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Bored, Life, and Love: updatebug Can you even imagine being the poor alien sod responsible for auditing an earthling spaceship's spending allowance? Like "I see, and why do you require many tubes of white plant flavoured paste?" "Oh well, if we don't rub that on our teeth twice daily the bacteria living in my mouth will begin to devour me teeth Noted." "I have also noticed several large shipments of specific medications, and a variety of individually packaged absorbent material - however injury records do not show sufficient numbers to justify these recurrent deliveries." "Ah, yeah, it's not really an injury per say. As part of our natural reproductive cycle approximately half the population will shed the lining of one of their internal organs and expel it" .. that is the most horrifying thing that I have ever heard." Yeah." "Does such a process not hurt?" That'l be what the medication's for. Pain killers for the cramps, birth control to stop the process." and your reasoning behind the fully functional, high-tech entertainment system?" "Okay, that we could probably do without. But in our defence that was actually insisted on as a standard feature of all fleet-ships expected to encounter Terrans. Admiral Plo'Kaght insisted on it. Something about bored humans and a an illegal betting ring featuring a cleaning robot with a knife strapped to it going up against a human with a mop?" ..I believe I should speak with my superiors." batzendrick I love how Stabby the Roomba has become such a consistent in-joke among these sorts of blogs tumblunni Galactic hero stabby the roomba: his legend continues brunhiddensmusings you cant tell me that if in fifty years we actually have scpaceship crews and not one of the dorks in space would remember stabby as the best possible joke to bring into space. even if stabby the roomba has been forgotten humans will immediately create some other harmlessly violent robotic equivalent and then be surprised their grandparents joked about the same thing back in 2017 insanity-keeps-things-fun Stabby will outlive us all Source: updatebug 55,580 notes Jun 27th, 2018 I hope life imitates HFY fiction someday

I hope life imitates HFY fiction someday

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Bruh, Club, and Hello: his favorite snack is bananas... he comes walking into the living room like this ite snack is bananas.. .he So several of my followers commented on my last post that they know men who go by Connie. I was surprised but I should not have been - humankind has a propensity to do the most, so if u can imagine it, it's probably happened 🤗. But hold TF up. One of my followers commented on my last post: "True story I work with a black male attorney named Connie." BRUH 😂. Imma keep it 600 this surprised me for real. But it should not have. See what u WASPs don't know is yall got spies amongst your ranks. Spies who studied Caucasiatry at the very highest levels and observed your customs and then skillfully blended in. See the homie Connie fought in Vietnam. His battalion was comprised of dudes from Massachusetts and New Hampshire. He met them on the first day of basic training and said "hello my name is Cornelius" and the white boys was all "ok cool Connie I'm Whitney but people call me Whit and this is Tinsley but we call him Tin Can lol." And Connie was all "FUCK DID YOU JUST CALL ME" and Whit was all "relax brother. My uncle was named Cornelius and we called him Connie so I was just showing some love." And Whit and Tin Can taught Connie the ways of the northeastern upper crust and the rest is history. Connie went on to Yale law school, joined a white shoe Manhattan firm, was admitted to the partnership his first shot out, and was the first black member at a prestigious Long Island golf club. Connie vacations in Nantucket and golfs on Martha's Vineyard, u feel me? Connie sits on the board of a bank and a major retailer, and is considering joining the board of a tech company, which will require him to wear jeans, which he hasn't done in 32 years. Shout to u, Connie. I'm just fumbling thru life tryina figure shit out in 2017 meanwhile u living in 3017 in the cockpit of a spaceship flying across planets like a BOSS. Interplanetary swag. I fucks with u bruh! Mentor me! My new hero for real 😍😂😂😂
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Tumblr, Blog, and Http: scifiseries: Retro spaceships by Czech illustrator Teodor Rotrekl

scifiseries: Retro spaceships by Czech illustrator Teodor Rotrekl

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Memes, 🤖, and Spaceship: Once you go black RUMp 2017 OBAMA 2009 That's a really cool spaceship 🚀😱😍 Tag 3 friends • Turn on post notifications ➫➫➫ Follow @Genuineguy_ for more funny posts daily!

That's a really cool spaceship 🚀😱😍 Tag 3 friends • Turn on post notifications ➫➫➫ Follow @Genuineguy_ for more funny posts daily!

