🔥 Popular | Latest

Bubba, Clock, and Crying: writing-prompt-s You're in charge of assigning every child on Earth the monster under their bed. One child in particular has caused every monster assigned to him/her to quit. You decide to assign yourself. kittenwiskers Case: #273402 Status: Disastrous. I stare at the file and realize I have no options, over the last 2 years every monster assigned to Charlotte Dower has quit, every last one. Her first monster; a giant goldfish-faced humanoid named Bubba, had been with her for four years and then she wasn't scared of him anymore. After that it was a string of different common, uncommon, and rare monsters... I even assigned a sentient sock monster to her. He came back crying! I look on my tablet, only one assignable monster left; myself. Field work has never been my cup of tea, but desperate times call for desperate measures. So at 8:03 pm, after Mrs. Gideon tucks in Charlotte and her little brother Daniel; I slither into the space beneath Charlotte's bed Across the room underneath Daniel's crib is a rookie, Chico, a standard Creep kind of monster. I turn my attention to the bed above me, Charlotte is still awake but barely, I reach up over the bed and run an ice cold finger over her cheek, silence, so I do it gain. "I'm not afraid of you monster!" She whispers, but her voice is shaking. I can see a small clock on the wall 8:14, a door somewhere in the house slams and there is an audible hitch of breath from above me. A few minutes go by I can hear Francis Gideon yelling at his wife. There are heavy footsteps on the stairs, and loud panting breaths, Charlotte scrambles off the bed and... She. CRAWLS. Under. The. Bed. With. Me. "Move. Over!" Charlotte hisses at me.I do. The door to the bedroom slams open and I smell the stench of human intoxicants before the man even steps inside. I know why Charlotte isn't afraid of any of my monsters; she's afraid of her own. Francis reaches a hand under the bed and I thrust my wrist into it, he starts to pull, I slither out. "What the..." I cut Francis's next words off by unfolding to my full 12 foot height. Looming over the drunken man I caress my cold fingers down his face. "If you ever touch, scare, or harm my child again, I will find you, and I will do the same to you, for all eternity." I promise to him. As Francis runs from the room he soils himself. I pull Charlotte from under the bed, tuck her back under her covers and kiss her forehead goodnight. "I'll be back tomorrow night, sleep well darling." Charlotte Dower is my child, I am the monster under her bed. The Monster Under the Bed

The Monster Under the Bed

Climbing, College, and Fire: In Case ef Fire De lot Use Elevator Use Stairs there are guys in my dorm who decided to play cards in the elevator see what intrigues me about college isn't the intellectual pursuit or the bonding or whatever, its the fact that people have the freedom to do random shit like this Okay, everybody, I have a story about random shit in college. When I was n college, there was a particular class took where, no matter what time you walked into class, if you made it into the room before the professor, you wouldn't be counted late. I mean, that's a pretty cool policy, given how some professors are really obnoxious about attendance Well, one time, a fellow student of mine was running late to class. As she reached the edge of the building, she saw her professor making it to the front steps (super long rectangular building here). He looks up from walking and he sees her. He then points to his watch, gives her a well-meaning "Look who's late" face, and walks on inside What he didn't know, though, was that this particular student was like freakishly good at bouldering and related climbing skills, so she was just like Fuck it and SCALED THE BUILDING! She tapped on the window of the 4th floor classroom (the floors had like 20ft ceilings, so, she was quite a ways up there), nearly making one student piss himself. They opened the window, she rolled through, onto the floor, and slid into her seat about five seconds before the professor opened the door to the classroom He did a double take, started to say "How the hell d" when a security guard ran in, red-faced and panting, pointed at her and bellowed "STOP DOING THAT! Gotta love college
