on that otherwise-unexceptionable day was that Professor McGonagall could sure scream loud. Professor Flitwick’s Charms 5th-year Charms class was close enough to catch the full effect, and the door had been left open besides; en masse the students recoiled with shock and a miscast Hiccuping Charm broke one of the windows (out which the entire flock of ravens they were practicing on escaped to the Forbidden Forest where they only had to worry about centaurs, rather than annoying young humans with wands). Up in the Divination Tower, Sibyl Trelawny preened over her foresight to have warned her students of an unprecedented catastrophe likely to occur before the hour was out. Out in Greenhouse Five, a NEWT-level Herbology class looked up in puzzlement, and most of them were subsequently bitten by the Venomous Tentaculae they were attempting to propagate. It does not do to ignore a Venomous Tentacula when you’re prodding at its intimate parts with a cotton ball held in tweezers, so the class was cancelled while two-thirds of the students headed for the infirmary and the rest of them headed into the castle because if they stayed with the Venomous Tentaculae they’d be outnumbered, and nobody wants that. And down in the dungeons, Professor Snape turned away from comparing Lee Jordan’s Pepper-Up Potion to spoiled cream at what sounded like a woman screaming from the entrance hall. At the second scream, he ordered the class to remain where they were and behave, sweeping out of the room just in time to miss Theodore Nott suddenly jumping up and yelping as if someone had put a crocodile heart down the back of his robes. Fred Weasley stepped back from the unfortunate Slytherin, shared a smirk with his twin, and stuck his head out the door to make sure Snape had rounded the corner before leading the way out of the classroom. - Back in the Transfiguration classroom, about four minutes ago, it had started innocently enough. Ron Weasley, possessed of a broken wand and a lurking suspicion that most of the family’s magical talent had been soaked up by his siblings before he was around to get any, had attempted to turn his pet rat, Scabbers, into a teacup. Scabbers had not become a teacup. Scabbers, blast his useless furry little backside, had become a furry, vaguely teacup-shaped monstrosity out of which absolutely no one would have been tempted to drink, and to make matters worse, he still had a tail. It was moving. Harry was hiding a smile behind his hand. Dean and Seamus weren’t even trying to hide, elbowing each other and laughing. Parvati and Lavender were looking with disgust and horror at either Scabbers or him, and Hermione was opening her mouth, no doubt ready to tell him exactly what he’d done wrong. Which only made it worse that he really thought he’d done everything right this time. He snatched Scabbers off the desk (eww, the base of the cup had the same texture as rat feet) and turned away from Hermione. He made the wand movement again, picturing in his mind the way McGonagall had demonstrated it. “Erreverto.” “Erreverto. Erreverto. Erreverto.” It didn’t work. It didn’t work when Professor McGonagall stopped by and gave Hermione two points for Gryffindor for getting the spell perfect in both directions. It didn’t work when Harry made his successful transfiguration (Ron looked; the pattern was a little bit furry but it was definitely a teacup). Ron’s lips formed the shape of a word that would’ve made his mother box his ears had she heard it and attempted the reverse transfiguration, which didn’t work either. Finally, faced not only with the indignity of failure but the threat of Scabbers being stuck like that, he’d gone up to Professor McGonagall’s desk. “Um, Professor?” Professor McGonagall looked up from the paper she was grading and looked from him to the squirming teacup. “Problems, Mr. Weasley?” “Um, yeah, Professor. I can’t get it to work in either direction and it’s not fair to Scabbers to make him stay as a teacup just because I can’t do a spell right and can you maybe … ?” “I suppose so, Mr. Weasley,” she said, and waved her wand in the exact manner Ron had been doing all along. Nothing happened. Professor McGonagall looked very, very puzzled. “Now that’s odd,” she said softly. As one, the other students rose from their seats and quietly moved closer. She did not attempt the transfiguration in the other direction. Instead, she made a complex motion with her wand and murmured an incantation that possibly only Hermione recognized. The teacup squeaked. Professor McGonagall looked more puzzled than ever, and made a sweeping wand movement that ended with a sharp jab and uttered, “Arcanum finite!” And there was a loud bang, and there was a pale, pudgy, and very naked man sprawled out on her desk, and she jumped back hard enough to knock her chair into the wall and screamed. - Having taught a particularly rigorous course of magical study to children and teens for quite some time now, Minerva McGonagall had become accustomed to certain things. Students who didn’t listen. Students who did rude things to the mice when they thought she wasn’t looking. Students who accidentally turned a frog or a raven into a flock of starlings or a school of strange slimy South American fish (and tried to solve the immediate problem by filling the classroom with two feet of water, neglecting to consider the gap under the door). Students who tried to transfigure their noses into a more appealing shape and wound up in the hospital wing regrowing their nostrils. Naked men on her desk was something Minerva McGonagall had never had an occasion to get used to. What made it worse was that she recognized this one, and he’d been dead for more than a decade. Inferius! was her first thought, followed shortly