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Big Dick, Chill, and Church: ITT: Glorious Retards >be me mormonfag church boring as fuck not really that interested in going, its a cult, mostly do it for my family hate testimony week basically open mic day once a week at church people go up and are supposed to talk about how great god is or whatever, generally just talk about how great they are and what vacation they went on last literally just a big dick measuring contest new family moves into ward pretty unusual situation: single dad, downie kid. we learned way later that he accidentally got a girl pregnant, she wanted to abort downie, he said he'd raise the baby himself rather than see that happen. not sure if i agree with it, but gotta admit, that's honorable as fuck downies a good kid too, sweet as can be, not as dumb as you'd think anyway testimony week comes around, dreading it first guy goes up, starts talking about how he baptized a lot of people on his mission >am rolling my eyes in five dimensions when I heard downie roar from across the room "TEHTIMONEY WEEK IS FOHR TEHTIMONEYS! NOE!" room goes quiet, guy wraps up quickly, sits down people tell actual wholesome stuff, they fear the downie. no dick measuring with him around next week similar thing happens: woman goes up to talk about how much she loves her husband, and how he took the whole family on a trip to mexico recently Downie interrupts "TEHTIMONEY! WEEK! IS! FOHR! TEHTIMONEYS! NOE!" lady sits down, normal talking goes on, im officially borderline gay for downie later talking with my edgelord apostate friends, we all talk about how downie is the best thing to happen to this ward ever we find downie and thank him for keeping it real. his dad is super touched that we all stopped by, we all make sure to thank downie for his interruptions and tell him to keep it real we thought maybe his dad would be annoyed that we were encouraging this, but his dad was chill as could be 6.5 kB JPG 33 min. ago. Anonymous | 44806137 cont next week, Downey takes it up a notclh mormon services have two or three talks a servic, all done by volunteers, but the talks can suuuuuuck worst ones are when old people/newly returned missionaries are asked to talk and they ramble for an hour and a half old lady is going on and on about growing up in the great depression. we're all about to go insane when downie stands up YOU TAHK TOO LON, OTHER SPEACHERS NEED TO TAHK TOO lady wraps up we're all in fucking awe of this god among us anytime somebody rambles, or tries to humblebrag, downie calls them out its fucking amazing >church is still a cult but its actually kind of fun now with downie there me and my edgelord friends keep an eye on him, nobody fucks with our downie we get near the end of HS when downie has a heart attack we all visit him in the hospital. we fucking love him >he survived the heart attack, but he just may not have a whole lot of time left. the sunday, the dad announces that him and his son are going to be moving out of state. wants to show his son more of the world before he dies. me and my friends go to downies house to say goodbye, tell him we're going to miss him so much, testimoney week is going to turn back to shit with him gone downie asks if he can tell us a secret we say sure, you can tell us anything "Dah tole me wat to say all those times. >mfw his dad originally used his retarded son as a way to ignore social conventions and tell people to stfu, but wound up continuing to do it for years because he knew it was helping him have friends. >mfw when im not sure if his dad is an asshole or a genius >mfw I don't even care anymore, I still think fondly of that glorious downie bastard yelling at old ladies from the back of the chapel 1 REPLY Anon goes to church
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Anaconda, Best Friend, and Fake: troyave I Got arrested, Stayed in jail to "Kept it Real" cause I believed In "The Streets" #StreetsSay: Ya Friends/Homies "Suppose To" "handle business & put in work" while u down!? #StreetsSay: If u all get pulled over Ya homies "Suppose to" take the charge 4 u cause the "Money Earner Provider" so business can continue. streets lied, this was Myth, when the pressure was on, I'm the only one who performed, al the homies & friends where out for they self, saying things like "I got kids, I can't go to jail etc Im fighting for My freedom because of a "HATER STALKER or the "cooler new word" a TROLL" it's all the same and it's all fake! And u You support that then U know what u are. [l'm DONE keeping it real with Fake niggaz]VA #StreetsisAMyth #StreetsSay-"This Our Block" but don't OWN nothing on it. #StreetsSay: "FreeMyBro" But never offer money for his appeal #MoralOfTheStory DO NOT KEEP IT REAL WITH FAKE PEOPLE, Because it'll cost You! Cost me My freedom Cost me full use in my Right Leg LERALERTCOM Cost me the life of my best friend Cost me Custody of my kids - Cost me Over $2,000,000 dollars in expenses And now it might cost me 20-40yrs in Jail at least another 5MILLION dollars+ the Career that i built from nothing against the odds for a Hater That's POINTING THE FINGER at me?! Told y'all it's a Handicapped being a real one.... If u asks most these niggaz to give $100 to a friend they Wouldn't #Facto I Guarantee you I can't Offset None of these COSTS with "Street Cred" And I Guarantee you The Streets Ain't contributing to None of my expenses. Ya Boy built different, I keep pushing thru all the negativity, I keep elevating slowly but surely cause lan the type to wait out the storm, I Dance in The Rain From the desk of TroyAve
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Be Like, Deep Throat, and Dope: Hoes be like "l can count how many niggas i've fucked with one hand" I advise you not to ask a girl her body count. There's a chance you might hear some shit you didn't want to. I was tryna to hook up with this one girl from school. Her name was Debbie but the homies called her deep throat. Head game gonna feel like getting your ears cleaned with a Q tip while reaching climax. I'm not the type of guy to listen to other guys when it come to girls. I rather keep it real and get to know them myself before making judgement. Debbie was pretty cool. Me and her had a lot in common and she seem dope. My homies saw me walk her to class one time and tried to have a intervention with me. I'm hard headed and didn't listen to them. At the end of the day your homies ain't gonna be laid up watching dragon ball super with you. (unless you into that ). I'm on FaceTime having a heart to heart with her. She ask me if I'm a virgin. I be hesitant to answer this question because if I say yes then she might think I'm a fuck boy, but if I say no the she might be down so she can take my V card. Hoes collect virginities like Pokémon. I asked her how many dudes she been with. She pulled out a Dick‘e -Dex (similar to the PokeDex) but it and recorded the vital info of the dudes that hit. Debbie listed my niggas, her niggas, my niggas niggas, and they niggas niggas niggas, more niggas then a lil wayne verse. After listening her List more dudes than avogordos number I was still in the mindset to fuck. That means her sex experience is max prestige and that's a Win. I had to act unsurprised like "oh ok cool" It was good until she said "Yea well that's the past tho my next man is gonna be husband. I spit out drink like triple H laughing. What you talking about sis? How you gonna play me like that? I hung my phone up with God level swiftness. Be careful kings.
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