Climbing, College, and Fire: in Case et Fire Elevator Use Stairs there are guys in my dorm who decided to play cards in the elevator see what intrigues me about college isn't the intellectual pursuit or the bonding or whatever, its the fact that people have the freedom to do random shit like this Okay, everybody, I have a story about random shit in college. When I was in college, there was a particular class I took where, no matter what time you walked into class, if you made it into the room before the professor you wouldn't be counted late. I mean, that's a pretty cool policy, given how some professors are really obnoxious about attendance Wel, one time, a fellow student of mine was running late to class. As she reached the edge of the building, she saw her professor making it to the front steps (super long rectangular building here) He looks up from walking and he sees her He then points to his watch, gives her a well-meaning Look who's late" face, and walks on inside What he didn't know, though, was that this particular student was like freakishly good at bouldering and related climbing skills, so she was just like Fuck it and SCALED THE BUILDING! She tapped on the window of the 4th floor classroom (the floors had like 20ft ceilings, so, she was quite a ways up there), nearly making one student piss himself. They opened the window she rolled through, onto the floor, and slid into her seat about five seconds before the professor opened the door to the classroom He did a double take, started to say "How the hell d when a security guard ran in, red-faced and panting, pointed at her and bellowed "STOP DOING THAT! Impressive
Climbing, College, and Fire: In Case et Fire Do lot Use Elevafor Use Stairs there are guys in my dorm who decided to play cards in the elevator see what intrigues me about college isn't the intellectual pursuit or the bonding or whatever, its the fact that people have the freedom to do random shit like this Okay, everybody, I have a story about random shit in college. When I was in college, there was a particular class I took where, no matter what time you walked into class, if you made it into the room before the professor you wouldn't be counted late. I mean, that's a pretty cool policy, given how some professors are really obnoxious about attendance Well, one time, a fellow student of mine was running late to class. As she reached the edge of the building, she saw her professor making it to the front steps (super long rectangular building here). He looks up from walking and he sees her. He then points to his watch, gives her a well-meaning Look who's late" face, and walks on inside What he didn't know, though, was that this particular student was like freakishly good at bouldering and related climbing skills, so she was just like Fuck it" and SCALED THE BUILDING! She tapped on the window of the 4th floor classroom (the floors had like 20ft ceilings, so, she was quite a ways up there), nearly making one student piss himself. They opened the window, she rolled through, onto the floor, and slid into her seat about five seconds before the professor opened the door to the classroom. He did a double take, started to say "How the held when a security guard ran in, red-faced and panting, pointed at her and bellowed "STOP DOING THAT!" “AND THEN THEY ALL CLAPPED”
Climbing, College, and Fire: In Case of Fire Do tet Use Elevator Use Stairs haedia: thewolfofnibu: stahscre4m: there are guys in my dorm who decided to play cards in the elevator see what intrigues me about college isn't the intellectual pursuit or the bonding or whatever, its the fact that people have the freedom to do random slike this Okay, everybody, I have a story about random s in college. When I was in college, there was a particular class i took where, no matter what time you walked into class, if you made it into the room before the professor, you wouldn't be counted late. I mean, that's a pretty cool policy, given how some professors are really obnoxious about attendance Well, one time, a fellow student of mine was running late to class. As she reached the edge of the building, she saw her professor making it to the front steps (super long rectangular building here). He looks up from walking and he sees her. He then points to his watch, gives her a well-meaning "Look who's late" face, and walks on inside. What he didn't know, though, was that this particular student was like freakishly good at bouldering and related climbing skills, so she was just like “Fuck it" and SCALED THE BUILDING! She tapped on the window of the 4th floor classroom (the floors had like 20ft ceilings, so, she was quite a ways up there), nearly making one student piss himself. They opened the window, she rolled through, onto the floor, and slid into her seat about five seconds before the professor opened the door to the classroom He did a double take, started to say "How the hell d-when a security guard ran in, red-faced and panting, pointed at her and bellowed "STOP DOING THAT! I've saved this before, but this time it has a picture!
