🔥 Popular | Latest

Android, Bad, and Chill: When you tell your boyfriend a joke and the girl under his bed starts laughing too Never forget your girls favorite color. I can’t explain why dudes cheat but answer this, if you got money in your wallet and you find another dollar, are you not going to pick it up? Long story short my girl was out of town at her friends graduation. She left me a spear key to come feed her dog through out the week. I did the opposite, I treated him like Gary the snail. I had my side girl over bout to get busy. You know that deep gut feeling that tells you “ight chill out” but you ignore it? That be God mercy tryna save you. I’m catching some bomb neck, I’m talking about My meat going through a 5 star car wash when I hear a engine pull up out front. I look out the window and see my girl hop out a Uber. My side girl hid under the bed. I can tell She done this before. I slid under the sheets and fake sleep. My girl comes in talking about she changed her flight to come home sooner. Android users text take 3 business days. Babe starts asking me what’s her favorite color. I confidently blurted our magenta. Here comes her dog with a red thong in his mouth. Damn dogs can’t stick together? The FBI agent in her came out and starts interrogating me. Under her sheets I’m getting my dick rode by bed bugs during the interrogation process. Im tryna figure how to get this girl out this crib before I’m toast. My girl mid way through her sentence when you hear a sneeze under her bed. Within seconds my girl downloaded a heart beat sensor. I swear Android users got it good. This is now modern warfare. I watch my girl play search&destroy with my side chick. Side chicks heartless so she couldn’t detect her. Me being the real nigga I am had to flip the whole situation on her. “I don’t like how you assume me as a black man cheat, if you don’t trust me Idk about this” Tears in my eyes because it smelled like fish cakes and my eyes couldn’t take it. My girl felt bad and hit me with the double hand twist Gawk combo. My girl said she was coming back Sunday and came back Friday. She lied to me. I can’t date liars fam. I broke up with her. I’m single and my side girl still live under my ex bed. She text me from time to time for help. Shoulda had a escape rope.
Save
Beautiful, Children, and Lawyer: shitroughdrafts: April 8, 2015 Dear Mr. Kerin, It was brought to my attention by your neighbor, John Flink, that you have two garden gnomes on your front lawn that that were not approved by the HOA before installation. Please adhere to the guidelines (see Appropriate Lawn Decor on page 3) and remove them within five business days, or you will be fined. Ellis Hills is a beautiful neighborhood, and we keep it that way by sticking to these rules! Thanks! Linda Hoyt, HOA President    April 9, 2015  Dear Mr. Kerin, Mr. Flink emailed me this afternoon and informed me that there are now five gnomes on your front lawn. He also said that they are all facing his house.  I don’t know three extra gnomes showed up (unless they’re breeding LOL), or why they are now facing his house. But please be advised that you are now in violation of our Allowed Quantities of Lawn Decor rule (see page 7). You have four days until you are fined. Please address this issue ASAP. Thanks! Linda Hoyt, HOA President   April 10, 2015 Dear Mr. Kerin, I drove by your house this morning on the way to drop my children off at school and saw your lawn. There are now over a dozen garden gnomes in your yard, all facing Mr. Flink’s house. A few of these have been placed in sexually suggestive positions. I do not think garden gnomes come in these positions, which means that someone (I’m not saying you) placed them as such. Regardless, they violate the board’s rule on Appropriate Lawn Décor Positions on page 9. Mr. Kerin, you have three days left to comply with the board’s rules, or you will be fined. Are you getting these emails? Thanks! Linda Hoyt, HOA President   April 11, 2015 Dear Mr. Kerin, I was emailed a picture of your lawn this morning by your neighbor John Flink, and was surprised to find that there are now close to thirty gnomes in your lawn. Not only are they all staring directly at his house, they are now also sexually explicit. After a quick Yahoo search, I could not find any store that sold such “X rated” gnomes. This gives me the impression that you made them yourself. Mr. Kerin, I don’t know where you’re getting the time or the money to create these monstrosities, but they will not be tolerated. We have children in this neighborhood. Please be advised