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Ass, Bad, and Beautiful: teaboot I swear to God I'm going to kill my pothead stoner asshole neighbors. This apartment has no fucking air circulation and it's hot as Lucifer's tits in here so I open window and it's fucking 25/7around-the-clock goddamned fucking CLOUDS of fucking weed coming up the side of the building, fucking hotboxes by proxy two stories up. Holy fuck. Holy fuck. Like I could not physically give less of a steaming shit that they're smoking pot, I don't care, I don't give a FUUUUCK, but it's a beautiful 3 in the afternoon or pouring rain at 1 AM and ITS PRECIPITATING WEED SWEAT IN MY LIVIBG ROOM I swear to God they're just chucking it by the kilo onto the barbecue at this point. They've got to be hosting a fucking White Trash Bob Marley revival tour on their fucking balcony and broadcasting it live to Hoboken They're doing a goddamned kush marathon fundraiser to raise awareness for discontinued Doritos flavours I can hear them coughing smoke. FROM MY BATHROOM Every so often I hear a loud ass *wheeeeze*, and I pray to the Lord that one of them has finally Gone Home To Jesus There is no reason in the entire known universe for three people to consume this much fucking devil lettuce per day. They should be dead. They're going to be the first known death caused by a marijuana overdose I cannot overstate how bad it smells When I open my window, I'm immediately astral-projected into the body of a 43 year old blonde woman with dreadlocks named Amethystglow Phoenixfire. She has an OM tattoo on top of her left foot and sells decorative gourds online. Her "spirit animal" is a tiger. She has a rescue dog and feeds it on a strict vegan diet. She doesn't believe in soap An hour later I emerge from my vision wearing a triple X size mumu, one burkinstock, and a Lulu lemon headband. I didn't own a bongo before, but I do now teaboot I promised my mama I wouldn't grow up to be a violet person but Its past midnight on a Thursday and I'm about to go downstairs and strangle these shit spewing smog muppets with my own two bare hands teaboot I have to get up at 6 AM for work tomorrow morning and I'm going to have to walk past a crime scene that looks like three oily sheepdogs were beaten to death by Oscar the grouch and I'm going to have to pretend I have no idea what happened teaboot I'm so fucking high right now teaboot HOLY FUCK THIS IS STILL MY LIFE BUT ON THE BRIGHT SIDE THEIR COUGHS ARE NOW A LONG, WHISTLING WHEEZE SO MAYBE GOD IS HERE TO INTERVENE Source: teaboot The neighbors are doing the weed.
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Another One, Bad, and Beef: work theater ab a movie and when sklnny biEches order diet, coke.laive them regular. Wahahahaha pomrania: fibrochemist: iambloggingthat: tired-philosopher: prismatic-bell: trickstersgambit: greenteamoon: 40yodater: fiaspice: carnistprivilege: evilythedwarf: untapdtreasure: willowfae82: minnigem: iopele: obstinate-nocturna: sailornightfury: toboldlygowherethewinchestersare: classykatelyn: housebuiltbyghosts: kimchicutie: acorn-burglar: theforcekeepers: DO NOT DO THIS. This makes me so angry. If you work in a movie theater and you do this I have no respect for you. My younger brother is Type 1 Diabetic. When we go to a movie theater, we always get him diet soda. If he were to get regular when we asked for diet, we would not give him the insulin he would need for it. If that happens, his blood sugar level could go so high he could go into a coma, go blind, or even die. If somebody gave him regular soda instead of diet without telling us, that person could be responsible for a nine-year-old being killed or blinded. Just thinking about that makes me so angry. I get scared every time we take him to a movie in case the people working there saw this picture and decide to do the same thing. Please signal boost this so people know. This also applies to baristas Fun story about the baristas doing this kind of shit.  I am very sensitive to lactose, not Lactose intolerant but because of stomach ulcers that are still healing. A couple years ago I went to Starbucks right after my classes with some friends and asked for a green tea latte with soy milk. The barista, for some reason out of malice and/or hate for her life so she took it out on me, gave me whole milk in my latte. 5 minutes after my first sip of latte, my stomach cramped BAD. Not the “Oh! time to poop!” kind of cramp but it felt like someone had stabbed me with a knife and twisted it. Now I’ve had this happen before so I knew the cause of it. I went up to the barista clutching my gut screaming at her that she put dairy in my latte rather than soy LIKE I REQUESTED. She denied it and called me a “pretentious white girl for wanting soy”and so my friends got the manager. I had to explain that I had stomach ulcers that were still healing and if I were to go to the hospital for this incident, they would be responsible for it. Manager flipped his shit and the barista was terrified out of her mind. Pretty sure both thought i was gonna sue. Manager actually fired her on the spot because of the negligence. My friends managed to get me home in one piece while I stayed home for 3 days in absolute agony and missed my midterm. So remember kiddies, if someone is asking for Diet or “Skinny” or “soy” or anything that is not regular, give them what they requested because it may not be them being healthy, but a dietary need that can possibly be life or death also if they ARE trying to be healthy you should give it to them to!! Its not your decision to police or question others food choices!!!  