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Books, Dating, and Dogs: Keaton Patti Follow eKeatonPatti I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of lawyer commercials and then asked it to write a lawyer commercial of its own. Here is the first page LAWYER COMMERCIAL INT. FIRM LAW ROOM A LAWYER stands next to a shelf with books. The books are very wide. They have eaten too many words LAWYER Have you been hurt in an accidental car? Has the government sold your lungs without asking nicely? Are you Mesothelioma? Answer me! The lawyer opens a briefcase. It's full of lemons, the justice fruit only lawyers may touch LAWYER (CONT'D) If so, you can act entitled for money. I'l help. I graduated from lawn school and all my teachers were bitten by dogs Words scrol1 across bottom of the screen. These are cases the lawyer takes: UNFAIR STABBING, ILLEGAL SHOES, HUSIC TO0 CANADIAN, SUE THE RAIN, DIvORCE YOUR TOILET, FAKE SONS. LAWYER (CONT'D) I have been a lawyer for over 35 weekends and I'm currently dating the Bill of Rights for fun. We see the Bill of Rights. It's in love. The lawyer will1 break its heart. There's nothing we can do. LAWYER (CONT'D) Let me use it to send your asbestos to court. I will wear two suits and I promise to steal the judge's gavel for you The lawyer opens up the jacket of his first suit. Millions of gavels pour out. His promise has worth LAWYER (CONT D) My clients never go to jail town We see his past clients: a tornado, a tornado, a tornado LAWYER (CONT 'D) Remember, you don't pay any money unless you pay us money. Call for a free use of phone The phone digits appear. It's your social security number A bot watched over 1000 hours of lawyer commercials and then made this

