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Advice, Apparently, and Bee Movie: biggest-gaudiest-patronuses sqooper Follow wallpatterns The other day I went to McDonald's with my family and the guy who took my order was really loud and was basically like "HAPPY HOLIDAYS WHAT CAN I GET YOU" and I was like wow I can't let this guy outmatch me so I yelled "I'LL TAKE A HAPPY MEAL WITH THE NUG NUGS IFI MAY" you know like a natural well-adjusted epitome of adulthood 19 year old and he was like "CERTAINLY WOULD YOU LIKE THE MIGHTY KIDS MEALINSTEAD WITH EXTRA FRIES" and I was so sleep deprivedI essentially blacked out and apparently leaned over the counter like I was robbing the place, raised my eyebrow like a suave robin hood and said "HECK YES I WOULD GOOD SIR" and then I sat down and he yelled from across the store "WOULD YOU LIKE THE PURPLE OR BLUE SPIDER MAN and since purple is the more superior color that's how I answered and long story short my parents think college changed me and that I'm now the poster child for being social and I've only been asked once why I'm not in a relationship yet but I know it's gonna be brought up again and how do i tell my parents it's because whenever eat in the dining hall spend the entire time playing bumper cars with the wheeley chairs and all I eat is pixie sticks and the last time I was in the library (where I'm supposed to work next semester, deAr GoD) I ripped my leggings in the bathroom pulling up my pants and I walked the entire 20 mins back to my dorm with my neon underwear peeking out from the holes like a 17th century harlot with a cocaine addiction and I've essentially been living off jars of peanut butter and the soundtrack to the bee movie for the past year sqooper there's more information in this post than there was in the library of alexandria advice-animal: College changes you…

advice-animal: College changes you…

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Apparently, Bee Movie, and Cars: biggest-gaudiest-patronuses sqooper Follow wallpatterns The other day I went to McDonald's with my family and the guy who took my order was really loud and was basically like "HAPPY HOLIDAYS WHAT CAN I GET YOU" and I was like wow I can't let this guy outmatch me so I yelled "I'LL TAKE A HAPPY MEAL WITH THE NUG NUGS IFI MAY" you know like a natural well-adjusted epitome of adulthood 19 year old and he was like "CERTAINLY WOULD YOU LIKE THE MIGHTY KIDS MEALINSTEAD WITH EXTRA FRIES" and I was so sleep deprivedI essentially blacked out and apparently leaned over the counter like I was robbing the place, raised my eyebrow like a suave robin hood and said "HECK YES I WOULD GOOD SIR" and then I sat down and he yelled from across the store "WOULD YOU LIKE THE PURPLE OR BLUE SPIDER MAN and since purple is the more superior color that's how I answered and long story short my parents think college changed me and that I'm now the poster child for being social and I've only been asked once why I'm not in a relationship yet but I know it's gonna be brought up again and how do i tell my parents it's because whenever eat in the dining hall spend the entire time playing bumper cars with the wheeley chairs and all I eat is pixie sticks and the last time I was in the library (where I'm supposed to work next semester, deAr GoD) I ripped my leggings in the bathroom pulling up my pants and I walked the entire 20 mins back to my dorm with my neon underwear peeking out from the holes like a 17th century harlot with a cocaine addiction and I've essentially been living off jars of peanut butter and the soundtrack to the bee movie for the past year sqooper there's more information in this post than there was in the library of alexandria College changes you

College changes you

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Internet, Life, and Marriage: Pence Unveils Campaign To Educate Teens About Dangers Of Premarital Eye Contact (g theonion:WASHINGTON—Emphasizing the importance of providing young people with the skills they need to make good decisions as they mature into adulthood, Vice President Mike Pence held a press conference Thursday to unveil a new campaign educating teens about the dangers of premarital eye contact. “This new initiative will teach our nation’s teenagers the importance of waiting until marriage before looking their partner directly in the eyes,” said Pence, adding that the $75 million “No Peeking”—also known as “Save Your Gaze For Marriage”—campaign will help students resist the social pressure to share glances they often feel long before they’re ready to be joined for life in holy matrimony. “Thanks to the encroaching secular influence of TV, the movies, and, for all we know, the internet as well, today’s young people are constantly bombarded with images of people gazing shamelessly at each other—sometimes even making prolonged eye contact with more than one person. This program encourages them to abstain from that behavior by focusing their eyes on safe alternatives, such as the floor, the middle distance, or a bible passage of their choosing.” Pence also promised that high school students would feel far greater satisfaction by waiting until their wedding night to learn their spouse’s eye color.

theonion:WASHINGTON—Emphasizing the importance of providing young people with the skills they need to make good decisions as they mature int...

