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Confidence, Confused, and Crush: how to know you are a norse mythology geek upon seeing THIS in the thor: ragnarok trailer you scream, "FENRIR! HI PUPPER!!! auntieval ME, WHEN THEGREAT WOLF FENRIR BREAKS FREE OF HIS CHAINS AND RACES OFF TO CONSUME ODIN, SIGNALING THE BEGINNING OF RAGNAROK AND THE DESTRUCTION OF THE WORLD ohmy gosh puppy! come here pap!l oh, you are SUCH a good bon! let me pet your tummy. IT GOT BETTER OMFG IM CRYING Yeah.. me too. I wanna pat the very big pupper poztatt And this is how The End is stopped. Not by the gods or goddesses, the other races than man, no. It is Tumblr. As a mass running after a now confused and tail tucking Fenrir whining softly as the crowd chants "PUPPER! PUPPER! PUPPER! kyraneko Better yet: Fenrir escapes his chains and lopes forward to destroy the earth, and is met by a crowd of people. An army, Fenrir thinks, and bares his teeth in a ferocious snarl and charges toward them They cheer Wait. cheer? Fenrir slows, confused. He smells no fear senses no rage. This is a very strange army. The first hand-weaponless!-reaches for himc he tenses, ready to tear the offending limb to shreds, and lets out a high little yippy whine when it pats him about the ears Immediately the noise is reproduced by some four or five of the nearest humans, he smells excitement; more hands are patting him It's nice The humans crowd around him, patting him and scritching him and shuffling around to give others a chance. Voices coo, and make puppy noises, and someone catches just the right spot and he cocks his leg and scratches himself, drawing a multitude of oohs and ahhs and cheers and squees At some point, his hunger awakens at the scent of burnt fleshç a human has brought him what he later learns is a hot dog: he swallows it in one bite, to more cheering, and looks around hopefully for more It is not long before more is bought: steaks and Big Macs and bacon; it seems like much of the group has brought him a snack of some kind and was hoping for a chance to give it to him. The End of the World is supposed to be at hand, but Fenrir does not care. His hunger sated, his battle-lust swept away by a tide of gently petting hands, he rolls over, careful not to crush his many companions, and takes a nap. Who's a good boy?" they ask him, over and over s this some psychological warfare, he won ders, designed to undermine his confidence and remind him that he is nothing more than a monster who needs to be chained? Who's a good boy, huh, huh? "Who's my good boy? And then one of them answers the question for him. You are Me? he thinks. But if there was any doubt, she confirms it You are, yes you are Fenrirs tongue hangs out of his mouth as he grins. 'm a good boy! @lectorel Good post FENRIR IS PUPPER Odin will be the first to tell you, FENRIR IS A VERY GOOD BOY LARGE PUP MUST PET how to know you are a norse mythology geek upon seeing: "Odin il be the first to tell you, FENRIR IS A VERY GOOD BOY you say: the fuck he won't Source: sweetdreamr 40,277 notes If this isnt the final act Ill be mad
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Being Alone, Bad, and Confused: HUSBAND ARRIVES HOME DRUNK OUT OF HIS MIND. WHAT HE WAKES UP TO SHOCKS HIM Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Halloween Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Opening his eyes, the first thing that he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in Lipstick: Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian" He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... What happened last night?" Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door. Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??" His son replies, "Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!" Broken Coffee Table: $239.99. Hot Breakfast: $4.20. Two Aspirins: $.38 Saying the right thing, at the right time.. . PRICELESS!!! <p>He Thought His Wife Was Going To Kill Him. But Then This Happens…Priceless.</p>

He Thought His Wife Was Going To Kill Him. But Then This Happens…Priceless.