thereafter by Animagus, which collided with Peter Pettigrew! and produced the utterly horrifying thought of what if all four of them were Animagi? which didn’t bear thinking about at all, so her brain jumped to if he wasn’t killed by a Dark Wizard then why didn’t he say so? and realized there was only one possible explanation why, and about that time her eyes registered that parts of Peter Pettigrew she really doesn’t want to know about were flopping about in front of her face, and she was screaming as she jumped back. The flow of invective which followed somehow failed to surprise her one bit. Some part of her registered, peripherally, the shocked faces of her students, but most of her attention was directed at Peter Pettigrew, who at very least faked his own death and at worst framed Sirius Black and if Black didn’t betray the Potters then who … did. And the words poured out of her, filthy English and filthier Latin while Pettigrew squirmed on the table, his face rage and guilt and fear and something shifty and contemptible, and he turned to look at the stunned students and lunged for Ron Weasley’s wand. - Severus Snape had reached the Entrance Hall by the time the scream died away and the invective replaced it. He almost smirked, amid the alarm; of all the things he’d never expected to hear from Minerva McGonagall … he took the stairs two at a time, still not noticing the students who followed. He did notice the Herbology class, which had stopped on the way to the Infirmary and were staring transfixed in the direction of the Transfiguration classroom, but pushed his way through them, getting Venomous Tentacula pollen all over his robes in the process. From the other end of the corridor came Professor Flitwick’s Charms class, with Professor Flitwick bringing up the rear and pushing his way between students. - Ron looked stunned as the man who’d been his pet rat snatched the wand from his hand; Professor McGonagal’s expression shifted to one beyond fury and when the entire class recoiled, it wasn’t from the naked man with the wand. “Laedo!“ Minerva McGonagall roared. - Ron Weasley’s wand cast a Splintering Curse many years beyond its rightful owner’s abilities, and it did Peter Pettigrew the poor favor of eliminating the door, which might have slowed him down a bit. - Severus Snape flailed and skidded to a halt as the Transfiguration classroom’s door shattered. He stepped back just in time, and stared, jaw dropped in shock, as a naked man he recognized from his school days flew past him and bellyflopped against the wall, bounced, and collapsed to the ground just in time to avoid the “Exitium!” which followed and vaporized an impresive chunk of the castle’s stone wall. Fred and George and Lee Jordan, determined to stay at the front of the crowd, had been pushed almost against Professor Snape by their fellow Potions classmates and some pollen-coated Hufflepuffs. Fred squirmed aside hastily as Professor McGonagall appeared in the doorway, the look on her face so utterly livid that Professors Snape and Flitwick both reflexively stepped back. Snape tripped over George’s foot and fell against a knot of Hufflepuffs, releasing another cloud of pollen and knocking them backwards. Pettigrew saw his opportunity and took it, scrambling to his feet, stumbling sideways, and launching himself towards the gap. And Minerva McGonagall made a thrust with her wand and said, “Perdo.” In the very loud silence which followed, Filius Flitwick squeaked, “The Splinching Charm, Minerva?” She might’ve looked embarrassed for a moment, and then she smiled as she looked down at Pettigrew, who lay on his belly, his arms and legs lying akimbo some distance away. “Unorthodox,” she said, “but useful in a pinch. If someone would inform the Headmaster, and send an owl to the Ministry—-not Fudge, not Crouch, someone competent—-Shacklebolt, perhaps. Students, return to your classrooms, please. Mr. Weasley, I’m very sorry, but I do believe it’s impossible to return you your rat. However, the zero I was going to have to give you for the day’s work is entirely undeserved, as you were not transfiguring a normal rat. You may make the lesson up any time this week.” - The story was, of course, much embellished by the time it reached all the students. Versions of it had the intruder peppering Snape with a Glitter Hex or transfiguring Ron’s rat into a pair of boxers, and people had to be disabused of the notion that it had been Voldemort who’d been hiding as a rat all this time. Snape gave both Weasley twins detention for tripping him, and took forty-seven points total from Gryffindor over the next few weeks for various pretend-subtle pollen references. Kingsley Shacklebolt showed up with a team of Aurors in time to meet Professor Dumbledore; the Wizengamot launched an investigation into the events surrounding the Potters’ murder; the results turned into a scandal which saw the release of Sirius Black and the forced resignation of both Director Bartemious Crouch and Minister Cornelius Fudge. Director of Magical Law Enforcement Amelia Bones was confirmed as Minister of Magic shortly thereafte, and the Daily Prophet reported that Sirius Black (“Godfather to the Boy-Who-Lived!” “Framed, Abandoned, Condemned to Living Hell!” “Heart-Wrenching: His Release In Pictures, Page 17!”) was considering applying for a teaching position at Hogwarts, “but just for a year, I’ve been cursed enough for one lifetime.” (“The Prophet reminds its readers that the so-called “curse” on a certain Hogwarts teaching position is almost certainly a mere string of coincidences.”) And, Minerva thought with relish some months later, it was almost three weeks before anyone attempted messing around in her class. A personal record. I’ve probably reblogged this before but I’m going to do it again right now I think this is literally the best au this entire fandom has produced I’ve only seen this legendary bit of writing in memes and screenshots. I feel so blessed to see it in person. Beautiful, simply beautiful! Reblogging my own post because a) it’s my damn horn and I’ll blow it if I want to, and b) I just (finally!) cross-posted this to Archive Of Our Own, so if anybody wants to go read it over there, here it is. @deadcatwithaflamethrower My only complaint is that Theodore Nott and Fred Weasely wouldn’t be in the same Potions class. *is pedantic* *reblogging because now you can bookmark it on AO3*