Fucking, Omg, and Tumblr: <p><a href="https://libertarian-lady.tumblr.com/post/175628696442/221b-ean-jacquez45-lovelyshuri" class="tumblr_blog">libertarian-lady</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="https://221b-ean.tumblr.com/post/175592222769/jacquez45-lovelyshuri-ohifonlyx33" class="tumblr_blog">221b-ean</a>:</p><blockquote> <p><a href="https://jacquez45.tumblr.com/post/173784884455/lovelyshuri-ohifonlyx33-strawberrypatty" class="tumblr_blog">jacquez45</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://lovelyshuri.tumblr.com/post/173342139148/ohifonlyx33-strawberrypatty" class="tumblr_blog">lovelyshuri</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://ohifonlyx33.tumblr.com/post/173341793613/strawberrypatty-i-am-a-star-dragon" class="tumblr_blog">ohifonlyx33</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://strawberrypatty.tumblr.com/post/170670861462/i-am-a-star-dragon-gxtawxycar-marvel-link" class="tumblr_blog">strawberrypatty</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://i-am-a-star-dragon.tumblr.com/post/170593956602/gxtawxycar-marvel-link" class="tumblr_blog">i-am-a-star-dragon</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://gxtawxycar.tumblr.com/post/165527902271/marvel-link" class="tumblr_blog">gxtawxycar</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p>MARVEL </p> <p>link // <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHUrAvKNF8s">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHUrAvKNF8s</a> (collab w/ djcprod)</p> </blockquote> <p>Okay I’ll admit this the was really awesome and a really well matched to the song and edited</p> </blockquote> <p>That’s fucking tight.</p> </blockquote> <p>ting ting<br/>TING TING<br/>TING! TING!<br/>*panting out of breath gasps in time to the beat*<br/><br/>I LIVE FOR THIS STUFF</p> </blockquote> <p>fun fact a few months ago I showed this video to my 4 y/o brother and to this day he asks me to play the song (glitter and gold) because he is convinced it is “The Avengers Song™” </p> </blockquote> <p>one of the few fanvids that uses dialogue that I think actually really works</p> </blockquote> <p>THAT WAS FUCKING AMAZING OMG IS SO HYPED</p> </blockquote> <p>perfect 👌👌</p></blockquote> <p>There’s also this one: <a href="https://youtu.be/23gr_kfmQ1o">https://youtu.be/23gr_kfmQ1o</a></p><p>Kickass Marvel edits are my aesthetic</p>
Ass, Baseball, and Fall: jpg (46 KB, 1024x683) No.46363786 Anonymous 18 min. ago >be me >working register at mcd's like a fucking wagie mom and son come up >absolute units, their hands were fucking round perfectly fucking round, like a baseball little blob holding a small fish bowl, maybe they came back from Walmart after getting a fish poor fish, probably doesn't even get his ration of the fish food one of those families that has each family member go up to order for themselves hate these kinds of families mama blob starts ordering out of breath from standing in line >slams her elbows down onto the counter to rest while ordering could have fucking swore i heard the counter rumble yaah *pant* could i have a *pant* ahhhhh *pant* big Mac *pant* make that two actually... *pant* no three.... and a *pant* basket of fries and *pant* a large diet coke sweat beads fall down from her chins onto the table breathes in sharply struggles to take elbows off of table finally accomplishes the task finally accomplishes the task two huge wet marks take up the register section those are her fucking elbows her elbows actually fucking sweated little blob comes up to order "can i have 2 big Macs pant* a basket of fries.. *pant* make that two actually *pant* and a large diet Coke *pant* brings fish bowl out onto counter "and... *pant* fill this up *pant* with chocolate *pant* milkshake >a fucking fishbowl sorry, our largest size is a large. we cannot fill things that aren't McDonalds cups mama blob starts throwing a tantrum "HE WANTS HIS FUCKING MILKSHAKE SO GIVE IT TO HIM" maam, we cann >"LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR GOD DAMN MANAGER go get manager >he just repeats what I said tells her she can buy about 10 large milkshakes to fill it if she wants "DAS TOO EXPENSIVE!!!" "TOO MUCH CALORIES!!!" >me and manager stare at each other did she really just say that mama blob sees us looking at each other cont. whole restaurant has been quiet this whole time just looking at us >mama blob hears something turns her body to look backward >a gentle greasy breeze hits me >sees a couple people snickering turns back around "YOURE