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Being Alone, Arguing, and Bad: megasaxxygoddess: racethewind10: amatterofcomplication: fatbodypolitics: bijoux-et-mineraux: reclusiveandelusive: tsreckoah: naughtylittledragon: nassadii: tsreckoah: thepioden: vulcanology-geology: mollisaurus: lizaleigh: zdravomilla: brambledboneyards: xekstrin: bijoux-et-mineraux: Polished Malachite Stalactite - Copper Crescent, Congo *looks around* Is Is anyone gonna say it malachite is a poisonous mineral. please do not fuck the malachite stalactite @lizaleigh do you know any rock people that can confirm/deny because I am very curious and really don’t feel like getting into a conversation with my geophysicist brother that MAY somehow get back to the fact I saw a malachite that looked like a weird dildo. …sadly, I am not on good enough terms with any of our partner geologists to just attach this to an email with the subject line: “EXPLAIN.”Although I think @mollisaurus is a mineral person. Thoughts? oh geeze, i’m kinda rusty on minerals but malachite is just copper carbonate and is really common in both antique and modern jewelry so i think like if you were really gun-ho about it you could go ahead and put it wherever you want? It’s really only a problem if you’re polishing or cutting it. The particles would be bad to breathe. It’s rather porous too, so I would worry about bacteria growing. Well, being literal anyway… Better to leave the poor thing alone. ._. I mean it kinda depends on where you stick it because malachite does not like acidic environments very much and the malachite will degrade and also might dye your bits blue-green as the copper dissolves out. So use a condom when fucking rocks is the takeaway here. Oh my god guys it’s poisonous It is super poisonous There is a reason we do not use it in make up any more Not even with a condom, do not fuck the rock Try this one instead.  malachite literally explodes in water does it not? I… no… I think you’re thinking of pure sodium? Malachite is however water soluble, which really just means it will poison you quicker This is both hilarious and cool as fuck because you’re getting all this information on minerals and rocks. You’re also watching people argue over wether or not you can fuck this rock I go on hiatus for a week and come back to find tumblr molesting my post, but hey, at least we all learned something so yay tumblr, you just keep on  being you. When science tumblr meets sex tumblr. Malachite is poisonous because it’s a copper carbonate. It’s poisonous because copper in excess is not good for you. Symptoms of mild copper poisoning often include mood swings, irritability, depression, fatigue, excitation, difficulty focusing, feeling out of control, etc. To further complicate diagnosis, some symptoms of excess copper are similar to those of a copper deficit.  Acute symptoms of copper poisoning by ingestion include vomiting, hematemesis (vomiting of blood), hypotension (low blood pressure), coma, jaundice (yellowish pigmentation of the skin), and gastrointestinal distress. It’s mostly an issue to those who handle it professionally, by cutting or polishing it, and inhaling the dust/handling it in water, as finished and polished malachite is sealed. High grade malachite is better than low grade. However, as it releases copper when in contact with water or other liquids, please don’t fuck the malachite. Unsure whether a condom counts as adequate protection as copper oxidizes latex at an accelerated rate. Polyurethane or polyisoprene condoms may react differently. (Polyurethane can used to polish copper, but I honestly don’t dare say that that makes it a better choice for this.) At any rate, your best bet would be to cast the malachite in a material it doesn’t react negatively with, and create molds in which you could cast pyrex (for the most accurate sensation, plus pyrex can be colored) or medical grade firm density silicone (for a slightly more forgiving experience.) Plus you could open up an etsy store and sell copies since this post shows there is no lack of interest for this product. reblogging for Safe Sex Imitation Malachite Dildos and entrepreneurship  @capnbloo