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Birthday, Dad, and Driving: dokudoki pistachiosoda Follow liamdunburs ids have no concept of anything. i walked into my kindergarten class and one kid asked me what my name was. when i said miss jones, he said "i like that name. did you know i'm in love with you" letthemountainsmoveyou i asked my four year old cousin how old he thought i was going to be at my next birthday and he said 8. im 23 roonilwazlip once i told a 6 year old that i had finished school and was doing "more school" university] and she asked "why haven't you found anyone to marry then" eyeslikeacat We were at a museum and I was asking for the student discount and my nine year old cousin looks up at me with his eyes wide and says "wait you're a STUDENT??" meelothemanly I used to babysit these three kids and the eldest who was around 11 at the time was talking about how adults are boring and when I told him I was an adult he said, "That's not true, you're my age cractasticdispatches our aunt teaches and she has this story about a little girl who really was always pretty quiet in class and then on the final day of kindergarten she just up and stated i'm all teached now. i don't need to be teached anymore. i'm done of being teached. diamondelight92 once when i was 19, I told my little cousin that i was 19 and she looked up at me with huge eyes and went, "Does that mean you don't have to bring an adult with you to the pool?" anxietee-n My 6 year old cousin saw me driving for the first time, looked up at him mom and said "does that mean she is married now? standard-fiend I watched my dad and my niece (3 at the time) arguing over a pair of pants and whether or not they were also a dress. My neice's argument was that they were in fact, also a dress because they were blue loveyoutothem00n I asked the kids in my daycare class what they thought I should be for Halloween and this little boy goes, "ooh I know! A pickle! You'd be such a good pickle aimmyarrowshigh On the first day of class with my favorite student of all time, I said, "Are you okay? You look like you have a question." And she looked me right in the eyes and said, tremulously "Can a piranha eat a stapler?" manic-kin One time I was working with a kid and he looked up at me and asked "Do you have a boy?" I had no idea what he was talking about, but I told him that I did not have any boys. He looked shocked and then deeply concerned and said "Well you better hurry up and shave your arms so you can get married; August is next month!" dinovia-countryman I was sitting on the floor with my 3yo niece and we were playing with her younger brother's alphabet blocks and the O had an octopus on it. So I picked it up and asked her what it was "Octopus," she said, all curls and smiles And what kind of animal is an octopus?" I asked. I was looking for "fish" or "sea creature but I would have accepted almost anything-weird," "gross, even "slimy." "Underwater" or "it lives in the ocean" would have also been acceptable She looks me right in the eye and says, happy as a clam, "It's a cephalopod. I haven't been the same since Source: dianatprince 769,704 notes Kids have no concept of anything

Kids have no concept of anything

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Beautiful, Blessed, and Bones: rmh8402: pegasusdragontiger: kyraneko: balencia: kitrazzle: pissedoffweasley: wizardingheadcanon: kyraneko: elidyce: thatgirlonstage: fuckyeahdeathlyhallows: sirlestrange: #that is a human as a rat as a cup That was a long 12 years for Wormtail. Can you imagine how differently their lives would’ve gone if Ron, in trying to transfigure Scabbers, had actually transfigured him back into a human?Just take a moment to imagine McGonagall’s reaction if Peter Pettigrew had abruptly appeared in her classroom from Ronald Weasley’s rat.Take a moment. Or if Ron had fucked it up a little worse and couldn’t get ‘Scabbers’ back and McGonagall had take him to disenchant him and next thing we know there’s a naked Peter Pettigrew sitting on McGonagall’s desk and the kids in that class learn six new swear words, a hex they will never dare to use, and a fear of Minerva McGonagall’s wrath that will be with them until the day they die. Ten and twenty years later first years are being pulled aside and warned never mess around in Transfiguration seriously the last time a kid mucked something up in that class Professor McGonagall used two semi-legal hexes, took down a Death Eater and sabotaged the rise of the Dark Lord before Potter had time to get his wand out. What most of Hogwarts learned first on that otherwise-unexceptionable day was that Professor McGonagall could sure scream loud. Professor Flitwick’s Charms 5th-year Charms class was close enough to catch the full effect, and the door had been left open besides; en masse the students recoiled with shock and a miscast Hiccuping Charm broke one of the windows (out which the entire flock of ravens they were practicing on escaped to the Forbidden Forest where they only had to worry about centaurs, rather than annoying young humans