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The delicate ecosystem of large chain hardware stores: factfiction emiliusthegreat Follow partybarackisinthehousetonight releases pack of dads into home depot* go....be free hotcommunist invasive species encroach on lesbian territory dreaming-shark This is a common misconception because they're such similar environments, but you should be aware that dads are native to Home Depot, while lesbians are actually native to Lowe's. At this point, however, both dads and lesbians have made themselves at home in both Home Depot and Lowe's to the point that trying to separate them back into their original ranges would probably do more harm than good to the delicate ecosystem of large chain hardware stores. ailithnight A properly raised and socialized Dad will be perfectly comfort- able cohabiting with Lesbians. Its not really "encroaching on another's territory". You wouldn't say that about foxes in a forest that also homes bobcats, would you? No. It's just two different species that have both evolved to live in similar/the same environment. As long as they recognize each other as equals, Dads and Lesbians are more than capable of cohabitation. Now, if you were to release a pack of Lumberjacks into a or Home Depot, that's where chaos will reign. Being adap far harsher and more demanding environment, the Lumberjacks would simply push Dads and Lesbians both out and also consume far more than a sustainable amount of resources. It would be like releasing bears at a country club. chequerootlurks As a former timber-harveste... I feel this is potentially accurate in theory. But highly improbable in actuality. Lumberjacks, like most megafauna species generally require more space than the average hardware store, even a big box store could provide. The misconception is that Lumberjacks are a social species because of how they often work and live together. This is a matter of necessity, not preference, and a survival technique for thriving under the Log Boss. A "pack" of Lumberjacks, if not under the environmental pressure of a Log Boss will naturally disperse until they each have a wide territory Lumberjacks rarely fight for territory. One on one, a Lumberjack could drive out a Dad or Lesbian, however the latter tend to travel in social packs. Lumberjacks will passively retreat on the presence of large numbers of people. Kind of like Sasquatch Getting a "pack" of Lumberjacks assembled would be hard enough unless they were forced into a Hardware Store by a LogBoss. In that case, they would already be in a heightened and potentially agitated state far above their natural behavior. This artificial scenario can be likened to a circus animal running amok If it had been in the wild, the incident would not have occurred. Free-roaming Lumberjacks are the cryptids of the Hardware system. They are surprisingly quiet and unobtrusive Please stop labeling Lumberjacks as dangerous roving social predators. They are intermediate level omnivores and remarkably peaceful unless threatened. katy-l-wood As a hardware store worker I can say that this is all 100% accurate. The delicate ecosystem of large chain hardware stores
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College Vampires: PIRITS bookhobbit why is "olde vampires in high school" the big thing and not "olde vampires in college" everyone in college is eccentric. everyone you wanna wear full on Victorian suit? the girl in pajamas who clearly hasn't slept in three days supports you everyone is too preoccupied to care as long as you're polite and follow class etiquette multiple high school diplomas? eh. same stuff. multiple BAs? Enjoy learning chemistry AND art history! All in detail! wandering around campus at 3am? that's just the lifestyle tm * no matter how old or young you look it's not really that weird, there's sixteen year olds and sixty year olds doing BAs somewhere big schools are very anonymous so nobody's gonna bother to hassle you * anorthernskyatdawn the girl in pyjamas is the vampire themauvesoul Also: If u put ur blood in a water bottle ppl will assume it's juice and be Jealous "Oh god I'm a monster" 20 students who r all procrastinating big projects say "same simultaniousely and with the exact same tone Everything is a joke so if u say "I subsist on the lifeblood of mankind" someone will go "lol what a mood* It would take u like 100 years to major in everything Seen sucking the blood of a fellow classmate and u r instantly the campus Cryptid and Mascoft Listen. If u have an ethical dilemma go find a philosophy major that believes in ethical subjectivism and they'll make u so angry u forget abt whatever the fuck was bothering u College is the only acceptable place to get into fistfights over classical literature * e * iterally all u need to do to avoid suspicion is be the guy that alway:s has qum and a stapler If u have a majestic mustache ppl will just assume ur an English major Allergic to crosses? Cool. So r certain stem majors. e * College Vampires
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I hope life imitates HFY fiction someday: updatebug Can you even imagine being the poor alien sod responsible for auditing an earthling spaceship's spending allowance? Like "I see, and why do you require many tubes of white plant flavoured paste?" "Oh well, if we don't rub that on our teeth twice daily the bacteria living in my mouth will begin to devour me teeth Noted." "I have also noticed several large shipments of specific medications, and a variety of individually packaged absorbent material - however injury records do not show sufficient numbers to justify these recurrent deliveries." "Ah, yeah, it's not really an injury per say. As part of our natural reproductive cycle approximately half the population will shed the lining of one of their internal organs and expel it" .. that is the most horrifying thing that I have ever heard." Yeah." "Does such a process not hurt?" That'l be what the medication's for. Pain killers for the cramps, birth control to stop the process." and your reasoning behind the fully functional, high-tech entertainment system?" "Okay, that we could probably do without. But in our defence that was actually insisted on as a standard feature of all fleet-ships expected to encounter Terrans. Admiral Plo'Kaght insisted on it. Something about bored humans and a an illegal betting ring featuring a cleaning robot with a knife strapped to it going up against a human with a mop?" ..I believe I should speak with my superiors." batzendrick I love how Stabby the Roomba has become such a consistent in-joke among these sorts of blogs tumblunni Galactic hero stabby the roomba: his legend continues brunhiddensmusings you cant tell me that if in fifty years we actually have scpaceship crews and not one of the dorks in space would remember stabby as the best possible joke to bring into space. even if stabby the roomba has been forgotten humans will immediately create some other harmlessly violent robotic equivalent and then be surprised their grandparents joked about the same thing back in 2017 insanity-keeps-things-fun Stabby will outlive us all Source: updatebug 55,580 notes Jun 27th, 2018 I hope life imitates HFY fiction someday