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Memes, Soldiers, and Spider: WHAT'S YOUR ORIGIN STORY? 1. Find your first name initial 2. Find your last name initial 3. Combine them together FIRST LAST A MEMORIES OF PAST LIFE RESTORED BY A KISS A DURING INITIATION CEREMONY B PARENTS MURDERED B IN THE SEWER C HIT BY PARTICLE ACCELERATOR SHOCKWAVES C AT THE HOSPITAL D GIVEN A RING D ON A SPACESHIP E LEFT ON QUEST TO SAVE FRIEND ABANDONED HOUSE ON SMALL ROCK F LURED INTO A MAGICAL CAVE F IN A CAVE G YOUR EX SHOT YOU AND GUESTS IN FRONT OF A CHICKEN RESTAURANT H GRANTED POWERS BY A WizARD H IN THE WOMB BORN WITH MUTANT POWERS IN THE FOREST SHIPWRECK ED J IN YOUR OFFICE K TOLD YOU WERE A WIZARD K ON THE ROOF L VOLUNTEERED FOR EXPERIMENT L IN YOUR HOME M DRANK DARKSPAWN BLOOD M BEHIND A SUBWAY TUNNEL N IN A LAB N TAKEN HOSTAGE BY ENEMIES O FORMS A CONTRACT WITH A WHITE CAT DURING YOUR WEDDING REHERSAL P STEPPED IN GREEN OOZE P ON THE WAY TO AZKABAN Q SCIENTIFICALLY EXPERIMENTED ON Q ON A DESERT PLANET R ON A DESERTED ISLAND R BUILT TO BE A ROBOTIC SOLDIER S HIT WITH COSMIC RAYS S SUMMONED TO AN ALIENS SIDE T ASKED TO GO ON AN ADVENTURE T IN A CAR U MOTHER WAS BITTEN BY A VAMPIRE U IN AN ALLEY V BITTEN BY RADIOACTIVE SPIDER V IN A MILITARY LAB KNOCKED INTO RANDOM CHEMICALS W IN A PRISON CELL X 100 DAILY PUSH-UPS, SIT-UPS & SQUATS HAD A HIGH MIDI CHLORIAN COUNT Y EERIE UNDERGROUND CHAMBER Z HIT WITH GAMMA RAYS Z IN THE MIDDLE OF A STREET You are the chosen one. What is your ORIGIN story? Embrace your ORIGINS with Loot Crate & Loot Crate DX before they are history. Last day to order is January 19th at 9pm PST! (link in bio) lootcrate lootcratedx

You are the chosen one. What is your ORIGIN story? Embrace your ORIGINS with Loot Crate

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Apparently, Computers, and Memes: Anonymous 12/23/13(Mon)10:04:04 UTC-5 No.522930202 Tell me about it went to the store on Thursday >bought a half gallon jar of pickles love me some pickles >eat one as soon as I get home tastes goodman bat so good l decide l'll have a few more >walk back to my computer and start to work but the urge is not sated >not by a long shot come back to life-giving pickle jar several more time >eat several pickles each time after an hour the jar is empty >400% of my daily sodium never tasted so good thirty minutes later l hear a churning in my stomach not a light rumbling, sounds like the noise an old tub makes when you suddenly pull the drain initiate sprint to bathroom mode barely get my ass on the toilet as a fucking waterfall emerges from my asshole never in my life have relief and horror been such close bedfellows after about ten seconds of continuous flow it subsides to a trickle and stops toilet water is green and smells like vinegar >body didn't even try to digest that shit clean up and go back to computer thinking "thank god that's over" >Not. Even. Close. five minutes later the rumbling is back >even louder this time sprint to bathroom, lather, rinse, repeat this happens five more fucking times s finally all gone stomach is concave; l have never had less food inside my body completely cleaned out >cue rumble >sit on toilet but it's different this time >l KNOW there's nothing in there >shit out a tiny amount of liquid, immediately feel better "well I guess there was just a tiny bit left, that wasn't so ba- >all at once the burning fire of a thousand young suns sets upon my anal sphincter >l had just shat out pure stomach acid frantically wipe at my ass to prevent it from melting away like the spaceship floor in Alien >craw in shower, turn cold water on full blast, and lie prone while gently sobbing eventually towel off and crawl exhausted into bed at 3:00 in the afternoon sleep for fourteen hours In retrospect, it was all totally worth it I love me some pickles. the pickle pooper also I apparently already posted the goalie one??? so oop
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