๐Ÿ”ฅ Popular | Latest

Dating, Desperate, and Drinking: 20:14 O 11% Claire Today 18:23 Am I supposed to send my CV to you separate or do you just want a covering letter? Covering letter is enough Could I get a job description to base it off please? Today 19:35 Lonely, mildly depressed single female seeking remotely stable man friend to people watch in reality and via Netflix Responsibilities include: Chaperoning to live music events, cinemas and shitty Dundee bars, perhaps occasionally a nightclub. Corresponding via a range of media within adequate times. Ability to tolerate prolonged bouts of complaining about life or work as well a questionable music taste. Providing mental and physical support in a range of activities including the gym. Spooning and perhaps sexual duties. Temporary post. Potential to become permanent. I'm a business teacher, this is my shit right here Today 20:06 Dear Claire, I'm writing this letter in regards to the temporary/permanent position of Partner. Please find my desperate attempt at wooing below. I am a reasonably stable Male that has previous experience in dating/ being a partner, with varying levels of success. Can deal with copious amounts of complaining over different forms of communication, very rarely leaves on read. Prefer outdoor activities to indoor exercise but can do. Will deal with drinking sessions professionally until shots are ordered though will still find way home. Sexual performance may vary. Thank you for taking the time to review my application, I look forward to hearing from you and hopefully progressing to the next stage of a date. I can't believe you actually wrote me a cover letter it's one of the better ones I've had so I guess we could do an "interview". Type a message... GIF Her bio read โ€œItโ€™s a bio, no a CV.โ€
Save
Comfortable, Dude, and Dumb: Insomnia Adventures u/Oceanundertow Be me, sleep deprived DM, half an hour ago Get startled by phone ringing It's one of my players Me: "Dude, it's midnight, you good?" Friend: "Yeah yeah, sorry if I woke you. Could I ask for a favor?" OhGodHeKilledSomeone.gif Me: "Uh, sure? Shoot." Friend: "My daughter can't sleep, could you tell a quick story over speakerphone? She loves listening to the recordings of our sessions before bed, but I left my laptop at the office so I can't play them." NaniTheFuck.mp3 Me: "She listens to us to fall asleep?" Friend: "Yeah, but she really likes your plot and NPC acting bits. She calls you 'dumb dumb mister. Guess Dungeon Master is a bit hard for a preschooler." Me: "Wow...well, if it will help her sleep, then sure." Friend: "Thank you! Okay, give me a sec to head back to her room." (pause) "Okay, you're on speaker." Me: "Hey, [daughters name], it's uncle Anon." Daughter: (Happy gasp) "Dumb dumb Mister!" I'veNeverBeenHappierToBeCalledADumbDumb.jpg Me: "You ready for a story about...(DM IMPROV SKILLS ENGAGE)..the time your daddy and his friends went deep into a cursed temple to save a frost dragon egg?" Daughter: (Incomprehensible happy squealing noises) I then proceed to spend nearly 20 min spitballing a story over the phone for the most fascinated little girl until she eventually fell asleep. Friend thanks me for the help and says he'll see me on game night. Lay down in bed, actually feel content and comfortable for once. I should have thanked him I am the dumb dumb mister. positive-memes:Bed time stories
Save
Comfortable, Dude, and Dumb: Insomnia Adventures u/Oceanundertow Be me, sleep deprived DM, half an hour ago Get startled by phone ringing It's one of my players Me: "Dude, it's midnight, you good?" Friend: "Yeah yeah, sorry if I woke you. Could I ask for a favor?" OhGodHeKilledSomeone.gif Me: "Uh, sure? Shoot." Friend: "My daughter can't sleep, could you tell a quick story over speakerphone? She loves listening to the recordings of our sessions before bed, but I left my laptop at the office so I can't play them. NaniTheFuck.mp3 Me: "She listens to us to fall asleep? Friend: "Yeah, but she really likes your plot and NPC acting bits. She calls you 'dumb dumb mister. Guess Dungeon Master is a bit hard for a preschooler." Me: "Wow...well, if it will help her sleep, then sure." Friend: "Thank you! Okay, give me a sec to head back to her room." (pause) "Okay, you're on speaker." Me: "Hey, [daughters name], it's uncle Anon." Daughter: (Happy gasp) "Dumb dumb Mister!" I'veNeverBeenHappierToBeCalledADumbDumb.jpg Me: "You ready for a story about...(DM IMPROV SKILLS ENGAGE)..the time your daddy and his friends went deep into a cursed temple to save a frost dragon egg? Daughter: (Incomprehensible happy squealing noises) I then proceed to spend nearly 20 min spitballing a story over the phone for the most fascinated little girl until she eventually fell asleep. Friend thanks me for the help and says he'll see me on game night. Lay down in bed, actually feel content and comfortable for once. I should have thanked him I am the dumb dumb mister