that you have two days left before incurring fines. FYI you are now also in violation of our Sexually Explicit Lawn Décor rule on page 17. Until today, I was not aware this rule even existed. Thanks! Linda Hoyt, HOA President April 12, 2015 Dear Mr. Kerin, I was woken up by a phone call from John Flink at 6AM this morning. He was threatening to call the police. We have never had the police called in this neighborhood. Not even once. I calmed him down and went over to see what the problem was. Mr. Kerin, the only time I’ve ever seen an orgy was in the movie Caligula but the scene your gnomes depict on your front lawn makes Caligula look PG. The gnomes are in positions I haven’t ever even imagined, and even if I could have imagined them, I wouldn’t have done so with gnomes!  There are over one hundred of them. I could barely see any grass through the limbs and appendages of the disgusting little men. One gnome in particular is wearing a shirt that says “John Flink” on it and it is wearing a horse mask. Two other gnomes are treating him like a horse. This is in direct violation of an HOA rule that the HOA just decided to make. Please see Sexually Explicit Depictions of Neighbors as Lawn Decor in the new edition of the HOA guidelines attached as a PDF. You have until tomorrow, Mr. Kerin. Also, John Flink has called a lawyer. Thanks! Linda Hoyt, HOA President April 13, 2015 Dear Mr. Kerin, I don’t know how you did it, but thank you for removing all of the gnomes. I’m glad we could avoid getting the authorities involved! Since you managed to do it before five business days, there will be no fine, just a warning. As a reminder, please do not place any decorations in your yard without direct approval from the board. Thanks! Linda Hoyt, HOA President   April 14, 2015 Dear Mr. Kerin, It was just brought to my attention that there is a bright pink decorative flamingo in the middle of your front lawn. I have also been informed that this lawn flamingo is wearing a thong. If you do not remove this flamingo within five business days, expect a follow up from Kelly Lawson, as she is taking over as HOA President. As of today I have resigned. Thanks! Linda Hoyt
Save
Ass, Children, and Creepy: AT&T 7:58 PM pretti-princess oxo but is actually Nevaeh Hey 15f Scorpio Bi Premium snap $15 Into older guys Luv to smoke a blunt Pizza is life Message me,I won't tell ;) all AT&T 7:58 PM pretti-princess QOå Follow ustabiglover said What is included in your premium? Daily ass and panty pics. Occasionally I post something more ;) I also chat on there a lot and am a lot more responsive than on here. 67 notes Message me if u are interested in my premium snap) #sexy pic #spoil me #single #selfie #cutie #cute girls #cute #virgin #lips #like for more #older men #fill my inbox #inbox me #message me #panties #p See all 315 notes all AT&T 7:58 PM pretti-princess QOå Follow 20 notes My snap I had got banned So I decided to make a premium snap for $15 You get added forever and I'll post stories daily plus sexy stuff. Hmu if ur interested AT&T 7:59 PM daddys-littlecherry Q 6 8 Follow CRYBABY Little Ilove my Daddy| NSFWIblah blah blah 18+ please POSTS FOLLOWING pretti-princess Nevaeh Follow keefinupwiththejoneses Mostly about Cannabis. Follow baby-princess-c Little Space Follow littlemsdangerous Just a Little Dangerous Follow quietbella 18+ rosynymphett quietbella: littlesativabug: quietbella: Stay safe. Mark your NSFW blogs as 18+. Report underage girls selling porn, it’s illegal. Keep children out of inappropriate communities. Prevent adults from manipulating little girls on the Internet. 🔞 Please share this and make sure this minor and minor supporter are not following you 🔞 pretti-princess.tumblr.com is a fifteen year old who sells a private Snapchat featuring “ass and thong pics, occasionally more”?! If you ever think checking your followers is a waste of time, here is another perfect example of why you should monitor the people who follow you. The user daddys-littlecherry.tumblr.com sent me a DM and I went to her “following” page only see she follows a LOT of my mutuals, and at the top of the page? A 15 year old child. If you don’t approve of minors in kink or minor supporters, then BLOCK: Pretti-princess.tumblr.com Pretti-princess.tumblr.com Pretti-princess.tumblr.comAnd Daddys-littlecherry.tumblr.com Daddys-littlecherry.tumblr.com Daddys-littlecherry.tumblr.comAND REBLOG THIS POST Please go to this blog and just start reporting every dude sending her asks about buying her shit. They are all clearly adults this is so wrong. It’s creepy that I started to go to block the dudes interacting with her and I already had most of them blocked.. That too! ↑