A bot watched over 1000 hours of lawyer commercials and then made this

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Fucking, Funny, and Sherlock Holmes: IWONDER WHAT THE CODE IS. 3 5 4 # 4wincherlockedintardis even with those four numbers there are countless possible combinations good luck with figuring out which one is the right one you punk eatsleepcrap straightens calculator It's pretty likely that it's a four digit number, and as there are four digits chosen there, that means that there cannot be any repetition. This mean that there are: n!/(n-4)! possible orders. As 'n' is 4 (number of digits available). 41/0! which becomes 4x3x2x1/1 which simplifies to 24. That means that there are 24 possible combinations of codes. This would take you about two or three minutes to input all possible codes. syd224 Unless an alarm goes off if you don't get it right in 3 tries eatsleepcrap straightens calculator again Kick the fucking door in my-weeping-angel Deactivated well 'technically' the code is most likley 1970. statistically, a majority of people, when told to choose a 4 digit code will choose their birth year. and this key pad is obviously a few years old to put it nicely, thats most likley it everyonesfavoriteging some sherlock holmes shit just went down over here heroscafe BBC No, no, no. Don't base your deductions of psychology. Let's talk chemistry. When you first press a button, there's more of the natural oils on your skin, and therefore it wears down the numbers on the keys faster. Obviously 0 is the first one, then. Try 0791 first. Sherlock out. perks-of-being-chinese woah. trypophobic-canine it got better twistedthicket1 and this is why the sherlock fandom could either rule the world or end it.. badgerdash-cumberquat Those deductions are great and all, but unnecessary. The light is green. The door is already open. winchester-kelly And that's why we have a John Watson. STRANGEBEAVER.com C0 D 00 * 25 Sherlock Holmes Funny Quotes #Sherlock Holmes #Funny
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God, Stalking, and Star Trek: They EAT. They TALK. AND THEY FUCK It's a human, and if you're not scared, you should be. Humans seem friendly. What you might not know is just how "friendly" a human can be. Many galactic citizens have discovered, only too late, the relentless drive of the human... who will gladly mate with YOU. "This is overstated. I've interacted with several humans who have not attempted to mate with me." Be mindful! A human is a stalking predator, and may wait weeks, even months, for an opportunity .11 would not be attractive to a human and have nothing to fear." Humans have highly variable preferences and strategies. However, do recall that by the time humans experienced First Contact, they had already spent centuries producing entire libraries of speculative research about how they would someday attempt to mate with someone just like you. "I possess a simple cloaca and am incompatible with a human and their sexual practices." Humans are adaptable. There are proven instances of humans attempting mating behaviors on features far more novel than a mere cloaca or book lung. Humans have been known to engage in attempted intercourse with flaps, orificies, depressions, ridges, digits, chelicerae, and masses of all kinds. A human, bereft of a partner, may attempt to mate with a range of vessels, extensions, surfaces--or its own hands. "I have heard mating with a human can be pleasurable. What's the harm?" Humans form strong attachments and are insatiable. Galactic citizens who have partnered with a human have routinely died of dessication, puncture, and lethal chafing! ouyangdan: kaelio: kaelio: Someone requested a doodle of “some of the Dominion’s anti-human propaganda” but tbh this is too real outside of star trek. this is probably plastered over the entire Citadel in Mass Effect i still get notifications for this. i get notifications for this every god damned day. I wasn’t going to reblog this until the last comment.
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Anaconda, Bad, and Energy: tRI 100% 3:18 AM Vanessa Ok so want you to imagine we've got a 1972 Ford F-100 sitting in a lot, the rear truck bed of it filled with several wheels of cheddar cheese Now, just behind it, you'll see a reliable 2007 GMC Topkick C4500, this one filled with delicious gouda, still wrapped in wax, Behind that vehicie lies a 1985 Toyota Pickup SR5, freshly painted and with a load of fresh Bleu cheese in the back. Behind them all, a 1995 Dodge Ram 2500, the rear bed containing several large slices of Swiss cheese gently baking in the hot sun. Look I know it's not much but it's the best cheesy pick-up line I could come up with ngo Wow that was a mouthful and arn adventure Imfao Choose your own adventure! For a low energy effort segue from the line, read part A For an overly-sexual response, read part B, Para Español, sigue al C A: haha thanks! Anyways what are you up to B: I've got another mouthful for you here if you're up for it C: Lo siento, pensé que hablaste inglés. Puedo intentar seguir flirteando en español pero mis habilidades españolas son pobres 6 min ng See it's times like this where I wish I knew spanish Btw this is amazing I'm very impressed Vanessa 54min ag0 For a low effort reply, read part A For an overly-sexual response, read part B. Para Español, sigue al C A: haha thanks, I didn't know it was possible to live down here without knowing any Spanish B: If I can get them digits I'll send you a photo of something else that'll impress C: Por favor, perdone mis intentos de humor tardio, normaimente soy mejor en este tipo de cosas 47 min、ago Omg I'm having my friend translate this Spanish me Choose your own adventure! A for standard low effort response, B for overly-sexual response, y C para Español A: Haha your friend will probably be able to tell you how bad my Spanish actually is. In fact, I've been using Google translate to help. But shh keep that on the down low... Our B: This Spanish friend of yours single? 1 always had a thing for C: Lo sentimos, pero Google translate ha detectado un error. Por favor, inténtelo de nuevo más tarde. 4 min ago 1. My friend isn't a girl 2. Why you tryna get with my friend here when you're talking to 3. That spanish part was funny why'd you send me that Imfao Vanessa 26 min ago Choose your own adventure! A for standard response, B for overly- sexual response, y C para Español. A: My apologies, B can sometimes get a little out of hand. I'm not interested in the friend. It's just that B tries hard to be overly sexual and when the only thing in your reply was that you're having a friend translate, he had to run with it. He means well and deep down B is actually a mature and reasonable C: Has enviado demasiadas solicitudes de traducción. Por favor, inténtelo de nuevo más tarde min ag Boy you're ridiculous I can't keep up with 3 GIF a message tindershwinder: Triple threat