with wands). Up in the Divination Tower, Sibyl Trelawny preened over her foresight to have warned her students of an unprecedented catastrophe likely to occur before the hour was out. Out in Greenhouse Five, a NEWT-level Herbology class looked up in puzzlement, and most of them were subsequently bitten by the Venomous Tentaculae they were attempting to propagate. It does not do to ignore a Venomous Tentacula when you’re prodding at its intimate parts with a cotton ball held in tweezers, so the class was cancelled while two-thirds of the students headed for the infirmary and the rest of them headed into the castle because if they stayed with the Venomous Tentaculae they’d be outnumbered, and nobody wants that. And down in the dungeons, Professor Snape turned away from comparing Lee Jordan’s Pepper-Up Potion to spoiled cream at what sounded like a woman screaming from the entrance hall. At the second scream, he ordered the class to remain where they were and behave, sweeping out of the room just in time to miss Theodore Nott suddenly jumping up and yelping as if someone had put a crocodile heart down the back of his robes. Fred Weasley stepped back from the unfortunate Slytherin, shared a smirk with his twin, and stuck his head out the door to make sure Snape had rounded the corner before leading the way out of the classroom. - Back in the Transfiguration classroom, about four minutes ago, it had started innocently enough. Ron Weasley, possessed of a broken wand and a lurking suspicion that most of the family’s magical talent had been soaked up by his siblings before he was around to get any, had attempted to turn his pet rat, Scabbers, into a teacup. Scabbers had not become a teacup. Scabbers, blast his useless furry little backside, had become a furry, vaguely teacup-shaped monstrosity out of which absolutely no one would have been tempted to drink, and to make matters worse, he still had a tail. It was moving. Harry was hiding a smile behind his hand. Dean and Seamus weren’t even trying to hide, elbowing each other and laughing. Parvati and Lavender were looking with disgust and horror at either Scabbers or him, and Hermione was opening her mouth, no doubt ready to tell him exactly what he’d done wrong. Which only made it worse that he really thought he’d done everything right this time. He snatched Scabbers off the desk (eww, the base of the cup had the same texture as rat feet) and turned away from Hermione. He made the wand movement again, picturing in his mind the way McGonagall had demonstrated it. “Erreverto.” “Erreverto. Erreverto. Erreverto.” It didn’t work. It didn’t work when Professor McGonagall stopped by and gave Hermione two points for Gryffindor for getting the spell perfect in both directions. It didn’t work when Harry made his successful transfiguration (Ron looked; the pattern was a little bit furry but it was definitely a teacup). Ron’s lips formed the shape of a word that would’ve made his mother box his ears had she heard it and attempted the reverse transfiguration, which didn’t work either. Finally, faced not only with the indignity of failure but the threat of Scabbers being stuck like that, he’d gone up to Professor McGonagall’s desk. “Um, Professor?” Professor McGonagall looked up from the paper she was grading and looked from him to the squirming teacup. “Problems, Mr. Weasley?” “Um, yeah, Professor. I can’t get it to work in either direction and it’s not fair to Scabbers to make him stay as a teacup just because I can’t do a spell right and can you maybe … ?” “I suppose so, Mr. Weasley,” she said, and waved her wand in the exact manner Ron had been doing all along. Nothing happened. Professor McGonagall looked very, very puzzled. “Now that’s odd,” she said softly. As one, the other students rose from their seats and quietly moved closer. She did not attempt the transfiguration in the other direction. Instead, she made a complex motion with her wand and murmured an incantation that possibly only Hermione recognized. The teacup squeaked. Professor McGonagall looked more puzzled than ever, and made a sweeping wand movement that ended with a sharp jab and uttered, “Arcanum finite!” And there was a loud bang, and there was a pale, pudgy, and very naked man sprawled out on her desk, and she jumped back hard enough to knock her chair into the wall and screamed. - Having taught a particularly rigorous course of magical study to children and teens for quite some time now, Minerva McGonagall had become accustomed to certain things. Students who didn’t listen. Students who did rude things to the mice when they thought she wasn’t looking. Students who accidentally turned a frog or a raven into a flock of starlings or a school of strange slimy South American fish (and tried to solve the immediate problem by filling the classroom with two feet of water, neglecting to consider the gap under the door). Students who tried to transfigure their noses into a more appealing shape and wound up in the hospital wing regrowing their nostrils. Naked men on her desk was something Minerva McGonagall had never had an occasion to get used to. What made it worse was that she recognized this one, and he’d been dead for more than a decade. Inferius! was her first thought, followed shortly thereafter by Animagus, which collided with Peter Pettigrew! and produced the utterly horrifying thought of what if all four of them were Animagi? which didn’t bear thinking about at all, so her brain jumped to if he wasn’t killed by a Dark Wizard then why didn’t he say so? and realized there was only one possible explanation why, and about that time her eyes registered that parts of Peter Pettigrew she really doesn’t want to know about were flopping about in front of her face, and she was