old times
 old times

old times

bulling
bulling

bulling

ream
ream

ream

tunes
tunes

tunes

ton
ton

ton

comming
comming

comming

overeating
overeating

overeating

existed
existed

existed

outstanding
outstanding

outstanding

closet
closet

closet

๐Ÿ”ฅ Popular | Latest

Beautiful, Birthday, and Bless Up: This old man turned 15 today. Can we wish my four egged baby a happy birthday? So this morning on the way to the gym I parked in the lot, took my glasses off and left them in the middle console of my car so I could run inside and get it in on this stair master (while watching my wifey who donโ€™t know she my wifey Mrs Maizel do her COT ๐Ÿ‘ DAMN ๐Ÿ‘ THING ๐Ÿ‘ ON ๐Ÿ‘ THAT ๐Ÿ‘ SCREEN ๐Ÿ‘ U ๐Ÿ‘ GO ๐Ÿ‘ BABY ๐Ÿ‘ GIRL ๐Ÿ‘ EFF ๐Ÿ‘ JOEL ๐Ÿ‘ WITCHOE ๐Ÿ‘ SHARP ๐Ÿ‘ WIT ๐Ÿ‘ AND ๐Ÿ‘ MOUNTAINOUS ๐Ÿ‘ TรˆTA$ ๐Ÿ‘ LMAO) because I only need them to see far, not while Iโ€™m actually at the gym. I come back after knocking out my workout and the left lens is frozen over bruv. BRUV. I CANT SEE LMAO. The steam had frozen into a beautiful snowflake pattern but just one eye. I have driven in a car with a frozen windshield because I am too rushed to scrape it but having to drive with one frozen eyeball was some insane Sh!t bruv! It was a gentle reminder of this ridiculous frozen tundra that I live in and that arguably no human should live in because who the hell would want to live under 4 to 6 inches of snow LOL (Canada, no shots, I know yall get twice as much snow on a regular schmegular Wednesday but yโ€™all veins pump maple syrup it donโ€™t freeze like us we got normal blood lmao.) Anyway this summer Iโ€™ll be back to talking smack about how Chicago is the best city on earth so when I do that, yโ€™all are authorized to remind me that once upon a time I was tight asf that I lived in the cot dang South Pole. Remember that brand? South Pole? With the baggy coats and jeans? I used to want to afford that stuff so much but I couldnโ€™t but then when it fell out of style I was like I NEVER ROCKED THAT UGLY ISHT HAHAHAHAHA I AM SO FANCY (why am I like this ๐Ÿ˜‘ bless up ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚) (Slide 1: @aturner411. Slide 2: reddit u-wampus514. Please check out www.dogs4warriors.org โค๏ธ. Slide 3: @goosewhomst. Slide 4: @jadethesablegsd.)
Alive, Bodies , and Brains: ilthat TIL that due to their small brains koalas are unable to perform complex, unfamiliar tasks such as eat leaves off of flat surfaces. via reddit.com toast-potent how are they even alive kickin-jeans eucalyptus trees are full of flammable oil that causes the trees to explode during forest fires, killing other trees and spreading its seeds to grow in their place koalas survive solely because nothing else in their environment Wants To Eat The Fucking Bombs humandisastersquad WROTE THIS POST#god dont get me fuckin started#the NUMBER of times ive Gone Off abt koalas in zooarch class#on a scale of koalas to wombats how good is ur marsupial at Being Alive#hey hey u know what else? koalas are s0 picky with their diet that theyll only eat the leaves of one (1) type of eucalypt#and even then ONLY specimens of that tree that are within a very tight geographic range of where the koala was born#the rescue centre in my city? they have to ship branches from all over the state bc koalas there physically Will Not Eat anything thats not#from their very very small very precise home range#theyd rather starve to death than try leaves from like the next suburb over#i have 60 other reasons why koalas spit in the face of natural selection hmu if you want YELLING i cant be bothered to list them all here#god theyre so incomprehensibly dumb. god#HEY ALSO the reason their brains are so small is bc YEah the one SINGLE species of tree they eat is incredibly toxic#their diet consists of 1 food and it is Brain-Shrinking Poison (@reyroace) reyroace oh u like that? try this one: the main natural cause of death in koalas is starvation, because 1) their dumbass teeth are SHIT. to be a herbivore and chomp cellulose all day u need some real tough grinders in there, and almost every other herbivore in nature has SOME sort of dental adaptation to make sure they dont run out of tooth by the time they hit middle age. horses have big tall teeth, wombat teeth grow forever, kangaroos have got a little conveyor belt system goin on, etc etc everyone's doin SOMETHING except fuckign koalas. idiots have tiny fuckin shortass normal teeth that do an okay job for maybe like 15 years and then wear down and leave them with ridiculous fuckin useless old man gums that do shit all. but thats fine bc all koalas do anyway is sit in trees and sleep 22hrs a day then wake up and scream and eat poison and they do this all day every day until they run out of teeth at which point they just fall out of the tree and die 2) idiots can't die any