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Tumblr, Blog, and Http: zingiber-santi: Curcio and knife (and Waldo)

zingiber-santi: Curcio and knife (and Waldo)

Aladdin, Bad, and Barbie: C ,d 40%. 11:52 PM minesottafatspoollegend i love in fantasy when its like "king galamir the mighty golden eagle and his most trusted advisor who would never betray him, gruelworm bloodeye the treacherous" es When my sister and I were kids we had this one action figure, who was actually a brutalized batman doll without his cape (the dog chewed half his head, too), who we dubbed 'Evil Chancellor Traytor. The idea was that in the fictional society of our toys, chancellor just came with the word 'evil in front of it, as a matter of ancient tradition Like 'grand' or 'high' or something along those lines Anyway, the running gag was that the king (an old Power Rangers knock-off doll) had absolute and unwavering faith in Evil Chancel- lor Traytor, who basically comported himself like a mix between Grima Wormtongue and Jafar from the Aladdin movies. Everyone was always sure that Evil Chancellor Traytor had something to do with the nefarious scheme of the day. The dude even carried around a poisoned knife called 'the kingslayer The additional twist on the joke, though, was that he never was behind anything. The king was actually right. Evil Chancellor Traytor was the most devoted civil servant in the entire Action Figure Dystopia. He spent his nights working on writing up new legislature to ensure that b mobility devices, was always on the lookout to acquire new shoeboxes for expanding city infrastructure, and drafted a proposal that once got half the 'settlement' in my sister and I's closet moved to the upper shelf so that vulnerable toys were less likely to be snatched roken toys had access to the dog The knife, as it turned out, was as symbolic as the evil in his name. See, Action Figure Dystopia had a long history of corrupted monarchs getting too big for their thrones and exploiting the underclasses. The job of the Evil Chancellor was to always remain vigilant, and loyally serve a good ruler-or, if the regent should became a despot, to slay them on behalf of the people But since killing the king would be a terrible crime, the Evil Chancellor had to be the kind of person who would willingly die to spare the people from the plight of a wicked leader, because the murder would be pinned on them, in order to keep the 'machinery of politics working as smoothly as ever Anyway, Evil Chancellor Traytor had a diary in which my sister I would take turns writing out the most over-the-top good shit he'd done behind the scenes. Usually after everyone else had finished talking shit about him. I don't know why but we got the biggest kick out of in Barbie With the Unfortunate Haircut: Oh that Evil Chancellor Traytor! Why can't the king see how wicked he is?! Charmander From the Vending Machine: Char! Jurassic Park Toy of Jeff Goldblum With Disturbingly Realistic Face: At least if someone puts a knife in the king's back, we'll know where to look! Evil Chancellor Traytor's Diary: Today I was feeding ducks at the park when I noticed another legless action figure sitting by the benches. I put a hundred dollars into his bag while he wasn't looking. I really need to increase budgeting to the medical treatment centers. If only we had enough glue, I think we would see far fewer toys trying to get by without limbs... insert iconic evil laugh* Anyway, Evil Chancellor Traytor eventually fell victim to one of my mom's cleaning sprees, and she decided he was too busted up to keep and tossed him out. My littler brother, who tended to follow my sister and I's games like he was watching a daily soap opera, cried so hard that we had to do a special 'episode where one of the toys found the Evil Chancellor's diary, and so he got a big huge memorial and the king threw himself into the empty grave and then ordered the toys driving the toy bulldozer to bury him so that 'Traytors grave would have a body' (this seemed very important for some reason) And then we had the Quest For a New King Somehow or another that ended up being a giant rubber snake called Tyrant King Cobra Source: sweetbabyr aysgourmetsauces 79,144 notes I want this to be an actual soap so bad
Books, David Bowie, and Puppies: ch in fully k tti Chapter 3 1 ng he west ing car and f you took a couple of David Bowies and stuck one of the David Bowies on the top of the other David Bowie, then attached another David Bowie to the end of each of the arms of the upper of the first two David Bowies and wrapped the whole business up in a dirty each robe you would then have something which didn't exactly look like d dream of enly fling the terrible eously. So rminedly ecalled" John Watson, but which those who knew him would find hauntingy amiliar He was tall and he gangled. aeruh: marsdaydream: drinkmasturbatecry: nudityandnerdery: the-fandoms-are-valentines: grandtheftautosanandreas: Douglas Adams is the best when it comes to describe characters they need to teach classes on Douglas Adams analogies okay “He leant tensely against the corridor wall and frowned like a man trying to unbend a corkscrew by telekinesis.” “Stones, then rocks, then boulders which pranced past him like clumsy puppies, only much, much bigger, much, much harder and heavier, and almost infinitely more likely to kill you if they fell on you.” “He gazed keenly into the distance and looked as if he would quite like the wind to blow his hair back dramatically at that point, but the wind was busy fooling around with some leaves a little way off.” “It looked only partly like a spaceship with guidance fins, rocket engines and escape hatches and so on, and a great deal like a small upended Italian bistro.” “If it was an emotion, it was a totally emotionless one. It was hatred, implacable hatred. It was cold, not like ice is cold, but like a wall is cold. It was impersonal, not as a randomly flung fist in a crowd is impersonal, but like a computer-issued parking summons is impersonal. And it was deadly - again, not like a bullet or a knife is deadly, but like a brick wall across a motorway is deadly.” And, of course: “The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t.” the one that will always stay with me is “Arthur Dent was grappling with his consciousness the way one grapples with a lost bar of soap in the bath,” i feel like that was the first time i really understood what you could do with words. I will reblog this every time I see it because these are some of my favorite sentences in the English language. @forest-of-books
Knife, There, and Here: Rate my setup (Are there knife collectors here?)