I hope life imitates HFY fiction someday

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<p>Sometimes the demons miss you when you&rsquo;re gone</p>: stardustandswirls me to the demon in the corner of my room ain't u got shit to do theoffensivemomma He'd been lurking about for days now, this shadow thing. It used to scare me, terrify me straight into insomnia. But it had just stood there the whole time. Now it seemed part of the furniture, if I'm being honest. I started talking to it. Probably not my best idea, I'll give you that, but it's not like I had anyone as I readied for bed. Jeff was a dick at the meeting this morning. Had the best hot dog off the best cart in the city for lunch. SIX reports due by Friday? Kellen must be trying to kill me.I even wished it good night. And it just stared, with its glowing red eyes. else around. I would tell it about my day One night, I had to stay late at the office. Really late. Remember those six reports? They turned into fifteen. And if I didn't get them done for this major client, it was my head on the HR guillotine. So I stayed late. I ended up crashing on the sofa in the break room and woke up to more work on my desk. That was Thursday morning. I had to get this all done by Monday On Friday night, around ten, I decided to go home and get some real sleep before going back to the office to finish this insane task. And then I felt it. Something was here with me and it wasn't the janitor I looked in the corner and there were those eyes again, surrounded by shadow. I sighed. I really didn't have time for this, not here Ain't you got shit to do?" I snapped, walking to the break room for yet more coffee. So much for going home to sleep A growling sound, then a deep, rasping voice said, " miss you." I stopped. "What do you mean, you miss me? Aren't you a demon or something?" "You didn't come home. I've been worried What are you doing here?" We'd never conversed like this. It was almost comforting, like a friend would be "I'm working, man. I've got a big client coming on Monday and Kellen put all these damn reports on my desk and if I don't get them done, I'm probably gonna get fired." I ranted as I took off my tie and ran my fingers through my The demon paused, thinking. It moved slowly around the room, taking it all in. Do you want me to eat Kellen?" it suddenly asked. I laughed, "No, don't eat Kellen. It's not really his fault. "Then what shall I do?" I sighed and considered. What could a shadow demon do to help me? Do you know anything about graphic design and marketing?" It paused its roaming. "I ate an artist's soul, once." Good enough. Just sit behind me and tell me what looks good" On Monday morning, the company landed the client, I got a raise, and arranged it so I could work from home two days a week. We moved to a bigger flat two months later. It makes cinnamon pancakes on Saturdays. <p>Sometimes the demons miss you when you&rsquo;re gone</p>
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<p>Sometimes the demons miss you when you&rsquo;re gone via /r/wholesomememes <a href="http://ift.tt/2BbHfoA">http://ift.tt/2BbHfoA</a></p>: stardustandswirls me to the demon in the corner of my room ain't u got shit to do theoffensivemomma He'd been lurking about for days now, this shadow thing. It used to scare me, terrify me straight into insomnia. But it had just stood there the whole time. Now it seemed part of the furniture, if I'm being honest. I started talking to it. Probably not my best idea, I'll give you that, but it's not like I had anyone as I readied for bed. Jeff was a dick at the meeting this morning. Had the best hot dog off the best cart in the city for lunch. SIX reports due by Friday? Kellen must be trying to kill me.I even wished it good night. And it just stared, with its glowing red eyes. else around. I would tell it about my day One night, I had to stay late at the office. Really late. Remember those six reports? They turned into fifteen. And if I didn't get them done for this major client, it was my head on the HR guillotine. So I stayed late. I ended up crashing on the sofa in the break room and woke up to more work on my desk. That was Thursday morning. I had to get this all done by Monday On Friday night, around ten, I decided to go home and get some real sleep before going back to the office to finish this insane task. And then I felt it. Something was here with me and it wasn't the janitor I looked in the corner and there were those eyes again, surrounded by shadow. I sighed. I really didn't have time for this, not here Ain't you got shit to do?" I snapped, walking to the break room for yet more coffee. So much for going home to sleep A growling sound, then a deep, rasping voice said, " miss you." I stopped. "What do you mean, you miss me? Aren't you a demon or something?" "You didn't come home. I've been worried What are you doing here?" We'd never conversed like this. It was almost comforting, like a friend would be "I'm working, man. I've got a big client coming on Monday and Kellen put all these damn reports on my desk and if I don't get them done, I'm probably gonna get fired." I ranted as I took off my tie and ran my fingers through my The demon paused, thinking. It moved slowly around the room, taking it all in. Do you want me to eat Kellen?" it suddenly asked. I laughed, "No, don't eat Kellen. It's not really his fault. "Then what shall I do?" I sighed and considered. What could a shadow demon do to help me? Do you know anything about graphic design and marketing?" It paused its roaming. "I ate an artist's soul, once." Good enough. Just sit behind me and tell me what looks good" On Monday morning, the company landed the client, I got a raise, and arranged it so I could work from home two days a week. We moved to a bigger flat two months later. It makes cinnamon pancakes on Saturdays. <p>Sometimes the demons miss you when you&rsquo;re gone via /r/wholesomememes <a href="http://ift.tt/2BbHfoA">http://ift.tt/2BbHfoA</a></p>
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<p>Just a friendly reminder that it is /u/Cheekysascha&rsquo;s birthday tomorrow!</p>: I- Cheekysascha6 points 2 years ago I know it's not really fair to say but be happy 8 people showed up, that's 8 different people who care about you and wanted to spend your birthday with you. The past 11 years I haven't gotten to celebrate my birthday with a single person My last birthday with friends was on my 7th birthday ever since then I've either been completely alone on my birthday or with my family I haven't gotten a happy birthday from anyone besides my parents for almost my entire life so just appreciate what you have it might not be a lot but it's better then nothing permalink embed save give gold [-] thistornadolovesu 6 points 2 years ago When's your birthday? permalink embed save parent give gold - Cheekysascha5 points 2 years ago November 21st why? permalink embed save parent give gold [-1 thistornadolovesu 5 points 2 years ago I'll be sure to wish you a happy birthday then:) permalink embed save parent give gold I-] Cheekysascha4 points 2 years ago Awww thanks:) that's seriously really kind of you! permalink embed save parent give gold %) [-] [deleted] 2 points 1 year ago Hi) Happy birthday! permalink embed save parent [-] Cheekysascha2 points 1 year ago Thank you so much, I just got the biggest smile in the world seeing this in my inbox! permalink embed save parent give gold <p>Just a friendly reminder that it is /u/Cheekysascha&rsquo;s birthday tomorrow!</p>