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Being Alone, Beautiful, and Clock: 0003 d 0Gh 48m 24s <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://ishkaqwiaidurugnul.tumblr.com/post/105026608914">ishkaqwiaidurugnul</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://vonmunsterr.tumblr.com/post/85388049237">vonmunsterr</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://ghostsneverleave.tumblr.com/post/85243110194">ghostsneverleave</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://insanihty.tumblr.com/post/85144886702">insanihty</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://xxarcane.tumblr.com/post/84873852950">xxarcane</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://youremybrandnewday.tumblr.com/post/84793166680">youremybrandnewday</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://sp0tlessmiind.tumblr.com/post/80710248945">sp0tlessmiind</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://tiptreecrossing.tumblr.com/post/68707337582">tiptreecrossing</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://livingmywayeveryday.tumblr.com/post/39004186570">livingmywayeveryday</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://vickified.tumblr.com/post/32749023299">vickified</a>:</p> <blockquote> <blockquote> <p><em>“<span>If a clock could count down to the moment you meet your soul mate, would you want to know?</span>”</em></p> </blockquote> <p>lol yes, so then i can shave.</p> </blockquote> <p>     One minute, 37 seconds.<br/>     My legs are shaking. Holy cow, there is no way I can do this. None.<br/>     One minute, 29 secods.<br/>     I glance around at the faces surrounding the room. Of course my Meeting would take place in the gross, overcrowded cafeteria.<br/>     One minute, six seconds.<br/>     Somewhere within these four walls, someone has the exact same countdown on their wrist. They’re going through the exact same pressure as me.<br/>      54 seconds.<br/>     Mom said I should be excited, not nervous. Yet I still find myself wiping my sweaty palms on my dress. I can’t believe she talked me into wearing a dress. I mean, shouldn’t  my Soul Mate meet me as I normally am? All plain jeans, blah shirts, and wild brown curls?<br/>     30 seconds.<br/>     Something deep within me tells me to stand up. I do, drawing the attention of my tablemates. They all know too. They smile encouragingly up at me. I chew my lip nervously.<br/>     25 seconds.<br/>     That same feeling pulls me towards the center of the room. My stomach drops away from me as I take a step in that direction.<br/>     20 seconds.<br/>     I continue in that direction. With each step the tempo of my heart picks up.<br/>     19. Faster.<br/>     18. Quicker.<br/>     17. More rapid.<br/>     16.  It’s racing.<br/>     Oh my god this is it. The moment my life changes forever.<br/>     My eyes search frantically around the cafeteria, searching for someone who looks as nervous as me. For someone who’s heading towards their future with no sense of direction like me.<br/>     10 seconds.<br/>     The feeling directs me slightly to the left. I turn to accomodate.<br/>     5. My heart has given up entirely.<br/>     4. I stop walking.<br/>     3. Just waiting left.<br/>     2. Everything is about to change.<br/>     1. Deep breath.</p> <p>     0000 d 00 h  00 m  00 s</p> <p>     Someone bumps my shoulder. I twirl around and my gray eyes meet blue, blue ones.<br/>     “Hello there, love. It appears as though we’re Soul Mates then, eh?”<br/>     As my words fail me, the only thing I can think is “I’m so glad I shaved this morning.”</p> </blockquote> <blockquote> <p>“Thats weird…” I checked my wrist, the clock had just hit the 30 second mark but I looked around and there was no one there. I was a worrisome guy overall but I felt justified, I mean today was the day I was meeting my soul mate. Not that I expected my dream girl to be in the storage closet at work but still I was nervous. </p> <p>Walking out with a box the boss had requested I walked back to my cash register setting it on the shelf. My wrist hit the 20 second mark</p> <p>19 seconds</p> <p>18 seconds</p> <p>Where was she? I could not help but get worried that an error would pop up or that she was gone and my timer would run out with no response. I panicked, I’d change my own fate if I had to. Running out of time I hurried through the back door. There was a park outside and maybe I was supposed to be there to find my soul mate. </p> <p>10 seconds</p> <p>9 seconds</p> <p>A faint ding of the doorbell hit my ear. Wait was that it?? She was here! I turned around running back to the counter. “Don’t worry I’m just in the back!”</p> <p>I ran out looking at my wrist as it hit zero. Out of breath “Hi I’m Matt!” Sticking out my hand for a handshake it was met by a firm hand. Meeting my soulmate’s eyes for the first time they spoke. </p> <p>“I’m Steven.” The man gave a smile “It’s nice to meet you.” </p> </blockquote> <p> I watch my friend carefully. Her excitement is glowing all over her pretty face. Exactly 2 minutes left, she tells me. We’re waiting at the bus stop and the bus is coming in two minutes. I think she hoped she’d meet them on a beach at sunset or something.