EMBARRASSING ME!!" >me and manager stay silent tears start to well up in her eyes could have just been sweat though face turns redder grabs her son's hand "WE'RE NEVER EATING HERE AGAIN!" >something deep down told me that wasn't true >pulls her son's hand waddles out hear her panting as she opens the door notice something >me and manager both notice it look at each other there was something brown in the middle of Hammy's ass could it be could it fucking be look at her legs brown liquid streaking the inside of her right leg >she sharted >she actually fucking sharted and left a brown trail had to febreeze the fuck out of that place for 5 minutes janitor almost puked cleaning it up Hammy &amp; Boy: A Shitty Quest for Fishbowl Milkshake
Climbing, College, and Fire: In Case of Fire Do lot Use Elevator Use Stairs thesilencedmasses: adminover20: radglawr: haedia: thewolfofnibu: stahscre4m: there are guys in my dorm who decided to play cards in the elevator see what intrigues me about college isn’t the intellectual pursuit or the bonding or whatever, its the fact that people have the freedom to do random shit like this Okay, everybody, I have a story about random shit in college. When I was in college, there was a particular class I took where, no matter what time you walked into class, if you made it into the room before the professor, you wouldn’t be counted late. I mean, that’s a pretty cool policy, given how some professors are really obnoxious about attendance.  Well, one time, a fellow student of mine was running late to class. As she reached the edge of the building, she saw her professor making it to the front steps (super long rectangular building here). He looks up from walking and he sees her. He then points to his watch, gives her a well-meaning “Look who’s late” face, and walks on inside. What he didn’t know, though, was that this particular student was like freakishly good at bouldering and related climbing skills, so she was just like “Fuck it” and SCALED THE BUILDING! She tapped on the window of the 4th floor classroom (the floors had like 20ft ceilings, so, she was quite a ways up there), nearly making one student piss himself. They opened the window, she rolled through, onto the floor, and slid into her seat about five seconds before the professor opened the door to the classroom.  He did a double take, started to say “How the hell d—” when a security guard ran in, red-faced and panting, pointed at her and bellowed “STOP DOING THAT!” omfg the amount of fucks college kids don’t give astounds me IVE ONLY SEEN THIS POST IN SCREENSHOTS I LOVE THE IMPLICATION THAT THIS STUDENT HAS A REPUTATION FOR SCALING THE BUILDINGS
Climbing, Fall, and Funny: SHORT MEN! - w4m Are you a shorter man under the height of 5"? Do you have a sense of adventure? Do you like trying new experiences? Are you available in the next few days? Text me and let me know! do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers o email to friend best of 1 Back Contact Today 9:31 PM Hello Hello! Who is this? This is Isaac. i'm responding to a personal you posted looking for a date. Do you have any pics? Hold on there, Isaac. Is this the post looking for a man under the height of 5'? yes is I have to be honest, Isaac. I'm not actually looking for a date. I'm looking to hire a shorter man for a single task, for about an 1 hour. Well Paid. Nothing Sexual and Completely Above Board. How much and what $250 Ok, what's the job? My young son, Andrew, keeps opening his bedroom window at night even though I keep telling him not to. It's full-on winter right now and he's blowing up the heating bill when he does it. So if you agree, I'm going to tell him that if he doesn't close the window, a fat evil dwarf will climb into his window and steal all of his toys. I have a ladder for you to climb up to the window and walkie talkies for us to talk When you start climbing into the window, make lots of panting/grunting sounds to wake Andrew. When I hear him yell, I will run into the room with a large broom and bug repellent which I will spray you with before shoving you out of the window with the broom. I have purchased a very large bean bag bed from Sharper Image that we will put under the window for you to fall onto (only about 15 feet). 12AM would be the best time as I know Andrew will be asleep. I can also providea written reference you may add to your employment portfolio. is This is real? Yes, Isaac. And I need results. For sure its fine little job for little men.

For sure its fine little job for little men.