<p>Just a friendly reminder that it is /u/Cheekysascha&rsquo;s birthday tomorrow!</p>

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<p>Wholesome redditor keeping their promise! via /r/wholesomememes <a href="http://ift.tt/2u15twL">http://ift.tt/2u15twL</a></p>: I- Cheekysascha6 points 2 years ago I know it's not really fair to say but be happy 8 people showed up, that's 8 different people who care about you and wanted to spend your birthday with you. The past 11 years I haven't gotten to celebrate my birthday with a single person My last birthday with friends was on my 7th birthday ever since then I've either been completely alone on my birthday or with my family I haven't gotten a happy birthday from anyone besides my parents for almost my entire life so just appreciate what you have it might not be a lot but it's better then nothing permalink embed save give gold [-] thistornadolovesu 6 points 2 years ago When's your birthday? permalink embed save parent give gold - Cheekysascha5 points 2 years ago November 21st why? permalink embed save parent give gold [-1 thistornadolovesu 5 points 2 years ago I'll be sure to wish you a happy birthday then:) permalink embed save parent give gold I-] Cheekysascha4 points 2 years ago Awww thanks:) that's seriously really kind of you! permalink embed save parent give gold %) [-] [deleted] 2 points 1 year ago Hi) Happy birthday! permalink embed save parent [-] Cheekysascha2 points 1 year ago Thank you so much, I just got the biggest smile in the world seeing this in my inbox! permalink embed save parent give gold <p>Wholesome redditor keeping their promise! via /r/wholesomememes <a href="http://ift.tt/2u15twL">http://ift.tt/2u15twL</a></p>

<p>Wholesome redditor keeping their promise! via /r/wholesomememes <a href="http://ift.tt/2u15twL">http://ift.tt/2u15twL</a></p>

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