also im lactose intolerant AND ive had stomach infections/ulcers so i feel this.  I have Celiac Disease, so I’m very gluten intolerant. When I go out to eat at restaurants a lot of people just assume that I asked for my food gluten free because of the gluten free diet fad (which is usually a bullshit diet btw).  Last month I went out to dinner with a friend at an italian restaurant that had a small gluten free menu. I had been there once before and had their gluten free pasta and it was great! I think one of the managers had been there and was super helpful when taking my order to make sure that everything was gluten free for me. When I ordered the gluten free pasta again this time though, the waitress who took my order all but rolled her eyes at me. I didn’t think much of it at the time, because the restaurant was so accommodating before, I just assumed it would be the same this time. But sure enough, they brought out my pasta, I ate it, and about an hour later I had extreme stomach pains and was throwing up (in a movie theater no less). Barfing and agonizing pain aside, eating gluten when you have celiac causes a lot of internal damage that’s hard to notice. The biggest thing is that it damages your intestines, preventing your body from absorbing nutrients properly, which can take months to heal. So PLEASE, if you work at a restaurant or anything with food and someone asks for something a certain way, please listen to them and don’t just disregard someone’s order. It’s not funny and it can have serious consequences. I will reblog this with every single story about someone getting sick because of an asshole giving them the opposite of what they ordered until it sinks in for everyone. Recently on the news a 16 year old boy with a dairy allergy had gone to eat at IHOP with his family. The specifically asked if they could make dairy free pancakes and they said yes. Not too long after he had a reaction and was rushed to the hospital. This kid died because the was dairy in his pancakes that they asked for no dairy. His epi pen that his mother had wasn’t enough to help him. I know working in fast food or any job that’s serves food and beverage sucks but not as much as causing someone to get sick over negligence. My youngest cousin – who is now five, he just started kindergarten – has Celiac’s disease. You would not BELEIVE the amount of times I’ve heard my aunt say she’s ordered something gluten free, only to watch the waiter or waitress’s eyes go huge when she gives it to my cousin – my cousin with the medical id band on his tiny five year old wrist proclaiming I HAVE CELIACS and have to take it back.Shit like this could kill my cousin. Knock it the fuck off. I cannot tolerate caffeine–it makes me have chest pain and a racing pulse, and also gives me horrible body pain, so I always ask for decaf if I order coffee when I’m out, and doublecheck with the waiter/ress when they bring it. but instead of saying “is this decaf like I asked for?” I always say “oh, did I remember to order decaf?” I shouldn’t have to act like I’m the forgetful one (because I know damn well I asked for decaf) but it seems to work better than implying that they screwed up when I take the blame on myself like that. and if there’s any hesitation when they answer, I tell them, “if there’s any doubt, please get another one, or just give me water–if this is regular, it’ll mess up my heart” and lots of times when I say that, they look alarmed and go change it or get another one.  but I shouldn’t HAVE to share my personal medical history with strangers just to get my order right! no one should! how is it their business? it makes me really uncomfortable to have to do that. JUST GIVE PEOPLE WHAT THEY ORDER! I’ve reblogged this maaaany times before but there’s a few new stories on here so i’m doing it again. cut this shit out don’t be that kind of asshole. As a diabetic, this would make me so beyond angry. Skinny doesn’t mean they don’t have a life threatening illness. Skinny doesn’t mean they can process sugar the way you do. People that do this are the worst kinds of people. DO NOT DO THIS! Me and my family went to a restaurant a few years back and one of the dishes we ordered was made with wine vinegar, which I am allergic to, so we asked the waiter to skip it, and he said sure, no problem, that’s fine.So my food gets to the table, and I start eating and then my throat closes and I can’t breathe and then I start coughing and throwing up right there in the middle of the restaurant and it was very fortunate that I was with my family and they knew what was happening to me. I had to be rushed to the hospital, and admitted, and I came damn near close to having my throat cut open so I could breathe through a whole on my neck. Because