screaming as she jumped back. The flow of invective which followed somehow failed to surprise her one bit. Some part of her registered, peripherally, the shocked faces of her students, but most of her attention was directed at Peter Pettigrew, who at very least faked his own death and at worst framed Sirius Black and if Black didn’t betray the Potters then who … did. And the words poured out of her, filthy English and filthier Latin while Pettigrew squirmed on the table, his face rage and guilt and fear and something shifty and contemptible, and he turned to look at the stunned students and lunged for Ron Weasley’s wand. - Severus Snape had reached the Entrance Hall by the time the scream died away and the invective replaced it. He almost smirked, amid the alarm; of all the things he’d never expected to hear from Minerva McGonagall … he took the stairs two at a time, still not noticing the students who followed. He did notice the Herbology class, which had stopped on the way to the Infirmary and were staring transfixed in the direction of the Transfiguration classroom, but pushed his way through them, getting Venomous Tentacula pollen all over his robes in the process. From the other end of the corridor came Professor Flitwick’s Charms class, with Professor Flitwick bringing up the rear and pushing his way between students. - Ron looked stunned as the man who’d been his pet rat snatched the wand from his hand; Professor McGonagal’s expression shifted to one beyond fury and when the entire class recoiled, it wasn’t from the naked man with the wand. “Laedo!“ Minerva McGonagall roared. - Ron Weasley’s wand cast a Splintering Curse many years beyond its rightful owner’s abilities, and it did Peter Pettigrew the poor favor of eliminating the door, which might have slowed him down a bit. - Severus Snape flailed and skidded to a halt as the Transfiguration classroom’s door shattered. He stepped back just in time, and stared, jaw dropped in shock, as a naked man he recognized from his school days flew past him and bellyflopped against the wall, bounced, and collapsed to the ground just in time to avoid the “Exitium!” which followed and vaporized an impresive chunk of the castle’s stone wall. Fred and George and Lee Jordan, determined to stay at the front of the crowd, had been pushed almost against Professor Snape by their fellow Potions classmates and some pollen-coated Hufflepuffs. Fred squirmed aside hastily as Professor McGonagall appeared in the doorway, the look on her face so utterly livid that Professors Snape and Flitwick both reflexively stepped back. Snape tripped over George’s foot and fell against a knot of Hufflepuffs, releasing another cloud of pollen and knocking them backwards. Pettigrew saw his opportunity and took it, scrambling to his feet, stumbling sideways, and launching himself towards the gap. And Minerva McGonagall made a thrust with her wand and said, “Perdo.” In the very loud silence which followed, Filius Flitwick squeaked, “The Splinching Charm, Minerva?” She might’ve looked embarrassed for a moment, and then she smiled as she looked down at Pettigrew, who lay on his belly, his arms and legs lying akimbo some distance away. “Unorthodox,” she said, “but useful in a pinch. If someone would inform the Headmaster, and send an owl to the Ministry—-not Fudge, not Crouch, someone competent—-Shacklebolt, perhaps. Students, return to your classrooms, please. Mr. Weasley, I’m very sorry, but I do believe it’s impossible to return you your rat. However, the zero I was going to have to give you for the day’s work is entirely undeserved, as you were not transfiguring a normal rat. You may make the lesson up any time this week.” - The story was, of course, much embellished by the time it reached all the students. Versions of it had the intruder peppering Snape with a Glitter Hex or transfiguring Ron’s rat into a pair of boxers, and people had to be disabused of the notion that it had been Voldemort who’d been hiding as a rat all this time. Snape gave both Weasley twins detention for tripping him, and took forty-seven points total from Gryffindor over the next few weeks for various pretend-subtle pollen references. Kingsley Shacklebolt showed up with a team of Aurors in time to meet Professor Dumbledore; the Wizengamot launched an investigation into the events surrounding the Potters’ murder; the results turned into a scandal which saw the release of Sirius Black and the forced resignation of both Director Bartemious Crouch and Minister Cornelius Fudge. Director of Magical Law Enforcement Amelia Bones was confirmed as Minister of Magic shortly thereafte, and the Daily Prophet reported that Sirius Black (“Godfather to the Boy-Who-Lived!” “Framed, Abandoned, Condemned to Living Hell!” “Heart-Wrenching: His Release In Pictures, Page 17!”) was considering applying for a teaching position at Hogwarts, “but just for a year, I’ve been cursed enough for one lifetime.” (“The Prophet reminds its readers that the so-called “curse” on a certain Hogwarts teaching position is almost certainly a mere string of coincidences.”) And, Minerva thought with relish some months later, it was almost three weeks before anyone attempted messing around in her class. A personal record. I’ve probably reblogged this before but I’m going to do it again right now I think this is literally the best au this entire fandom has produced I’ve only seen this legendary bit of writing in memes and screenshots. I feel so blessed to see it in person. Beautiful, simply beautiful! Reblogging my own post because a) it’s my damn horn and I’ll blow it if I want to, and b) I just (finally!) cross-posted this to Archive Of Our Own, so if anybody wants to go read it over there, here it is. YESSSSSSS!  Love it!!