other fuckin way bc nothing in nature wants to eat them bc their bodies are chocker block with LITERAL poison. fuckin USELESS their flesh just sits around and slowly rots bc its too gross-tasting and toxic for any animal w half a brain cell to think abt going near it. have yall ever seen koala viscera. bc i have and let me tell u that shit is RANK. looks like the inside of a smoker's lung from some fuckdamn nicabate ad bc the tannins in eucalypt leaves stain their organs like khaki black. like some fuckin darklsteve irwin costume well better piss ur way right off from this one anti-steve bc thats a natural defense mechanism meant to warn u that koalas should in no way be alive and if u touch them theyll drag u into their stupid evolutionary dead-end where they get to sit around all day doin fuck all and pumpin themselves full of brain-killing poison while we run around makin them our olympic games mascots and pretending theyre cute and honest to god looking for ways to save them from the brink of extinction which actually is unnecessary bc a) theyre not really endangered at all, nature is a fuckign miracle and b) the drongos clearly want to die so i say let em reyroace by the way i never elaborated on "koalas sit in trees all day screaming" but heres a lil fuckin. heres a fun nugget heres a lil soundbyte this is what koalas sound like https://www.youtube.com/watch?v-jmeBQVQlsTU https://www.youtube.com/watch?v-O0CAx1jLbJk gallusrostromegalus My favorite story about Koalas comes from the book The Killer Koala Humorous Australian Bush Stories" By Kenneth Cook, which is an excellently good book with some A+ storytelling. he describes the Koala's "Anti-Dingo Defense", wherein they latch on to the belly of the dingo to slow down the rate at which they are being consumed alive by starving canid, gradually trn themselves around until they've got thier head in the Dingo's crotch, and then procede to BITE THE SHIT out of the Dingo's Tender Bits, whilst clowing at the ribs and projectile-evacuating thier bowels, Mr. Cook found out about the Anti-Dingo Defense beause he was tricked into 'rescuing' a bunch of koalas off an island by the promise of a Hot Date with a young lady, wondered why they were all being given armored aprons to handle the koalas with, only to find out firsthand, which pretty much ruined his prospects of a date. teratomarty What I'm getting is that koalas are basically Australian-grade Death Sloths. the more you know
Bad, Confused, and Cute: toodrunktofindaurl my brother is getting married and i'm so excited to fulfill my destiny as the embarrassing drunk gay sister who flirts with the bride for the entire ceremony toodrunktofindaurl i'm gonna yell "RUN AWAY WITH ME" to her during the vows toodrunktofindaurl there are people out there genuinely worried that I'm gonna steal my brother's bride away the day of their wedding.. i'm laughing. I've known her since I was born, we just love annoying the shit out of my brother and this "you picked the wrong sibling" joke has been going on for as long as I can remember. The whole family is in on it. The three of us are super close, she's always been family. Also we are really bad at romantic weddings (my Mom wore jeans at my Dad's and hers, signed a bunch of papers and then got blackout and my brother and his girlfriend p won't even have a "real" ceremony, just a cele- bration between friends and family. I love my brother and he already knows I'm gonna pull some stupid stunt, it's what we do. His girl friend is usually the one to initiate these shitty jokes, I wouldn't be surprised if she was the one to stop the "ceremony" to say some shit like "WAIT THIS IS THE WRONG SIBLING please don't take any of this seriously Imao that said, i'm definitely showing up half naked to her bachelorette party as the "surprise strip- per" with a sash that says "the sibling your should be marrying" and a shitty plastic tiara toodrunktofindaurl UPDATE 1) for people confused about the "I've known her since I was born () she's always been family": She's the granddaughter of our parents' neighbors, we all grew up together and my brother and her have been in love since they were babies. He held her hand as she made her first steps, they even have a picture on their wall of the moment before she first tried to get up ITS OFFICIAL, I'M GONNA BE MY BROTHER'S BEST MAN. AND YOU KNOW WHAT THE BEST MAN DO? A SPEECH Everything is going according to plan vantwinblade If you are the best man you need to get a sword systlin This is true it's only logical. Source: toodrunktofindaurl 52,029 notes Thats so cute tbh
Clothes, Money, and Holes: Chinese grandpa insists on giving girl money to buy new clothes after seeing the holes in her jeans.

Chinese grandpa insists on giving girl money to buy new clothes after seeing the holes in her jeans.