Climbing, College, and God: haedia there are guys in my dorm who decided to play cards in the elevator see what intrigues me about college isn't the intellectual pursuit or the bonding or whatever, its the fact that people have the freedom to do random shit like this Okay, everybody, I have a story about random shit in college. When I was in college, there was a particular class I took where, no matter what time you walked into class, if you made it into the room before the professor, you wouldn't be counted late. I mean, that's a pretty cool policy, given how some professors are really obnoxious about attendance Well, one time, a fellow student of mine was running late to class. As she reached the edge of the building, she saw her professor making it to the front steps (super long rectangular building here). He looks up from walking and he sees her. He then points to his watch, gives her a well-meaning "Look who's late" face, and walks on inside What he didn't know, though, was that this particular student was like freakishly good at bouldering and related climbing skills, so she was just like "Fuck it and SCALED THE BUILDING! She tapped on the window of the 4th floor classroom (the floors had like 20ft ceilings, so, she was quite a ways up there), nearly making one student piss himself. They opened the window, she rolled through, onto the floor, and slid into her seat about five seconds before the professor opened the door to the classroom. He did a double take, started to say "How the hell d-"when a security guard ran in, red-faced and panting, pointed at her and bellowed "STOP DOING THAT!" oh my god The things people can pull off in college
Climbing, College, and Crazy: haedia: thewolfofoibu stabscre4n there are guys in my dorm who decided to play cards in the elevator see what intrigues me about college isn't the intellectual pursuit or the bonding or whatever, its the fact that people have the freedom to do random shit like this Okay, everybody, I have a story about random shit in college, When I was in college, there was a particular class 1 took where, no matter what time you walked into class, if you made it into the room before the professor, you wouldn't be counted late, I mean, that's a pretty cool policy, given how some professors are really obnoxious about attendance Well, one time, a fellow student of mine was running late to class. As she reached the edge of the bulding, she saw her professor making it to the front steps (super long rectangular building here). He looks up from walking and he sees her. He then points to his watch, gives her a well-meaning Look who's late" face, and walks on inside. What he didn't know, though, was that this particular student was like freakishly good at bouldering and related climbing skills, so she was just like "Fuck it" and SCALED THE BUILDING! She tapped on the window of the 4th floor classroom (the floors had like 20ft ceilings, so. she was quite a ways up there). nearly making one student piss himself. They opened the window, she rolled through onto the floor, and slid into her seat about five seconds before the professor opened the door to the classroom He did a double take, started to say "How the hell d-"when a security guard ran in, red-faced and panting, pointed at her and bellowed STOP DOING THAT oh my god This dude is crazy brave
80s, Bad, and Cats: h Halo is at the emergency vet with her 2nd battle with glaucoma. Back in September she had to have her right eye removed and the biopsy revealed it was primary glaucoma meaning it's hereditary & that inevitably we'd be right here dealing with the other eye. 😿 She's going to be sedated and the eye fully examined to determine the best course of action for this eye. From what we can tell (which has progressed so quickly in a matter of days just like last time), the vision is now gone during the day too (it was just a night a couple weeks ago) and she'll likely have to have this eye removed as well. She wasn't in pain until today and last week I proactively made an appt with the eye specialist because I knew we were getting close & needed to create a plan of action for when things got bad (which is when vision is totally lost). The appt was for 4:30 today. We didn't make it because of her waking up panting with pain and no vision at all. We brought her to emergency so she didn't have to suffer all day. This is how fast this awful disease progresses. Unlike people, pets can go from doing ok and managing with pressure drops to ending up at emergency within a weekend! Please read up on glaucoma and become familiar with the signs-symptoms. Many mistake a wet eye for seasonal allergies and it could be glaucoma. Cats can get glaucoma too so this isn't just for dog owners. Better to check and be safe than sorry. So now we wait.... we will update as soon as we know more. XOXO UPDATE: pressures were in the 80's & there is no vision so enucleation (eye removal) will be performed just like 9 months ago. Unfortunately that's just the way glaucoma ends most times. She will be pain free and back home tonight. This ordeal will finally be over and she can start acclimating to getting around without vision. Thank you all for all the love and well wishes! 😘😽

Halo is at the emergency vet with her 2nd battle with glaucoma. Back in September she had to have her right eye removed and the biopsy revea...