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French, German, and Sniper: German soldier killed by French sniper for peeking out of the trenches (1917) colorized

German soldier killed by French sniper for peeking out of the trenches (1917) colorized

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Af, Blessed, and Emoji: The best surprise passenger you can have next to you on a flight @DrSmashlove Now see bruv this used to be my favorite emoji: 🤗. He go by many names. Some call him Johnny Jazz Hands. I happen to call him Lil Smashington the IV, Chief Cheek Inspector, Sargeant Spreader the Nani Deader. U feel me? That’s what he doing. Opening them cheeks and delightedly admiring and inhaling the contents 🤗. But Lil Smashington has competition, bruv. Major competition. Because his Uncle Jameson Worthington VI of South Cambridgeshire bruv? Or Lil James Worthy aka the Monocle Maestro aka Scotland Yard’s Inspector of the Interior bruv? He ain’t just opening and peeking, bruv. Unc is inspecting every fold 🧐. Every skretch mark 🧐. Every lil cellulite dot 🧐. If he so much as spots an in-grown hair he gon annotate it in his Most Profitable and Efficient Bird Watching Journal; A Chronicle of Uncle Worthy’s Travels and Conquests, in which he records birds he sees in the wild such as cardinals and robin red breasts as well as birds he encounters in the bedroom 🧐. Lil Smashington basic AF bruv he get in the cheeks and he like “yum, sweet as sugar cane 😍.” Nah. Hells nah. Unc gon take a single taste and then fetch his notebook and quill pen and record the flavor notes for posterity: “Seventh of December, Two Thousand and Seventeen years after the birth of The Blessed Son of Mary. Name: Stephanie Smith. Age: approximately two score and three. Height: roughly one and one half oak barrels. Slender with supple bosom, posterior, ample hips, delightful countenance. Hair of auburn. Flavor notes: molasses; sugarplum; purée of mango; heavy whipping cream.” U feel me bruv? And Stephanie just gon sit patiently while Unc engages in his scientific field research, replaces his notebook in satchel and his quill pen in his ink well so he can go ham and bananington on the Nani 🐗. Ladies and Gentlemen I have a patron saint. A spirit animal. Me, in emoji form. A true enjoyer of the female form in all its delightful complexity. Monocle Emoji, in a difficult year of pain and suffering in many pockets of the world, u bring hope and inspiration to the masses 🧐. Unc...U da real MVP 🧐🧐🧐😂😂😂

Now see bruv this used to be my favorite emoji: 🤗. He go by many names. Some call him Johnny Jazz Hands. I happen to call him Lil Smashingto...

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Ass, Baseball, and Be Like: When your pets are your life: 6 Now two of my favorite Lollapalooza-goers who stand out prominently against a sea of kiddos wearing their best $24.99 H+M music festival outfit are what I affectionately call OAMs (old ass men 👴😂). This one come in 2 varieties. The first one is The Hatfish. Low key he got a baby face. He might could be 43 but he easily pass for 27. And he wearing a Cubs cap low on his face with the extra curvy bill and he got nice brown hair peeking out the bottom of the cap. For all u know he mid 20s. But ladies if u yank the cap off, u gon see some David Copperfeel magic: young, attractive Fred with the baseball cap gon transform immeejally into Mr. Fred Stevenson, M.Ed., the middle school principal. Now u thinking to yourself: why don't homie just shave his head? Simple: nobody will ever touch his baseball cap 😂. Homie might even keep it on during sex like he filming a p0rno. That's why I'm telling y'all if u want the full picture, take it off - or else u could wake up next to your principal thinking issa nightmare where u begging him not to give u detention and he think u role playing and wanna go another round (I know some of you freaks will like that in which case go head witchoe perverted ass! 😂) Now the second OAM ain't hiding shit. He at the festival in a J Crew t shirt, straight leg jeans and Vans with a full head of silver hair. This MF look like a VP at yo company because he IS a VP at yo company 😂. Homeboy took 4 days off and he prowling for a girl who need a daddy. And I ain't talkin "daddy" like in a sexy playful way nah he tryina be somebody FATHER. He tryina SUPPORT u and put u on the PAYROLL 😂. He lookin for that girl whose papa wasn't around and she gon meet him and be like "he's old but he'll be my daddy 😚" like real, real deep emotional holes being filled RN. Anyway OAMs should be able to enjoy music like everyone else, I ain't mad unless they being predatory in which case: if u see something, SAY something. Lots of roofies getting dropped these next 4 days - u might could save a life - if u not comfortable snitching then at least talk to the girl - IT'S NOT COCK BLOCKING IF SHE AINT LUCID! Bless up 😍
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Tumblr, Blog, and Good: hudsonherper: Eastern Copperhead (Agkistrodon contortrix) Got to see this guy peeking out from his den. A good way to end a really hot day.

hudsonherper: Eastern Copperhead (Agkistrodon contortrix) Got to see this guy peeking out from his den. A good way to end a really hot day.

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Tumblr, Winter, and Blog: bunnywartooth: Here we have the wild Fenriz peeking out of his burrow after a long winter.

bunnywartooth: Here we have the wild Fenriz peeking out of his burrow after a long winter.

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