they put wine vinegar in my food when I explicitly told them not to, because they were assholes, and I could have died.They probably didn’t mean to hurt me but they did. I missed class, and work, and, again, I COULD HAVE DIED. i have cyclic vomiting syndrome and can’t tolerate dairy or red meat. violating my dietary restrictions triggers an acute episode, and i have to be hospitalized and given iv saline, ativan, and anti-emetics to stop the (extremely painful and incapacitating) vomiting. if somebody put regular milk instead of soy milk in my latte and i didn’t notice the taste immediately, i could wind up in the er and then spend several days in bed recovering, eating nothing but saltines and dry toast and clear liquids until my body was able to tolerate food again, unable to work or go out or do anything besides rest. whenever i go to starbucks, i WATCH them make my drink. cvs episodes are horrible and i hate them, and i can prevent them if i do everything right, but that means my damn barista has to cooperate. if somebody decided i was a stuck up white girl and gave me whole milk instead of soy they could put me in the hospital and cost me days of income. give ppl the food they fuckin order. it’s not that hard. Reblogging because it’s so important. I’m “lucky” I don’t have any food allergies or intolerence, but it makes me mad when people take them not seriously, think you are picky or just following a “white girl diet fad”. 90% of people don’t take my cats and dog allergies seriously when I tell them I’m allergic and wondering if a cat or a dog is present at X place. They think it’s just watery eyes. Nope. Well yeah, watery and itchy eyes, but I start wo wheeze and have trouble breathing. They don’t give epi-pen for those (anyway you have to go to the hospital after) just inhaler. It’s no miracle, specially if I didn’t take other meds before. When people tell you about their allergies or restriction, trust them! Reblogging for all the stories here because this is sooo important!  I have a severe allergy to gluten and relate to MANY of the stories above. My daughter has a severe allergy to milk fat, and I have had to hold her hair many times while she vomits on the side of the road because we couldn’t even make it home from the “accidental” whole milk instead of skim.  I’m super lactose intolerant so accidental milk is always fun. Severe diarrhea, stomach cramps, bloating, and gas like you wouldn’t believe. Better than death you might say but, I have other medical conditions, so that diarrhea could lead to vomiting(it’s so bad the vomit comes out my mouth AND nose) and dehydration that in turn becomes low cortisol and adrenal crisis. A bitchy barista can land me in the hospital with an intramuscular shot and saline iv. Hun, it takes no time to listen and follow my order. It takes me at least 24 hours to get out of the hospital. Be nice. I’m allergic to pork. Legit allergic. I can’t count how many times I’ve had to ask it off my food only to receive it with bacon or ham or something on it. Please respect peoples food requests. It costs 0.00$ to not be a dick. I actually have customers who say they’ll only eat at my restaurant when I’m there, because they know I require all policy to be followed, as in “I will kick you the fuck off your shift if you skimp,” if someone says the words “I have an allergy.” I developed our allergy policies, for that matter, because what we had in place before was “I guess you shouldn’t change your gloves … . ?” On my shifts your gloves get changed, that line gets wiped down with a new cloth, paper under EVERY ITEM for the person with the allergy, bag their food separately to prevent contact. If there’s a risk of cross-contamination with an allergen, like tomatoes in the guac because stuff spills when you’re moving as fast as we do, I’ll open a new bag of food. I learned the ingredients in every item we serve so I could advise people on hidden allergens (e.g., there’s a small amount of wheat in our beef as a thickener; we fry with safflower oil). We have a grease pencil to mark special builds and I use it liberally on allergy orders. If all of this sounds like overkill, you’ve never watched a child suffer from anaphylaxis. I don’t play around. Like, I bitch about my job a lot, but food allergies and special needs are not something I will ever bitch about. Even if you’re a complete asshole I won’t risk contaminating your food. (Although people with allergies seem to be way nicer than the general population, I gotta say.) Don’t do it. If someone’s a petty asshole to you, give them too much ice in their drink. Don’t play with their health. DO NOT FUCKING SCROLL PAST THIS P L E A S E Reblogging this again because it is important. Doing the right thing has no cost but doing the wrong thing can cost a person’s life. Don’t be a dick, give the person what they ordered This is why turning legitimate illness into fad is stupid! You’re fucking killing people. Just don’t be a dick. Seriously, if you hate a customer, just badmouth them once they’re gone, or give them the finger under the counter; you’ll get just as much satisfaction, and you won’t run the risk of accidentally killing someone.
