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Ass, Bitch, and Confused: ON THIS DAY IN PRUSSIAN HISTORY germanbrothers:14 October 1806: During the War of the Fourth Coalition, the Battle of Jena-Aurstedt between France and Prussia ends in a French victory, subjugating the Kingdom of Prussia to the French Empire. So today ended the Battle of Jena-Aurstedt, aka “that day Prussia doesn’t like to talk about” because it fucking lost hardcore and it resulted in being France’s bitch for six years. To set things up, the War of the Fourth Coalition was in full swing, trying its hardest to bring down goddamn Napoleon. This time around it was Saxony, Prussia, Russia, Sweden, UK, putting aside their differences and historical hatred of each other for once in the common belief that France needed to just fuck off. You’d think Napoleon would get the message or something smh Napoleon, meanwhile, was laughing at the haters on his blog, publishing rude anon messages with gif responses, because that’s how much of a fuck he gave. Prussian forces, fearing the rise to French power (like the past 3 failed Coalition wars hadn’t tipped them off before), joined the fourth coalition against France, and Napoleon saw his chance to finally tap dat ass. In brightest day, in blackest night, Imma tap dat ass tonight -French Proverb, 1806  So the main loss on the Battle of Jena-Auerstedt led with the Prussian army, which was very ‘top-heavy’. Several higher officers held the same position and rank within a unit, which led to a lot of confusion and a month-long delay in the battle order, which led to a high state of French readiness when it actually happened. So first was the Battle of Jena, and it sucked. France v. Prussia Saxony, and Napoleon won. Like. super-won. 20,000 casualties on the Prussian/Saxon side and the army was forced to withdraw, their flanks broken and confused. So Napoleon was like ‘fuckin’ sweet’ and he saw his inbox flooded with anon hate, and he knew that he was on a roll. So he pushed on to Auerstedt. The Battle of Auerstedt would have been better and was going better until the Prussian army saw the loss of two of their commanders. With the loss of that upper-management there was confusion and chaos, and allowed Napoleon another swift victory. Auerstedt saw 13,000 casualties for the Prussians. So what about Napoleon? Well he at first didn’t even believe he had won. He told his commanders to go back and like, figure that shit out because no fucking way. But when it was obvious that he had won, his ego rose to the heavens and he proclaimed himself the hero of Jena - even though that title definitely belonged to someone else. To this day it is considered Napoleon’s single greatest triumph in his career. Because of that battle, French forces occupied Prussia for six years until the War of the Sixth Coalition, Prussia lost half of its territory, and most of its ego.
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