Save
Anaconda, Beer, and Bitch: It wasnt for money, but I once licked a schoolbus window for a full minute in exchange for a chocolate bar. I hope this gets seen. Havn't told many people. In 8th grade we were dissecting frogs. A kid in my lab group bet me a hundred bucks I wouldn't eat the liver. I ate the liver. Yes it was dripping in formaldehyde. Teacher saw and I managed to convince her it was nothing. That night I got so embarrassed that I called the kid and told him I didn't eat the liver and that I faked it. So technically I ate a paisonous piece of frog for nothing at all, licked 5 of my friends bare feet (I'm talking heel to toe) for $10 a pop, easiest $50 I've ever made :) would not do again: 1 drank a shot of blue Dawn dish detergent for $S in my high school biology class. I threw up green foam in the next period Wasn't for money, but I "married" a boy in elementary school for a box of Crayola Silver Swirl Crayons. Bitch didn't even pay up. A guy approached me outside my gym after a workout and paid me $100 to smell my feet. Not my finest moment, but when attending college in the early 00's, a guy who lived on my floor shaved his own head, put the resulting hair in a shopping bag, and then said that he would pay me $20 to eat all of it. I accepted. My father bet me twenty bucks I wouldn't eat half of a live bluegill...thinking my then seventeen girl guts could't do t, he was shocked when I bit the wriggling fish in half and swallowed half of it. I bought a knife with the You will be our leader, Sent naked pictures for RuneScape gold... not proud. 60m, fair deal though. Friend expelied a kidney stone. I ate it for 20 I was at a beer festival and chugged from a dump bucket that everyone would dump their beer into after tasting it. My friend paid me $10 bucks and some random guy tossed in another $5. All in all, I'd do it again. Same year some eccentric rich old lady pulled me aside at the restaurant I work at and asked me to be a waiter at her parisian style engagement party for her friend. She said I get $500. So I said sure. Arrived when she asked me to. Turns out she wanted to paint me gold glue on gold leaves to my body, and have me wear a gold thong, and only a gold thong. I did it. Got $500 bucks plus tons of tips from crazy ladies. And I only lost two points of dignity Worked retail. These Ridiculous Stories Show Just How Far People Will Go To Make a Buck
Save
Ass, Bless Up, and Cats: Let's go shopping! So one of my followers DM me saying: "Have you ever met 'Mr. I'm too Perfect'? You see Mr. P is a sexy, motivated, funny, intelligent and extremely likable guy who makes calculated moves that force unsuspecting women in2 the grey area of 'are we dating or just hooking up?' Mr. P has an estimated bajillion women ready to marry him at the drop of an 'I love you.' Time to move on or accept the challenge?" Ok lemme drop a little science on Mr. PP, because I may know a thing or two about this type 😇. First things first, keep it very G with old boy - but don't do the most. Find a balance. If u fawn over him too early on, he gon take u for granted. But don't fall into the trap of doing the other extreme and rubbing his face in his shit. Like when a girl wanna mention that she dated ball players and actors. Fuck they got to do with me? 😂 I done dated models but I don't harp on that shit. Mr. PP ain't used to girls treating him like a regular dude. Give him that gift and watch it work magic 🤗. Second, tease him. Mr. PP is used to hearing about his perfection so relentlessly bust the fuck out of his balls. If he wearing a pink tie u could be all "OK SO WE DOING PINK TIES NOW THAT'S ADORABLE. YOU GOT A PINK THONG TO MATCH THAT PINK TIE, MR. PINKYSAURUS REX? HOW BOUT A PINK ROMPER. MATTER FACT YOUR XMAS GIFT IS A PINK ROMPER AND IMMA MAKE U WEAR IT OL PINK BUTTERCUP LOOKIN ASS LOL." Last of all, starve him. Get into a nice lil texting discussion and then leave him ice cold. U feel me? Like y'all bantering on Monday and poof...ghost till Wednesday. Fuck his circuitry up. Cross his wires. Have him worrying u spent Tuesday getting that long pipe from your ex. "But smash I hate these games why do I need to play games argh! I'll just live with cats I'm done 😫." Ok Cat Lady u the one who wanted to fuck with Mr. PP, I'm just giving u the game! U don't like this game? Might I suggest Christian Mingle - find u a nice boy named Peter who gon make loving missionary sexytime to u and have u in a Honda Odyssey. But if u wanna have Mr. PP chirren and ride in that big body Audi Q7 u gotta approach shit a lil different. Ya get me! Bless up 😍😂😂😂