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Another One, Bad, and Beef: work theater ab a movie and when sklnny biEches order diet, coke.laive them regular. Wahahahaha youcannotbesirius: flufferanian: iambloggingthat: tired-philosopher: prismatic-bell: trickstersgambit: greenteamoon: 40yodater: fiaspice: carnistprivilege: evilythedwarf: untapdtreasure: willowfae82: minnigem: iopele: obstinate-nocturna: sailornightfury: toboldlygowherethewinchestersare: classykatelyn: housebuiltbyghosts: kimchicutie: acorn-burglar: theforcekeepers: DO NOT DO THIS. This makes me so angry. If you work in a movie theater and you do this I have no respect for you. My younger brother is Type 1 Diabetic. When we go to a movie theater, we always get him diet soda. If he were to get regular when we asked for diet, we would not give him the insulin he would need for it. If that happens, his blood sugar level could go so high he could go into a coma, go blind, or even die. If somebody gave him regular soda instead of diet without telling us, that person could be responsible for a nine-year-old being killed or blinded. Just thinking about that makes me so angry. I get scared every time we take him to a movie in case the people working there saw this picture and decide to do the same thing. Please signal boost this so people know. This also applies to baristas Fun story about the baristas doing this kind of shit.  I am very sensitive to lactose, not Lactose intolerant but because of stomach ulcers that are still healing. A couple years ago I went to Starbucks right after my classes with some friends and asked for a green tea latte with soy milk. The barista, for some reason out of malice and/or hate for her life so she took it out on me, gave me whole milk in my latte. 5 minutes after my first sip of latte, my stomach cramped BAD. Not the “Oh! time to poop!” kind of cramp but it felt like someone had stabbed me with a knife and twisted it. Now I’ve had this happen before so I knew the cause of it. I went up to the barista clutching my gut screaming at her that she put dairy in my latte rather than soy LIKE I REQUESTED. She denied it and called me a “pretentious white girl for wanting soy”and so my friends got the manager. I had to explain that I had stomach ulcers that were still healing and if I were to go to the hospital for this incident, they would be responsible for it. Manager flipped his shit and the barista was terrified out of her mind. Pretty sure both thought i was gonna sue. Manager actually fired her on the spot because of the negligence. My friends managed to get me home in one piece while I stayed home for 3 days in absolute agony and missed my midterm. So remember kiddies, if someone is asking for Diet or “Skinny” or “soy” or anything that is not regular, give them what they requested because it may not be them being healthy, but a dietary need that can possibly be life or death also if they ARE trying to be healthy you should give it to them to!! Its not your decision to police or question others food choices!!!  also im lactose intolerant AND ive had stomach infections/ulcers so i feel this.  I have Celiac Disease, so I’m very gluten intolerant. When I go out to eat at restaurants a lot of people just assume that I asked for my food gluten free because of the gluten free diet fad (which is usually a bullshit diet btw).  Last month I went out to dinner with a friend at an italian restaurant that had a small gluten free menu. I had been there once before and had their gluten free pasta and it was great! I think one of the managers had been there and was super helpful when taking my order to make sure that everything was gluten free for me. When I ordered the gluten free pasta again this time though, the waitress who took my order all but rolled her eyes at me. I didn’t think much of it at the time, because the restaurant was so accommodating before, I just assumed it would be the same this time. But sure enough, they brought out my pasta, I ate it, and about an hour later I had extreme stomach pains and was throwing up (in a movie theater no less). Barfing and agonizing pain aside, eating gluten when you have celiac causes a lot of internal damage that’s hard to notice. The biggest thing is that it damages your intestines, preventing your body