Save
Comfortable, Dude, and Dumb: Insomnia Adventures u/Oceanundertow Be me, sleep deprived DM, half an hour ago Get startled by phone ringing It's one of my players Me: "Dude, it's midnight, you good?" Friend: "Yeah yeah, sorry if I woke you. Could I ask for a favor?" OhGodHeKilledSomeone.gif Me: "Uh, sure? Shoot." Friend: "My daughter can't sleep, could you tell a quick story over speakerphone? She loves listening to the recordings of our sessions before bed, but I left my laptop at the office so I can't play them." NaniTheFuck.mp3 Me: "She listens to us to fall asleep?" Friend: "Yeah, but she really likes your plot and NPC acting bits. She calls you 'dumb dumb mister. Guess Dungeon Master is a bit hard for a preschooler." Me: "Wow...well, if it will help her sleep, then sure." Friend: "Thank you! Okay, give me a sec to head back to her room." (pause) "Okay, you're on speaker." Me: "Hey, [daughters name], it's uncle Anon." Daughter: (Happy gasp) "Dumb dumb Mister!" I'veNeverBeenHappierToBeCalledADumbDumb.jpg Me: "You ready for a story about...(DM IMPROV SKILLS ENGAGE)..the time your daddy and his friends went deep into a cursed temple to save a frost dragon egg?" Daughter: (Incomprehensible happy squealing noises) I then proceed to spend nearly 20 min spitballing a story over the phone for the most fascinated little girl until she eventually fell asleep. Friend thanks me for the help and says he'll see me on game night. Lay down in bed, actually feel content and comfortable for once. I should have thanked him I am the dumb dumb mister. Bed time stories
Save
Apparently, Bitch, and Dude: Hacker Scripts Based on a true story: build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know, Xxx: OK, so, our that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... If something anything - requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that. xxx: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy" xxx: You're gonna love this xxx: smack-my-bitch-up.sh - sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login. xxx: kumar-asshole.sh scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help" "trouble", "sorry" etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time". xxx: hangover.sh another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling well/gonna work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 8:45am. xxx: (and the oscar goes to) fucking-coffee.sh - this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens a telnet session to our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has a TCP socket up and running) and sends something like sys brew. Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits another 24 () seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk. xxx: holy sh*t I'm keeping those XX: A true programmer
Save
Fbi, God, and News: Nick Jack Pappas & @Pappiness 14m On page 290 of the #MuellerReport, the words of a very innocent and very cool person: On May 17, 2017, Acting Attorncy General Rosenstein appointed Robert S. Mueller, III as Special Counsel and authorized him to conduct the Russia investigation and matters that arose from the investigation.501The President learned of the Special Counsel's appointment from Scssions, who was with the President, Hunt, and McGahn conducting interviews for a new FBI Director.02 Sessions stepped out of the Oval Office to take a call from Rosenstein, who told him about the Special Counsel appointment, and Sessions then returned to inform the President of the news.503 According to notes written by Hunt, when Sessions told the President that a Special Counsel had been appointed, the President slumped back in his chair and said, "Oh my God. This is terrible. This is the end of my Presidency. I'm fucked."504 The President became angry and lambasted the Attorney General for his decision to recuse from the investigation, stating, "How could you let this happen, Jeff?"S05 The President said the position of Attorney General was his most important appointment and that Sessions had "let [him] down," contrasting him to Eric Holder and Robert Kennedy.506 Sessions recalled that the President said to him, "you were supposed to protect me," or words to that effect.507 The President returned to the consequences of the appointment and said, "Everyone tells me if you get one of these independent counsels it ruins your presidency. It takes years and years and I won't be able to do anything. This is the worst thing that ever happened to me."508 94tl 7120