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Clothes, Fucking, and Homeless: Don't forget Clothes Laptop Keys Toothbrush Wallet or purse Check the safe Passport Check the bedside table Mobile phone Kids Steal the toiletries Chargers alexanderreid: jumpingjacktrash: commie-ringo: lazulisong: constablewrites: scifinut: youbestnotmiss: youcantseebutimmakingaface: trilliath: halduron-brightwang: slightlynaive: diary-of-a-chinese-kid: This hotel reminds you to steal the toiletries! I work in hotels/resorts, and honestly, take the little shampoos and soaps! We throw them away when you leave (we don’t know if you’ve opened them and messed with them or whatever, so for health and safety it all goes in the trash)If you stay at the fancier places or chains, they’ve actually done some bit of thought into the scents for the toiletries, in that if you use them while at home you’ll remember the time you stayed at the hotel and be more likely to return.Just don’t take the towels or the robes or any of that shit, it’s expensive. This is true, all soaps, shampoos, and the like are tossed after a guest checks out of the hotel even if it’s clearly unopened because it is considered a health hazard violation in most places if they’re left there. If someone were to somehow get sick from it, a hotel can be shut down. Just take the toiletries, they’re ordered in bulk as is and only cost the hotel a few dollars to order them by the hundreds And even if you don’t use them, you can donate them to your local homeless shelter or other similar charity and give someone something they could use that would otherwise go to waste. PLEASE TAKE THE SOAPS. PLEASE DONATE THE SOAPS. It’s one of the biggest requests shelters/supply banks get. You want to make their fucking day? Show up with socks, undies, diapers, and toiletries. And here I am not taking them to avoid being wasteful. And here I was not wanting to steal things from the hotels. The more you know. Reblogging again because I didn’t even think about donating them to charity. I figured they were too small to be useful, but they would be perfect for shelters and the like. while we’re on the subject! if u are donating things to a shelter that supports women, especially trans women, please also consider going to the dollar store and buying a couple packs of razors! For trans women who are unable to get HRT, being able to shave helps a lot. Also if u can afford it, get a couple packs of the fancy tampons and pads!!!! What about the packets of coffee and hot chocolate that some hotels have in the rooms? Are those to take or do we leave them? i’ve known this for decades, since i did something odd back in the 90′s: i asked. so when i stay in hotels i take any still-full toiletries from my room with me, because they’re very handy for road trips and camping. you can’t take a full size bottle of shampoo camping, after all, that’s ridiculous. mostly you can just rinse the sweat off in the campsite shower and not worry about being a little funky – hell, i used to not even bother cuz i hated the slimy concrete floors and i’d just swim in the lake or whatever – but when you get weird sap in your eyebrow or congealed bacon grease in your leg hair holy crap do you appreciate those tiny soaps and shampoo bottles. As a Front Desk Rep.- Yes! Take the coffee. Same deal. We don’t know if you’ve messed with them and they get thrown out too. Also, they’re there for you??? Like. It’s not theft. Have it.
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Crying, Family, and Guns: Chwistopher @Loudwindow Concept: Pirates slay a monster mermaid to steal its treasure chest. Pirates open chest, finds a sleepy baby mermaid within. Monster mermaid was using the treasure chest as a cradle. Pirates: <p><a href="http://dragonsateyourtoast.tumblr.com/post/169373651900" class="tumblr_blog">dragonsateyourtoast</a>:</p><blockquote> <p><a href="http://otherwindow.tumblr.com/post/169340235270/otherwindow-this-is-how-the-golden-age-of-piracy" class="tumblr_blog">otherwindow</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://otherwindow.tumblr.com/post/169291615220/this-is-how-the-golden-age-of-piracy-ended" class="tumblr_blog">otherwindow</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>This is how the golden age of piracy ended.</p></blockquote> <figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="677" data-orig-width="1000"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/51eb1c65a8936859a4b9e9ed54eb60d9/tumblr_inline_p22tdbtzyD1qdd180_540.jpg" data-orig-height="677" data-orig-width="1000"/></figure><p>The first mermaid to get tattoos :)</p> </blockquote> <p>“we didn’t know any better,” the crewman says, and swallows, presenting the chest to the captain. “what do we do now?”</p> <p>“kill it,” the captain says, but the ice is melting in his eyes.</p> <p>“we can’t,” the first mate says desperately, praying she won’t have to fight her captain on this. “we can’t. we - i won’t. we won’t.”</p> <p>“i know.”</p> <p>x</p> <p>“daddy,” she says, floating in a tub of seawater in the hold, “daddy, la-la, la-la-la.”</p> <p>her voice rings like bells. her accent is strange; her mouth isn’t made for human words. it mesmerises even the hardiest amongst them and she wasn’t even trying. the crew has taken to diving for shellfish near the shorelines for her; she loves them, splitting the shells apart with strength seen in no human toddler, slurping down the slimy molluscs inside and laughing, all plump brown cheeks and needle-sharp teeth. she sometimes splashes them for fun with her smooth, rubbery brown tail. even when they get soaked they laugh. they love her.</p> <p>“daddy,” she calls again, and he can hear the worry in her voice. the storm rocking the ship is harsh and uncaring, and if they go down, she would be the only survivor.</p> <p>“don’t worry,” he says, and goes over, sitting next to the tub. the first mate, leaning against the wall, pretends not to notice as he quietly begins to sing.</p> <p>x</p> <p>“father,” she says, one day, as she leans on the edge of the dock and the captain sits next to her, “why am I here?”</p> <p>“your mother abandoned you,” he says, as he always has. “we found you adrift, and couldn’t bear to leave you there.”