from absorbing nutrients properly, which can take months to heal. So PLEASE, if you work at a restaurant or anything with food and someone asks for something a certain way, please listen to them and don’t just disregard someone’s order. It’s not funny and it can have serious consequences. I will reblog this with every single story about someone getting sick because of an asshole giving them the opposite of what they ordered until it sinks in for everyone. Recently on the news a 16 year old boy with a dairy allergy had gone to eat at IHOP with his family. The specifically asked if they could make dairy free pancakes and they said yes. Not too long after he had a reaction and was rushed to the hospital. This kid died because the was dairy in his pancakes that they asked for no dairy. His epi pen that his mother had wasn’t enough to help him. I know working in fast food or any job that’s serves food and beverage sucks but not as much as causing someone to get sick over negligence. My youngest cousin – who is now five, he just started kindergarten – has Celiac’s disease. You would not BELEIVE the amount of times I’ve heard my aunt say she’s ordered something gluten free, only to watch the waiter or waitress’s eyes go huge when she gives it to my cousin – my cousin with the medical id band on his tiny five year old wrist proclaiming I HAVE CELIACS and have to take it back.Shit like this could kill my cousin. Knock it the fuck off. I cannot tolerate caffeine–it makes me have chest pain and a racing pulse, and also gives me horrible body pain, so I always ask for decaf if I order coffee when I’m out, and doublecheck with the waiter/ress when they bring it. but instead of saying “is this decaf like I asked for?” I always say “oh, did I remember to order decaf?” I shouldn’t have to act like I’m the forgetful one (because I know damn well I asked for decaf) but it seems to work better than implying that they screwed up when I take the blame on myself like that. and if there’s any hesitation when they answer, I tell them, “if there’s any doubt, please get another one, or just give me water–if this is regular, it’ll mess up my heart” and lots of times when I say that, they look alarmed and go change it or get another one.  but I shouldn’t HAVE to share my personal medical history with strangers just to get my order right! no one should! how is it their business? it makes me really uncomfortable to have to do that. JUST GIVE PEOPLE WHAT THEY ORDER! I’ve reblogged this maaaany times before but there’s a few new stories on here so i’m doing it again. cut this shit out don’t be that kind of asshole. As a diabetic, this would make me so beyond angry. Skinny doesn’t mean they don’t have a life threatening illness. Skinny doesn’t mean they can process sugar the way you do. People that do this are the worst kinds of people. DO NOT DO THIS! Me and my family went to a restaurant a few years back and one of the dishes we ordered was made with wine vinegar, which I am allergic to, so we asked the waiter to skip it, and he said sure, no problem, that’s fine.So my food gets to the table, and I start eating and then my throat closes and I can’t breathe and then I start coughing and throwing up right there in the middle of the restaurant and it was very fortunate that I was with my family and they knew what was happening to me. I had to be rushed to the hospital, and admitted, and I came damn near close to having my throat cut open so I could breathe through a whole on my neck. Because they put wine vinegar in my food when I explicitly told them not to, because they were assholes, and I could have died.They probably didn’t mean to hurt me but they did. I missed class, and work, and, again, I COULD HAVE DIED. i have cyclic vomiting syndrome and can’t tolerate dairy or red meat. violating my dietary restrictions triggers an acute episode, and i have to be hospitalized and given iv saline, ativan, and anti-emetics to stop the (extremely painful and incapacitating) vomiting. if somebody put regular milk instead of soy milk in my latte and i didn’t notice the taste immediately, i could wind up in the er and then spend several days in bed recovering, eating nothing but saltines and dry toast and clear liquids until my body was able to tolerate food again, unable to work or go