Save
Apparently, Bitch, and Dude: Hacker Scripts Based on a true story. xoox: OK, so, our build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... I fsomething- anything requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that. xxoc: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy xxx: You're gonna love this ooc: smack-my-bitch-up.sh -sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login xxox: kumar-asshole.sh - scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help" trouble", "sorry" etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time" xxx: hangover.sh - another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling well/gonna work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 8:45am xoox: (and the oscar goes to) fucking-coffee. sh this one waits exatly 17 seconds(), then opens a telnet session to our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has a TCP socket up and running) and sends something like sys brew.Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits another 24 () seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk. xoxx: holy sh"t I'm keeping those I found this on an old Git account
Save
Future, Memes, and Access: Ayahusaca Grows New Brain Cells and has Antidepressant Effects @truth_society "Ayahuasca is not a drug in the Western sense, something you take to get rid of something. Properly used, it opens up parts of yourself that you usually have no access to. The parts of the brain that hold emotional memories come together with those parts that modulate insight and awareness, so you see past experiences in a new way." - Dr. Gabor Mate Interest in the therapeutic potential of ayahuasca๐Ÿƒ has exploded over the past few years as more and more people learn about the wonderful benefits of this sacred brew. Ayahuasca is the combination of specific plant species containing DMT and MAOIs to produce a long lasting hallucinogenic experience with profound health benefits.๐Ÿ˜Š - New research is demonstrating what indigenous South American peoples have known for thousands of years; this plant medicine drink has potent antidepressant qualities and could potentially be used to combat addiction and PTSD.๐Ÿ™ - Researchers placed harmine and tetrahydroharmine โ€“ the most prevalent alkaloids in ayahuasca โ€“ in a petri dish with hippocampal stem cells, and found that this greatly increased the rate at which these cells developed into fully mature neurons. The results of this study were first presented at the Interdisciplinary Conference on Psychedelics Research, and represent the first evidence that components of ayahuasca have neurogenic properties, thereby opening up a wealth of possibilities for future research.โœจ - Another more recent study has become the first to analyze the antidepressant properties of ayahuasca in a controlled setting.๐Ÿ”ฌ 29 patients with severe depression were given either one session of ayahuasca or a placebo, then analyzed for changes in their depression scores.๐Ÿ’ฏ - One day immediately following the sessions, the ayahuasca group scored significantly lower on depression tests compared to the placebo group. After seven days, the placebo group had returned to a normal depression level, while the ayahuasca group were still on a much lower depression score.๐Ÿ˜Ž - It is important to remember that taking ayahuasca in a safe, therapeutic, and supportive environment is the greatest method for obtaining the most healing benefit possible.๐Ÿ™ - This ancient brew is schedule one in the United States which means it has no medicinal value, yet is has been used as a medicine longer then the United States has existed as a country..๐Ÿค” - Source: http:-beckleyfoundation.org-ayahuasca-stimulates-the-birth-of-new-brain-cells-