Dad, Drugs, and Dude: When a black person gives you the nigga pass" GOOD RELATIONS WITH THE WOOKIEES, I HAVE "Damn, I really aint tryna go to math" "Why?" "I have an essay today." "Forreal? That sucks." "Yea that's not even the worst part." "It's not?" "Mr. Goff is the sub." "JACK GOFF?" "Yup." "Isn't that the dude that got arrested for touching you a year ago?" "Yup, my buttocks are on lockdown mode." "How did he get out of jail so early?" "The government is too busy locking up people for drugs, so they're releasing "less offensive" criminals early. Welp, here it is." "Good luck on your essay babe." "Ah Goodmorning Daniel." "Morning Mr. Goff. Where is everyone?" "Seems you're a little early." "But Im always late..." "Oh?" "Plus its been 5 minutes since the bell... Hey, why are you locking the door?" "Hm? I always do this?" "Hell nah somethings fishy." "Is it Mr. Cole?" "What are you doing? Don't come near me!" "Dont be scared Mr. Cole, it wont hurt a bit." "DON'T FUCKIN TOUCH ME OLD MAN! AHHHHH-" "HEY! What's going on in here? WHAT THE FUCK? Why are you naked Mr. Goff?" "Mrs. G! Mr. Goff tried to-" "It was this horrible student Miss. He tried to fondle me." "WHAT?!" "Is that true Daniel?" "Of course not-" "Indeed it is true. I tried to stop him but you see, I am only an old man." "Daniel, come with me, we're calling your parents." "WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING." I woke up in a cold sweat and was panting like a dog. "Something wrong baby?" "No dad, and can you not have an erection if you're gonna spoon me? Kinda gay."
Bubba, Clock, and Crying: writing-prompt-s You're in charge of assigning every child on Earth the monster under their bed. One child in particular has caused every monster assigned to him/her to quit. You decide to assign yourself. kittenwiskers Case: #273402 Status: Disastrous I stare at the file and realize I have no options, over the last 2 years every monster assigned to Charlotte Dower has quit, every last one. Her first monster; a giant goldfish-faced humanoid named Bubba, had been with her for four years, and then she wasn't scared of him anymore. After that it was a string of different common, uncommon, and rare monsters... I even assigned a sentient sock monster to her. He came back crying I look on my tablet, only one assignable monster left; myself. Field work has never been my cup of tea, but desperate times call for desperate measures. So at 8:03 pm, after Mrs. Gideon tucks in Charlotte and her little brother Daniel; I slither into the space beneath Charlotte's bed. Across the room underneath Daniel's crib is a rookie, Chico, a standard Creep kind of monster. I turn my attention to the bed above me, Charlotte is still awake but barely, I reach up over the bed and run an ice cold finger over her cheek, silence, so I do it again "I'm not afraid of you monster!" She whispers, but her voice is shaking. I can see a small clock on the wall 8:14, a door somewhere in the house slams and there is an audible hitch of breath from above me. A few minutes go by I can hear Francis Gideon yelling at his wife. There are heavy footsteps on the stairs, and loud panting breaths, Charlotte scrambles off the bed and... She. CRAWLS. Under. The. Bed. With. Me. "Move. Over!" Charlotte hisses at me. I do The door to the bedroom slams open and I smell the stench of human intoxicants before the man even steps inside. I know why Charlotte isn't afraid of any of my monsters; she's afraid of her own Francis reaches a hand under the bed and I thrust my wrist into it, he starts to pull, I slither out. "What the... I cut Francis's next words off by unfolding to my full 12 foot height Looming over the drunken man I caress my cold fingers down his face "If you ever touch, scare, or harm my child again, I will find you, and I will do the same to you, for all eternity." I promise to him. As Francis runs from the room he soils himself. I pull Charlotte from under the bed, tuck her back under her covers and kiss her forehead goodnight. "I'll be back tomorrow night, sleep well darling." Charlotte Dower is my child, I am the monster under her bed. The monster

The monster

Memes, 🤖, and Following: 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 Tag someone looking for their pant 😂😂😂 ➡️ Follow @KraksHQ | @KraksRadio | @KraksTV

😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 Tag someone looking for their pant 😂😂😂 ➡️ Follow @KraksHQ | @KraksRadio | @KraksTV