out or do anything besides rest. whenever i go to starbucks, i WATCH them make my drink. cvs episodes are horrible and i hate them, and i can prevent them if i do everything right, but that means my damn barista has to cooperate. if somebody decided i was a stuck up white girl and gave me whole milk instead of soy they could put me in the hospital and cost me days of income. give ppl the food they fuckin order. it’s not that hard. Reblogging because it’s so important. I’m “lucky” I don’t have any food allergies or intolerence, but it makes me mad when people take them not seriously, think you are picky or just following a “white girl diet fad”. 90% of people don’t take my cats and dog allergies seriously when I tell them I’m allergic and wondering if a cat or a dog is present at X place. They think it’s just watery eyes. Nope. Well yeah, watery and itchy eyes, but I start wo wheeze and have trouble breathing. They don’t give epi-pen for those (anyway you have to go to the hospital after) just inhaler. It’s no miracle, specially if I didn’t take other meds before. When people tell you about their allergies or restriction, trust them! Reblogging for all the stories here because this is sooo important!  I have a severe allergy to gluten and relate to MANY of the stories above. My daughter has a severe allergy to milk fat, and I have had to hold her hair many times while she vomits on the side of the road because we couldn’t even make it home from the “accidental” whole milk instead of skim.  I’m super lactose intolerant so accidental milk is always fun. Severe diarrhea, stomach cramps, bloating, and gas like you wouldn’t believe. Better than death you might say but, I have other medical conditions, so that diarrhea could lead to vomiting(it’s so bad the vomit comes out my mouth AND nose) and dehydration that in turn becomes low cortisol and adrenal crisis. A bitchy barista can land me in the hospital with an intramuscular shot and saline iv. Hun, it takes no time to listen and follow my order. It takes me at least 24 hours to get out of the hospital. Be nice. I’m allergic to pork. Legit allergic. I can’t count how many times I’ve had to ask it off my food only to receive it with bacon or ham or something on it. Please respect peoples food requests. It costs 0.00$ to not be a dick. I actually have customers who say they’ll only eat at my restaurant when I’m there, because they know I require all policy to be followed, as in “I will kick you the fuck off your shift if you skimp,” if someone says the words “I have an allergy.” I developed our allergy policies, for that matter, because what we had in place before was “I guess you shouldn’t change your gloves … . ?” On my shifts your gloves get changed, that line gets wiped down with a new cloth, paper under EVERY ITEM for the person with the allergy, bag their food separately to prevent contact. If there’s a risk of cross-contamination with an allergen, like tomatoes in the guac because stuff spills when you’re moving as fast as we do, I’ll open a new bag of food. I learned the ingredients in every item we serve so I could advise people on hidden allergens (e.g., there’s a small amount of wheat in our beef as a thickener; we fry with safflower oil). We have a grease pencil to mark special builds and I use it liberally on allergy orders. If all of this sounds like overkill, you’ve never watched a child suffer from anaphylaxis. I don’t play around. Like, I bitch about my job a lot, but food allergies and special needs are not something I will ever bitch about. Even if you’re a complete asshole I won’t risk contaminating your food. (Although people with allergies seem to be way nicer than the general population, I gotta say.) Don’t do it. If someone’s a petty asshole to you, give them too much ice in their drink. Don’t play with their health. DO NOT FUCKING SCROLL PAST THIS P L E A S E Reblogging this again because it is important. Doing the right thing has no cost but doing the wrong thing can cost a person’s life. Don’t be a dick, give the person what they ordered reblogging bc that is not only hurtful but also stereotypical towards white women, even if said person is an asshole. My dad is allergic to dairy, if he gets any he’s miserable for hours because of the shit it does to his digestive system.
