Do The Work
Do The Work

Do The Work

Caitlyn Jenner Jokes
Caitlyn Jenner Jokes

Caitlyn Jenner Jokes

Blame Me
Blame Me

Blame Me

Spaghetties
Spaghetties

Spaghetties

Impersonable
Impersonable

Impersonable

spreading
 spreading

spreading

inspire
inspire

inspire

seemingly
seemingly

seemingly

ifs
ifs

ifs

hoping
hoping

hoping

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Beer, Life, and Love: I don't know what he's doing, I just told him to FLOSS! Peter Griffin here, and boy oh boy is THIS ONE a doozy! ILOLed (that's an acronym the young people of today use, and it means "laugh out loud," in case you didn't know) out loud so hard I almost spat my beer out all over my computer and ruined it! Boy would THAT ever be un-epic! Without my computer, how would I ever be able to look at these hilarious maymays and explain them for all of you? Not to mention I'd no longer be able to watch the latest compilations of Ben Shapiro DESTROYing l*btards epically. Explaining me-mes and watching leftists get epically pwned are the only two things Ireally love in life anymore, and ifI were to lose both at the same time, I honestly don't know what I'd do. Probably be so overcome with grief at my life losing all meaning, that I'd be unable to continue living my now-pointless life and put a gun in my mouth. Wow, Ireally went off track there, didn't I? Anyway, this is so epically hilarious because it features a young person, probably no older than fifteen, at the dentist's office But here's the kicker: he's not in the dentist chair or anything! No, instead, he's up and about, swinging his arms around and moving his hips! In the foreground, we have a woman wearing a surgical mask, whom we can reasonably assume is the dentist. She observes the young man confusedly, and proclaims, "I don't know what he's doing, Ijust told him to FLOSS!" See, the dentist is presumably referring to the act of rubbing a thin string between one's teeth to remove excess plaque. That's the historical definition of the word floss," which has been commercially available since 1882. Our young friend, however, seems to have other ideas. See, more recently, "floss" has come to refer to a dance move in the popular online game, Fortnite. The dance is characterized by "a lot of fast arms and hip swings as though using a giant invisible piece of floss," which is where the name comes from. Additionally, the child is drawn to resemble one Russell Horning, popularly known as "Backpack Kid," who helped popularize the dance. With this information in mind, it can be inferred that the dentist is advising the boy to keep his teeth clean, by flossing, but since he's such a gamer, he instead believes that she is telling him to do the Fortnite dance. Now THAT is epic! I tried playing Fortnite myself, a few times, but couldn't really get into it. There's too many
Advice, Confused, and Disappointed: alexaloraetheris: Reasons I believe my friend is secretly some kind of deity 1) First time we spoke was a week after the beggining of freshman year she summed up my entire character and most of the events of my life Sherlock style. I asked her how the hell she knew all that. She just shrugged and said she figured out our entire class already 1 2) The one time we had religion class instead of ethics she listened to the teacher for a few minutes, laughed and told me "Humans have wished to be gods so much they've forgotten they have to ability to create them. Imagination has truly suffered from this monotheism stuff." I was confused and asked her if she was an atheist. She rolled her eyes and said Oh I believe in god alright. I just don't think the bastard deserves to be worshipped." 3) Out of nowhere she gave me this advice The only truth a liar ever told was that lies weren't going to save you. Don't become the liar who has to pass that wisdom on, because they speak from experience 4) To this day, she has one of those old-timey phones with buttons she only uses to ocassionally call someone. When I asked her why she never got a smartphone she got pouty: "I hate social media. On Facebook they talk a lot but never say anything. If I wanted to listen to people moan about their problems and ask for help they don't expect l'd listen to their prayers." (Notice the choice of words) 5) I noticed she was stiff and I offered her a massage since I'm really good at it but when i started kneading her back I swear to this day those were not muscles I felt. I asked her what she did to turn her muscles into rocks covered with a thin layer of skin and she kinda froze then shrugged and said she was just really, really stiff. My hands hurt after ten minutes when I can usually go for an hour. Next time I offered she seemed surprised and laughed. She still has rocks for muscles 6) We were having a debate over the way neural pathways are formed (I study biology and she forensics) and I jokingly asked if I could have her brain for study when she dies. She laughed Sure, if you find a way to kill me you can have it. I'm actually curious what you're gonna find." 7) One time she was tired and miserable and I tried to comfort her. We both have really dark sense of humor so I told her she could scare the dead out of their graves with that glare. She told me the dead can't come back and I rolled my eyes and said 'obviously' but she continued When you die you descend to the underworld with nothing to lose. To keep you, they give you something to lose. When you want to return, they will demand it back. That's why nobody ever leaves. The only way out is to never enter." 8) One day she just came up to me with a disappointed look on her face When I asked her what was wrong she was quiet for a few seconds and then just told me "Betrayals committed in good intentions are still damning. Just... keep that in mind." Then she left and didn't speak to me for three days. I still don't know what she meant but even three years later I haven't forgotten it. 9) We were casually sitting on a bench when, out of nowhere, she asked me Is it just me or have humans gotten dumber? Or have they always been this stupid and I just haven't been paying attention?" 10) She asked me if I ever wondered what it was like to die. I said no but told her I would tell her when I found out. I meant it as a ghost joke but she smiled at me and said Great. I'll wait for you to come back. Maybe you'll even remember me In conclusion, she is some kind of low-key god and she lost her faith in humanity even before we lost our faith in her but she's stuck with us because immortality is a bitclh P.S. I just remembered her name is a variation on 'Eve'. Maybe l should reconsider my atheist status?! What if God was one of us?