Interest in the therapeutic potential of ayahuasca๐Ÿƒ has exploded over the past few years as more and more people learn about the wonderful b...

Save
Anaconda, Ass, and Bad: 100%-12:12 did-you-kno did you know? On the Pottermore website, J.K. Rowling explains how wizards poop. There's an excerpt about the Chamber of Secrets that says wizards didn't need toilets because they 'simply relieved themselves where they stood and vanished the evidence. On the Pottermore website, J.K. Rowling explains how wizards poop. There's an excerpt about the Chamber of Secrets that says wizards didn't need toilets because they 'simply relieved themselves where they stood, and vanished the evidence. Source Source 2 i fucking hate jk rowling so much because years and years after this franchise has ended she is still continuing trying to make it bad to the point where she said that every character in harry potter canonically shits themselves and then casts a shit vanishing spell zahnegott fuck this is b a d mutant-aesthetic This reminds me of the huffepuff group masturbation tweets The what? Turtie Feinstein 09 dan JK Rowling Does Hogwarts have sex ed classes? J.K. Rowling rowing Follo MoaningTurtle Unfortunately no. Wizards tend to be a little more conservative with such things (1/3) 4ใ€ ๋‹ค2,835 โ˜…6222 J.K. Rowling Follo MoaningTurtie Of course, like all teens, they eventually figure things out and experiment with their sexuality (2/3) J.K. Rowling Folow MoaningTurtle For example, group masturbation sessions are exceedingly common in the Hogwarts dormitories, particularly Hufflepuff C3/3) 1,833 4,82 Just imagine you're taking a test for potions with Snape and the guy sitting next to you just fucking shits himself the nastiest slimiest shit of his life out of stress. And you literally have to sit there with a straight face while fuckin Todd Jinglelangles cleans himself up in the dead quiet room with some stupid ass line like "vanish me poopum" and you just gotta live with the knowledge that some kid just shit himself beside you duringa fucking test urulokid how do you delete someone elses post crylie I am in tears Joe what the fuck did you make me read This gotta be fake They literally have bathrooms in Hogwarts like theyre pretty important to the plot too did jk just forget about that? The bathroom where mystle lives (she literally dives into a toilet)? The prefects bathroom? How can she claim theres no bathrooms??? this post gave me mesothelioma and I feel entitled to compensation thebibliosphere lpot to "vanish me poopum" and lost my mind. I've been cry laughing for about five minutes. Source: didyouknowblog.com 205,228 notes fecesious disapperius
Save
Children, Fall, and Parents: Keegan Stephan @KeeganNYC 18h Under new orders from Sessions, U.S. Customs and Border Protection is already separating parents and children at the border, with no clear answer for when they will be reunited: tucson.com/newsflocal/par.. lehimesa @lehimesa Follow Replying to @KeeganNYC AZ ICE reports today they have "lost" 1424 immigrant kids after removing them from their parents. They have no Idea where kids ended up 12:54 PM 24 May 201 from Mesa A Tara K Cat naps 18h This is beyond beyond beyond horrific, but I was not able to confirm. Please provide a source 733 lehimesa Follow Replying to Cat_ naps @KeeganNYC Today's paper. AZ Republic. P 3. I was wrong. It's 1475 kids not 1424. Some were released to human traffickers. The feds ulost - yes, lost- 1,475 migrant kids their children if the familyis ting to medical re caught crossing the border illegally w many of those children wil in Homeland Security Secretary Kinst stober he would not seek re-election. en Nielsen told Congzress that within t that time, Flake denounced the 48 hours of being taken into custody. the children are transfetred to the De partment of Health and Human Ser- vices, which finds places for them to rhe See FLAKE, Page 6A They will be separated from their parent," Democratic Sen. Kamala Har- ris said. Just like we do in the United States every day," Nielsen replied. g on Except that the states, unlike the federal government, have systems in place to better screen the people who become guardians of the children and much better ways to keep track of ancy And not lose them. That is what happened to 1.475 mi- nors swept up at the border and taken into custody by the federal govern- ment. Gone The Office of Refugee Resettlement reported at the end of 2017 that of the 7,000-plus children placed with spon- sored individuals, the agency did not obe of th know where 1,475 of them were. Republican Sen. Rob Portman said, "It's just a system that has so many gaps, so many opportunities for these children to fall between the cracks, that we just don't know what's going on-how much trafficking or abuse or
Save
Tumblr, Blog, and DnD: aureopeach: our DnD session has a ship overrun with mutated oppossums so I thought Iโ€™d draw a few of our mutated boys!!

aureopeach: our DnD session has a ship overrun with mutated oppossums so I thought Iโ€™d draw a few of our mutated boys!!

Save
Tumblr, Blog, and DnD: aureopeach:our DnD session has a ship overrun with mutated oppossums so I thought Iโ€™d draw a few of our mutated boys!!

aureopeach:our DnD session has a ship overrun with mutated oppossums so I thought Iโ€™d draw a few of our mutated boys!!

Save