tindershwinder: Triple threat

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Anaconda, Bad, and Energy: tRI 100% 3:18 AM Vanessa Ok so want you to imagine we've got a 1972 Ford F-100 sitting in a lot, the rear truck bed of it filled with several wheels of cheddar cheese Now, just behind it, you'll see a reliable 2007 GMC Topkick C4500, this one filled with delicious gouda, still wrapped in wax, Behind that vehicie lies a 1985 Toyota Pickup SR5, freshly painted and with a load of fresh Bleu cheese in the back. Behind them all, a 1995 Dodge Ram 2500, the rear bed containing several large slices of Swiss cheese gently baking in the hot sun. Look I know it's not much but it's the best cheesy pick-up line I could come up with ngo Wow that was a mouthful and arn adventure Imfao Choose your own adventure! For a low energy effort segue from the line, read part A For an overly-sexual response, read part B, Para Español, sigue al C A: haha thanks! Anyways what are you up to B: I've got another mouthful for you here if you're up for it C: Lo siento, pensé que hablaste inglés. Puedo intentar seguir flirteando en español pero mis habilidades españolas son pobres 6 min ng See it's times like this where I wish I knew spanish Btw this is amazing I'm very impressed Vanessa 54min ag0 For a low effort reply, read part A For an overly-sexual response, read part B. Para Español, sigue al C A: haha thanks, I didn't know it was possible to live down here without knowing any Spanish B: If I can get them digits I'll send you a photo of something else that'll impress C: Por favor, perdone mis intentos de humor tardio, normaimente soy mejor en este tipo de cosas 47 min、ago Omg I'm having my friend translate this Spanish me Choose your own adventure! A for standard low effort response, B for overly-sexual response, y C para Español A: Haha your friend will probably be able to tell you how bad my Spanish actually is. In fact, I've been using Google translate to help. But shh keep that on the down low... Our B: This Spanish friend of yours single? 1 always had a thing for C: Lo sentimos, pero Google translate ha detectado un error. Por favor, inténtelo de nuevo más tarde. 4 min ago 1. My friend isn't a girl 2. Why you tryna get with my friend here when you're talking to 3. That spanish part was funny why'd you send me that Imfao Vanessa 26 min ago Choose your own adventure! A for standard response, B for overly- sexual response, y C para Español. A: My apologies, B can sometimes get a little out of hand. I'm not interested in the friend. It's just that B tries hard to be overly sexual and when the only thing in your reply was that you're having a friend translate, he had to run with it. He means well and deep down B is actually a mature and reasonable C: Has enviado demasiadas solicitudes de traducción. Por favor, inténtelo de nuevo más tarde min ag Boy you're ridiculous I can't keep up with 3 GIF a message Triple threat

Triple threat

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Books, Dating, and Dogs: Keaton Patti @KeatonPatti Follow I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of lawyer commercials and then asked it to write a lawyer commercial of its own. Here is the first page. LAWYER COMMERCIAL INT. FIRM LAW ROOM A LAWYER stands next to a shelf with books. The books are very wide. They have eaten too many words. LAWYER Have you been hurt in an accidental car? Has the government sold your lungs without asking nicely? Are you Mesothelioma? Answer me! The lawyer opens a briefcase. It's full of lemons, the justice fruit only lawyers may touch LAWYER (CONT D) If so, you can act entitled for money. I'11 help. I graduated from Lawn school and all my teachers were bitten by dogs Words scroll across bottom of the screen These are cases the lawyer takes: UNFAIR STABBING, ILLEGAL SHOES, HUSİC TOO CANADIAN, SUE THE RAIN, DIVORCE YOUR TOILET, FAKE SONS. LAWYER (CONT D) I have been a awyer for over 35 weekends and I'm currently dating the Bill of Rights for fun. We see the Bill of Rights. It's in love. The lawyer will break its heart. There's nothing we can do. LAWYER (CONT D) Let me use it to send your asbestos to court. I will wear two suits and I promise to steal the judge's gavel for you. The lawyer opens up the jacket of his first suit. Millions of gavels pour out. His promise has worth LAWYER (CONT D) We see his past clients: a tornado, a tornado, a tornado LAWYER (CONT D) unless you pay us money. Call for a The phone digits appear. It's your social security number My clients never go to jail town. Remember, you don't pay any money free use of phone This lol has worth.

This lol has worth.

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