Rate my setup (Are there knife collectors here?)

Anaconda, Beer, and Bitch: It wasnt for money, but I once licked a schoolbus window for a full minute in exchange for a chocolate bar. I hope this gets seen. Havn't told many people. In 8th grade we were dissecting frogs. A kid in my lab group bet me a hundred bucks I wouldn't eat the liver. I ate the liver. Yes it was dripping in formaldehyde. Teacher saw and I managed to convince her it was nothing. That night I got so embarrassed that I called the kid and told him I didn't eat the liver and that I faked it. So technically I ate a paisonous piece of frog for nothing at all, licked 5 of my friends bare feet (I'm talking heel to toe) for $10 a pop, easiest $50 I've ever made :) would not do again: 1 drank a shot of blue Dawn dish detergent for $S in my high school biology class. I threw up green foam in the next period Wasn't for money, but I "married" a boy in elementary school for a box of Crayola Silver Swirl Crayons. Bitch didn't even pay up. A guy approached me outside my gym after a workout and paid me $100 to smell my feet. Not my finest moment, but when attending college in the early 00's, a guy who lived on my floor shaved his own head, put the resulting hair in a shopping bag, and then said that he would pay me $20 to eat all of it. I accepted. My father bet me twenty bucks I wouldn't eat half of a live bluegill...thinking my then seventeen girl guts could't do t, he was shocked when I bit the wriggling fish in half and swallowed half of it. I bought a knife with the You will be our leader, Sent naked pictures for RuneScape gold... not proud. 60m, fair deal though. Friend expelied a kidney stone. I ate it for 20 I was at a beer festival and chugged from a dump bucket that everyone would dump their beer into after tasting it. My friend paid me $10 bucks and some random guy tossed in another $5. All in all, I'd do it again. Same year some eccentric rich old lady pulled me aside at the restaurant I work at and asked me to be a waiter at her parisian style engagement party for her friend. She said I get $500. So I said sure. Arrived when she asked me to. Turns out she wanted to paint me gold glue on gold leaves to my body, and have me wear a gold thong, and only a gold thong. I did it. Got $500 bucks plus tons of tips from crazy ladies. And I only lost two points of dignity Worked retail. These Ridiculous Stories Show Just How Far People Will Go To Make a Buck
Bad, Horses, and Life: Why tock-tick does not sound right to your ears ver wondered why we say gin-material-purpose noun. So you can have a lovely little old rectangular green French silver whittling knife. But if you mess with that word order in the slightest you'll sound tick-tock, not tock tick, or ding-dong, not dong. ding; King Kong, not Kong King? Turns out it is one of the unwritten rules of English that na- tive speakers know without knowing like a maniac" The rule, explains a BBC article, is: "If there are three words then the order has to go I, A, O. If there are two words then the first is I and the sec- ond is either A or O. Mish mash, chit-chat, dilly-dally shilly-shally tip top, hip-hop, lip-flop, tic tac, sing song, ding dong, King Kong, ping pong That explains why we say "little green men" not "green little men," but "Big Bad Wolf" sounds like a gross violation of the "opinion (bad)-size (big) noun (wolf" order It won't, though, if you recall the first rule about the I-A-O order That rule seems inviolable: "All four of a horse's feet make exactly the same sound. But we always, always say clip-clop, nev There's another unwrittern rule at work in the name Little Red Riding Hood, says the article. er clop-clip." g. This rule even has a techni- cal name, if you care to know it-the rule of ablaut reduplica- tion-but then life is simpler knowing that we know the rule Adjectives in English abso O lutely have to be in this order: opinion-size-age-shape-colour-ori without knowing it. PLAY IT BY EAR: If a word sequence sounds wrong, it is probably wrong For more: BBC nordic-at-heart: Today on “rules of English language I didn’t realise were a thing until someone pointed it out”