</p> <p>she picks at the salt-soaked boards, uncertain. her hair is pulled back in a fluffy black puff, the white linen holding it slipping almost over one of her dark eyes. one of her first tattoos, a many-limbed kraken, curls over her right shoulder and down her arm, delicate tendrils wrapped around her calloused fingertips. “alright,” she says.</p> <p>x</p> <p>“why am I really here?” she asks the first mate, watching the sun set over the water in streaks of liquid metal that pooled in the troughs of the waves and glittered on the seafoam.</p> <p>“we didn’t know any better,” the first mate says, staring into the water. “we didn’t know- we didn’t know anything. we didn’t understand why she fought so viciously to guard her treasure. we could not know she protected something a thousand times more precious than the purest gold.”</p> <p>she wants to be furious, but she can’t. she already knew the answer, from reading the guilt in her father’s eyes and the empty space in her own history. and she can’t hate her family.</p> <p>“it’s alright,” she says. “i do have a family, anyways. i don’t think i would have liked my other life near as much.”</p> <p>x</p> <p>her kraken grows, spreading its tendrils over her torso and arms. she grows too, too large to come on board the ship without being hauled up in a boat from the water. she sings when the storms come and swims before the ship to guide it to safety. she fights off more than one beast of the seas, and gathers a set of scars across her back that she bears with pride. “i don’t mind,” she says, when the captain fusses over her, “now i match all of you.”</p> <p>the first time their ship is threatened, really threatened, is by another fleet. a friend turned enemy of the first mate. “we shouldn’t fight him,” she says, peering through the spyglass.</p> <p>“why not?” the mermaid asks.</p> <p>“he’ll win,” the first mate says.</p> <p>the mermaid tips her head sideways. Her eyes, dark as the deep waters, gleam in the noon light. “are you sure?” she asks.</p> <p>x</p> <p>the enemy fleet surrenders after the flagship is sunk in the night, the anchor ripped off the ship and the planks torn off the hull. the surviving crew, wild-eyed and delirious, whimper and say a sea serpent came from the water and attacked them, say it was longer than the boat and crushed it in its coils. the first mate hears this and has to hide her laughter. the captain apologizes to his daughter for doubting her.</p> <p>“don’t worry,” she says, with a bright laugh, “it was fun.”</p> <p>x</p> <p>the second time, they are pushed by a storm into a royal fleet. they can’t possibly fight them, and they don’t have the time to escape.</p> <p>“let me up,” the mermaid urges, surfacing starboard and shouting to the crew. “bring me up, quickly, quickly.”</p> <p>they lower the boat and she piles her sinous form into it, and uses her claws to help the crew pull her up. once on the deck she flops out of the boat and makes her way over to the bow. the crew tries to help but she’s so heavy they can barely lift parts of her.</p> <p>she crawls up out in front of the rail and wraps her long webbed tail around the prow. the figurehead has served them well so far but they need more right now. she wraps herself around the figurehead and raises her body up into the wind takes a breath of the stinging salt air and sings.</p> <p>the storm carries her voice on its front to the royal navy. they are enchanted, so stunned by her song that they drop the rigging ropes and let the tillers drift. the pirates sail through the center of the fleet, trailing the storm behind them, and by the time the fleet has managed to regain its senses they are buried in wind and rain and the pirates are gone.</p> <p>x</p> <p>she declines guns. instead she carries a harpoon and its launcher, and uses them to board enemy ships, hauling her massive form out of the water to coil on the deck and dispatch enemies with ruthless efficiency. her family is feared across all the sea.</p> <p>x</p> <p>“you know we are dying,” the captain says, looking down at her.</p> <p>she floats next to the ship, so massive she could hold it in her arms. her eyes are wise.</p> <p>“i know,” she says, “i can feel it coming.”</p> <p>the first mate stands next to the captain. she never had a lover or a child, and neither did he, but to the mermaid they are her parents. she will always love her daughter. the tattoos are graven in dark swirls across the mermaid’s deep brown skin and the flesh of her tail, even spiraling onto the spiked webbing on her spine and face. her hair is still tied back, this time with a sail that could not be patched one last time. </p> <p>“we love you,” the first mate says simply, looking down. her own tightly coiled black hair falls in to her face; she shakes the locs out of the way and smiles through her tears. the captain pretends he isnt crying either.</p> <p>“i love you too,” the mermaid says, and reached up to pull the ship down just a bit, just to hold them one last time.</p> <p>“guard the ship,” the captain says. “you always have but you know they’re lost without you.”</p> <p>“without you,” the mermaid corrects, with a shrug that makes waves. “what will we do?”</p> <p>“i don’t know,” the captain says. “but you’ll help them, won’t you?”</p> <p>“of course i will,” she scoffs, rolling her eyes. “i will always protect my family.”</p> <p>x</p> <p>the captain and the first mate are gone. the ship has a new captain, young and fearless - of the things she can afford to disregard. she fears and loves the ocean, as all captains do. she does not fear the royal fleet. and she does not fear the mermaid.</p> <p>“you know, i heard stories about you when i was a little girl,” she says, trailing her fingers in the water next to the dock.</p> <p>the mermaid stares at her with one eye the size of a dinner table. “is that so?” she hums, smirking with teeth sharper than the swords of the entire navy.</p> <p>“they said you could sink an entire fleet and that you had skin tougher than dragon scales,” the new captain says, grinning right back at the monster who could eat her without a moment’s hesitation. “i always thought they were telling tall tales.”</p> <p>“and now?”</p> <p>“they were right,” the new captain says. “how did they ever befriend you?”</p> <p>the mermaid smiles, fully this time, her dark eyes gleaming under the white linen sail. “they didn’t know any better.”</p> </blockquote> <p>Yooooo</p>

dragonsateyourtoast: otherwindow: otherwindow: This is how the golden age of piracy ended. The first mermaid to get tattoos :) “we didn’t...

