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Books, Children, and Creepy: havingbeenbreathedout Sometimes I think back on the time I spent working as a barista, and it seems SO STRANGE to me that "coffee shop AU" has become synonymous with narratives that are low on conflict, high on wholesome romance. During the year l spent working at a coffee shop A coworker of mine took a bunch of psyche- delics, walked through some strangers' plate- glass door, and threatened them with a bowie knife, leading to his arrest and imprisonment (and, needless to say, a late opening for the coffee shop that morning) Another coworker, an ex-military type with a young wife and a new baby, decided to smoke up for the first time ever with two other mutual coworkers, in the back of one of their trucks; and ended up having a three-way with them which ended his marriage .I had a nervous breakdown, stopped being able to eat food or hold conversations, and ended up sleeping on my coworker's couch for three weeks before she finally called my parents to come collect me Multiple store managers were fired for embezzlement. (Reminder: this was within the space of a single year.) .Yet another coworker, who was seventeen at the time, started dog-sitting for a couple of regulars in their (I'm guessing) early 50s, and ended up in an ongoing creepy and incidentally illegal relationship~ with them both Various employees discovered, in the course of cleaning the bathrooms: couples fucking in the bathrooms; junkies passed out in the bathrooms; drunks puking in the bathrooms; both adults and children weeping in the bathrooms, a woman bleeding all over the bathroom from a gash in her throat (??); a dude standing in the middle of the bathroom floor and pissing in the opposite direction from the toilet, so that when the employee opened the unlocked door she got piss all over her (????) The owner of the bridal shop across the street was exposed as both abusive toward her employees and also cooking the books, which led to my coffee shop taking on a couple of untrained and weirdly conservative bridal shop workers for a few months while the bridal shop was shuttered and sold to new owners. Later the larcenous former bridal shop owner came down with some horrible disease which caused her to lose both her hands There was a regular universally referred to as Sketchy Steve," who came in at 7am for a three- shot latte with room for Seagrams 7, and de drugs to all us baristas. I actually, at one point cannot believe I was this stupid), went Sketchy Steve's house, and allowed him to spend like half an hour showing me his collection of découpaged outlet plates and also soliciting me for sex while I uncomfortably yet studiously declined Right before I started, the store manager had walked off the job in the middle of a shift, and side of the employees had walked out after him None of them ever returned Like, working on the front lines of food service was the most operatically sordid professional experience I have ever had, and one of the most surreal; and it is hilarious to me that THAT, of all jobs, is the one that has come to stand for soft-focus domestic romance in fandom circles wenamedthedogkylo This is the Coffee Shop AU we deserve Coffee Shop IRL
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Anaconda, Bad, and Bitch: Dear Senator Ted Cruz, This morning you tweeted the following Senator Ted Cruz < @SenTedCruz Follow "Net Neutrality" is Obamacare for the Internet; the Internet should not operate at the speed of government. 7:43 AM-10 Nov 2014 This led me to assume one of two things → Thing #1. When you accepted campaign funds from telecom lobbyists last year* they asked that you publicly smear Net Neutrality Thing #a. You don't actually know what Net Neutrality is. There is very little I can do about Thing #. and so I'll instead work on fixing Thing #. And I'm going to do that by being a super terrific At dude and explaining to you exactly how Net Neutrality works. <p><a href="http://redbloodedamerica.tumblr.com/post/102335971297/oatmeal-i-wrote-a-letter-to-ted-cruz-explaining" class="tumblr_blog">redbloodedamerica</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://oatmeal.tumblr.com/post/102314919551/i-wrote-a-letter-to-ted-cruz-explaining-how-net">oatmeal</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p>I wrote a letter to Ted Cruz explaining <a href="http://theoatmeal.com/blog/net_neutrality">how Net Neutrality ACTUALLY works</a>.  Read the full thing <a href="http://theoatmeal.com/blog/net_neutrality">here</a>.</p> </blockquote> <p>Ted Cruz is 100% correct actually.  Not only does he understand how net neutrality works, he also understands how the federal government works as well, which proponents of net neutrality do not.  </p> <p>Letting the FCC regulate the internet is exactly like Obamacare.  Remember when Obama lied to you about the Affordable Care Act? “<em>If you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor.</em>&ldquo; &rdquo;<em>If you like your plan, you can keep your plan.</em>&ldquo; &rdquo;<em>It’s going to lower your premiums $2,500 per family, per year.</em>&ldquo;  I think you get the point.  Now Obama is going around touting how we should go the old &rdquo;<a href="http://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=2340818">public utility</a>&ldquo; route.  He also says he doesn’t want them to have control of ISPs per say, he just want the FCC to force them to be &quot;equal.&rdquo; Yeah, not much difference.  In doing so, you are taking the power away from the individual ISPs (which is bad enough) and handing it over to the biggest monopoly in the world, the federal government.  That would only be the beginning if the government ever did nationalize the internet.  The government couldn’t even build a simple website after spending $2 Billion on it, but you’re going to trust them with this?  Only a fool would still trust that much power over something so free and open right now to the world’s biggest bumbling bureaucracy.  The government can only exacerbate the situation.  That’s okay though, because bandwagoning over little understood causes via a hashtag campaign and based on loose information has become an internet pastime.</p> <p>And before you start making unjust statements about Senator Cruz not understanding what net neutrality is, you might want to actually read up on <a href="http://www.cnet.com/news/comcast-vs-netflix-is-this-really-about-net-neutrality/">the real issue between Netflix and Comcast</a> first.  Because it’s far more complicated than “Comcast was bullying Netflix.”  But you got to keep the spotlight on the evil corporations though.  They’re the bad guy in your sordid tale.</p> <p>Also, before you start making absurd accusations that Ted Cruz is somehow in the pocket of Comcast, you may want to be aware that their PAC donated…<a href="http://www.gamepolitics.com/2014/04/11/report-comcast-gave-campaign-contributions-every-member-senate-judiciary-committee#.VGEL_PTF9v0">$2,500</a> …just $2,500 to his campaign fund.  Wow.  Ted Cruz must totally be Comcast’s bitch for that high price.  He may even murder someone for them now.</p> <p>Stick to funny comics about cats.  Politics, even of the internet variety, is not your forte.</p></blockquote>
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