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Tumblr, Blog, and Http: notsafef0rtwerk: overmydeadbussy: every twink after 26 *WHEEZE*

notsafef0rtwerk: overmydeadbussy: every twink after 26 *WHEEZE*

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Apparently, Bones, and Bored: THESE GUYS WERE FOUND FIGHTING INSIDE THE SCHOOL. AS A PUNISHMENT FOR FIGHTING, THEY WERE GIVEN A CHOICE. THE OPTIONS? SUSPENSION OR HOLDING HANDS FOR AN HOUR more awesome pictures at THEMETAPICTURE.COM diydrarry: parseltonquinq: dorthyannwrites: justanotherdrarryblog: sprout2012: stoptryingtomakethingshappen: I definitely ship it Could someone please write this???!!! Or imagine DRARRY Has anyone made this a drarry fic or art yet? Please… Please yes someone. Make us the thing. We needs it. Interhouse unity could fuck off was the last thought that went through Harry’s mind when he went to break Malfoy’s perfect nose. He’d had enough, enough sneering, enough taunting, enough cheating during their damn seeker’s games which! Harry was only doing because he was bored and couldn’t play and fuck if Malfoy wasn’t the only one in the school good enough to even keep up. But he was done. He didn’t break his goddamn nose which was a shame, only grazed the prat’s cheek and got him once in the stomach which made Malfoy wheeze in a very satisfying manner. Before he cracked the back of his head into Harry’s jaw and tried to punch Harry back, missing and hitting his ear, which Harry learned was intensely painful. They had ended up in a tangled heap of rage on the floor, eventually separated by an irate Headmistress McGonagall who informed them that they had two choices, two weeks of detentions with Filch or they could hold hands for an hour. Harry was very tempted to take the detention but the look of inordinate glee on Finch’s face changed his mind. Apparently, it had the same effect on Malfoy because now they were stuck, side by side in two chairs in the middle of the Great Hall, holding hands. A great many of their classmates were gathered around gleefully watching. Seamus was already taking bets on if they could last the hour. Most of the bets were on how they would snap and end up viciously assaulting each other. Harry took a deep breath and refused to look at anyone. It was just an hour. He could manage an hour. Malfoy was even being decent for once, covering his face with his hand and staying still and silent, just waiting for the storm of humiliation to pass overhead. Five minutes passed, then ten, fifteen and then twenty and nothing happened. A lot of the crowd dispersed, muttering and bored, leaving only the dedicated few who had money riding on the outcome. Harry dropped his head into the crook of his elbow wishing he could take a nap or even study, he’d have rather done almost anything than hold Malfoy’s hand. In the dark of his arm, his senses gently refocused, on his breathing and the gentle thrum of his own heart and then on Malfoy’s hand. It was strange how easy it was to hold the other bloke’s hand. For some reason, he had been expecting it to be unpleasant, slimy or sweaty or just, something but it was almost… nice. Malfoy’s hand was smooth and cool and his fingers were long and well shaped. Harry startled as he realized he had shifted his grip to lace their fingers together. He felt Malfoy stiffen and go still. Harry lifted his head and glanced out of the corner of his eye at the other boy. He hadn’t moved but his breathing seemed uneven. Harry’s own heart seemed to be beating too fast suddenly and he felt almost shaky. He closed his eyes again, a thrum of anxiety slipping under his skin. His hand loosened and slipped down so he could run his thumb across the inside of Malfoy’s wrist. He traced the prominent bones, the warmer skin that was almost silky across the pad of his thumb. He swallowed hard feeling like he was going barmy and unable to stop himself. Malfoy’s fingers tightened around his. Harry jumped as he felt Malfoy squeeze, pulling their hands tight together, his thumb sliding along the outside of Harry’s finger, tracing the web between his thumb, their thumbs meeting and then Malfoy’s thumb traced across his palm. Harry’s head jerked up and he stared at Malfoy, his whole body tensed and flushed. Malfoy’s hair swung down to cover his eyes but Harry could see the flush of color on his cheeks. He squeezed Malfoy’s hand tight, his fingers shaking with adrenaline. Malfoy finally broke from covering his face, looked over at Harry with eyes dilated and bit his bottom lip making it bloom pink. Harry’s breath caught in his throat and he licked his lips. “Fuck you, Potter,” Malfoy growled, gripping Harry’s hand so tight it hurt. He stood, jerking Harry up, clasping a hand behind his neck and pulling him into a bruising kiss. Harry shuddered his hand clutching Malfoy’s robe. The scent of Malfoy filling his nose, strange and yet unbearably familiar. Malfoy was warm under his hand. “Draco dormiens nunquam titillandus,” Malfoy hissed as he pulled away. Harry stared into grey eyes, licked his lips and slid his arm tight around Malfoy’s waist, pulling him tight against himself and kissing him back with a hungry desperation. “Well, that isn’t quite how I imagined that working out,” McGonagall said gravely. Harry jumped and pulled away suddenly and acutely aware of all the students around them, staring in open-mouthed shock. He felt his face get hot with embarrassment. Malfoy smirked and lifted their linked hands, “We haven’t let go.” Hermione nudged Seamus, “Pay up.” Oh my god I never knew how desperately I needed this This is literally one of the best things ever in my life ever ever
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