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Being Alone, Click, and Definitely: FAST 2.9 Mbps dayte: sacculetta: preoccupiedpepper: vaspider: sherlockspuppycat: wilwheaton: the-future-now: Netflix’s new site is a giant “f*ck you” to Comcast and Time Warner Netflix launched a site late Wednesday night called Fast.com, where — in one click — anyone browsing the internet can see how fast their internet speed is. Although it’s great for consumers, some internet providers might not be happy about the new website. Follow @the-future-now​ Fuck Comcast Netflix didn’t invent that it’s been around Netflix didn’t invent speed checks, but this site is Netflix’s. Okay, so here’s why Netflix speedtest is so brilliant.  Most of us know about Speedtest.net, right? Well Comcast and Time Warner know about it too. They know customers use it to check to see if they’re getting what they are paying for. Comcast techs even tell customers to check their speed with Speedtest.net.  So, to make sure people think they are getting good speeds, Comcast and Time Warner prioritize traffic going to Speedtest.net. When you check your speed there it’s artificially inflated. That is NOT the speed you are getting when you browse tumblr and that is definitely not the speed you get when you watch Netflix.  Comcast and Time Warner can not artificially inflate the results by prioritizing traffic to Fast.net unless they also prioritize traffic to Netflix, and they definitely do not want to do that.  That is so fucking slimy. Good for Netflix Been using this for a while and recommending it to people, just for the ease of use alone
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Being Alone, Click, and Definitely: FAST 2.9 Mbps dayte: sacculetta: preoccupiedpepper: vaspider: sherlockspuppycat: wilwheaton: the-future-now: Netflix’s new site is a giant “f*ck you” to Comcast and Time Warner Netflix launched a site late Wednesday night called Fast.com, where — in one click — anyone browsing the internet can see how fast their internet speed is. Although it’s great for consumers, some internet providers might not be happy about the new website. Follow @the-future-now​ Fuck Comcast Netflix didn’t invent that it’s been around Netflix didn’t invent speed checks, but this site is Netflix’s. Okay, so here’s why Netflix speedtest is so brilliant.  Most of us know about Speedtest.net, right? Well Comcast and Time Warner know about it too. They know customers use it to check to see if they’re getting what they are paying for. Comcast techs even tell customers to check their speed with Speedtest.net.  So, to make sure people think they are getting good speeds, Comcast and Time Warner prioritize traffic going to Speedtest.net. When you check your speed there it’s artificially inflated. That is NOT the speed you are getting when you browse tumblr and that is definitely not the speed you get when you watch Netflix.  Comcast and Time Warner can not artificially inflate the results by prioritizing traffic to Fast.net unless they also prioritize traffic to Netflix, and they definitely do not want to do that.  That is so fucking slimy. Good for Netflix Been using this for a while and recommending it to people, just for the ease of use alone
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Being Alone, Click, and Definitely: the-future-now Netflix's new site is a giant "f*ck you" to Comcast and Time Warner Netflix launched a site late Wednesday night called Fast.com, where- in one click - anyone browsing the internet can see how fast their internet speed is. Although it's great for consumers, some internet providers might not be happy about the new website. iwheaton Fuck Comcast sherlockspuppycat Netflix didn't invent that it's been around vaspider Netflix didn't invent speed checks, but this site is Netflix's preoccupiedpepper Okay, so here's why Netflix speedtest is so brilliant. Most of us know about Speedtest.net, right? Well Comcast and Time Warner know about it too. They know customers use it to check to see if they're getting what they are paying for. Comcast techs even tell customers to check their speed with Speedtest.net. So, to make sure people think they are getting good speeds, Comcast and Time Warner prioritize traffic going to Speedtest.net. When you check your speed there it's artificially inflated. That is NOT the speed you are getting when you browse tumblr and that is definitely not the speed you get when you watch Netflix. Comcast and Time Warner can not artificially inflate the results by prioritizing traffic to Fast.net unless they also prioritize traffic to Netflix, and they definitely do not want to do that. sacculetta That is so fucking slimy. Good for Netflix dayte Been using this for a while and recommending it to people, just for the ease of use alone Source: mic.com 79,815 notes Checkmate
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