<br/> ”I mean that’s ok - these things can’t always be romantic I mean my mum met dad when he was working at the book store and it’s not like you can plan it to be romantic I just hoped, I mean everyone hopes don’t they-” she breaks off, looking at me awkwardly. “Sorry. It’s just a big day for me you know.” Yes I do know. You’ve been going on about it for the past year. I smile at her.<br/> ”Don’t worry. You nervous? You’ll be ok, you always are,” I grin, determined not to ruin this for her. It’s selfish of me to be moody. This is her future being determined. Right here. In now, precisely 1 minute 30 seconds.<br/> She smiles at me, but it isn’t quite reaching her eyes. She’s restless and keeps tapping her foot. Her eyes are wide with.. fear? Excitement? Nerves? Probably all of them and a thousand more things I can’t imagine. She keeps checking her wrist. So do I. The bus comes around the corner. 1 minute 10 seconds.<br/> ”Hey. I’ll leave you alone now ok? The bus is here. I’ll sit a couple of seats away, and be there if you need me,” I say, squeezing her arm reassuringly. “Good luck.” I hope it sounded sincere.<br/><br/> The bus pulls up and I climb on first, taking a quick glance at her while I give the driver my ticket. She’s shaking and looks a little green. I want to give her a hug but know I shouldn’t interrupt now. I look at the passengers and it’s full of pensioners. My heart starts beating frantically. What? I can’t see anyone else at the bus stop. But she’s only 18, she can’t end up with a 80 year old. <br/> I turn around and look at her - she’s breathing hard. The bus driver asks if she’s ok but she ignores him. Her eyebrows are creased and her face is flushed. Oh. Oh no. Stay calm. Someone is probably late. I give her a thumbs up and try to smile reassuringly. I think it’s more of a grimace.<br/><br/> I take a seat near the back. Look at my watch. 25 seconds. She sits down a few seats away.</p> <p> Suddenly a dark shape runs past my window and a boy jumps on the bus. He has that same frantic look in his eyes. I breathe out with relief.<br/> ”Yeah get on, we’re running late,” the driver says, taking his ticket. The boy looks around, carefully stepping towards the seats. He’s tall and handsome, holding a sketchbook. I smile slightly; my friend hates art.<br/> 4 seconds<br/> He spots her.<br/> 3 seconds<br/> His eyes widen as he walks closer, as if being pulled by an invisible rope.<br/> 2 seconds<br/> My friend stands up too, that same rope tying her to him.<br/> 1 second -<br/> ”I was worried the bus would leave. No way could I miss meeting my soul mate!” he jokes, though he looks just as nervous as she. They smile at each other as they both sit down together. I can’t hear what they’re talking about.</p> <p> I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Suddenly I’m crying. Hot tears dropping down my cheeks.</p> <p> I look at my wrist, scratching at it. Trying to get rid of it. </p> <p> The numbers have never changed.</p> <p> They’ve always been at 0.</p> </blockquote> <div>Oh my god that last one…. My heart… The feels….</div> </blockquote> <p>AGH ALL OF YOU WRITE A BOOK THIS VERY INSTANT. PLEASE.</p> </blockquote> <p>this is beautiful and everyone needs to read it</p> </blockquote> <p>i hate you tumblr, fucking breaking my goddamn heart</p> </blockquote> <p>Then, one day, you’re having dinner with a friend you’ve known for as long as you can remember (or perhaps a friend of the family), and you finally talk to them about your counter. You’re crying, explaining that it’s always been at 0, and so you must not have a soul-mate.</p> <p>Their eyes widen. Tears begin to form, and they throw their arms around you.</p> <p>“Mine has always been at 0 too.”</p> <p>And that’s when you know…</p> </blockquote> <p>10 seconds: the doorbell rings, i get out of my chair<br/><br/>5 seconds: i give the man my money<br/><br/>0 seconds: i open the box. it is the most glorious pizza i have ever seen in my life.</p> </blockquote> <p>This post always has different stories on it and I always have to read it and reblog it</p> </blockquote> <p><a href="http://trustedwings.tumblr.com/post/131518606137/ishkaqwiaidurugnul-vonmunsterr">trustedwings</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p>Yeah but can I have that countdown for my period?</p></blockquote>
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