Save
Save
Beautiful, Children, and Lawyer: shitroughdrafts: April 8, 2015 Dear Mr. Kerin, It was brought to my attention by your neighbor, John Flink, that you have two garden gnomes on your front lawn that that were not approved by the HOA before installation. Please adhere to the guidelines (see Appropriate Lawn Decor on page 3) and remove them within five business days, or you will be fined. Ellis Hills is a beautiful neighborhood, and we keep it that way by sticking to these rules! Thanks! Linda Hoyt, HOA President    April 9, 2015  Dear Mr. Kerin, Mr. Flink emailed me this afternoon and informed me that there are now five gnomes on your front lawn. He also said that they are all facing his house.  I don’t know three extra gnomes showed up (unless they’re breeding LOL), or why they are now facing his house. But please be advised that you are now in violation of our Allowed Quantities of Lawn Decor rule (see page 7). You have four days until you are fined. Please address this issue ASAP. Thanks! Linda Hoyt, HOA President   April 10, 2015 Dear Mr. Kerin, I drove by your house this morning on the way to drop my children off at school and saw your lawn. There are now over a dozen garden gnomes in your yard, all facing Mr. Flink’s house. A few of these have been placed in sexually suggestive positions. I do not think garden gnomes come in these positions, which means that someone (I’m not saying you) placed them as such. Regardless, they violate the board’s rule on Appropriate Lawn Décor Positions on page 9. Mr. Kerin, you have three days left to comply with the board’s rules, or you will be fined. Are you getting these emails? Thanks! Linda Hoyt, HOA President   April 11, 2015 Dear Mr. Kerin, I was emailed a picture of your lawn this morning by your neighbor John Flink, and was surprised to find that there are now close to thirty gnomes in your lawn. Not only are they all staring directly at his house, they are now also sexually explicit. After a quick Yahoo search, I could not find any store that sold such “X rated” gnomes. This gives me the impression that you made them yourself. Mr. Kerin, I don’t know where you’re getting the time or the money to create these monstrosities, but they will not be tolerated. We have children in this neighborhood. Please be advised that you have two days left before incurring fines. FYI you are now also in violation of our Sexually Explicit Lawn Décor rule on page 17. Until today, I was not aware this rule even existed. Thanks! Linda Hoyt, HOA President April 12, 2015 Dear Mr. Kerin, I was woken up by a phone call from John Flink at 6AM this morning. He was threatening to call the police. We have never had the police called in this neighborhood. Not even once. I calmed him down and went over to see what the problem was. Mr. Kerin, the only time I’ve ever seen an orgy was in the movie Caligula but the scene your gnomes depict on your front lawn makes Caligula look PG. The gnomes are in positions I haven’t ever even imagined, and even if I could have imagined them, I wouldn’t have done so with gnomes!  There are over one hundred of them. I could barely see any grass through the limbs and appendages of the disgusting little men. One gnome in particular is wearing a shirt that says “John Flink” on it and it is wearing a horse mask. Two other gnomes are treating him like a horse. This is in direct violation of an HOA rule that the HOA just decided to make. Please see Sexually Explicit Depictions of Neighbors as Lawn Decor in the new edition of the HOA guidelines attached as a PDF. You have until tomorrow, Mr. Kerin. Also, John Flink has called a lawyer. Thanks! Linda Hoyt, HOA President April 13, 2015 Dear Mr. Kerin, I don’t know how you did it, but thank you for removing all of the gnomes. I’m glad we could avoid getting the authorities involved! Since you managed to do it before five business days, there will be no fine, just a warning. As a reminder, please do not place any decorations in your yard without direct approval from the board. Thanks! Linda Hoyt, HOA President   April 14, 2015 Dear Mr. Kerin, It was just brought to my attention that there is a bright pink decorative flamingo in the middle of your front lawn. I have also been informed that this lawn flamingo is wearing a thong. If you do not remove this flamingo within five business days, expect a follow up from Kelly Lawson, as she is taking over as HOA President. As of today I have resigned. Thanks! Linda Hoyt
Save